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guilty406
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 2 total posts
Name:
guilty
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bad - long confession - update on page 2
I'm under a different name today because I am so embarrassed. Last night we had a get together with some a dh friends. One of his friends I'm attracted to. Nothing has ever or will ever happen between us, but dh knows. Anyway last night around 3ish, I was making up a couple of couch beds for him and our other friends that were staying over and dh pushed me on the couch head first. I jumped up and told him don't ever put his hans on me again. I went to the bathroom and dh followed me and grabbed my neck and said why don't you go flirt with ... a little more. Of course I was hysterical, on top of being drunk having dh grab me like that took me by surprise. His friend told him to just go to bed and his friend and I stayed up drinking until 7 in the morning. His friend tried to kiss me and do worse, as much as I resisted I wanted him to. I don't know why I put myself in that situation. Even after that happened his friend appologized and said that he only did that because he's in love with me and has been for a long time. I can't tell dh and I feel so guilty. It was so hard for me to resist him, I wanted him, but it just can't happen. Now I have to pretend that nothing happened. As much as I wanted to last night, I'm so glad I didn't get caught up in the moment. DH came out of the bedroom at 7 and saw us still drinking and got really ******. I just woke up and dh and friend are gone. DH won't answer his phone and I'm afraid to call his friend. Anyway, I just had to tell someone or I'm going to burst.
Message edited 4/30/2006 7:21:59 PM.
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Posted 4/30/06 3:14 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:16 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: bad - long confession
I wish I knew what to say. I'm sorry.
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:19 PM |
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jaysee00
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1647 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Find some comfort in the fact that you did the right thing.
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:21 PM |
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by jaysee00
Find some comfort in the fact that you did the right thing.
I agree.
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:26 PM |
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Chatham-Chick
*********************
Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Has your DH ever been physical w/you like that before???
If your DH has an issue w/you and his buddy, he needs to speak with you about it, not get physical. I have to say, that physical behavior concerns me, as it should you.
As for putting yourself in the situation that you did, it's done and over with. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't sweat it. BUT, it obvisouly bothers you that you allowed yourself to be in that position in the first place, or else you wouldn't be posting here under "guilty"...so if there's a next time you have to really make an effort not to let it happen again. No matter how angry and hurt you are, you have to ask yourself, "is it worth it?"
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:27 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: bad - long confession
I'm so sorry.
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:48 PM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: bad - long confession
I too am really sorry but I am extremly concerned for you. Even if DH has never gotten physical with you before...he has now...and TWICE! AND he put his hands around your neck? That's just not cool at ALL! NOTHING you could EVER do deserves that.
When your DH comes home I think you two need to have a serious and very open conversatoin about exactly what happened last night.
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:55 PM |
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by DebG
When your DH comes home I think you two need to have a serious and very open conversatoin about exactly what happened last night.
I agree- regardless of how he's been in the past, your DH should not have put his hands on you like that. It's inexcusable.
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:58 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
you guys definitely need to talk... after you've both had time to calm down about it.
i agree.. you didnt *do* anything too wrong, or cross that line with the physical aspect, But, i think that if the tables were turned (thinking from my own perspective), and i Knew my DH was attracted to one of my friends, and decided to stay up until 7am, drinking alone with that person, i would be PI$$ED! it just would not go over well with me at all. but the fact that you did want to to something still says that theres some things that you guys need to work on. i dont think you did anything that would permanently damage your marriage, but there are issues that you 2 need to resolve in order to move forward.
i hope everything works out 
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| Posted 4/30/06 3:59 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by DebG
I too am really sorry but I am extremly concerned for you. Even if DH has never gotten physical with you before...he has now...and TWICE! AND he put his hands around your neck? That's just not cool at ALL! NOTHING you could EVER do deserves that.
When your DH comes home I think you two need to have a serious and very open conversatoin about exactly what happened last night.
i agree with this as well.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:00 PM |
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giggles
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 584 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: bad - long confession
I think for the good of your marriage you need to make sure that you never get yourself in that position again. Nothing good can come of it - you resisted this time, but what about next time????
I put myself in a similar situation when I was dating an ex-boyfriend and I was seriously attracted to his friend. We both were fighting our feelings, but neither of us were fooling anyone. We tried to avoid each other as much as possible.
Eventully my BF and I broke up and I dated this guy (many years after the fact)
Also, if the tables were turned and that was my DH and a friend he was attracted to drinking all night, my heart would be broken and I would be p*ssed as well!
ETA: this absolutely does not justify his behavior - I'm just trying to understand why he's avoiding you today
Message edited 4/30/2006 4:21:54 PM.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:04 PM |
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Wendy1220
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 2004 total posts
Name:
wendy
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Re: bad - long confession
I'm sorry this happened and I agree with the others who said you ultimately did the right thing. However, no matter WHAT you do or say, he never has the right to put his hands on you. There are other ways of handling anger and pushing you onto the couch and putting his hands around your neck are not one of them. I don't know if he's done this before or not but this is something you seriously need to think about. What's going to happen the next time he gets angry over something?
Give it some thought and here's some for you.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:11 PM |
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Wendy1220
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 2004 total posts
Name:
wendy
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by giggles
I think for the good of your marriage you need to make sure that you never get yourself in that position again. Nothing good can come of it - you resisted this time, but what about next time????
I put myself in a similar situation when I was dating an ex-boyfriend and I was seriously attracted to his friend. We both were fighting our feelings, but neither of us were fooling anyone. We tried to avoid each other as much as possible.
Eventully my BF and I broke up and I dated this guy (many years after the fact)
Also, if the tables were turned and that was my DH and a friend he was attracted to drinking all night, my heart would be broken and I would be p*ssed as well!
I understand him being angry but the way he handled it was completely unacceptable.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:12 PM |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: bad - long confession
I see 2 things wrong with this picture-
Number 1- DH touching you
and
Number 2 - You having feelings and strong ones for one of DH's friends and your married
I seriously think you guys should go to counseling to restore what your marriage is missing along with your DH controling his anger too. Will either of you be able to hang out with this guy again? and if your DH finds out the truth will he flip out? I wish you the best of luck, I dont think this is an easy fix.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:18 PM |
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giggles
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 584 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by Wendy1220
Posted by giggles
I think for the good of your marriage you need to make sure that you never get yourself in that position again. Nothing good can come of it - you resisted this time, but what about next time????
I put myself in a similar situation when I was dating an ex-boyfriend and I was seriously attracted to his friend. We both were fighting our feelings, but neither of us were fooling anyone. We tried to avoid each other as much as possible.
Eventully my BF and I broke up and I dated this guy (many years after the fact)
Also, if the tables were turned and that was my DH and a friend he was attracted to drinking all night, my heart would be broken and I would be p*ssed as well!
I understand him being angry but the way he handled it was completely unacceptable.
I agree and I think that goes without saying, which is why I chose not to address that in my response to her.
I think it's a major issue that she has stong feelings for another man, feelings that are reciprocated.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:20 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by DebG
I too am really sorry but I am extremly concerned for you. Even if DH has never gotten physical with you before...he has now...and TWICE! AND he put his hands around your neck? That's just not cool at ALL! NOTHING you could EVER do deserves that.
When your DH comes home I think you two need to have a serious and very open conversatoin about exactly what happened last night.
have to say i agree with this
i really would be feeling less guilty about what i did and more angry about what your DH did...
That is what i would be concerened with right now...
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:36 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by giggles
ETA: this absolutely does not justify his behavior - I'm just trying to understand why he's avoiding you today
you are kidding right?
He doesn't know about what happened AFTER he put his hands on her...
HE put his hands on her for what she did when HE WAS THERE....which i bet wasn't anything worth the reaction he had....
IMO i think if he is ****** and avoiding her....I would be out of that house ASAP.
There is no justification for what he did...NONE.
So i would hope to God that he is been avoiding her out of utter shame and embarrassment .....
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:42 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
this must be tough for you. Under NO circumstances, no matter how angry your Dh was at you, should he have put his hands on you.... been there done that... UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feelings just dont go away and you said you have strong feelings for this guy. That is a serious problem as well. And then he admits he is in love with you? Wow!!
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:47 PM |
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Wendy1220
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 2004 total posts
Name:
wendy
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by Redhead
Posted by giggles
ETA: this absolutely does not justify his behavior - I'm just trying to understand why he's avoiding you today
you are kidding right?
He doesn't know about what happened AFTER he put his hands on her...
HE put his hands on her for what she did when HE WAS THERE....which i bet wasn't anything worth the reaction he had....
IMO i think if he is ****** and avoiding her....I would be out of that house ASAP.
There is no justification for what he did...NONE.
So i would hope to God that he is been avoiding her out of utter shame and embarrassment .....
 I'm hoping the same thing but I have a bad feeling that he's avoiding her because he's still angry and feels justified in what he did. Scary but that's my gut feeling. She has a LOT to think about here.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:51 PM |
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justme1
Proud SAHM
Member since 5/05 1955 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: bad - long confession
I also will never justify someones behavior that does something like that.. he never should of layed a hand on you but I'm wondering if your feelings for this guy were a little more obvious then you think..
You know your DH could of been able to tell all night there was something more then just innocent flirting going on between you two.. even though nothing had happened up till that point where he almost choked u... if you liked him and he liked you.. im sure DH picked up on it..
Again not justifying what he did but I think this is where is anger came from.
I would make him go to anger managment classes Immediatly or I wouldnt be able to stay with him.. what will it be next time? A black eye? These are the signs that we are always told to look out for before things get worse..
Any man who can put his hands around a womans throat is sick.. dont take this lightly, please.
I think its totally normal to have feelings or an attraction to other men but its another thing to actually pursue them.
This is not a man you should be around anymore.. You need to be mature enough to know that since you are attracted to him and you are married, you should stay far far away from him.
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| Posted 4/30/06 4:53 PM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: bad - long confession
I agree with Red that he is probably staying away today because he is ashamed and embarressed.
Also, if you want to save your marriage you BOTH need to cut this "friend" (take the quotes anyway you want to) out of your lives.
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:11 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
i understand what giggles is saying, and i agree with her. No one is saying that what her DH did was acceptable... it was totally unacceptable.. BUT there are TWO people that are wrong here (well, actually 3). And him being wrong doesnt take away from the fact that she was wrong too. NO, that does not mean that she deserved to be treated that way But that doesnt make her completely innocent either.
also, what the DHs friend did was completely out of line. not only saying what he did, but attempting to do more. I honestly dont even know what *I* would do if i felt that betrayed by both my DH and one of my own friends. 
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:12 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by DebG
Also, if you want to save your marriage you BOTH need to cut this "friend" (take the quotes anyway you want to) out of your lives.
i agree.
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:12 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: bad - long confession
Posted by neeniebean86
i understand what giggles is saying, and i agree with her. No one is saying that what her DH did was acceptable... it was totally unacceptable.. BUT there are TWO people that are wrong here (well, actually 3). And him being wrong doesnt take away from the fact that she was wrong too. NO, that does not mean that she deserved to be treated that way But that doesnt make her completely innocent either.
also, what the DHs friend did was completely out of line. not only saying what he did, but attempting to do more. I honestly dont even know what *I* would do if i felt that betrayed by both my DH and one of my own friends.
true...
but sorry....the response giggles had was based on what her DH DID NOT KNOW....
the posters guilt wasn't her behavior prior to being grabbed...but after.
So to understand why the prick DH is avoiding her....is still a sickening mystery to me.
That is why i have an issue with giggles response...
ETA...i can't get past the first problem in this scenario...
I think we are all attracted to other people...that is natural...
she was upset and stupid to some extent...but nothing all that condeming IMO.
Be her DH....THAT is an entirely different story...
And what maddens me more is that this prick thinks that what he did was jusitfied...
Not only justified...is carrying it on to another day....
Message edited 4/30/2006 5:20:34 PM.
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| Posted 4/30/06 5:18 PM |
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