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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My mom asked me for a list, so that she can make sure that she does not give less at others weddings. I only gave her my side, not my dh.... I did not think there was anything wrong with that.... she just uses it as a baseline, since I was the first to get married and have a shower.
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Posted 11/7/07 2:36 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
bikramaddict
mommy-to-be
Member since 8/06 4376 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
i agree with the other posters and would not give the list. however, if someone inquired about one particular guest b/c they were going to be a guest of that person, then that would be fine with me (I've done that a few times for my dad and MIL.) they also asked me if anyone didn't give me anything and i was fine telling them that. any more detail though, and mum would've been the word.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:48 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. They don't necessarily give the exact same amount, but they use it as a guideline. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My father has cousins who have plenty of money, more than my family, but gave a very cheap gift when I got married, from 8 people. My parents are going to keep that in mind when deciding what to give their kids.
I agree. I don't think it's my parents' business to know what our friends or DH's side of the family gave, but I didn't see a problem with my parents knowing what their family and friends gave. My parents will likely be invited to various functions for those people. I don't think they'll give exactly what others gave us, but it's a helpful guidline.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:48 PM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
We still have our list. We got more gifts than cash, and we wrote it all down so that we could accurately thank them. I can’t throw it out because it still gives me warm fuzzies to see it and think about everyone’s thoughtfulness.
Our parents have asked us a few times what so and so gave because they want to make sure they don’t give less. I wouldn’t create a special list for them if they asked but I do give them info from our list. I don’t see anything wrong with it. If they started labeling “those cheapskates” then I’d have a problem.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:59 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My mom asked me. I didn't give it to her in a list because I didn't want her to know what everyone gave, but I told her what her friends gave me. And to be completely honest, I **know** she was just being nosy, but I indulged her to that extent. I didn't tell her anything about DH's side though.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:01 PM |
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ETAB
Mother Mary Pray for us
Member since 7/07 2052 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Both set of parents asked what family gave.... Iwas not offended at all.. I gave them both a list.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:05 PM |
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Milerose
MY BABY!
Member since 9/06 4161 total posts
Name:
R
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by CaMacho
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts
Us too... both our parents were there when we opened the cards. And after the fact my parents asked who gave what and we told them. I don't think there's anything wrong with it... they don't use it as a guideline for what to give anyone else.
Same here!
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:09 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Side note, it should never really be tit for tat anyway. And if someone is curious as to what the going rate is why not just ask a friend for their opinion.
It should never matter what one cousin gave to another because the aunt is going to another cousins wedding.
It should be what you feel is appropriate and can financially afford. And if it has been 90 years since you've attended a wedding and aren't completely sure ask a collegue or whatever for a suggestion as a starting point, or there is the wonderful world of GOOGLE. 
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:09 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by sunflowerjesss
Side note, it should never really be tit for tat anyway. And if someone is curious as to what the going rate is why not just ask a friend for their opinion.
It should never matter what one cousin gave to another because the aunt is going to another cousins wedding.
It should be what you feel is appropriate and can financially afford. And if it has been 90 years since you've attended a wedding and aren't completely sure ask a collegue or whatever for a suggestion as a starting point, or there is the wonderful world of GOOGLE.
THANK YOU! 
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:12 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My MIL asked DH what people gave us for our wedding. I thought that was really tacky! DH didn't tell her, which I was happy about. she evenhad the nerve to ask him what my parents gave us!   
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:16 PM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
my MIL asked us and i gave her the list (only her side of course). what she plans to do with it is her business.
BUT, if you aren't comfortable doing so, don't do it. to me, i didn't see it as a big deal at all.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:18 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Kara
Posted by sunflowerjesss
Side note, it should never really be tit for tat anyway. And if someone is curious as to what the going rate is why not just ask a friend for their opinion.
It should never matter what one cousin gave to another because the aunt is going to another cousins wedding.
It should be what you feel is appropriate and can financially afford. And if it has been 90 years since you've attended a wedding and aren't completely sure ask a collegue or whatever for a suggestion as a starting point, or there is the wonderful world of GOOGLE.
THANK YOU!
I also agree, it shouldn't be tit for tat. I wouldn't give my list to my parents, however, if either parent wanted to know about a particular person and they asked me, this is the same thing as them asking a friend. (Plus neither mom would know where to start with Google.) This is why I have no problem telling if asked.
Message edited 11/7/2007 3:19:35 PM.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:18 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
So for the people who think it's tacky or wrong for your parents to ask... would you also not tell them what someone got you for your birthday, christmas, etc... I don't see the big deal and i'm curious.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:19 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My MIL asked us who gave when for our eparty, but not for the wedding.
My parents would never ask us. They give what they can afford anyway, so why should it matter who can us what. 
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:19 PM |
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Mrs-Boop
My Babies
Member since 5/05 4956 total posts
Name:
Jaime
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Both our parents asked us for a list for their family and we had no problem. They use it as a guide. They don't necessarily give what we got, they give what they want. My mom just gave more than what we got to my cousin for her wedding and we all had a lot of travel expenses...and I gave them a gift, to which they gave us nothing. We just use it as a guide.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:23 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. They don't necessarily give the exact same amount, but they use it as a guideline. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My father has cousins who have plenty of money, more than my family, but gave a very cheap gift when I got married, from 8 people. My parents are going to keep that in mind when deciding what to give their kids.
ITA with this - it's just how i was raised. my mom asked for a list and i gave it to her - it's just a guideline, she would be mortified if someone gave us a generous gift and she didn't reciprocate. it's just how she is.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:27 PM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 8/14/2009 12:55:01 PM.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:28 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by CaMacho
So for the people who think it's tacky or wrong for your parents to ask... would you also not tell them what someone got you for your birthday, christmas, etc... I don't see the big deal and i'm curious.
If someone gave me a tangible gift, I would tell them if they asked. If they gave money, I would say "cash". If I was asked how much. I would say "Id rather not say." Sure someone can figure out the value of a tangible gift, but you never know how someone acquires something. I am sure many of us have connections in various places and we don't really know how much someone actually pays for something. I know I do.
Ill speak for myself here. I feel an adult should be able to make an adult decision on their own such as how much to give as a gift. I do not consult anyone except my husband on how much to give because the money we have is shared. If we choose to base it on what people have given us, thats fine - that's our business. But my 75 year old mother knows how to give a gift. She would NEVER ask how much we got - she would ask how much is appropriate and she doesn't pry. Not to mention she simply has more than we do and can afford to give more.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:35 PM |
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JodiBabe
Married for 9 yrs!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6672 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by SweetTooth
Why would they want that? Thats way out of line to ask for that IMO. I'd tell them its none of their business and you are not going to give it to them.
Exactly what I was thinking!!!!!
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:44 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Goldi0218
Ill speak for myself here. I feel an adult should be able to make an adult decision on their own such as how much to give as a gift. I do not consult anyone except my husband on how much to give because the money we have is shared. If we choose to base it on what people have given us, thats fine - that's our business. But my 75 year old mother knows how to give a gift. She would NEVER ask how much we got - she would ask how much is appropriate and she doesn't pry. Not to mention she simply has more than we do and can afford to give more.
Oh I wasn't saying they are asking to base their gift to someone else on that, but just b/c they are curious. Just like friends/family ask what DH got me for my birthday, etc...
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:44 PM |
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ChattyKathy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 346 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Wow I can't believe this would be such a hot button issue.
I never gave it to them, I kind just kept saying " Oh yeah I'll do it" and I think they forgot.
I can understand you want to know just as a guide for other weddings. But you give what you can and what you think is appropiate.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:47 PM |
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ChattyKathy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 346 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
I know my mother and it was not to see who gave us a very large gift. It was to see which one of her family memebers gave the least.
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| Posted 11/7/07 3:48 PM |
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Chrisnamy
Summer is coming soon
Member since 1/07 3991 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Thats just not right!
My Fil asked us how much we we got for our Wedding. I thought that was so rude...but my DH told him anyway.
Well, it still bugs me..because they didn't give us anything for a gift.
My Husband and I paid for everything ourselfs. We almost had to pay for their tickets to fly here. ohhh don't get me started on them......
(if you are wondering about my
parents, they have passed away)
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| Posted 11/7/07 4:00 PM |
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MarlyG
LIF Infant
Member since 10/07 286 total posts
Name:
Marlene
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by JennZ
Plain and simple...it is none of her business. I would tell her that too.
Well said!!!!!
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| Posted 11/7/07 4:18 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. They don't necessarily give the exact same amount, but they use it as a guideline. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My father has cousins who have plenty of money, more than my family, but gave a very cheap gift when I got married, from 8 people. My parents are going to keep that in mind when deciding what to give their kids.
ITA with this - it's just how i was raised. my mom asked for a list and i gave it to her - it's just a guideline, she would be mortified if someone gave us a generous gift and she didn't reciprocate. it's just how she is.
My parents are the same way. My parents would be embarassed someone gave us a generous gift and they did not give something similar in return. For them, it has nothing to do with what they can afford to give. Giving a more generous gift than they usually do won't have much of an effect on their financial situation. They just want to be able to reciprocate the generosity.
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| Posted 11/7/07 4:23 PM |
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