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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
The best part really is that it cost this mom her reputation and she has to face these same parents, same teachers, and same principal for years. Sounds like her atitude will not be adjusted BUT I am sure the school is not going to put with her either.
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Posted 5/27/09 11:16 AM  |
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rmdrn125
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/07 497 total posts
Name:
mom mom
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
I totally agree with the teacher.. I can't believe this mother, who wants to see a 6 y.o. feelings hurt over not being invited? She sounded cruel.. Also, "popular" @ 6, come on!!
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| Posted 5/27/09 11:22 AM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
It sounds like this mom wasn't invited to all the parties herself and is living through her child. Ridiculous!
At 6 kids need to be kids and not learn life's hard lessons.
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| Posted 5/27/09 11:26 AM |
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QuackQuack
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/06 572 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by 5ofClubs
I actually don't agree with the school at all. What is the big deal? So each kid wasn't invited, that's life. Andrew doesn't like all the kids in his class and honestly, I probably would have had him do the same thing. I don't think it is rude.
It was during recess not in class. I think the schools policy is ridiculous.
Kids should be exposed to different situations and learn how to handle them. I feel like now we try and shield our kids from everything and they can't learn how to deal with disapointment etc. That is life.
I agree that kids should be exposed to different situations, and understand that they will not get everything they want, will not be invited to everything, and that they must learn to deal with all this.
With that said, this issue is bigger. School is a place for learning, and especially in first grade, children are finicky. One day they are best friends with one, the next with another.
The invitations in class thing opens up Pandora's Box that quite honestly it isn't fair for a teacher to deal with. The teacher is there to teach, and not to deal with the social repurcussions of birthday party invitations.
When one student isn't invited, the class knows this. It can be a gang up on each other type of thing, sometimes it causes the child to act out in other ways, and it leads to drama in the classroom that is just not necessary.
It is a parents/childs' perogative to invite whomever they chose to their birthday party. However, a teacher should not have to play social referee due to something outside of of school. There are enough instances in school that the teacher must monitor to then be allowing outside influences to mess with the dynamics of the classroom.
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| Posted 5/27/09 11:31 AM |
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Arieschick29
aries+cancer= pisces&gemini
Member since 3/06 4268 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Playing devil's advocate here:
I am a teacher who does allow kids to pass out invitations to just their friends in school and here are my reasons:
1) some kids in my class you wouldn't want at a boirthday party for incredibly bad behavior (violence, cursing etc)
Putting aside that the mother on the phone called th eunivited kids loosers, would TRULY invite every student if you knew that some of them were really horrible and possibly would harm your child?
2) for the lower grades, the kids don't know their address. How should the birthday parent go about mailing invites when they don't know the kids' addresses- they can't ask the teacher/school for that info.
3) as adults, we don't invite every single co-worker or friend to parties and get togethers do we? We do children have to be so inclusive with kids they might not like ( again NOT due to popularity reasons but for good, founded reasons)
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| Posted 5/27/09 11:43 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by 5ofClubs
I actually don't agree with the school at all. What is the big deal? So each kid wasn't invited, that's life. Andrew doesn't like all the kids in his class and honestly, I probably would have had him do the same thing. I don't think it is rude.
It was during recess not in class. I think the schools policy is ridiculous.
Kids should be exposed to different situations and learn how to handle them. I feel like now we try and shield our kids from everything and they can't learn how to deal with disapointment etc. That is life.
The school made the rule. Whether the mom likes it or not, she needs to follow their rules if she wants her child to continue to go there. The school provides home addresses in the beginning of the year for this very reason.
I agree that kids will eventually be left out of things - everyone will get their turn to have their feelings hurt. The issue I have is why would you want to INTENTIONALLY hurt someone's feelings? It's not shielding children. It's being polite.
Message edited 5/27/2009 11:45:12 AM.
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| Posted 5/27/09 11:44 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
I am sort of torn on this one. Without a doubt the Mother sounds like an Azzz. And I do agree that school should not be the place to hand out invites. However-that doesn't mean other kids won't be talking about it.
But I also see that today's kids are so sheltered and protected from everything. While, of course, I want to protect my babies from any hurt-I also want them to be prepared for the real world-where they WILL be rejected, hurt at times, and all those negative things unfortunately. I think getting through these situations with your self esteem intact is a growing and learning experience...of course maybe I'll feel differently
once it happens to one of my boys
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| Posted 5/27/09 11:51 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by DRMom
I am sort of torn on this one. Without a doubt the Mother sounds like an Azzz. And I do agree that school should not be the place to hand out invites. However-that doesn't mean other kids won't be talking about it.
But I also see that today's kids are so sheltered and protected from everything. While, of course, I want to protect my babies from any hurt-I also want them to be prepared for the real world-where they WILL be rejected, hurt at times, and all those negative things unfortunately. I think getting through these situations with your self esteem intact is a growing and learning experience...of course maybe I'll feel differently
once it happens to one of my boys
I have to agree. Aside the mom who wants to assure her kid will be popular (whatever!), kids are going to be hurt regardless. Whether they don't get the invitation now or by mail, they will hear about the party later and still feel rejected. You can't not have a party because a kid in a classroom might be hurt they did not get invited.
The school has rules and she should follow them but I have to agree that it's hard to get the kids addresses also.
In any cases, some kids want to be friends with others who don't want to be friend with them in return. That's life!!!! Even if we have little angels, everybody may not like our kids.
As far as THIS mom. She has some serious issues!!! Far more than handling invitations to kids at the school.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:02 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by Mikismom
I agree with the school, the mother should have mailed them
I agree. Its just rude to have the DD hand them out to only a few "select" children.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:04 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
I agree with the school. There is some common courtesy that extends to children and their social and academic settings. While I understand that no child is going to be friends with everyone and will eventually be left out, it doesn't have to happen in elementary school. I don't share all my toys with my friends when they come over yet I do expect my children to share their toys. It's a fundamental principal they need to learn so that they may build on it; not to be adhered to for the rest of their lives. When you are 6 and handing out birthday invitations at school, you invite everyone or mail them. If she was to bring in cupcakes, is it okay that she would only bring a few for her friends and leave others out? At that age, I will expect my children to not say anything if they have nothing nice to say because it builds social grace but I wouldn't expect them not to voice a differing opinion or feeling when they are older.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:15 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by Mikismom
I agree with the school, the mother should have mailed them
I agree, or maybe give it to the teacher to hand out in the child's bookbags.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:17 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
We invited all the children from Amber's class and will continue to follow the same rule for some time. I think they'll have enough opportunities in life to experience disappointment and rejection; no sense creating an outcast situation for children under six. Children can be cruel (at any age) and knowing that someone was "excluded" may create a gang mentality from those who were included. I want nothing to do with that. Parties should be fun events for children, not a venue for them to act in a malicious manner (Nah-Nah, we were invited and you were not). I see many adults on this board (myself included) feel let down when they are excluded from specific functions/events/exclusive groups, etc.
The school did the right thing. Their focus should be education, not playing Administrative Assistant for one's personal calendar. They have enough distractions to deal with during the day.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:20 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by 5ofClubs
I actually don't agree with the school at all. What is the big deal? So each kid wasn't invited, that's life. Andrew doesn't like all the kids in his class and honestly, I probably would have had him do the same thing. I don't think it is rude.
It was during recess not in class. I think the schools policy is ridiculous.
Kids should be exposed to different situations and learn how to handle them. I feel like now we try and shield our kids from everything and they can't learn how to deal with disapointment etc. That is life.
So if Andrew came home from first grade and was upset/hurt that a little boy told him he wasn't invited to his party, that wouldn't make you mad? NOT because he wasn't invited...I mean I understand people are going to have parties for their kids with not everyone invited...but don't you think there are other ways of going about it rather than having your kid distribute the invites at school?
I would just hope that most parents would handle the invites on their own...I think its awful when a few children out of a class are left out and they KNOW it. It can be very damaging for a childs self esteem.
And I do agree we can't shield our kids from everything, and I know they will learn tough lessons along the way. But I feel this shouldn't happen at school. And yes it was recess, but recess was in the classroom with all the kids there.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:28 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
That is horrible. What kind of lesson does that teach her daughter?
ITA with what the teacher did. It must have torn her heart out to watch another girl be so upset 
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:39 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Although I agree, children cannot and should not be sheltered from all of lifes dissapontments- IMO, the tender age of 6 is much too young to force a child to "suck it up and deal" ( for lack of a better phrase)...
A childs personality is being formed at this age and both the excluded child and the child who is doing the "excluding" are being put into very adult like situations that there will be plenty more of unfortunately along the way...I know that most schools send home the childrens addresses probably for this very reason, and if you HAVE to pick and choose which children are invited, a public forum like school id definately not the place for it....The biggest worry a child should have at that age is which Barbie or transformer to bring for Show and Tell...
Not to mention that the mother is IMO, as immature as they come from what I gatherered from that interview...
And bottom line is, school rules are school rules...
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:39 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by 5ofClubs
I actually don't agree with the school at all. What is the big deal? So each kid wasn't invited, that's life. Andrew doesn't like all the kids in his class and honestly, I probably would have had him do the same thing. I don't think it is rude.
It was during recess not in class. I think the schools policy is ridiculous.
Kids should be exposed to different situations and learn how to handle them. I feel like now we try and shield our kids from everything and they can't learn how to deal with disapointment etc. That is life.
It wouldn't upset you to hear your son crying over not being invited?
I know its life, and my kids understand they won't be invited to every party, but when a situation that will cause hurt feelings is AVOIDABLE, why would you still do it? In my daughter's classes there are friendship lists which contain addresses AND phone numbers. There is absolutely no reason to hand them out at school when there are other alternatives. .
I totally get not wanting to invite every child. We've excluded children from both of my daughter's parties. But I would never even think of sending them in to hand out their invitations, knowing we were selectively inviting.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:45 PM |
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shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
I am a teacher and I have done this. I politly told the monther that if all kids arent invited its not fair. I mean how would you feel if every student was invited except yours and they went home crying. I dont allow it!
ETA I will hand them out if its either all girls or all boys like a sleepover-thats my exception!
Message edited 5/27/2009 12:50:32 PM.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:48 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by greeneyes361708
Posted by 5ofClubs
I actually don't agree with the school at all. What is the big deal? So each kid wasn't invited, that's life. Andrew doesn't like all the kids in his class and honestly, I probably would have had him do the same thing. I don't think it is rude.
It was during recess not in class. I think the schools policy is ridiculous.
Kids should be exposed to different situations and learn how to handle them. I feel like now we try and shield our kids from everything and they can't learn how to deal with disapointment etc. That is life.
It wouldn't upset you to hear your son crying over not being invited?
I know its life, and my kids understand they won't be invited to every party, but when a situation that will cause hurt feelings is AVOIDABLE, why would you still do it? In my daughter's classes there are friendship lists which contain addresses AND phone numbers. There is absolutely no reason to hand them out at school when there are other alternatives. .
I totally get not wanting to invite every child. We've excluded children from both of my daughter's parties. But I would never even think of sending them in to hand out their invitations, knowing we were selectively inviting.
ITA!
And it would not only upset me if Johnny came home upset b/c he wasn't invited to a party, but it would equally upset me knowing that I caused another child to cry in school because they were left out...there are alternative ways of dealing with invites, the mother should know better but she was a real piece of work!
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:51 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
You know, I think the mother sounds like a total azz--hopefully her child will not grow up to be one too--there are too many in the world already! How can you call 6 year olds losers?
That said, unless the school made their policy crystal clear to parents previously, I am not so sure they are really at fault for giving out invitations at recess. As far as rejection goes, it is horrible, and no one wishes this on their kids, but it happens to all of us sooner or later. They do have to learn to deal with it. Word tends to get out about these parties anyway, and the children not invited would learn soon enough. I'm sure this happened to all of us as kids, but we got over it.
If this is the school's policy, the mother should have followed it if she was aware of it. They have a right to set policies, and I understand why they might want to avoid these situations.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:57 PM |
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Arodisi
"My 3 Sons!"
Member since 3/06 3515 total posts
Name:
KT
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
what bothers me about this is the lesson this mother is teaching her child. i'm not saying she has to invite all the kids to the party, but if she doesnt want to, then the invites shouldnt be handed out at school, in front of the other children.
its the whole "mean girls" principle and what's bothersome is that it is starting at 6 years old AND the mother is the one initiating it! its distugusting that she would call other 6 year olds "losers"!! so she is teaching her daughter that it is OK to call another child a loser?!?
i was a teacher too and i think i would have done the same thing in this situation...its just wrong to hurt a child's self-esteem at this point in their lives. you dont want all the kids, FINE, just dont flaunt the party in front of them!
ETA: i actually just realized that something similar happened to me when i was teaching. one mother wanted to give out thank yous to the children that attended her daughters party, but since the whole class wasnt invited, i asked to hold on to them and put them in the "take home" folders of the kids that were receiving them. this way it wasnt noticeable to the other students that they didnt get one!
Message edited 5/27/2009 1:01:33 PM.
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| Posted 5/27/09 12:58 PM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Our school is all kids, or same gender, if you are using the school as your means of distributing the invites. OK, you don't want to invite everyone for whatever reason. There's no need to ostracize those kids in front of their classmates. Recess is still school, on school grounds, sanctioned by the school, etc. School rules apply. That mom needs to learn that "you can't always get what you want"....
Very early in the school year, we got a list of all the classmate's names and phone numbers. It comes in handy for making playdates (which is obviously not the entire class, at least not at the same time!  ), rsvping, asking for other info, etc.
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| Posted 5/27/09 1:04 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by Diane
Posted by Mikismom
I agree with the school, the mother should have mailed them
I agree, or maybe give it to the teacher to hand out in the child's bookbags.
but that's not the teacher's responsibility. i cannot hand out any invitations and cannot be held responsible for making sure the parents get them.
my job is to teach. if i had to deal with all the personal home stuff in school, i would never be able to teach. it may not seem like a big deal to hand out invites, but add that to the other dozen memos that go home, and things i'm sending home, and it is a big deal.
if it's a non-school event, it shouldn't be in school unless all the kids are going to it.
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| Posted 5/27/09 1:14 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
why should the other children have to "deal with it" or "suck it up...its not lifes lesson. Yes we are not all invited to things but we also know not to walk into a room with our invites...well that is unless we are impolite.
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| Posted 5/27/09 1:35 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by greeneyes361708
Posted by 5ofClubs
I actually don't agree with the school at all. What is the big deal? So each kid wasn't invited, that's life. Andrew doesn't like all the kids in his class and honestly, I probably would have had him do the same thing. I don't think it is rude.
It was during recess not in class. I think the schools policy is ridiculous.
Kids should be exposed to different situations and learn how to handle them. I feel like now we try and shield our kids from everything and they can't learn how to deal with disapointment etc. That is life.
It wouldn't upset you to hear your son crying over not being invited?
I know its life, and my kids understand they won't be invited to every party, but when a situation that will cause hurt feelings is AVOIDABLE, why would you still do it? In my daughter's classes there are friendship lists which contain addresses AND phone numbers. There is absolutely no reason to hand them out at school when there are other alternatives. .
I totally get not wanting to invite every child. We've excluded children from both of my daughter's parties. But I would never even think of sending them in to hand out their invitations, knowing we were selectively inviting.
ITA!
And it would not only upset me if Johnny came home upset b/c he wasn't invited to a party, but it would equally upset me knowing that I caused another child to cry in school because they were left out...there are alternative ways of dealing with invites, the mother should know better but she was a real piece of work!
But don't you think your child might be upset ANYWAY to find out afterwards that there was a party and he was not invited? How would you spare him anyway? You can't tell people not to have parties because they are 6 and vulnerable. Yes, DS might not be invited and be upset yet I can't stop it. Whether it's because he did not get the invitation and saw others get one or because he would find out about it afterwards and would still be upset anyway.
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| Posted 5/27/09 2:23 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: A caller on the radio this am: Furious at teacher for taking away daughters bday invitations...thoughts??
I'm with the minority... I do think that mother needs to get over herself and I think she's teaching her daughter a horrible lesson with that whole 'popular' nonsense BUT I don't think it's fair that the parents are expected to invite the whole class.
What if the parent can't afford that? What if they can't get all of the addresses? I didn't know any of my friends addresses at that age!! So now the birthday child has to go without a party with their friends because their parents can't afford invite the whole class? THAT's truly not fair.
I always grew up where invitations were handed out in class and not everyone was invited... I may have been disappointed but I learned not to take it personally.
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| Posted 5/27/09 2:53 PM |
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