A little annoyed with DH

So earlier I complained that DH went back to work today. Well, DD and I survived the day (with a little visit from Grandma who had to get her baby fix ) Unfortunately when DH got home he was exhausted from being back at work and even though he complained that he missed us, he didn't want to give DD her bottle (that I worked so hard to pump) or hold her. We ate dinner and DH has been asleep since 9:15. I fed DD again, tossed in a load of laundry and have been listening to him snore since then.

I know he is tired from his first day back, but I didn't lounge around all day. I took care of the baby and the house.

His lazy butt better be getting up for the next feeding. The work he did at the office wasn't any harder than what I did today

Message edited 2/24/2007 12:10:10 AM.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

this is what I am really surprised about. I always thought, oh SAHM, does all, DH's life will be a dream, go to work..I will take care of baby, have house clean, meals cooked, and baby is there for your fun and enjoyment!

well

that all went out the window the day my mother flew home and it was me, DH, and baby. It is a loooooonnnnnnggg day. give me a chance to miss the baby.

DH and I are still in a struggle. Things are better, but still not right. He loves the baby, but can't handle the fact that the baby is #1 right now..all baby's needs come first.

DH will come home from work, baby will be asleep, house is a mess, and I will be, well..doing what I am doing right now..nothing. He's fine, never complains of the house's state..

DH tries with the baby too, but a lot of the time, he just doesn't do things right. I bit my tongue all the time, pick my battles..DH doesn't realize if baby is whining its for a reason. He's tired, he wants a change in position, he needs to burp..

well, so much for me sending you support, guess I had to vent

Re: A little annoyed with DH

No worries, Janice. I guess it is good to know I am not alone.

I just can't believe he has been asleep so long. The weekend is here and he doesn't have to work. He needs to step up.

Overall, he needs to step up and stop complaining of how tired he is. MY body went through labor yet HE was fast asleep in the chaise lounge in the hospital room while I was wide awake and had to get benadryl to fall asleep. I came home and got right back to cleaning and laundry.

I know he loves DD and for two weeks he tried really hard to share caregiving with me but I feel like he went back to work and thinks that his 9-5 job is his only one.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

DH comes home at 2 or 3 ish every night. One night, he comes home and goes right to bed. Baby was still waking every 2 hours. I was exhasted.

At 2 PM! the following day, DH awakes, I pass baby on so I can shower, and DH tells me how exhasted he is. WHAT! its 2 PM! and you say these words to me outloud!

he is getting better. He hates the words..there is a bottle ready for him in the fridge! that classic line. I only wish I could video tape the look on his face when I say that.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

I am jumping in here too!

My dh doesnt come home until 2 in the morning as well. He comes home, showers and is off to bed..baby has obviously been sleeping for hours already. I have her on a schedule that coincides with this work schedule..which means, she sleeps in..he doesnt know how lucky he has it that I put her on this schedule..ALL MY BY MYSELF! He sleeps the morning away. I have literally TRAINED him that the morning bottle..when she wakes up, is his feeding. Its not THAT early that he should be complaining but yet, he does. And even when the words arent spoken, I know he doesnt really want to do it. He then gets dressed, has breakfast and is out the door again for another 14 hours. Its ALL ME!

The other day he had the b a l l s to ask me when the last time I mopped the floor was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG..I almost divorced his butt right then and there. They just do not get it! I understand he works hard and i understand its hard on him being the sole bread winner right now..but this is OUR child...at this point, I feel like a single mom. I give him as many breaks as I can..but where is mine??? He thinks because I am home all day I dont deserve any time away from the baby, which in essence i dont even want..but come on..a shower would be nice! OK...I needed to vent too I guess! Sorry! LOL

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Exactly Janice! I dont know what I want anymore either.

I am not asking for the world. I am basically asking for him to act like hes a responsible father not only when it comes to supporting Megan but when it comes to parenting her as well. Realize that although I was cut from here to there to have her, and still suffer with pain from it, that I am still Noreen..not just Megans mom or Anthonys wife. Drives me insane!!!!!!!!! Dont get me wrong, I know he is working his butt off so I can be home with her, which was always very important to me, but factor me into your life somehow. I had a meltdown the other day because we went to walgreens (my big day out) and when I turned the station on the radio, he told me to go back to the other station. I went off on him..ummmm hello??? You are in the car every day all alone listening to whatever you want to hear while my life is a baby einstein video now...which in the grand scheme of things actually doesnt bother me because I love to watch Megan enjoy it, but why cant he realize I need ten minutes to be an adult?????????????????????????? UGH!!!

Re: A little annoyed with DH

I can't believe you said that about the radio! I tell DH all the time how jealous i am of his commute to work. nothing to do or think about other then driving.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

We sooooooooo have to chat more often Janice...

Oh thats right, I forgot! We are ONLY mommies now! No time for any life for us! HAHA

Sad thing is, I LOVEEEEEEEEE being Megans mommy first and foremost. Its the most important role I have ever played in my entire life. So..its a weird feeling!

Re: A little annoyed with DH

I am not sticking up for the men, they do stink in general. But I feel that I should say we need to recognize how hard it is for the men. They don't have the instant emotional bond with babies that women do! They have no idea what to do with them, and for men, the first six months are BRUTAL!!! I b*itched and moaned at my husband for the first six months, told my friends he was a terrible father etc...but once the baby responded, it was easier for him to see what to do, how to handle things.

And I did feel that going out to work was a day in the park for him...I really did, but I think coming home to a screaming baby is really hard for them. They just do not know how to help, what to do etc...and they don't think like women do. Honestly. They don't think to say to us...Honey are you tired, go lie down! Go have a glass of champagne! I felt very alone for the first six months! But once Daddy and Baby got it together...it all fell into place.

Keep your pecker up! It will all get better. The early days are AWFUL!!!

Re: A little annoyed with DH

i have to agree with Racheeee..men are generally useless until the kids are older...and then they are GREAT!!! for me it's like they take over, play games and sports and watch thier silly shows with them..all the stuff i find hard to do myself..enjoy every minute of the baby stage even though it is hard...you will melt when they run to you everytime they are upset (instead of daddy). it gets easier!!

Re: A little annoyed with DH

DH and I fight about this daily I keep reminding him that I dont sit around all day painting my nails and I also told him that what I do during the day is a million times harder than what he does. I didnt mean to be obnoxious but I basically told him that this what it is to have a baby and he better figure it out because I cant do everything. DH is getting better but he still complains how exhausted he is and I want to just punch him I told him never to say that around since for the past 3 months I have been up at night and during the day taking care of DS. Men are useless

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Dh was and srill is the same way. it always says he will gladly change jobs with me. He thinks being home is relaxing and watching TV all day. It drives me NUTS. he has been slow at work so he has been home the last few weeks and I think he is starting to see how hard I really do work all day...although he still makes a mess and does not help out alot. I just hate that he thinks I have it easy. It is the hardest job I ever had, but totally rewarding.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

We went through this too and with communication and compromise we were able to come to an agreement and create a schedule that would work for both of us. Give it some time, it will work out.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

I definitely hear what your saying girls. I think DH made a real change in behavior when I left him alone with baby for 4 hrs on a Sat night and went to a book club. When I got home that night, he just looked at me in amazement and said "How do you do this all day?"

I think he truly realized how hard it is for me and has definitely done little things to help out. He's not perfect and I hate that I have to ask him for a break....but at least I get little ones when I do. 's to you all!!!

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Juliet you are not alone. I think it takes the men longer to adjust than us or whoever is the sole caregiver at home with the baby. you have no choice, where they 'think' they do.... It took us over a year to find a groove that worked for us, sometimes we still hit a patch, but it's 1000x better than the beginning. Everything is new to all of us some take longer to adjust and get with it. He'll get there, stay as patient as you can

ets: I have to echo leaving him alone with her more. Once I 'forced' this on DH things certainly changed!

Message edited 2/24/2007 9:36:22 AM.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

I felt like you did too for a while, I talked to dh about it and didn't get too far...but like everyone else said, I left him alone for two hrs with her and he's a new man since!!!

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Like the other posters said few DH's really get it and its extremely frustrating for us moms especially in the beginning.

I know its hard now but it will get better. As soon as they start reacting and are more fun your DH will become more involved. Men need feedback unlike women. We love unconditionallly. We dont need to have the baby cooing and smiling at us to get up in the middle of the night to change their poopy diapers. Men do.

I swear as soon as my DD started saying Da Da things changed...now she cries when he leaves and he loves it. He rushes home to see her. In the beginning when she was just lying there...he wasnt so interested. Hang it there, I PROMISE it will get better

Re: A little annoyed with DH

I think every woman faces this problem right after giving birth. Unfortunately, men can be clueless, and I think oftentimes they get lost and confused with the role changes.

I remember one day, after being up with Alex ALLL night, DH came into the room and told me I wasn't contributing enough to the household chores. I WENT OFF on him. He left for work, and came back in 10 minutes. I thought he had a change of heart and was coming back to give me a break, but NO, he said, I'm staying here all day with you to see if it's really as bad as you say it is

So, fine, I left him with Alex and went downstairs to clean up the kitchen and do some laundry. No joke, 3 hours later, he came over to me, put her in my arms, and said, you're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry

HE NEVER said another word about it PERIOD. ANd in fact, that weekend, I fell asleep watching TV in the basement at around 8pm, and woke up at 6am totally confused and delirious because it was my first night of sleep. DH had turned off the lights, crept upstairs and took care of Alex through the night.

So, I suggest for every woman struggling with this issue... as hard as it is, leave baby with DH for at least 5 hours during the day, and if possible, stay with your parents or a friend through the night, just once. He will be a changed man, I promise

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Wow! and here I thought maybe it was just me.
I admit, I was so excited to go on maternity, get to stay home and not work. Holy Cow, Im exhausted!! Thankfully, today is DHs last Sat. working and he will be home on the weekends. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home, but it is exhausting.
I even packed up DS yesterday and drove to my parents just to get out of the house. I had a c section and my 6 weeks is up on Tues, so, I basically said s c r e w it.Im going..
Anyway, Dh will come home from work, we eat dinner, and its DHs time for DS. He has him for all of, maybe 2 hours.
Last night, he brings him up, puts him in the bassinett, wide awake..I had some words for Dh..I was upset. I got DS to sleep in 10 mins. Dh just "gave up"! I go through this "Gee, I hope he cares for him" feelings,, then, when they are together, I see DH is in love with DS but I wish he had a little more time and patience.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

oh boy! Welcome to motherhood!!!

Seriously this is probably one of the biggest complaints of moms worldwide-and for a lot of couples could cause a major strain on a (before baby) great marriage!

I'm not sure what your agreement is w/your husband when it comes to your roles, or if you've had that discussion yet, but for me (even tho its tough) I do everything baby+house, and my DH works and make the $$$.
(that means be up w/baby in the early am-sometimes after being up all night!!!

He does help sometimes w/out me asking, but I consider that a plus-and not to be expected.

you should really get this straightened out betw the both of you w/what your both comfortable with, before it turns into an issue!
This is a big adjustment for you guys, the work you have to do & the exaustion that comes from bringing home a newborn is something that new parents usually dont expect to be so hard!
good luck & congrats!!

edited to say: about the "not to be expected" part that I wrote above-believe me-it took a loooong time for me to say that!
It took a lot of me blowing up on my DH episodes, arguments & tough times for me to get to where I am-
Ive finally just accepted the fact that men couldn't ever handle what we can-that's why God made US the moms!!!

Message edited 2/24/2007 1:11:32 PM.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Can I vent a little about the sex issue? I got the all clear from the doc yesterday so DH ASSUMED that meant when we went to bed, he would get lucky. Well, we had overnight guests, a houseful of vistors and didn't get to bed until 12. Baby is up to eat at 1 the latest. SEX??? are you kidding me. We got into a fight that I was being MEAN and didn't care about him anymore, that I led him on when I told him about the doctors visit.

Maybe if he took one of the feedings I would feel more like having sex!

ETA: I know this is slightly off topic but I didn't want to start a new thread about it.

Message edited 2/24/2007 1:12:30 PM.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Message edited 2/24/2007 1:14:44 PM.

Re: A little annoyed with DH

Re: A little annoyed with DH