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Chatham-Chick
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by Chatham-Chick
I understand why the woman called the cops. How did she know how long the child had been sitting there? Nor did she know how long the child was going to continue to sit there. So I don't blame her for that.
It's the laws that disappoint me: the judgement by both the officer and the judge who handed down her sentence. It would be a different story if the woman had come out with a grocery cart of groceries or like other recent headlines, spent time in a tanning salon.
I see your point.
Believe me, my DH always asks me why I run all my children in with me to drop the kids off school when I don't even have to walk 100' to the school entrance. I'm not worried about something happening to them in the vehicle because honestly, I think they're safer in there than having them cross the parking lot when vehicles are backing in and out and parents aren't paying attention because they're in a rush....its the fact that I'm afraid someone will call the cops on me. 
Message edited 7/2/2014 1:35:24 PM.
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Posted 7/2/14 1:34 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Tulips915
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Katareen
Posted by MichLiz213
My parenting style is also different from hers. If my 4-year-old demanded to come to the store and then decided he didn't want to go in, his choices would be he goes in and gets headphones, or we turn around, go home and no headphones.
This is exactly true. Why are these parents letting their toddlers/preschoolers call the shots? And then wonder why these kids are growing up so entitled and spoiled?
Sorry but I'm the Mom and what I say goes. If I say we're going in the store, we're going in the store. And if you act up, you don't get the headphones. End of story.
ITA!!! 
You are the parent, you say what goes.
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| Posted 7/2/14 1:37 PM |
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Katareen
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Katherine
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Posted by Loveme
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In regards to leaving a kid in the car to run in a store, no, I would never do it. What if someone hijacks your car? What if another car loses control and comes crashing into yours? Too many what ifs.
What if someone if someone loses control while you're walking through a parking lot? Or while you're walking on a sidewalk? The world is full of "what ifs". (And your child is probably safer in a vehicle strapped in a car seat in situations just mentioned.) "What if my child drowns?" hasn't stopped parents from putting in pools.
As parents, its our job to do risk assessment with every situation.
Yes, but this errand she went on was completely unnecessary. She was getting headphones, not running into the pharmacy to pick up medicine for her ill child.
I can see if the risk was worth the potential "what if", but God forbid something happened in the car, I'd assume she'd feel pretty horrible for leaving him in the car alone to pick up something so trivial.
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| Posted 7/2/14 1:40 PM |
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Chatham-Chick
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Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Katareen
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Posted by Loveme
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In regards to leaving a kid in the car to run in a store, no, I would never do it. What if someone hijacks your car? What if another car loses control and comes crashing into yours? Too many what ifs.
What if someone if someone loses control while you're walking through a parking lot? Or while you're walking on a sidewalk? The world is full of "what ifs". (And your child is probably safer in a vehicle strapped in a car seat in situations just mentioned.) "What if my child drowns?" hasn't stopped parents from putting in pools.
As parents, its our job to do risk assessment with every situation.
Yes, but this errand she went on was completely unnecessary. She was getting headphones, not running into the pharmacy to pick up medicine for her ill child.
I can see if the risk was worth the potential "what if", but God forbid something happened in the car, I'd assume she'd feel pretty horrible for leaving him in the car alone to pick up something so trivial.
While I don't think I would leave my child in a vehicle to run into a store for headphones, when is it ok to leave you child in the vehicle knowing a "what if" could happen at any time?
If you're parked out in front of the dry cleaners and you have 5 kids, do you bring them all in with you to pick up or drop off clothing when there's "a chance" something could happen to your kids while waiting in the vehicle?
What are the exceptions? Or are there none?
Message edited 7/2/2014 1:56:51 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/14 1:54 PM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
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MB
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Stories like this concern me, will someone read this and think that they shouldnt get involved if they see a kid in the car because they don't want to cause trouble?
I mean in this case, yes, her child was safe but a passerby would have no idea that was the case- the kid could have been left accidently- I'd rather everyone err on the side of caution and call the police.
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| Posted 7/2/14 2:22 PM |
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seaside
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Pray4Baby2010
Stories like this concern me, will someone read this and think that they shouldnt get involved if they see a kid in the car because they don't want to cause trouble?
I mean in this case, yes, her child was safe but a passerby would have no idea that was the case- the kid could have been left accidently- I'd rather everyone err on the side of caution and call the police.
See--you're right. Good people should always get involved. People like the author will get passive aggressive and defensive, but that's on them. She wants to play the slippery slope game now because she can't deal with the shame and just show remorse without angrily rationalizing.
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| Posted 7/2/14 4:17 PM |
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NervousNell
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
That's the thing. You chose to leave your child in the car, you run a risk. Whether that risk be another car crashing into it, someone kidnapping your child, someone stealing your car with the child in it, or someone calling the cops and you getting arrested.
You chose to take a risk, you have to be ready to deal with the consequences.
Seems this woman was not.
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| Posted 7/2/14 4:25 PM |
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MC09
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Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
So, was the stranger/bystander wrong for calling the cops when they saw a kid left alone in the car? A lot of people seem to be saying they should've minded their own business. But, when other recent events were discussed (because there seem to be too many stories daily lately of kids/pets being left in cars) people said "why didn't a stranger get involved and call the cops?". Are strangers never supposed to intervene? Should they intervene only in some cases and which ones? How would the stranger know how long the child was in the car before they happened to see them, and know how long the parent left them? Should people just mind their own business and move along? Where do you draw the line?
In regards to leaving your kid, when is it ok to step away and leave your kid in the car? What if you thought you were only going to be a minute, but it ended up taking longer than you expected..
Where's the line drawn in both cases? I'm sincerely asking, no snark intended. Just curious because it seems so conflicting.
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| Posted 7/2/14 4:33 PM |
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seaside
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
My view is that if it involves a child, and children have no real resources or agency like adults do, you always call for help when something doesn't seem right.
Even if you're wrong, it's investigated. Better safe than sorry. A child can't reach out and say "I'm being neglected. I'm being endangered."
I have never seen this, but if I saw a small child alone in a car, I'd err on the side of assuming he'd been left there for a while and let the authorities sort it out. JMO.
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| Posted 7/2/14 4:50 PM |
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MrsT809
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by seaside
My view is that if it involves a child, and children have no real resources or agency like adults do, you always call for help when something doesn't seem right.
Even if you're wrong, it's investigated. Better safe than sorry. A child can't reach out and say "I'm being neglected. I'm being endangered."
I have never seen this, but if I saw a small child alone in a car, I'd err on the side of assuming he'd been left there for a while and let the authorities sort it out. JMO.
So if you saw a young child in an unattended car at a gas pump would you really call the police? Sincerely asking. I would probably watch and not pull out until I saw the parent return just to be safe. The problem is there's no clear line. If I saw a child in a car alone at a mall, I'd call. Parked at the curb at a strip mall, I honestly don't know. We all agree that if a child is in danger we'd step in (I think). When do you give the benefit of the doubt, when do you wait it out and how long, how old is okay or not okay to be alone, what temperature is okay or not?? There are tons of variables. It would be nice if we could just assume everyone out there is coming from a genuine place and has decent common sense but that's not the case and maybe a big part of the problem.
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| Posted 7/2/14 4:59 PM |
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Lisa982006
Mommy of 2! Ty God
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Lisa
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by RocPin
Posted by MarisaK
Honestly? THIS is exactly the reaon I do and do not do alot of things - because nosey people w/ nothing better to do don't know how to mind their own damn business.
I once left my boys in the car (both sleeping in their carseats) AND my Yorkie.
I cracked the windows, turned off the ignition, took the keys and locked the car -
The car was parked in front of the drycleaners - Like on the curb, not in the parking lot - I stood at the open door 4 feet from my car and dealt w/ the guy re: my drycleaning ...........some moron had the audacity to get in my face because I "left my kids and the dog in the car" .........
In Toys R Us my son was throwing a fit. Out of control. I took the toy I promised to buy for him, put it back on the shelf and spanked him - right there, in front of whomever wanted to watch - I did not BEAT him, I spanked him - YOU KNOW there was that jackass woman who told me I shouldn't hit my child blah blah blah ..........I told her I was raising a man, not a self important entitled loser and she'd thank me in 20 years when he held the door for her and gave up his seat on the train and knew how to behave appopriately, and to mind her own business.
SOME people are well intentioned, but I find that with most that stick their nose where it's not needed, they are simply conforntational - or looking to post their story on freakin' Facebook like "Oh LOOK what I did today - I'm SUCH a GOOD PERSON .........I just COULDN'T LIVE w/ myself if something bad happened .........." cue their 452 friends commenting on how WONDERFUL they are and how LUCKY that child was that they were there to save them from their certain death .........
No one ever thinks about how their nosing around and calling the cops or CPS can affect a family - an INNOCENT family .........
P.S. I love what you said to that lady in the toy store. Bravo!
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| Posted 7/2/14 5:28 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
It would be intersting to hear the POV of the person who called the police. The author makes it sound like this person was secretly recording, just to get her in trouble, but I'm sure he/she didn't see it that way.
About couple of moths ago I was in Duane Reade & there was a little boy in a stroller in the makeup aisle. I thought his mom/grandma/babysitter had walked around the corner to the end of the next aisle, but that was an unrelated passerby. I stayed in the aisle for a few minutes & looked around to see if there was anyone nearby ( I wasn't going to leave the kid there) and then the kid who didn't speak English well started yelling to me for attention.
When I looked for the mom, an employee saw me & went to get the manager after I explained. A crowd started to gather ( no one got involved before b/c they thought he was my kid) and one lady started yelling to call the cops. At that point we moved closer to the front of the store & I guess his dad saw the commotion & came in & claimed his son.
A younger woman (dad's GF, maybe? Kid didn't react to her the way he did to dad) came out from the other side of the store with a shopping cart & didn't seem to understand the problem. 
It did make me wonder about calling the police. It was "easier", that we were just able to find the dad, but was it right?
Should the police have been called anyway?
I felt that it was my responsibility to make sure nothing happened to the kid, but I felt like calling the police had to be the managers call. It really upset me for a while.
Message edited 7/2/2014 5:31:19 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/14 5:29 PM |
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Chatham-Chick
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Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
How do you guys feel about the punishment for the "crime"?
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| Posted 7/2/14 5:46 PM |
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Eireann
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Chatham-Chick
How do you guys feel about the punishment for the "crime"?
Out of control.
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| Posted 7/2/14 5:48 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by seaside
My view is that if it involves a child, and children have no real resources or agency like adults do, you always call for help when something doesn't seem right.
Even if you're wrong, it's investigated. Better safe than sorry. A child can't reach out and say "I'm being neglected. I'm being endangered."
I have never seen this, but if I saw a small child alone in a car, I'd err on the side of assuming he'd been left there for a while and let the authorities sort it out. JMO.
So if you saw a young child in an unattended car at a gas pump would you really call the police? Sincerely asking. I would probably watch and not pull out until I saw the parent return just to be safe. The problem is there's no clear line. If I saw a child in a car alone at a mall, I'd call. Parked at the curb at a strip mall, I honestly don't know. We all agree that if a child is in danger we'd step in (I think). When do you give the benefit of the doubt, when do you wait it out and how long, how old is okay or not okay to be alone, what temperature is okay or not?? There are tons of variables. It would be nice if we could just assume everyone out there is coming from a genuine place and has decent common sense but that's not the case and maybe a big part of the problem.
It's hard. No one wants to make trouble over nothing...but think about it. They tell us not to leave our purses unattended in the passenger seat while we pump to avoid an easy purse-grab. Honestly, if you abide by that because you don't trust the guy next to you, how can you trust a baby in an unattended car? So would I call the police? I wouldn't want to. I'd watch...maybe ask the attendant about the baby loudly to raise awareness.
I'd never confront anyone--who needs crazy unleashed on me--but I'd involve authorities sooner than later when it involves a kid--especially a baby.
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| Posted 7/2/14 6:03 PM |
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LotsaLuv
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A different take on leaving a child in the car
When I was a kid I was left in the car all the time. I was taking the public bus home from school by myself at 10, never wore a seatbelt, roamed the neighborhood with my friends and no adults at 7 & 8 years old, played with fake guns, had gum & candy cigarettes, BUT I FEARED MY MOTHER. MY MOTHER WOULD TELL ME, WAIT TILL WE GET HOME. Did I get beat? No. But I did get a smack and I did get yelled out. My mom was a great mom, she was my mom, my friend, and I had that little bit of fear in me that kept me in line. Kids today do not have that, they do whatever the hell they want, and it's because MOST parents today are afraid of someone intervening in their parenting and them getting in trouble. You can't discipline your kid anymore.
My mom made sure when she left me in the car I didn't touch a single thing in that car. And I had enough fear of the "wait till we get hme" that I didn't. What happens when you go home now? You go in time out? I have never had a time out in my life. i was rarely punished. I was yelled at and smacked, and I deserved all of it, and I turned out pretty fing normal.
What happened to mind your own business.
Message edited 7/2/2014 6:35:15 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/14 6:25 PM |
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DiamondGirl
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by LotsaLuv
When I was a kid I was left in the car all the time. I was taking the public bus home from school by myself at 10, never wore a seatbelt, roamed the neighborhood with my friends and no adults at 7 & 8 years old, played with fake guns, had gum & candy cigarettes, BUT I FEARED MY MOTHER. MY MOTHER WOULD TELL ME, WAIT TILL WE GET HOME. Did I get beat? No. But I did get a smack and I did get yelled out. My mom was a great mom, she was my mom, my friend, and I had that little bit of fear in me that kept me in line. Kids today do not have that, they do whatever the hell they want, and it's because MOST parents today are afraid of someone intervening in their parenting and them getting in trouble. You can't discipline your kid anymore.
My mom made sure when she left me in the car I didn't touch a single thing in that car. And I had enough fear of the "wait till we get hme" that I didn't. What happens when you go home now? You go in time out? I have never had a time out in my life. i was rarely punished. I was yelled at and smacked, and I deserved all of it, and I turned out pretty fing normal.
What happened to mind your own business.
I GET what you are saying, but what happened to it is that we live in a world where fathers research how to kill their kid by leaving them in a car in the heat. We probably always did live in that kind of world.
And good for you that you made it out alive, I did too  but I wouldn't want my kid not wearing a seatbelt...for the same reason I don't smoke while pregnant, yeah my mom did it but it probably isn't the best idea and isn't in my kids best interest.
Yes there is a middle ground but we should be looking out for predators looking to fry babies in cars, sad but true.
Message edited 7/2/2014 6:56:59 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/14 6:56 PM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
Posted by Eireann
Posted by Chatham-Chick
How do you guys feel about the punishment for the "crime"?
Out of control.
Wait, she didnt get jail time? She had community service hours? unless I misread.
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| Posted 7/3/14 11:01 AM |
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Re: A different take on leaving a child in the car
I would like to start this by saying I'm the biggest worry wart and don't let my kids out of my sight, and my 3 year old is currently attached to me at the hip since her brother was born, so I couldn't even leave her if I wanted to.
But I always think of the trauma to the child if they get removed from the home for something like this mom is guilty of. Because isn't that always an option when you call the police.
Yeah, people shouldn't leave their child unattended in the store (it's a definite lapse in judgement), but if you call the police, and then the child has to spend a night in Foster Care while they investigate, IMO, that's worse for the child then being alone for 5 minutes in the store. Plus now you're overwhelming the already overwhelmed system that needs to be helping kids in really life threatening abuse situations, and not kids who's parents left them alone for 2 minutes to pay for gas. I would never ever leave my kids, but my parenting style is different from everyone else's. As long as the child isn't in life threatening danger (like its 80 degrees out and the windows are closed and the parents have been gone for 20 minutes), then I wouldn't get involved.
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| Posted 7/3/14 2:50 PM |
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