Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

Posted by ChrisDee

I am a WAHM(I am very lucky). Ok so here is my question? Am I the only one that is totally freaked out at the thought of totally being a SAHM because of the independence factor. By this I mean, I have such a huge need to know that if DH walked out tomorrow, financially I would be OK. I could do it and that feels great to me.
Here is the perfect senario, a friend of mine that was married for 10 years and had 2 kids, she had a great marriage. Or so she thought. about 2 years ago, she caught her DH cheating after finding some receipts for Hotel Rooms . He confesses to a 4 year affair with a women at work and walks out to be with this women. She gave up her career to be a SAHM as was completely dependent on him. He moved in with the women,, stopped paying the mortgage(huge beautiful home), she lost the house and moved into an apt. with her girls. She found an entry level job after being out of the workforce for many years. She is struggling BIGTIME.

This scares the life out of me. Do I think DH would EVER do this?, no. But either did she. I have learned to never say never. Is this a factor for anyone else?

Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

I work to make sure that my family is provided for and we can survive. I dont worry about DH leaving. Theres always the scary possibility of something bad happening to either of us and thats the main reason we are set up with all kinds of insurance, pensions, and 401ks up the wazoo. But no, its not of fear of mine that he would ever leave us.

Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

Posted by katiebug

Posted by CathyB

Posted by Diana1215

Is it something I worry about? Not really. Has it ever crossed my mind? Sure!

If god forbid it did happen, I would go back to work. Chances are, any money that I made if I was working now would be basically gone anyway (towards bills, I would shop more, we would vacation more) so it's not like I would have a fund saved up all for myself.

It's not a reason for me to work, instead of being a SAHM though.

I don't like to play the "What if" game really. There are too many scary scenarios out there, and I would end up never leaving my house if I did.

ITA.

Plus I know that even if things got that bad between DH & I, he would NEVER abandon his children, be that financially or emotionally. I would have to go back to work but I wouldn't be able to (nor have the desire to) work the hours I used to work anyway if I was a single mom, so I'd have needed to make a career change regardless.

Same for me on both posts.

Besides, I control all our finances, and DH can't remember the passwords to our accounts. I would be fine if I ever caught him cheating.

Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

I'm not foolish enough to claim that DH would "never" leave me, like anyone else the possibility is always there, and I'm taking a risk by being a SAHM.

But I could never imagine missing out on everything I've experienced the past 4 years, simply because I wanted to hedge against the risk of divorce.

If I were to shield myself from risks like that, I would have missed out on more than just being home with my kids. I probably wouldn't have had kids at all, because with every pregnancy and every baby comes the possibility of tragedy. I wouldn't have gotten married in the first place since my DH could leave me or die. I'd rather take all these risks, they have been well worth it to me.

Re: A different SAHM vs. WAHM/Working Mom???

yup

I dont think its bad to think of it, or scary or somehow belittling my husband either.

Life is unpredictable.

My grandparents divorced in the 70's every single uncle and cousin has been married and divorced at LEAST once.

There are only three exceptions (and in a hispanic family thats a very small number) myself, one uncle and a cousin. Both my cousin and I got married late.

I like having my freedom. My own sense of security. I wouldn't turn away my hubby's money if he could pay off all my bills and let me stay home. However, Id still work and I'd always have a nest egg (if that happened).

You just never know. If you never have to use the nest egg or if you never do have to be worried about him leaving or even if you never had to work but you did anyway, what harm is that? You have more to provide for your family in the long run. You can't lose by working. I know its hard on me to work and miss out on AJ but I am the bread winner. I'm proud of what I can do for her by working. If I could stay home (millions of dollars sitting around) I would only while she was home but I'd keep her in daycare, send her to school and probably still work part time or at least do charity work.

After all aren't we trying to lead by example and prepare for the unexpected?

what if he doesn't cheat, what if he passes away , what if he's seriously injuried or I am? These all run through my head and I'm very grateful to be working.