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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Ellebelle1
Posted by LiPo
Not interfaith but every interfaith couples in my family that said they were raising the kids Jewish, the children drifted towards Christianity eventually. I'm not saying this is typical, just in my family. Let's face it, it's tough telling a kid they're not having a tree like their friends. 
It's the truth. 99% of times that's what happens.
Not the families i know
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Posted 12/20/06 11:06 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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LittleBlueBug
Happy Mommy
Member since 9/06 4074 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I am also in an interfaith marriage...he's christian and I was raised jewish. We had a talk about this before we got married and we agreed that we would raise our kids with knowledge of both religions, but they would be baptized in his religion. Basically, I felt that the kids should decide for themselves what they want to believe, but he felt very strongly about getting them baptized. I didn't care one way or the other so he wins. I know my parents aren't very keen on the idea, and have told me they will not go to the church or anything. At the end of the day it is our children though and we, as adults, came to an agreement that we are both comfortable with. As long as you and DH remain comfortable with the agreement you made concerning your children, then try not to worry too much. I know that in-laws are an influence in all married couples lives...to an extent...you two make decisions that are best for your family.
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| Posted 12/20/06 11:06 AM |
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Eva Luna
Be kind...life's hard!
Member since 8/05 4750 total posts
Name:
God, bless & heal my DH, JenG's DH Rob & DebG
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Beth1210
we are the opposite- I was raised Catholic and my DH was never bapitized ( his parents thought he would "find"
reglion on his own- that almost NEVER happens)
so we talked about and discussed rasing our kids Catholic- but not hard core Catholic- b/c I am not super reglious- I would just like them to have some reglious experince
This is us, backwards. DH is Catholic, I was never baptized.
Don't think I ever will be, I'm ideologically opposed to organized religion as a whole.
If we have kids, we'll figure it out. We're both Christians though, our faith is strong. So that, at least, is simple.
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| Posted 12/20/06 11:07 AM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Eva Luna
Don't think I ever will be, I'm ideologically opposed to organized religion as a whole.
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I agree with you 100%- but if my Grandma is still alive- the kids are getting baptized
she would freak to say the least- and the poor woman has been thru way too much for me to upset her even more
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| Posted 12/20/06 11:10 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by mrswask
Posted by Ellebelle1
Posted by LiPo
Not interfaith but every interfaith couples in my family that said they were raising the kids Jewish, the children drifted towards Christianity eventually. I'm not saying this is typical, just in my family. Let's face it, it's tough telling a kid they're not having a tree like their friends.
It's the truth. 99% of times that's what happens.
Not the families i know
I don't know about this at all. I think a lot of is has to do with what the parents do. You can't blame a Christmas tree, etc. As one of my favorite professors of all time said "Catholicism is the religion of fun" menaing you have christmas trees, wine, pomp and circumstance that you don't get in other religions. However, it depends on the parents. Christmas is fun, but it's nothing compared with faith. The reason I am who I am today isn';t because it was great to get presents on christms and hunt for easter eggs, but because since I was a baby my mom told me God loved me and taught me how to pray.
To be honest, my 2 and 4 year old niece and nephew are being raised basically jewish. their dad is catholic and i think their future step dad is christian, but I don't know what denomination. They're being raised jewish, will go t hebrew school etc, but they want a christmas tree. They're too young to understand about jesus and the difference between faiths. I am pretty sure my SIL got them a tree. I don't think it will make them drift oward christianity. What will or would would be if the catholic parts of the family had a more active and full spiritual life.
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| Posted 12/20/06 11:12 AM |
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spooks
So in love!
Member since 6/06 4378 total posts
Name:
Sarah
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by LittleBlueBug
I am also in an interfaith marriage...he's christian and I was raised jewish. We had a talk about this before we got married and we agreed that we would raise our kids with knowledge of both religions, but they would be baptized in his religion. Basically, I felt that the kids should decide for themselves what they want to believe, but he felt very strongly about getting them baptized.
This is alot like me, I am Jewish, raised Reform, DH is Catholic. We spoke alot about kids before getting married and I agreed to raise them officially Catholic (b/c we wanted one formally) but teach them about Judaism too. There is also an interfaith group near where we live that has bible classes for interfaith children they will take. To directly get at your question - since mine will then be baptised, not an easy thing for me, I told my parents early on - my mom was of coruse disappointed but at the same time said she would be there still b/c its her grandchild (we'll also give them hebrew names). I thought that was great, b/c it is really not an easy thing either way and people need to handle it the way they can. For some, its too hard to be present. For some too, at first its hard with the first one and then after if there's more than one child, it gets easier.
Good luck - its not easy, but can be done!
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| Posted 12/20/06 12:20 PM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by jxnoscar
I am catholic, and I understood it to be, no matter what religions were involved that the child ALWAYS takes the mother's religion.
May I ask where you two go married or who performed the ceremony?
This is traditional but not a requirement. It may also be based on the Jewish tradition, which states to varying degrees depending on sect, that if the child's mother is jewish, the child is jewish.
No priest, deacon or rabbi we spoke to about our wedding and our future EVER said this to us, although of course my mom has.
The preist asked us if we would raise our children catholic. (more of a statement than a question) My DH isn't any religion but he was baptized Methodist. I agree what you are saying though about embracing both religions.
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| Posted 12/20/06 12:31 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
My parents had an interfaith marriage.. Mom is Catholic and dad was raised Jewish. There was so much drama among the families that I wasn't christened until I was 4 years old. Growing up, I was raised catholic but I've never really felt like I belong to either religion. Instead of getting the best of both worlds, I was rejected by both worlds -- not catholic enough for the catholics and not jewish enough for the jews (although that rejection came from within my family instead of from the outside).
The whole experience has left me with a very cynical attitude towards religion as a whole. I go through the motions and celebrate the catholic holidays but I'm not sure what we'll do when we have children. I feel obligated to christen them because the catholic side of my family will care very much if I don't...but that's a ways off still so DH and I will have to discuss it.
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| Posted 12/20/06 12:58 PM |
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My2Boys
Love.
Member since 10/05 4796 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Just wanted to pipe in on my experience re: children being the faith of their mother.
I received dispensation from the church so that my marriage would be recognized as a Sacrament (very important to me - we were married by a Rabbi and a RC Priest at our reception hall.). Through the dispensation process, I (as the Catholic), agreed to do "everything in my power" to raise our future children in the RC faith. D H had to be present when I made that promise.
With respect to the children being Jewish, I was told by both a Rabbi and a Mohel that my boys would have to convert (through a ceremony) to Judaism *because* their mother is not Jewish.
Our boys were both Baptized in a private ceremony and we had the Rabbi who married us come and give a blessing and give the boys a Hebrew name. That part was important to DH (and me). But not important enough to his family apparently. Not ONE of them came to the ceremony.
Message edited 12/20/2006 1:33:39 PM.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:30 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9509 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by My2Boys
Our boys were both Baptized in a private ceremony and we had the Rabbi who married us come and give a blessing and give the boys a Hebrew name. That part was important to DH (and me). But not important enough to his family apparently. Not ONE of them came to the ceremony.
Things like this bother me so much. The fact that they cant have respect for the way that you and your husband have chosen to raise you kids is awful.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:13 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by My2Boys
With respect to the children being Jewish, I was told by both a Rabbi and a Mohel that my boys would have to convert (through a ceremony) to Judaism *because* their mother is not Jewish.
That is true. If the mother is catholic that means the children are born catholic and would have to be converted to Judaism.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:19 PM |
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ssbride05
:-)
Member since 5/05 2654 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
DH and I are I guess somewhat of an interfaith couple. I am catholic, and DH is Greek Orthodox.. I know they both stem in christianity, but his religion is extremely strict and wouldn't honor our marriage unless we had a ceremony in his church....
well, we aren't having kids for a while, so I am not sure which religion, alhtough I think it will be Catholic. As my children grow up, I am going to expose them to as much as possible to both religions and hope they can experience both, since DH's dad is 100% greek, and his mom is 100% POlish. DH had a difficut time growing up, and we hope to avoid this...
Not sure if this made sense, but I know how difficult it can be. I am sure you will come to a decision that works for you both!
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:20 PM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by lululu
Posted by My2Boys
Our boys were both Baptized in a private ceremony and we had the Rabbi who married us come and give a blessing and give the boys a Hebrew name. That part was important to DH (and me). But not important enough to his family apparently. Not ONE of them came to the ceremony.
Things like this bother me so much. The fact that they cant have respect for the way that you and your husband have chosen to raise you kids is awful.
Sorry, but that is just plain WRONG.....how could they not have shown respect by showing up?
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:28 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by CaMacho
Posted by My2Boys
With respect to the children being Jewish, I was told by both a Rabbi and a Mohel that my boys would have to convert (through a ceremony) to Judaism *because* their mother is not Jewish.
That is true. If the mother is catholic that means the children are born catholic and would have to be converted to Judaism.
This depends. Some reform groups believe that the children can be considered Jewish and do not requre conversion if EITHER parent is Jewish.
FH's co-workers are really annoying. He's a Cohen, and because I'm not Jewish, our kids won't be Cohen (I know there's a better spealling for this), and they made some comment about how it was a waste, or..they didn't use those words, but that was the idea.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:30 PM |
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Smiley
LIF Infant
Member since 6/06 83 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by CaMacho
Posted by My2Boys
With respect to the children being Jewish, I was told by both a Rabbi and a Mohel that my boys would have to convert (through a ceremony) to Judaism *because* their mother is not Jewish.
That is true. If the mother is catholic that means the children are born catholic and would have to be converted to Judaism.
This depends. Some reform groups believe that the children can be considered Jewish and do not requre conversion if EITHER parent is Jewish.
FH's co-workers are really annoying. He's a Cohen, and because I'm not Jewish, our kids won't be Cohen (I know there's a better spealling for this), and they made some comment about how it was a waste, or..they didn't use those words, but that was the idea.
With respect to the views of the reform groups you made reference to... With all due respect, it's not for the reform groups to say the children can be considered Jewish as long as one parent is. These laws are clearly spelled out in the old testament and it's not for any particular sect to say, "nah, that part doesn't matter".
For the record, if the mother is Jewish, the child is and vice versa.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:38 PM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by ssbride05
DH and I are I guess somewhat of an interfaith couple. I am catholic, and DH is Greek Orthodox.. I know they both stem in christianity, but his religion is extremely strict and wouldn't honor our marriage unless we had a ceremony in his church....
well, we aren't having kids for a while, so I am not sure which religion, alhtough I think it will be Catholic. As my children grow up, I am going to expose them to as much as possible to both religions and hope they can experience both, since DH's dad is 100% greek, and his mom is 100% POlish. DH had a difficut time growing up, and we hope to avoid this...
Not sure if this made sense, but I know how difficult it can be. I am sure you will come to a decision that works for you both!
My DH is Greek Orthodox and I'm Catholic. Honestlly, DH doesn't care if we raise or kids Greek Orthodox or Catholic (he has two children from a previous marriage who are Greek Orthodox) but we plan on baptizing them Greek Orthodox and Catholic (since Greek Orthodox don't baptize until they are almost a year and Catholic do it within 6-12 weeks). I plan on sending my kid to religious instruction classes to receive communion and confirmation, but we didn't discuss that part yet, though. 
Honestly, it has to be a decision that the both of you agree on and feel comfortable with. You both need to be completely comfortable just in case of any flack from your families, so you can be completely and totally all for the decision when having to defend it.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:40 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Smiley
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by CaMacho
Posted by My2Boys
With respect to the children being Jewish, I was told by both a Rabbi and a Mohel that my boys would have to convert (through a ceremony) to Judaism *because* their mother is not Jewish.
That is true. If the mother is catholic that means the children are born catholic and would have to be converted to Judaism.
This depends. Some reform groups believe that the children can be considered Jewish and do not requre conversion if EITHER parent is Jewish.
FH's co-workers are really annoying. He's a Cohen, and because I'm not Jewish, our kids won't be Cohen (I know there's a better spealling for this), and they made some comment about how it was a waste, or..they didn't use those words, but that was the idea.
With respect to the views of the reform groups you made reference to... With all due respect, it's not for the reform groups to say the children can be considered Jewish as long as one parent is. These laws are clearly spelled out in the old testament and it's not for any particular sect to say, "nah, that part doesn't matter".
For the record, if the mother is Jewish, the child is and vice versa.
A great deal of rules are interpreted very differently in different jewish sects and communities.
For example, the dietary laws are spelled out very clearly as well, but not all jews keep kosher, and those who do, don't all keep kosher in the same way. There is a range in the way many of the laws are interpreted.
For example, in many orthodox groups, if the mom is jewish the child is jewish, and you cannot even convert. More liberal groups accept converts. And in liberal reform communities, a child is considered jewish if one parent is jewish.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:59 PM |
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Hi-Fi55
12 years...wow....
Member since 2/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Dianne
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by JenniferEver
I don't know about this at all. I think a lot of is has to do with what the parents do. You can't blame a Christmas tree, etc. As one of my favorite professors of all time said "Catholicism is the religion of fun" menaing you have christmas trees, wine, pomp and circumstance that you don't get in other religions. However, it depends on the parents. Christmas is fun, but it's nothing compared with faith. The reason I am who I am today isn';t because it was great to get presents on christms and hunt for easter eggs, but because since I was a baby my mom told me God loved me and taught me how to pray.
To be honest, my 2 and 4 year old niece and nephew are being raised basically jewish. their dad is catholic and i think their future step dad is christian, but I don't know what denomination. They're being raised jewish, will go t hebrew school etc, but they want a christmas tree. They're too young to understand about jesus and the difference between faiths. I am pretty sure my SIL got them a tree. I don't think it will make them drift oward christianity. What will or would would be if the catholic parts of the family had a more active and full spiritual life.
I know your professor said it and not you so I'll try not to take offense, but Catholicism is not the Religion of fun. Yes, there are eggs and presents, and wine (I didnt realize there were so many other dry Religions) but that's commercialism and people exploiting the Religion. And they are exploiting Christianity, not just Catholicism.
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| Posted 12/20/06 3:40 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by eroxgirl
My parents had an interfaith marriage.. Mom is Catholic and dad was raised Jewish. There was so much drama among the families that I wasn't christened until I was 4 years old. Growing up, I was raised catholic but I've never really felt like I belong to either religion. Instead of getting the best of both worlds, I was rejected by both worlds -- not catholic enough for the catholics and not jewish enough for the jews (although that rejection came from within my family instead of from the outside).
Exactly!
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| Posted 12/20/06 5:35 PM |
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ssbride05
:-)
Member since 5/05 2654 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by LaurenExp
Posted by ssbride05
DH and I are I guess somewhat of an interfaith couple. I am catholic, and DH is Greek Orthodox.. I know they both stem in christianity, but his religion is extremely strict and wouldn't honor our marriage unless we had a ceremony in his church....
well, we aren't having kids for a while, so I am not sure which religion, alhtough I think it will be Catholic. As my children grow up, I am going to expose them to as much as possible to both religions and hope they can experience both, since DH's dad is 100% greek, and his mom is 100% POlish. DH had a difficut time growing up, and we hope to avoid this...
Not sure if this made sense, but I know how difficult it can be. I am sure you will come to a decision that works for you both!
My DH is Greek Orthodox and I'm Catholic. Honestlly, DH doesn't care if we raise or kids Greek Orthodox or Catholic (he has two children from a previous marriage who are Greek Orthodox) but we plan on baptizing them Greek Orthodox and Catholic (since Greek Orthodox don't baptize until they are almost a year and Catholic do it within 6-12 weeks). I plan on sending my kid to religious instruction classes to receive communion and confirmation, but we didn't discuss that part yet, though.
Honestly, it has to be a decision that the both of you agree on and feel comfortable with. You both need to be completely comfortable just in case of any flack from your families, so you can be completely and totally all for the decision when having to defend it.
Thanks for posting... I didn't realize that you could do that! I may consider a baptism in both.. something to think about, right? 
Sorry to hijack-
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| Posted 12/20/06 5:48 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I'm Jewish and DH is a non-practicing Episcopalian (he isn't religious at all). When we have kids, we plan to raise them Jewish although we will celebrate Christmas and Easter with DH's family.
We'll probably have a tree in our home b/c DH really wants one. I know my parents will flip out about it, but they'll have to deal with it. I'm sure at some point there will be some confusion over religion/holidays, but we'll do our best to explain things.
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| Posted 12/20/06 7:30 PM |
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Joooood
LIF Infant
Member since 9/06 324 total posts
Name:
Judy
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by My2Boys
Just wanted to pipe in on my experience re: children being the faith of their mother.
I received dispensation from the church so that my marriage would be recognized as a Sacrament (very important to me - we were married by a Rabbi and a RC Priest at our reception hall.). Through the dispensation process, I (as the Catholic), agreed to do "everything in my power" to raise our future children in the RC faith. D H had to be present when I made that promise.
With respect to the children being Jewish, I was told by both a Rabbi and a Mohel that my boys would have to convert (through a ceremony) to Judaism *because* their mother is not Jewish.
Our boys were both Baptized in a private ceremony and we had the Rabbi who married us come and give a blessing and give the boys a Hebrew name. That part was important to DH (and me). But not important enough to his family apparently. Not ONE of them came to the ceremony.
That is so awful that the relatives wouldn't participate! As much as my mom still secretly hopes we'll change our minds and baptise the kids.....hers is the first Hanukkah card they get and even went out and bought gelt and a dreidl for them to play after dinner last week!
Hopefully the family you mentioned will come around.
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| Posted 12/21/06 3:02 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
I have decided this is what I am telling the kids about it...
"Daddy celebrate Christmas, so to honor that, he buys me presents."
Sounds okay to me!
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| Posted 12/21/06 6:43 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Posted by Hi-Fi55
Posted by JenniferEver
I don't know about this at all. I think a lot of is has to do with what the parents do. You can't blame a Christmas tree, etc. As one of my favorite professors of all time said "Catholicism is the religion of fun" menaing you have christmas trees, wine, pomp and circumstance that you don't get in other religions. However, it depends on the parents. Christmas is fun, but it's nothing compared with faith. The reason I am who I am today isn';t because it was great to get presents on christms and hunt for easter eggs, but because since I was a baby my mom told me God loved me and taught me how to pray.
To be honest, my 2 and 4 year old niece and nephew are being raised basically jewish. their dad is catholic and i think their future step dad is christian, but I don't know what denomination. They're being raised jewish, will go t hebrew school etc, but they want a christmas tree. They're too young to understand about jesus and the difference between faiths. I am pretty sure my SIL got them a tree. I don't think it will make them drift oward christianity. What will or would would be if the catholic parts of the family had a more active and full spiritual life.
I know your professor said it and not you so I'll try not to take offense, but Catholicism is not the Religion of fun. Yes, there are eggs and presents, and wine (I didnt realize there were so many other dry Religions) but that's commercialism and people exploiting the Religion. And they are exploiting Christianity, not just Catholicism.
He was just being flippant.
I didn't mean it to be offensive. Some people made the argument that children in interfaith households will identify more with the Christian side because there are more bells and whistles associated with Christianity and Catholicism in particular, both in traditions being commerically exploited and in the elaborate ceremonies involved in Christianity. We don't just read scripture and discuss it, we see a form of ceremonial magick right before our very eyes when the host is transfigured. I'm not saying other religions don't have thjese things....in fact I can't remember having more fun in a relgiious insitituion than dancing around with the torah on Simchat Torah. And there's also Sukkot, which many children look forward to, but where almost every christian family has a christmas tree, few Jewish families put up a sukkah, etc. (this is probably due largely in part to commericalization as you mentioned and not to the religion itself. Easter is a much more important holiday than Christmas, but there is not so much hubub, and what do marshmallow peeps really have to do with the ultimate sacrifice anyway)So it's just about your way of looking at things and your level of involvement.
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| Posted 12/21/06 12:57 PM |
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LuvMy2Girls
@>---------
Member since 5/05 11165 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: a question for interfaith couples out there...
Dh is jewish I am catholic. Our kids are being raised Catholic. We embrace both our religions, i have gone to temple, he to church.
And YES, I always heard crap from his side, now it has started from mine.
Not one of his family members came to DD's christening, nor did they have the decency to even rsvp, let alone acknowledge it.
My side has taken offensive to this, and now the two families go t i t for tat.
It puts stress on DH and I, especially me, since his family has flat out disrespected me and my religion many times right in front of me. It's the comments i hear that burn me.
I hosted Hanukkah this year, and i have to hear this from MIL " We have to take a pic DD with her 1st Hanukkah shirt on, but NOT in front of the Xmas tree". DH jumped on her before i did, and said SO WHAT!, she catholic and she celebrates xmas and hanukkah, what's the big deal...mil speechless of course...
I hear crap from my family not understanding why i put hanukkah clothes on my daughter.
I am just at the point of sitting both our families down and giving them a lesson in how to MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
My advice-Talk talk talk and make sure you and SO are on the same page with religion. You need a strong front in whatever you decide.
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| Posted 12/21/06 1:34 PM |
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