How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

In elementary school I got picked but it only lasted the one year. I didn't really have friends and I was very shy.

DD#1 is very shy and today she told me that a boy told her that she wasn't pretty. When I asked her what she did, she said she went to the teacher and told her (I told her to do that) but it made her feel sad and I knew something was up as soon as she came home but she waited until she went to bed to tell me.

It kills me that she was made to feel like that and I want her to be more assertive. I told her that if anyone says stuff like that to her again to tell them if they can't say nice things then you can't play with me and walk away. She is in K by the way.

Are there books that have scenarios on how to stand up for yourself and build confidence?

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Your daughter DID stand up for herself by telling the teacher. And even if she'd stood up for herself by mouthing back with a wise crack or ignoring him or whatever other tactic she could have used.. it wouldn't make it FEEL any better.

Even as adults, it HURTS when someone says something nasty about you. Even if we know it's not true, even if we 'got them back'.. it still stings.

The only way to 'combat' it is to continue to instill your kids with a sense of confidence in themselves and a sense of gratitude for the world they live in. And to make sure that they understand that while other people are important.. they don't get to define who she is and how she shows up in the world. Easy right??

I guess what I'm saying is that I THINK it's a work in progress forever. She did the EXACT right thing by telling the teacher. I give you massive credit for teaching her already not to take that kind of behavior. She told you what was wrong.. another point for you mom! She trusts you enough to tell you this type of thing so easily. Now? You reassure her that sometimes boys and girls are just mean. That she is pretty, that his opinion may come from a lot of places.. but it certainly doesn't represent the reality of who she is and that he doesn't get to be the judge of anything about her. He doesn't get to decide what color shirt she wears in the morning or whether she wears jeans or dresses or what she eats for breakfast.. and he CERTAINLY doesn't decide whether or not she's pretty.

This parenting stuff is tricky.. but I think you have it soooo under control already!

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Posted by rojerono

Your daughter DID stand up for herself by telling the teacher. And even if she'd stood up for herself by mouthing back with a wise crack or ignoring him or whatever other tactic she could have used.. it wouldn't make it FEEL any better.

Even as adults, it HURTS when someone says something nasty about you. Even if we know it's not true, even if we 'got them back'.. it still stings.

The only way to 'combat' it is to continue to instill your kids with a sense of confidence in themselves and a sense of gratitude for the world they live in. And to make sure that they understand that while other people are important.. they don't get to define who she is and how she shows up in the world. Easy right??

I guess what I'm saying is that I THINK it's a work in progress forever. She did the EXACT right thing by telling the teacher. I give you massive credit for teaching her already not to take that kind of behavior. She told you what was wrong.. another point for you mom! She trusts you enough to tell you this type of thing so easily. Now? You reassure her that sometimes boys and girls are just mean. That she is pretty, that his opinion may come from a lot of places.. but it certainly doesn't represent the reality of who she is and that he doesn't get to be the judge of anything about her. He doesn't get to decide what color shirt she wears in the morning or whether she wears jeans or dresses or what she eats for breakfast.. and he CERTAINLY doesn't decide whether or not she's pretty.

This parenting stuff is tricky.. but I think you have it soooo under control already!

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Another idea is to practice with her what to say when people say mean things. Teach her to say, "I don't like what you are saying," or "That hurts my feeling. Don't say that." This way, she'll be ready with a response when the time comes.

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

better responses than what my DS told a girl who said she hated him which was, "who cares what you think."

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Posted by MrsBumbleb

better responses than what my DS told a girl who said she hated him which was, "who cares what you think."

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Not sure about books but role playing is great. Just preparing them what to say, going to a teacher and having them let you know if it continues.

Re: How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?

Thanks for the responses. I guess like all parents you question your self while in the motions because you always want to do the right thing.