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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name: Me
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by jam11308
This is one of my biggest fears too
They're saying that the bullying/nasty comments about are are still being posted on the tribute pages that were set up in her memory & that her friends are continuously deleting the comments from the pages. That's just so, so unreal to me - the posters are absolute monsters... That is downright disgusting.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:22 PM |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name: Mommy
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
That is horrible. I think all to often parents forget to make sure their child isn't being the bully. That is very important to me.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:28 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name: Marisa
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by jam11308
This is one of my biggest fears too
They're saying that the bullying/nasty comments about are are still being posted on the tribute pages that were set up in her memory & that her friends are continuously deleting the comments from the pages. That's just so, so unreal to me - the posters are absolute monsters... That is downright disgusting.
That is dsgusting - I also LOATHE all of the internet crap b/c it's SO easy to be evil to someone when you're not actually looking @ their face ...........cowards ! - It just makes it too too easy for them to go overboard -
But again, these kids are going to grow up to be just as disgusting adults - This isn't a matter of the most popular girl in school being a b*tch and making you feel like a loser - I don't even want to think about the kind of technology that will be around when my son is old enough .........
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Posted 3/24/10 12:30 PM |
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Celt
~~~~~~~~~~
Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name: colette
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
I will just never understand this, from any angle... The Bully: HOW did you learn that this behavior was "ok"? WHo taught you that?????? The Parents of the Bully: DON'T tell me you're "unaware" of what your kid is doing. If he/she's a beast at school they're not polishing their little haloes at home... The school: HOW do teachers and administrators NOT take action when they see this???? It boggles my mind. The parents of the bullied child: HOW do you not step in, jump in, dive in, whatever, to keep your kid SAFE!! I would *try* to work through existing channels, certainly, but if they were failing my child I'd get him into a safer environment (including therapy or a new school if needed).
I swear on all that is holy if I get *one* anecdote of a bullying incident involving my kid I will be going for blood from the little brat AND his parents. BLOOD!!! I mean it, they better HOPE the school handles it before it gets to me, I will be merciless. Granted that's "eye for an eye" stuff but I will NOT be rational where the mental and physical safety of my child is concerned.
DS will be in martial arts from age 4 on; Before he was even born my DH made that plan, as he has derived SO MUCH confidence from his MA studies - he wishes he started this path at a younger age. And he's not a "fighter" but he's got a certain confidence and discipline that just says "Don't *f* with me." I want that for my child as he grows and will seek it at every opportunity.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:31 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name: baby fish mouth
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Sweets13
The problem that I have seen/heard is that once you report it to the school, the kid is picked on even more. I also heard that the parents of the bullies are no better. It seems that there is no where to turn and doing something about it only makes it worse for the kid who is being bullied. What the he LL are these kids/parents supposed to do? This is reason why some kids who are being bullied NEVER tell their parents in fear that they might make it worse by reporting it.
Ugh...I hope they find out who those biatches are that bullied this 17 yr old. I hope they are tormented for their selfish actions!
Kids are cruel - and in REAL LIFE so are adults - I honestly believe that part of the problem lately is that we coddle our kids too much 'everyone is a winner, everyone makes the team, everyone gets a prize' etc etc when they're very young, b/c everyone is so paranoid about hurting their 'self image' ....so they never learn the coping skills necessary to deal with REAL LIFE situations as they grow up. - I am sure at one point in time EVERY single person has been made fun of or tormented in some way - it's part of life, people can be cruel - sometimes you don't make the baseball team, you know what? it means you weren't good enough of a player, it sucks and it's devestating and it makes you feel like crap and as a parent I absolutely DREAD this day - but you know what? it's REAL life - You need to find something ELSE that you can excel at b/c instead of going up to the school and throwing a fit and pointing fingers and placing blame, I think it's MORE important for me to teach my kid that everyone is great at SOMETHING, and rather than dwelling on what you don't like about yourself, and what you may not be able to change, you need to concentrate and focus on the things you DO like about yourself and what you can improve on - It's MY responsibility to make sure my kid develops the life skills to handle any and all situations - it's not my responsibility to make sure my kid's feelings are never hurt -
I am not at all placing blame on the parents here - but you can not put 100% of the blame for this on some 17 year old kid who's just being a 'bully' - do you want to break their face? sure - but really? they're 17 years old .......or even younger - and people don't get much better at 25 or 40 or 60 .......they are who they are - So rather than stressing over what I can't control, I feel I need to do my best to prepare my kid for anything and everything that may come his way -
I totally disagree... I have a school aged son and they ARE NOT always coddled. Sure there is a more 'everyone wins' attitude when they're really little but I don't think that's a bad thing... Kids need encouragement when they are little to build their self esteem.
The thing is that THESE DAYS there are so many different ways for kids to be cruel to each other anonymously... these kids live and socialize on the computer from a very early age and it is part of life these days...
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Posted 3/24/10 12:34 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name: baby fish mouth
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MsMBV
Posted by jam11308
This is one of my biggest fears too
They're saying that the bullying/nasty comments about are are still being posted on the tribute pages that were set up in her memory & that her friends are continuously deleting the comments from the pages. That's just so, so unreal to me - the posters are absolute monsters... That is downright disgusting.
I did some research on this.... Its not the people that were bullying her on the website that are now posting disgusting remarks.. its people from a "troll" website called 4chan... Someone posted a link to the story I guess.,..
It's still disgusting b/c these people think it's funny.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:35 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name: Marisa
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by HeathKernandez
The thing is that THESE DAYS there are so many different ways for kids to be cruel to each other anonymously... these kids live and socialize on the computer from a very early age and it is part of life these days...
I agree w/ this 150%
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Posted 3/24/10 12:35 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name: Whatever
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
so sad! for her family.
My sister was bullied in high school over a boy she broke up with and ended up severely depressed and cut her wrists with a razor. My mom and I had to take her to the ER and therapy and it was just a horrible experience.
Kids are soo cruel and parents these days just seem to stick up for their kids without ever finding out the real stories and disciplining their children. Kids band together and bully the weaker ones and it's just terrible to see the outcome. I think parents and schools need to get more involved. There are some kids who are sensitive and start feeling alone and like they have no one to turn to. It just makes me want to cry sometimes. I feel like this story is repeated too many times. these kids need to start being held accountable.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:39 PM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name: Baby Momma
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Sweets13
The problem that I have seen/heard is that once you report it to the school, the kid is picked on even more. I also heard that the parents of the bullies are no better. It seems that there is no where to turn and doing something about it only makes it worse for the kid who is being bullied. What the he LL are these kids/parents supposed to do? This is reason why some kids who are being bullied NEVER tell their parents in fear that they might make it worse by reporting it.
Ugh...I hope they find out who those biatches are that bullied this 17 yr old. I hope they are tormented for their selfish actions!
Kids are cruel - and in REAL LIFE so are adults - I honestly believe that part of the problem lately is that we coddle our kids too much 'everyone is a winner, everyone makes the team, everyone gets a prize' etc etc when they're very young, b/c everyone is so paranoid about hurting their 'self image' ....so they never learn the coping skills necessary to deal with REAL LIFE situations as they grow up. - I am sure at one point in time EVERY single person has been made fun of or tormented in some way - it's part of life, people can be cruel - sometimes you don't make the baseball team, you know what? it means you weren't good enough of a player, it sucks and it's devestating and it makes you feel like crap and as a parent I absolutely DREAD this day - but you know what? it's REAL life - You need to find something ELSE that you can excel at b/c instead of going up to the school and throwing a fit and pointing fingers and placing blame, I think it's MORE important for me to teach my kid that everyone is great at SOMETHING, and rather than dwelling on what you don't like about yourself, and what you may not be able to change, you need to concentrate and focus on the things you DO like about yourself and what you can improve on - It's MY responsibility to make sure my kid develops the life skills to handle any and all situations - it's not my responsibility to make sure my kid's feelings are never hurt -
I am not at all placing blame on the parents here - but you can not put 100% of the blame for this on some 17 year old kid who's just being a 'bully' - do you want to break their face? sure - but really? they're 17 years old .......or even younger - and people don't get much better at 25 or 40 or 60 .......they are who they are - So rather than stressing over what I can't control, I feel I need to do my best to prepare my kid for anything and everything that may come his way -
I agree with Marisa.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:45 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name: Gina
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
If it's one thing my parents taught me was to respect everyone and stand up for those who can't for themselves.
If I EVER find out my son is a bully in school (I tend to think this because he's bigger, don't know why), there will be SERIOUS repercussions.
But I will make sure my child is taught to respect everyone, no matter what.....and I hope he becomes a good representation of that.
That poor girl.....
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Posted 3/24/10 12:49 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
This breaks my heart. I know bullying has always existed but it seems so out of control. What is going on with our children today that they are so cruel?
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Posted 3/24/10 12:50 PM |
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by kathleeng
This is horrible!! Bullying needs to be taken so much more seriously. I remember it being so heartbreaking when I taught. The thing that got me the most was the level of denial in many parents of those doing the bullying. They frequently had such a "not my kid" mentality. It is such a horrible and painful occurance. I remember my parents being so strict about it. I was a pretty quiet kid myself, but if it was even inferred that we were treating a kid in a harmful way, HOLY SH!T we had hell to pay!!
That is awful.
I fear my son being bullied - but I'll be honest. He is so confident, and such a leader, I fear more that he will be capable of bullying He is a sweet and compassionate little boy, but he already is very cliquy with his friends!!!! In daycare he only plays with certain kids and will tell me who he doesn't "yike".
I found out he pushed a little boy and DH and I REAMED him. We have zero tolerance for any of that. And he got it!!!
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Posted 3/24/10 12:51 PM |
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MrsRivera
This is something I think about all the time.
I was teased MERCILESSLY when I was in school--particularly by 1 boy, from the time I was in 2nd grade until 11th grade when he finally graduated.
But a whole bunch of girls jumped on the bandwagon in middle school. Going to school was my own personal hell.
What can I do, except to try and make sure that my daughter has the confidence and self-esteem that I didn't have?
I hate that we can't protect our kids from all the disgusting people out there BTDT This hits close to home
Message edited 3/24/2010 12:57:09 PM.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:52 PM |
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bonitachyc
big sister status may 2012!!
Member since 5/08 3242 total posts
Name: Lupe
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
incredibly sad. for her family!!
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Posted 3/24/10 12:53 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name: Gina
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by HeathKernandez
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Sweets13
The problem that I have seen/heard is that once you report it to the school, the kid is picked on even more. I also heard that the parents of the bullies are no better. It seems that there is no where to turn and doing something about it only makes it worse for the kid who is being bullied. What the he LL are these kids/parents supposed to do? This is reason why some kids who are being bullied NEVER tell their parents in fear that they might make it worse by reporting it.
Ugh...I hope they find out who those biatches are that bullied this 17 yr old. I hope they are tormented for their selfish actions!
Kids are cruel - and in REAL LIFE so are adults - I honestly believe that part of the problem lately is that we coddle our kids too much 'everyone is a winner, everyone makes the team, everyone gets a prize' etc etc when they're very young, b/c everyone is so paranoid about hurting their 'self image' ....so they never learn the coping skills necessary to deal with REAL LIFE situations as they grow up. - I am sure at one point in time EVERY single person has been made fun of or tormented in some way - it's part of life, people can be cruel - sometimes you don't make the baseball team, you know what? it means you weren't good enough of a player, it sucks and it's devestating and it makes you feel like crap and as a parent I absolutely DREAD this day - but you know what? it's REAL life - You need to find something ELSE that you can excel at b/c instead of going up to the school and throwing a fit and pointing fingers and placing blame, I think it's MORE important for me to teach my kid that everyone is great at SOMETHING, and rather than dwelling on what you don't like about yourself, and what you may not be able to change, you need to concentrate and focus on the things you DO like about yourself and what you can improve on - It's MY responsibility to make sure my kid develops the life skills to handle any and all situations - it's not my responsibility to make sure my kid's feelings are never hurt -
I am not at all placing blame on the parents here - but you can not put 100% of the blame for this on some 17 year old kid who's just being a 'bully' - do you want to break their face? sure - but really? they're 17 years old .......or even younger - and people don't get much better at 25 or 40 or 60 .......they are who they are - So rather than stressing over what I can't control, I feel I need to do my best to prepare my kid for anything and everything that may come his way -
I totally disagree... I have a school aged son and they ARE NOT always coddled. Sure there is a more 'everyone wins' attitude when they're really little but I don't think that's a bad thing... Kids need encouragement when they are little to build their self esteem.
The thing is that THESE DAYS there are so many different ways for kids to be cruel to each other anonymously... these kids live and socialize on the computer from a very early age and it is part of life these days...
There is a book called It Takes a Parent by Betsy Hart. EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK
She talks about the overgrowth of parents teaching their children that they are the center of the universe, basically exactly what Marisa said, almost word for word.
Self esteem is built by dealing with and accepting defeat, loss and disappointment, not mommy telling you that even though you didn't make the team, you're the best and SHOULD have made it, or that you can have whatever you like because we don't want to upset you, and even though you did nothing to deserve that cookie, I'll give it to you because *I* think you're the best. That is a false sense of self-esteem, that is EGO.
We as parents have a tremendous responsibility to our children to save them from becoming these little cruel monsters that have no respect for anyone, even themselves.
I urge you to all pick up a copy of this book.....
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Posted 3/24/10 12:56 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name: remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MaMaTeenie
That is horrible. I think all to often parents forget to make sure their child isn't being the bully. That is very important to me.
I agree with this too.
bullyING will carry SERIOUS consequences in my home. SERIOUS.
and I want to say that it's not just kids...it's adults too. I mean, look at how some of the threads on THIS board turn out.
anonymity is a breeding ground for meanness.
I agree with a lot of what Marissa wrote...kids should learn how to deal with some adversity. not everything in life smells like roses. coping skills will get you much further than an INFLATED sense of self.
self respect is one thing. not understanding how the world works is another.
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Posted 3/24/10 12:58 PM |
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JennyPenny
?
Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name: Jen
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
I was bullied quite a bit in junior high. It definitely scarred me. I pray to God that my daughter never has to endure it.
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Posted 3/24/10 1:04 PM |
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Sweets13
The problem that I have seen/heard is that once you report it to the school, the kid is picked on even more. I also heard that the parents of the bullies are no better. It seems that there is no where to turn and doing something about it only makes it worse for the kid who is being bullied. What the he LL are these kids/parents supposed to do? This is reason why some kids who are being bullied NEVER tell their parents in fear that they might make it worse by reporting it.
Ugh...I hope they find out who those biatches are that bullied this 17 yr old. I hope they are tormented for their selfish actions!
Kids are cruel - and in REAL LIFE so are adults - I honestly believe that part of the problem lately is that we coddle our kids too much 'everyone is a winner, everyone makes the team, everyone gets a prize' etc etc when they're very young, b/c everyone is so paranoid about hurting their 'self image' ....so they never learn the coping skills necessary to deal with REAL LIFE situations as they grow up. - I am sure at one point in time EVERY single person has been made fun of or tormented in some way - it's part of life, people can be cruel - sometimes you don't make the baseball team, you know what? it means you weren't good enough of a player, it sucks and it's devestating and it makes you feel like crap and as a parent I absolutely DREAD this day - but you know what? it's REAL life - You need to find something ELSE that you can excel at b/c instead of going up to the school and throwing a fit and pointing fingers and placing blame, I think it's MORE important for me to teach my kid that everyone is great at SOMETHING, and rather than dwelling on what you don't like about yourself, and what you may not be able to change, you need to concentrate and focus on the things you DO like about yourself and what you can improve on - It's MY responsibility to make sure my kid develops the life skills to handle any and all situations - it's not my responsibility to make sure my kid's feelings are never hurt -
I am not at all placing blame on the parents here - but you can not put 100% of the blame for this on some 17 year old kid who's just being a 'bully' - do you want to break their face? sure - but really? they're 17 years old .......or even younger - and people don't get much better at 25 or 40 or 60 .......they are who they are - So rather than stressing over what I can't control, I feel I need to do my best to prepare my kid for anything and everything that may come his way - ITA with this. But I blame the parents of the bully. This girl was on facebook at 17 as were the bullies. NO BODY bothered to check their childs facebook??? I will say now my DS will not be allowed to be on a social network without it being monitored until he is over the age of 18. We have let our children run rampant on these websites. (Myspace, facebook) look at all the sex offenders who have kidnapped kids, all the girls who have posted pics of themselves being nearly naked at the age of 14. It's disgusting.
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Posted 3/24/10 1:07 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name: Jeannie
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
I will tell you what.. I don't think a lot of bullies have an inflated sense of self worth.. I think it is the opposite. I think they cover their underdeveloped sense of worth by picking on other people. Step on people to make yourself feel bigger.
Maybe I'm crazy.. but my experience has always been that the most confident kids never had to pick on people to make themselves feel better. Same with adults.
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Posted 3/24/10 1:15 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name: Mommy
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Sweets13
The problem that I have seen/heard is that once you report it to the school, the kid is picked on even more. I also heard that the parents of the bullies are no better. It seems that there is no where to turn and doing something about it only makes it worse for the kid who is being bullied. What the he LL are these kids/parents supposed to do? This is reason why some kids who are being bullied NEVER tell their parents in fear that they might make it worse by reporting it.
Ugh...I hope they find out who those biatches are that bullied this 17 yr old. I hope they are tormented for their selfish actions!
Kids are cruel - and in REAL LIFE so are adults - I honestly believe that part of the problem lately is that we coddle our kids too much 'everyone is a winner, everyone makes the team, everyone gets a prize' etc etc when they're very young, b/c everyone is so paranoid about hurting their 'self image' ....so they never learn the coping skills necessary to deal with REAL LIFE situations as they grow up. - I am sure at one point in time EVERY single person has been made fun of or tormented in some way - it's part of life, people can be cruel - sometimes you don't make the baseball team, you know what? it means you weren't good enough of a player, it sucks and it's devestating and it makes you feel like crap and as a parent I absolutely DREAD this day - but you know what? it's REAL life - You need to find something ELSE that you can excel at b/c instead of going up to the school and throwing a fit and pointing fingers and placing blame, I think it's MORE important for me to teach my kid that everyone is great at SOMETHING, and rather than dwelling on what you don't like about yourself, and what you may not be able to change, you need to concentrate and focus on the things you DO like about yourself and what you can improve on - It's MY responsibility to make sure my kid develops the life skills to handle any and all situations - it's not my responsibility to make sure my kid's feelings are never hurt -
I am not at all placing blame on the parents here - but you can not put 100% of the blame for this on some 17 year old kid who's just being a 'bully' - do you want to break their face? sure - but really? they're 17 years old .......or even younger - and people don't get much better at 25 or 40 or 60 .......they are who they are - So rather than stressing over what I can't control, I feel I need to do my best to prepare my kid for anything and everything that may come his way -
ITA
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Posted 3/24/10 1:17 PM |
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Celt
~~~~~~~~~~
Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name: colette
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by rojerono
I will tell you what.. I don't think a lot of bullies have an inflated sense of self worth.. I think it is the opposite. I think they cover their underdeveloped sense of worth by picking on other people. Step on people to make yourself feel bigger.
Maybe I'm crazy.. but my experience has always been that the most confident kids never had to pick on people to make themselves feel better. Same with adults.
Agree one thousand percent!!!! I *always* feel like the bully is being pushed around, somewhere, by someone, so that's the ONLY coping skill he/she's developed. And sometimes it works, so it gets reinforced. Children learn what they live, it's as simple (and as complex) as that.
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Posted 3/24/10 1:20 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name: remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
Posted by rojerono
I will tell you what.. I don't think a lot of bullies have an inflated sense of self worth.. I think it is the opposite. I think they cover their underdeveloped sense of worth by picking on other people. Step on people to make yourself feel bigger.
Maybe I'm crazy.. but my experience has always been that the most confident kids never had to pick on people to make themselves feel better. Same with adults.
I agree with this. the bullY's are general inflicting pain to assauge their own.
my issue is when parents don't allow their children to feel the reality of their own talents...be they below, at, or above average.
ie. the parent who demands lil Jonny be starting forward on the soccer team when all he does on the pitch is chase butterflies. the reality is Jonny is NOT good enough to play starting forward, but that's not going to stop Jonny's father from trying to make jonny think he is...
I think that comes from something missing in the parent as well.
it's striking a balance from being protective of them or being too protective to their detriment.
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Posted 3/24/10 1:23 PM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name: Jen
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
wow....so sad
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Posted 3/24/10 1:26 PM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name: Diana
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
every week im reading stories like this. it absolutely disgusts me.
im so afraid for my son when he starts school one day.
kids can be so cruel and for what??
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Posted 3/24/10 1:30 PM |
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MikesWife
Wanting...........
Member since 1/06 6887 total posts
Name: Karen
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Re: 17 year old West Islip girl...
My cousin was good friend's with this girl - he is devestated.
I was bullied in school - from 6th-9th grade. The degree could have been enough to drive me to suicide had I not had the support and strength of my family. Today I am a strong and confident person but I can see where a developing adolescent can go down one path instead of another. At the moment nothing in the world matters except for the hurt you are enduring. I remember my dad telling me "it's just high school - you'll be out of there in four years." But to a 14 year old, 4 years might as well be an eternity.
I think it is up to everyone - parents, teachers, administration, etc. to deter bullying at every level.
May Lexi rest in peace and may God bless her family!!!!
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Posted 3/24/10 1:33 PM |
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