| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Message edited 12/7/2008 9:59:23 PM.
|
Posted 7/20/08 12:01 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
you take your kids for their own safety, hope your DH hits rock bottom and gets help...then see what happenes for the future..
|
| Posted 7/20/08 12:04 PM |
| |
|
Claud
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/05 759 total posts
Name:
Claudine
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
It really sounds like a no-win situation for this poor Mom. She can't go out and get herself a job right now, since she's due to give birth anyday. Is there any family that can help her?
I don't have any advice, but I can offer  
Message edited 7/20/2008 12:23:51 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 12:10 PM |
| |
|
Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
For the safety of my children I would leave him. He needs to realize that he could ultimately hurt the kids and that is no way for children to grow up.
That is really an awful situation
|
| Posted 7/20/08 12:22 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Message edited 12/7/2008 9:59:35 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 3:16 PM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
here's a tale.
my sil lives in FL.
medicaid for her and 3 kids.
1150 housing allowance voucher for any landlord who will accept section 8.
daycare for boys is 12.00 a week
food stamps
wic
she works at the daycare the boys go to(on maternity leave currently)
all this coming in and her boyfriend just keeps wrecking their lives. she can never get ahead.
if she would only leave him, then her paychecks would be her own.
so many benefits for single moms to get on their feet. If its babies that your sister knows, she can nanny or go work in a daycare.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 5:29 PM |
| |
|
jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Pack my kids up and leave
|
| Posted 7/20/08 5:44 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
as far as the kids and the pool, when she goes out, she should lock them all out. install either a combo lock or a key lock that she does not give him the key to. tough times call for tough measures. i don't care that it is his house, this is life or death.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 6:01 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Message edited 12/7/2008 9:59:48 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 6:18 PM |
| |
|
shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
I cant imagine living like this, she must be miserable...
|
| Posted 7/20/08 7:28 PM |
| |
|
PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Heres the devil advocates side of it...
She lives in "probably" a relatively large home. Aside from the 125/week he probably pays most bills. She is most likely dependent on him otherwise she "might" have left by now. AND she has 4 kids that know no different from what they see day in and day out. She probably fears raising 4 kids on her own. I am just putting all of that out there bc I can understand why someone "might" not just up and leave. Right or wrong...I dont know. I agree the safety of the kids is the most important thing but she must feel safer then you think. I always feel bad for these situations bc in the end its no good for anyone.
Message edited 7/20/2008 8:05:15 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:04 PM |
| |
|
ckone
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 3014 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Wow, that is a serious situation and although it seems logical to leave - where can she go? I would suggest that she gets a plan of action together over the next year. Find someone that could take her in for a while and figure out "financially" what she can do. I'm sure that if she becomes legally separated she could get some assistance for child care and food - poosibly living assistance as well.
She will need a lot of emotional support to deal with this for herself and children.
I would say that she has to leave but it's not always as easy a it seems. I hope that she and her kids are ok - I hate to hear of such terrible situations.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:09 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Message edited 12/7/2008 10:00:00 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:24 PM |
| |
|
Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Leaving is really the only option.
Will it be difficult? Heck yeah! But at least she will be with her children, and they will all be alive.
If I were in her situation and I knew my children were in danger and something happened to one of them - that would be worse than the struggle she would be in leaving with them.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:41 PM |
| |
|
cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
I would tell her to leave since her children are not safe. She may not do it though, so I would suggest she either get counseling or go to Al-Anon, which may be the best option for her as it sounds as if her husband may be an alcoholic or certainly has those behaviors. It's free, so her lack of money won't be an issue.
Something like this may give her some clarity and the courage she needs to leave or change her situation so her children are safe. It doesn't sound as if she has the confidence to do that now.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:42 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Message edited 12/7/2008 10:00:18 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:50 PM |
| |
|
cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
They have meetings all over the place, some allow children, some do not, so I don't know if childcare is a problem. If you google Long Island Al-Anon or Nassau or Suffolk, you will probably get a list.
It's geared towards helping the families of alcoholics, and it's not for everyone, but if may help her boost her own self-esteem or help her see the gravity of her situation.
Good luck to her! I hope she can get help somehow and leave.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 8:54 PM |
| |
|
PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Posted by Summerrluvv
Posted by cjik
I would tell her to leave since her children are not safe. She may not do it though, so I would suggest she either get counseling or go to Al-Anon, which may be the best option for her as it sounds as if her husband may be an alcoholic or certainly has those behaviors. It's free, so her lack of money won't be an issue.
Something like this may give her some clarity and the courage she needs to leave or change her situation so her children are safe. It doesn't sound as if she has the confidence to do that now.
I'll have to mention the Al-Anon to her and I'll even look it up and see where the nearest one is. Thanks!
I know her other fear is that if she leaves her DH will get visitation and she worries about their safety with them. I tried to tell her that no judge will give him unsupervised visits with his history of drinking, trying to drive with the kids when drunk, a DWI, etc. etc. etc. but she just doesn't believe me.
I am gonna give you some GREAT advice I was recently given by my supervisor in Social work. Dont make yourself an enemy to the situation bc then you will never be able to talk and get your point across or even be helpful. Like if you tell her to leave, you may become the "enemy". Even though you want immediate relief, it may take up to 2-3 yrs to even make a dent in an obvious long term situation. My situation was a mom giving her dd laxatives to control her weight. I wanted to stop the mom but my supervisor told me as long as I told her what to do I would be closing the door on a talking/listening relationship...does that make sense?
|
| Posted 7/20/08 9:03 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Message edited 12/7/2008 10:00:42 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 9:17 PM |
| |
|
patti08
Happy
Member since 5/05 3893 total posts
Name:
Patti
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
What a difficult situation, my heart goes out to her.
Have they tried marriage counseling?
If I were in this situation I'd seek counseling and/or start to keep as detailed financial records as I could, especially about the business. I'd start making an exit plan, are there any social services available to help her get out?
If he EVER took my kids in the car after drinking I'd call the police. Will someone be there to keep the kids safe while she is in the hospital having the next baby.
I'd also, if I were with this man, make sure there are no more babies with him.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 9:20 PM |
| |
|
lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
I know easier said than done, but, I would try my hardest to get out of that situation.
Does she have at least one friend that is near her that can maybe help her out somehow?
She really needs to "See the light" and get out of that situation.
Not good for her and not good for the children as well.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 9:41 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Message edited 12/7/2008 10:00:54 PM.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 9:54 PM |
| |
|
CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Like others, I think the only "option" is to leave, but she has to come to that conclusion for herself. IN the meantime, I would tell her to drain the pool-seriously, a pool is dangerous to begin with but when one parent is careless it becomes very threatening. to your family-it's so hard sometimes.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 10:03 PM |
| |
|
HillW9608
Hello Summer!
Member since 5/08 5916 total posts
Name:
Hill
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
Posted by jules
Pack my kids up and leave
ITA, although Im sure its hard for any person in that situation.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 11:36 PM |
| |
|
jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
|
Re: WWYD In This Situation
I would definitely leave. She is better off on her own even with 5 kids. At least then she doesn't have to worry about her husband too.
However that said all is easier said then done. Unfortunatley in marriages like this there is some type of emotional control. It's really sad.
That God gives her strength to leave.
|
| Posted 7/20/08 11:39 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |
