How do you not compare?

My friend's kids came over for a play date yesterday. 2 of them are pretty close in age to my children. One of her daughters is a little younger than my twins. She was putting on her shoes and socks by herself, goes to the bathroom independently, speaks beautifully. She's actually quite a little personality and adorable. I love to her to death.

It's just so hard for me because it is so apparent when they are with her and the other kids how different they are. My one twin will not even interact with other children. When I went to bed last night I just started bawling.

I know you can't compare kids and my kids have their own amazing qualities but I just wish they weren't so far behind. They have been making great strides and part of me is even embarrassed I feel this way. But I can't help it. Anyone else ever feel like this?

Re: How do you not compare?

I think it's 100% natural to compare whether there's a delay or not. DS1 has sensory issues along with receptive and expressive delays. DS2 has none, but there are so many things DS1 did before DS2.

DS1 is small for his age and immature as well. He tends to copy other kids behavior. I see it when we're together with other kids his age. As long as he's happy then I am happy. Some times I do say... if only he was more like....
Then I watch boys behavior without delays and realize... hey, my DS does that too.

I try not to compare him to girls. THat's a whole other story and girls seem to be more advance than boys to begin with. DS1 is happy, plays sports (not good at all, but he's happy running on the field), and does well in school. That's all I can ask for.

How do you not compare?

I'm sorry. It's hard not to compare and feel bad. I even do this between my own two kids.

What about keeping a video diary. Maybe once a week or so, film them playing or doing something fun, then upload them. In the future, you would be able to go back and say "look at how far they've come". It obviously won't work for the here and now though.

Is there a special need playgroup you could join, so that you can see them interact with kids with similar issues?

Re: How do you not compare?

Yes. I feel the same way. I get sad when I see kids around the same age or younger, seeing what they can do and how they speak. I always tell myself I can't give up on my DS and hope that over time the therapy he has been getting will help him progress.

Re: How do you not compare?

Don't feel embarrassed its totally normal!

Even parents of typical children do this. Although its hard just try to focus on all the progress your twins have made! And keep exposing them to other kids! It will only benefit them.

Can you arrange a playdate during therapy?I often do this with families to help facilitate play and social interaction. Good luck!

Re: How do you not compare?

My son has ADHD. Not so much at playdates anymore but, when I go out in public I could cry sometimes. The moms who have kids that walk next to them and don't sprint away at warp speed or knock over displays in stores or hide in every single belt rack they see and then throw a tantrum on the ground because they can't hold it together.. I just want to walk up to them and tell them they don't know how lucky they have it.

DS is medicated now and he is much better on playdates. But, it was awful everytime he hit (at least once per playdate) or got everyone riled up .. or tackled everyone and the kids said "I don't want to be your friend anymore". I think comparing is normal but, when your child is struggling it so hard. I even do it with fine motor skills. DS sucks at fine motor tasks. And then I see girls drawing elaborate pictures when my son can just draw a stick figure.

I have no advice. But, I understand. And my kid only has ADHD. There are so many more difficult issues out there. Just try and focus on how far your kid has come.. I guess. xoxo

Message edited 4/9/2015 9:51:01 PM.