How much influence do you exercise with choice of friends for your kids?

As the kids are getting older, I find myself having to let go in so many ways but I also find myself needing to keep certain things close. As they are branching out and having their own experiences and forging relationships separate of me & DH, I still want to guide them. How much stock do you put into who are their friends now? Esp if your kids are in elementary school.

ie, my DD is friends with another Kindergarten girl. DS is kind of friendly with their DS who is the same age as him. The parents are fabulous people but the kids don't listen to them at all. I mean, not at all, from what I have seen. They seem to be nice kids but I wonder what part that plays as they get older.

This is not a judgement in the sense of "OMG their kids don't listen, what is wrong with them" but more about if shoudl they continue to be friends, would kids whose parents are very permissive be bad influences?

or

DS is friends with a boy in his class. I like the Mom (and the Dad seems nice on the surface but...) but I know the parents have had marital issues. The Mom has confided in me about her DH and he is very hard (to say the least) on their boys esp the older one (my DS's friend) and is verbally abusive to him. Enough that the son was afraid to bring home a bad grade and forged his Dad's signature (2nd grade! so not very well and the school was involved bc he responded that he's afraid of his Dad)

So is this kid a ticking time bomb?


Again, these are not judgements in the looking down on people sense (although I can't get on board with any verbal abuse obviously) but more about if I am overthinking some kids they have been friendly with and if it's one of those things that anyone else considers with young friends.

These are not out and out "bad kids" and of course no one knows what kids will end up being the troubled kids in Middle school and HS bc they can be from great families, bad families, strict or permissive, etc. Just wondering how much you consider at this age.

Hope I made sense here...

Message edited 9/1/2011 4:20:01 PM.