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Message edited 5/19/2014 5:34:21 PM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

hmmm....this is touchy.....I can totally understand how you are feeling....GENERALLY, I trust my gut instinct and if any behavior from anyone -- family or not -- makes me uncomfortable, I would make sure my child is never alone with that person. I assume you haven't spoken to DH about this, right? I imagine it wouldn't go over so well.....this is a hard one, I'm so sorry....

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I would feel the same way as you ! Does your dh feel the same way as you ? If he does ,then he should say something !

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

This would bother me, very much so actually, especially since your mommy instinct is going off, which is usually going off for a reason. But only you know your FIL. I know my mom would probably want to cuddle with DS and rub his back or w/e, but I know its because she's just the nurturing type KWIM?

Have you spoken to DH about how this topic makes you feel uneasy?

I really don't know what you can do besides making sure DC is never left alone with FIL.

So sorry you have to go through this, even if it is just a harmless thing of FIL to say, its not fun having to think these thoughts

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

bluntly put, eff that and eff him.

you have a feeling, go with it. i would rather be wrong and hurt someone's feelings then the alternative.

you have one shot at making her childhood nice...don't let this crazy make you feel funny.

believe me, i have similar feelings and that person will never be around my babies. i gave it a try once, had a panic attack within 5 minutes, ran out of house and never went back.

90% of molesters are people we know. someone out there is doing it.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Posted by Janice



90% of molesters are people we know. someone out there is doing it.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Posted by Janice

bluntly put, eff that and eff him.

you have a feeling, go with it. i would rather be wrong and hurt someone's feelings then the alternative.

you have one shot at making her childhood nice...don't let this crazy make you feel funny.

believe me, i have similar feelings and that person will never be around my babies. i gave it a try once, had a panic attack within 5 minutes, ran out of house and never went back.

90% of molesters are people we know. someone out there is doing it.

Message edited 3/23/2010 10:36:08 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 3/24/2010 6:01:42 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Go with your instincts. I would be very uncomfortable with this.

Can you kind of jokingly or lightly say something like... Oh, it's recommended that there's no sleeping in the same bed with a child b/c of suffocation this is why DH and I don't.

HAve you taked to DH about this? Brought it up asking him... do you think he's serious?

Even though he may be serious I'd laugh it off and keep saying... I don't think so. It's not recommended.

It would totally bother me though

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

The very next time he says something like that YOU should look him dead in the eye and tell him in NO uncertain terms that the things he is saying are unacceptable, creepy, and just plain WRONG, and that if he continues to talk about wanting to sleep with your 2 year old, you will not be visiting him anymore.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

That would weird me out-but maybe that's because I am trying to picture my FIL saying this

In any case, I would talk to your DH and ask him if he thinks it is weird-but be careful opening that discussion because it is his father.

Under no circumstances would my child ever take a nap with anyone (well, except us, but even that is very rare). I would keep responding the way you have been, "sorry, no need for my kid to nap with you" but I would add "feel free to take a nap by yourself if you are tired".

I would kind of feel weird allowing my kids to sleep over there. We always slept over at my grandparents' house but this would make me think twice about letting my kid. I would get your DH's opinion on the situation.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

oh god, this gave my the "Ehhh!!!" feeling too. I would trust your Mommy instinct. What does DH say? I would continue with making your comments when he mentions it. I would be very uncomfortable if my FIL were saying things like that. (i would be uncomfy if anyone said this!)

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 3/24/2010 6:02:07 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

weird weird weird

I worked as a paralegal in Crimes Against Children for a long time....MOST of the time it is someone close to you


get her away

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

WOW, that gave me chills. Very creepy.

I would make a comment to him next time he says it.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Definitely trust you mommy instinct.
I can understand how this would be difficult for DH. And honestly, telling FIL to stop saying these things wouldn't be enough for me. I would never have her out of my sight when he's around. I'm sorry, but I agree with your instinct. It turned mine on!

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

How does your MIL handle/react to what he says?

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

All this desire to be close and be special can be emotionally incestuous and I won't allow that on my DD b/c I think it's just as creepy and inappropriate.

Message edited 3/24/2010 6:03:07 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Does he have other grandchildren? What's he like with them?

What was he like b4 you had your DD?

Totally creepy and I guess you're going to have to keep reiterating to him that this is never going to happen. Let him know it makes you uncomfortable with him saying this and he needs to stop.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 3/24/2010 6:03:35 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 3/24/2010 6:03:56 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Posted by littlejoy06

WOW, that gave me chills. Very creepy.

I would make a comment to him next time he says it.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Listen to your instincts!!!!! Like another poster said, I'd rather hurt someone's feeling than find out I was right..

All the kids in my family spent time alone with my Uncle Robert - weekends alone with him. Me included. He's never done anything wrong to any of us and I have no doubt that he never would. But my other uncle's wife said flat out - my children will never spend time alone with any man who isn't their father. Sure, my mom and I thought it was weird becuase my crazy uncle IS harmless... but she had her reasons and I've always suspected they were very close to home.

As a parent, I respect her decision. No one's feelings are more important than the safety of your child.

ETA: And no one's feelings were hurt, either.

Message edited 3/23/2010 12:44:27 PM.