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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
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a question for interfaith couples out there...
I spoke with my MIL this evening and the topic of religion came up. not in a bad way, at all. just a discussion. she is a devout Catholic, I am Jewish.
It got me thinking about DH and our future together as an interfaith couple, and I couldn't help but wonder if this would eventually cause a strain on us when we have children. We agreed to raise our kids Jewish, it was actually DH's idea, not mine. I of course was very happy when he said it though! my MIL doesn't know that.
but MIL said something tonight that made me think. DH's brother married a woman who is Church Of Christ (I don't know if that is the actual way you say that faith). They don't baptize their kids until they're 13. my MIL went on and on about how much that bothered her. if DH and I raise our child Jewish, there will be no baptism at all.
anyone else out there who is interfaith have some of these concerns.
Message edited 12/19/2006 9:16:30 PM.
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Posted 12/19/06 9:15 PM  |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22134 total posts
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
We're interfaith...no kids yet. Anyway, we've discussed it somewhat and we've decided that when the time comes, we won't have something Jewish and then something Catholic, but we'll do it just like our wedding and have a blessing that combines both. We will be raising our kdis both, however, not just one. So I don't know if I've answered your question, but that's our idea so far.
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:29 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I wouldn't exactly call us interfaith because we both kind of have christian backgrounds, but I was never baptized and DH is catholic. I guess if your DH's mother is strict catholic they believe that children go automatically to hell if they die before they are baptized (any catholics chime in here).
I think whenever one family is strict with their religion there may be tension if their grandkids are raised in a different faith. DH's family is pretty laid back, though DH's uncle married a jewish woman and converted to judiasm without ever telling his mother (this was like 30 years now!). His mother (DH's grandma) still gives them christmas ornaments and thinks they are christian.
For us we "compromised" (I hate saying that, but we did lots of research and decided together on a religion that is right for us, with ideals and values we believe in) on the Unitarian church, which is where we would baptize our kids if/when we have them.
Message edited 12/19/2006 9:32:24 PM.
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:30 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
We're interfaith and will be raising our children Jewish. MIL is well aware we will be - don't know how she'll react when the time comes - I guess I'll have to wait and see.
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:30 PM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I'm Catholic and DH is Lutheran...he is not religious at all( honestly neither am i), so he does not mind one bit that our children will be baptised Catholics
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:33 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I am a product or an interfaith marriage. My Mom is Jewish and my Dad is RC. My husband is RC. We have chosen to raise my daughter Episcolpalian.
I can tell you growing up interfaith was not always easy. My parents were given a hard time by both their parents and I didn't have it easy in dealing with them. My mother was not estatic about my choice with my daughter but she knew how I felt about not being raised with either religion and not having a true sense of beloning to either one. I think that if we were to have raised my daughter Jewish my MIL would have blown a gasket
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:40 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Jamie
I am a product or an interfaith marriage. My Mom is Jewish and my Dad is RC. My husband is RC. We have chosen to raise my daughter Episcolpalian.
I can tell you growing up interfaith was not always easy. My parents were given a hard time by both their parents and I didn't have it easy in dealing with them. My mother was not estatic about my choice with my daughter but she knew how I felt about not being raised with either religion and not having a true sense of beloning to either one. I think that if we were to have raised my daughter Jewish my MIL would have blown a gasket
you confirmed my belief with what you said about your childhood. I definitely agree that it is best to pick 1 faith and stick to it.
my cousin (Jewish) married a Baptist and they celebrate everything and don’t go to church or synagogue. Their daughter is 14 and has no faith at all. just celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas. IMO, that is NOT religion.
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:44 PM |
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LiPo
:(
Member since 9/06 1864 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Not interfaith but every interfaith couples in my family that said they were raising the kids Jewish, the children drifted towards Christianity eventually. I'm not saying this is typical, just in my family. Let's face it, it's tough telling a kid they're not having a tree like their friends. 
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:50 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by Jamie
I am a product or an interfaith marriage. My Mom is Jewish and my Dad is RC. My husband is RC. We have chosen to raise my daughter Episcolpalian.
I can tell you growing up interfaith was not always easy. My parents were given a hard time by both their parents and I didn't have it easy in dealing with them. My mother was not estatic about my choice with my daughter but she knew how I felt about not being raised with either religion and not having a true sense of beloning to either one. I think that if we were to have raised my daughter Jewish my MIL would have blown a gasket
you confirmed my belief with what you said about your childhood. I definitely agree that it is best to pick 1 faith and stick to it.
my cousin (Jewish) married a Baptist and they celebrate everything and don’t go to church or synagogue. Their daughter is 14 and has no faith at all. just celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas. IMO, that is NOT religion.
Exactly!!!
My father's parents are very religious Catholics and my Mother's parent were probably the most devout Jews I have ever known in my life. I had been to both temple and church at times but I had not true sense of belonging. Not true sense of God and no real feeling of faith. We are trying to correct that with my daughter. We attend (all 3 of us) church regulary since she was 3 weeks old. Though I have a menorah in my house that house is prodominetly decorated for Christmas. I don't want her to feel the same 'emptiness' (for lack of a better word) that I had.
The funny thing, is that my husband who was soooooooooooooooo anti church was not for this. I forced him into it and now he is the most unhappy when we miss church! Even if there are days that I don't take my daughter he will still go without us.
Knowledge of another religion IMO is fine-- we will teach her about the Jewish faith since 1/4 of her family members are Jewish but IMHO it is so important to have that sense of belonging and feeling of complete familiarity with one religion.
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| Posted 12/19/06 9:52 PM |
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My2Boys
Love.
Member since 10/05 4796 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by Jamie
I am a product or an interfaith marriage. My Mom is Jewish and my Dad is RC. My husband is RC. We have chosen to raise my daughter Episcolpalian.
I can tell you growing up interfaith was not always easy. My parents were given a hard time by both their parents and I didn't have it easy in dealing with them. My mother was not estatic about my choice with my daughter but she knew how I felt about not being raised with either religion and not having a true sense of beloning to either one. I think that if we were to have raised my daughter Jewish my MIL would have blown a gasket
you confirmed my belief with what you said about your childhood. I definitely agree that it is best to pick 1 faith and stick to it.
my cousin (Jewish) married a Baptist and they celebrate everything and don’t go to church or synagogue. Their daughter is 14 and has no faith at all. just celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas. IMO, that is NOT religion.
This is how DH & I feel, too. We feel strongly that it's our responsibility to raise our boys in 1 faith (mine), while educating and exposing them to daddy's (it wouldn't be fair to deny my DH's faith). Unfortunately for my DH, my MIL and SIL don't accept our decision.
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| Posted 12/19/06 10:02 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
We are interfaith and honestly, have had very little drama or input from either side of the family. DH was raised Jewish but not very religious. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school. Long before we even met, we both were non-practicing.
Both of DH's sisters married Christians and I am not the first in my extended family to marry a non-Catholic so the pressure was off
We did agree, even before getting engaged, that we feel it was very important for our future children to be raised with a spiritual structure that celebrated the validity of ALL faiths and did not try to exclude any faith. We do all worship the same God after all We want our children to be educated and have an appreciation of all of the religions of the world... including Hindusim, Buddhism and Islam, not just Judaism and Christianity.
We joined the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. Many, many interfaith couples attend services there and so many people like it because it is a community that values the validity of all faiths and truly includes and welcomes anyone who shows up.
It's not for everyone, but that's how we have handled it and what works for us.
BTW: I've already broken the news to my relatives that there will be no baptisms or a bris for our future kids. No one has complained... at least not to my face
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| Posted 12/19/06 10:10 PM |
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DKF1016
"I got the Sugar" ..:)
Member since 5/05 1252 total posts
Name:
Gonnacatchapeacock
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
We're an interfaith couple and I've thought about this ever since we got serious in dating.
We talked about this a lot and made a decision on how to raise them. Down the line I don't think either sides will complain. We're kind of celebrating both festive holidays together anyway. No one seems to be giving us a problem. I think my inlaws will be there to support us when we baptize etc our children...I don't think they'll want to miss any part of their growing up. Right now there's no problems and I feel very lucky for that.
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| Posted 12/19/06 10:52 PM |
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
i am the child of an interfaith relationship so i just wanted to put in my 2 cents :)
my mom is jewish my dad was catholic, growing up we always celebrated all the holidays and were taught about each religion..as we r older we r learning more about each religions and appreciate both of them.. i lean towards the jewish faith when my sister has chosen to follow more of the catholic faith..to each his own and i always fel tthat i was EXTRA lucky when i was growing up to learn both religions and celebrate everything, i wasnt exactly confused but just learned to believe in what was right for me
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| Posted 12/19/06 10:56 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I am the child of an interfaith relationship as well. My Dad is jewish and my mom is catholic. We celebrated everything, learned about each religion but didn't really follow either one. We did not go to church or temple, have a bat mitzvah or communion, etc.
DH was brought up catholic and we decided that our children will be brought up catholic, but still learn about the jewish faith. We will celebrate all the holidays, but will follow more of the catholic traditions.
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| Posted 12/19/06 11:13 PM |
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Eva Luna
Be kind...life's hard!
Member since 8/05 4750 total posts
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God, bless & heal my DH, JenG's DH Rob & DebG
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Don't have any "advice" (I have issues with religion) just wanted to say that your SIL is a mormon. That's the religion for that church.
Good luck!! 
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| Posted 12/19/06 11:15 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by LiPo
Not interfaith but every interfaith couples in my family that said they were raising the kids Jewish, the children drifted towards Christianity eventually. I'm not saying this is typical, just in my family. Let's face it, it's tough telling a kid they're not having a tree like their friends.
It's the truth. 99% of times that's what happens.
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| Posted 12/20/06 12:15 AM |
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Joooood
LIF Infant
Member since 9/06 324 total posts
Name:
Judy
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
DH is Jewish and I am Catholic, we decided early on that we would raise the kids Jewish. By standard rules, the kids are what the mom is, but I wasn't standing firm on this one, being a VERY lapsed catholic. That being said, I had no desire to convert either. So we have every holiday, I have all mine and we also do all the Jewish holidays...so I can't forsee any "why don't we have a tree?" from the kids as we will always have one.
LOL, now ask me how my Irish Catholic mom is dealing with this........
she was't happy, especially as we had a Rabbi marry us and didn't do both religions at the wedding( local Diosece wouldn't do it, we were married in FL)
But she is getting there....still misty of we go to a baptism of a friend, but was at my DD's naming and my son's bris with no problems, she loved both!
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| Posted 12/20/06 12:18 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
for the AM crew Image Attachment(s):
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| Posted 12/20/06 8:56 AM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
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Beth
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by nov04libride
I wouldn't exactly call us interfaith because we both kind of have christian backgrounds, but I was never baptized and DH is catholic. I guess if your DH's mother is strict catholic they believe that children go automatically to hell if they die before they are baptized (any catholics chime in here).
we are the opposite- I was raised Catholic and my DH was never bapitized ( his parents thought he would "find"
reglion on his own- that almost NEVER happens)
so we talked about and discussed rasing our kids Catholic- but not hard core Catholic- b/c I am not super reglious- I would just like them to have some reglious experince
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| Posted 12/20/06 9:36 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Well, I am Jewish and DH is Catholic. Neither of us are religious at all. We celebrate holidays, but thats about the end of it. Growing up I never attended any religious services, neither me nor my brother had a bar mitzvah, etc. DH did all the common ceremonies but has no desire to raise his children in the same way. We will celebrate holidays with each of our families respectively and our children will learn about each one, but there will be no baptisim, bris, communion, bar mitzvah, etc.
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| Posted 12/20/06 9:40 AM |
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juju
Welcome to the World!
Member since 5/05 6747 total posts
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
for the AM crew
Cute!
My DH and I are an interfaith couple. I was brought up Catholic and DH is Jewish. And we discussed b/f marriage that our children will be brought up Christian since I am more spiritual. However, we are going to acknowledge the Jewish faith by celebrating the Holidays. Learning about the Jewish faith has enriched my Christianity beliefs, so how could I NOT acknowledge my DH's faith.
Bottom Line, it is a personal choice regardless what the IL's think. They will get over it. I don't anticipate any comments from my IL's. We'll see when the time comes.
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| Posted 12/20/06 9:55 AM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I am catholic, and I understood it to be, no matter what religions were involved that the child ALWAYS takes the mother's religion.
May I ask where you two go married or who performed the ceremony?
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| Posted 12/20/06 10:18 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by jxnoscar
I am catholic, and I understood it to be, no matter what religions were involved that the child ALWAYS takes the mother's religion.
May I ask where you two go married or who performed the ceremony?
we got married at the reception hall, a Rabbi performed the ceremony. we tried to get a Priest, but couldn't. the Rabbi actually offered 3 different ceremony types to us - non denominational, Jewish "style", full Jewish. DH chose Jewish style.
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| Posted 12/20/06 10:30 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
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Me
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Beth1210
we are the opposite- I was raised Catholic and my DH was never bapitized ( his parents thought he would "find"
reglion on his own- that almost NEVER happens)
It's weird...My brother is actually now Buddhist, and I decided to go to an Episcopalian high school but then it was a little too conservative in terms of their views for me to adopt that religion.
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| Posted 12/20/06 10:41 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by jxnoscar
I am catholic, and I understood it to be, no matter what religions were involved that the child ALWAYS takes the mother's religion.
May I ask where you two go married or who performed the ceremony?
This is traditional but not a requirement. It may also be based on the Jewish tradition, which states to varying degrees depending on sect, that if the child's mother is jewish, the child is jewish.
No priest, deacon or rabbi we spoke to about our wedding and our future EVER said this to us, although of course my mom has.
To answer the original question, of course it is a concern and of course it is a huge challenge. But in a way it's a GOOD challenge. How many people were raised in one religion but the parents were not that involved and it fell by the wayside? Being interfaith forces you to ask and attempt to answer amny more questions. it keeps you on your toes. I really hope that my children will take from it what Michi does, that they have the best of both worlds and they are more blessed to learn more about God and find more ways to celebrate his presence and more ways to connect to him. I'm Catholic, but with a big streak of neo-pagan (this is not mutually exclusive..ask), and FH is jewish, so we will have a lot to teach our children and give them a full experience.
Given all of that, I suspect, because of how we are together religiously and how our families are (his not religious, mine very religious..although my FH may change when we have children) that my children will identify more with the catholic side or have that as more of a base to work from. However, I really believe in interfaith. I think it's a good thing, a special thing and it can bring you closer to God. FH and I decided to raise our children interfaith (there are great interfaith resources on LI, btw) a long time ago, but if I felt that one religion would be better, I would choose one. But I know for me, I was questioning religion at a VERY early age, and it's honestly made me a more well-rounded, more compassionate and more spiritual person.
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| Posted 12/20/06 11:04 AM |
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