a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Obviously I am posting under a fake name once again , I just don't want to deal with certain family members who are lurking .

So we got together for a family Christmas dinner today, my 2 BILs were there with there wives and my SIL with her DH.
At some point I hear one of my SIL yelling at my DC "**** stop doing that! Don't do that!" it wasn't just oh the kid did something wrong and she raised her voice at her, no it was yelling with a lot of anger. I asked what happened she said **** threw a wrapping paper at them and again she said this to me still very angrily, her face was all red and looked like she wanted to kill my child (not exaggerating I swear)
I got very annoyed and wanted to say something, but decided to a. be a better person, b. to not make it a big deal in front of everyone and c. not ruin the Xmas GTG.
But I keep thinking I should have said something in a nice way. This is not the first time she has done this, I heard her yell at my DC once before (but she apologized to my DC a sec later, not this time)-I have also noticed how she talks to my DC sometimes using a very annoyed/angry tone of voice -but again I didn't say anything.
I would never talk/yell at her DCs the way she has yelled /talked to my DC , I love her DC and treat him/her as if they are my own.
I have been so upset all night, it really ruined the night for me. I get angry at myself for not saying something and then I get angry for letting it get to me like this.
I told DH if it happens again I will email her or tell her to please not yell at my DC and if DC needs to be disciplined to let us know and we will do whatever needs to be done.
WWYD in a situation like this? What would you have done? and Also how do you feel other family members reprimanding/yelling/talking angrily at your DC ?
To me there is trying to explain that a child shouldn't do this or that and telling them it's wrong and why it's wrong and then there is being angry and talking to them in an angry voice or yelling at them, I feel like that's wrong.

Message edited 12/25/2011 8:43:00 PM.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I wouldn't email. I would just in person say "I get that in the moment you may feel the need to correct behavior...but he's MY child and I would prefer to be the one that does the disciplining. I don't YELL in anger, I find that it doesn't work for my DC...but if there is ever a problem with his behavior, please let me know and I'll be happy to address it"

you don't HAVE to add the yell in anger part...but if you're looking to just give a hint that u weren't happy about her yelling at DC thats probably how I would do it.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I have been dealing with this for a few weeks REALLY bad now. My borther is a great Uncle to my kids, but my 2year old is a handful at times and a typical 2yr old. SHe runs, gets excited, plays and is learning to throw We have boundries, but we are not to strict with her. Unless she is hurting herself, or somebody else we let her be a kid. He also have a nb as well. Anyway my borther can not habdle a 2yr old and is ALWAYS saying no don't, or stop, or come here. She is so confused because he is correcting her on things we let her do. We also let her curl up next to us with our nb and touch him. I don't want an backlash with her not being involved. Today it was REALLY bad and I pulled him aside and said Look I get you don't have a 2yr old and you're trying to help, but stop.She is going to start to thing Uncle Matt only says no and is mean, and I don't wanty that. Try to relax and unless she is hurting herself, you, somebody else, or destrying something we can't replace she is ok. He started getting defensive and said that he can't handle her being wild. I said I can't handle him always saying no and being rude and mean to her and us as her parents. He got pisssy again and I firmly said if he can't control his no's and loud voice he can leave. She is our child and that's that. He finally got it, but it took being firm and not backing down. YOU are YOUR childs advocate. Stand up to SIL!

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

The first thing that comes to mind is...I shouid know what my kids are doing so I can discipline my child without someone else doing it. Second thing is that my kids need to get used to being disciplined by others (since they will be at school) and its no big deal if its family. If I am at someone elses house, my kids follow their rules and I make sure of it.

JMHO

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

See, I go the other route of "Don't yell at my child....I discipline him/her....because the next time you do it, I am going to knock your teeth out" That usually stiops anything from moving forward because the person is stunned and understands that you are serious. I cannot stand this will nillyness when it comes to people's children.

I think when it comes to your own children, you have to draw the line....even with family members. My mother is so good at this, she will say "This is my suggestion, but it is your family, your house, etc...."

A woman the other day was annoyed that the twins were signing while waiting for the elevator (not loudly) When she screamed at them to stop, I politily said "Please do not yell at my children, I am sure you wouldn't want anyone yelling at your grandchildren" She then replied by calling all of us a "Buch of idiots" Which at that point the conversation just went to hell!

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

If it was me i'd have DH handle it since it's his family. I don't think id wait for it to happen again since it's bothering you so much. It just sounds like she (your SIL) was totally out of line. Its one thing to correct your LO but to yell at her because of wrapping paper, thats nuts! Id just make sure you can handle any criticism that may come your way. She may feel that you guys don't watch your kids at all. Gl!

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I allow my family and my in-laws to "discipline" our DS... they know the routine: remove from the situation, time out, and then an "explanation". They have yelled at DS ONCE and I immediately put them in their place.

They have not yelled at him since. They do what we ask and understand why.

If your SIL was that angry with a child, I would be hesitant to leave my child with her... I wouldn't leave it to your DH alone... it may be his family, but the child is your AND his. I am not one to leave it DH to handle bc IMO it looks like I'm not capable of handling things on my own.

I also wouldn't leave this for the next time... it's bothering you now. Explain why you didn't mention anything at the moment.

OBV this all just my opinion...

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

My brother kicked my dog and I addressed it right there and then.

Yes, not a child, but a similar situation.

My opinion is next time it happens address it, nicely, at the moment.

Do NOT write am email

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

It depends on your family dynamic. I have no problem if my kids are doing something wrong and one of my family members steps in because I'm not around to see it. There have been plenty of times I've had to tell my nieces/nephews to stop doing something they weren't supposed to.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

In MY family, there is no you cant yell at my kid stuff. If someones child is not behaving, throwing stuff, not listening, who ever is there has right to yell, correct, them.

I would be more annoyed no one corrected him, if it was my son. But thats how my family is, no one gets insulted, or put off by it.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I don't mind if family members discipline my child. If my children are doing something they aren't suppose to be doing and they catch let them tell them no.
I don't want my kids to think that just because I am not there they can get away with stuff.
I have told my SIL's that they more than welcome to correct any behavior they see my children that wouldn't be acceptable to them or me.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I will say, When somebody's child is HITTING me, my DH or DS...and the parent isn't around or isn't correcting it...then yes. I would say something. But I don't yell... I do firmly say "NO, we don't do that...you DO NOT HIT!" not angrily...just firmly. And if the parent is there I'll wait for them to address it...but if they don't address it there is no way I'm gonna sit there and allow myself or my family to continue to be hit or disrespected but if it's not something that is directed at me or going to result in the child seriously hurting themselves...then it doesn't concern me. If anything, maybe I would joke and be like "ut oh!! mommy's coming...don't let her see you doing that!" but even thats rare from me.

IMO an email is just too passive. Plus internet just leaves too many opportunities for things to be misconstrued, misunderstood.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I cringed reading this! I would hate that..being that it has already been said and done, I think you should just let this time slide but if she ever does it again, definitely address her right away and let her know that that's not going to fly with you!! Dont' be afraid to speak up when it concerns your child and makes you feel uncomfortable!!

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

NOBODY yells at my kid and I do mean NOBODY! It's one thing if someone sees her doing something where she will get hurt, I have no problem if they say something but NOT in an angry, nasty tone though. It's okay to redirect her too if she isn't following the rules however, actually yelling at my child is a sure fire way to make me flip my $hit. I would be so pi$$ed!! I think she was totally out of line IMO.

Re: a family member yelling at your child-how do you feel about it, wwyd?

I don't mind if someone tells my kids not to do something. I think what would annoy me the most, is that she is screaming at DC. I can see screaming if DC is doing something horrible, like doing bodily harm to another child, or doing something that could really hurt themselves. But throwing a piece of wrapping paper? At most, the appropriate thing to do is to tell them in a calm voice not to do that. No yelling necessary.

I would talk to her about it. Just tell her that you don't want her screaming at your child, unless it's a life or death situation. If your DC is really THAT bad, you will handle it.