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evnme
My little lamb
Member since 8/05 12633 total posts
Name:
aka momma2b
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
my ILs asked. we gave them a copy of our list.
since we gave it to them, we also gave a copy to my parents.
we didnt feel weird about it at all.
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Posted 11/7/07 4:27 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
this is what we do in my family
we still have the lists from my sister's and brother's weddings ( ten and four years ago ) that we refer to
it is so helpful!!
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| Posted 11/7/07 5:44 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by imas98
Posted by neener1211
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
You are not the only outsider. While I agree, you should give what you want to give to a couple, why should someone get my hard earned $ in excess of what they gave me, even if it IS the thought of giving a gift for the couple? I had friends that gave me $150 at my wedding, I was very thankful that they gave me a gift. But I did not give them more than $150 at their wedding.
I had a set of my parents friends that gave me a $, and my mom asked what it was because she was going to their daughter's wedding. I had no problem telling her what it was, not because she didn't want to give them over what they gave me, but so that she didn't look dumb if they had given me more than what she had planned.
Just the other day my mom asked me how much one of her friends gave us because her friends daughter is now getting married....I just told her....never thought it was inappropriate to ask 
My parents did this too.
I told them.
i really didn't think it was anything to take offense to.
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| Posted 11/7/07 5:47 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Sassyz75
Posted by imas98
Posted by neener1211
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
You are not the only outsider. While I agree, you should give what you want to give to a couple, why should someone get my hard earned $ in excess of what they gave me, even if it IS the thought of giving a gift for the couple? I had friends that gave me $150 at my wedding, I was very thankful that they gave me a gift. But I did not give them more than $150 at their wedding.
I had a set of my parents friends that gave me a $, and my mom asked what it was because she was going to their daughter's wedding. I had no problem telling her what it was, not because she didn't want to give them over what they gave me, but so that she didn't look dumb if they had given me more than what she had planned.
Just the other day my mom asked me how much one of her friends gave us because her friends daughter is now getting married....I just told her....never thought it was inappropriate to ask
My parents did this too.
I told them.
i really didn't think it was anything to take offense to.
It's not -- but expecting a list of what everyone gave or everyone on one side gave? That's over the top IMHO.
If you want to tell them, fine, but I don't think it's fair to expect someone to give out that sort of information.
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| Posted 11/7/07 5:52 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by imas98
Just the other day my mom asked me how much one of her friends gave us because her friends daughter is now getting married....I just told her....never thought it was inappropriate to ask
I agree, but I think there's a difference between doing this and giving them the whole list.
If my mom asked for our list, knowing her, it'd be purely out of nosiness, and I don't think I'd feel comfortable handing it over. But if she asks about a specific person for a good reason (i.e. she and my dad have to go to a wedding of someone who came to ours and want to give a similarly generous gift), I have no problem letting my parents know how much that person gave me and DH.
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| Posted 11/7/07 5:52 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
None of their business!!!!!
My MIL asked for like certain people and I was like nona.... 
I have to say though for older people they believe in the they gave my daughter this much so I have to give their daughter the same amount.. Maybe thats why they are asking.
ETA my mom does ask for certain people (when she is going to a wedding) and I do tell her.
Message edited 11/7/2007 5:55:44 PM.
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| Posted 11/7/07 5:52 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My parents knew exactly how much everyone gave. I didn't feel it was a secret. They kept the money while we were on our honeymoon and we opened all the cards with them the day after the wedding.
I still have a list of how much everyone gave but I can't use it very well anymore because that was over 14 years ago!
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| Posted 11/7/07 8:10 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. They don't necessarily give the exact same amount, but they use it as a guideline. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My father has cousins who have plenty of money, more than my family, but gave a very cheap gift when I got married, from 8 people. My parents are going to keep that in mind when deciding what to give their kids.
Your not alone. My mom asked me for a list also. I just gave her the amounts that her friends and our family gave. I didn't think it was a big deal.
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| Posted 11/7/07 9:07 PM |
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randella
Love my little man
Member since 8/05 16290 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
I always reference the list-- for both sets of parents so similar amounts can be recipricated. No big deal IMO.
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| Posted 11/7/07 9:21 PM |
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MrsM-6-7-08
<3
Member since 8/06 4249 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My sister was the first to get married this year, and she called me and my parents that night to tell us what people gave.
Now i do not know what to do. My cousin gave my sister a gift, and she is getting married soon. My sister wants to give her the same gift, but its such a little amount, its embarrassing,
And she also wants my dad to give my cousin what my dads sister gave her, wich is embarrassing too, and i dont think my dad is going to, cause its just not right.
so there is lots of controversy right now in my family over this
As far as my wedding, I will definately give my parents, and inlaws copies of the gift list. What they do with it is their choice
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| Posted 11/8/07 9:31 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My parents asked about a couple of people and I verbally told them. Now a lot of people in my family don't have a lot of money and I know that my parents have, and will continue, to give more generous gifts than I recieved.
As for my ILs my MIL was looking for me to just copy our list and give it to her, but I felt than anything my family or friends gave was absolutely none of their business, so I gave her a list with her family and friends. She is still using it 3 years later. But she's silly about it because she uses it to a T.
DH's cousin got married in Sweden and will be having a dinner next weekend at a restaurant for immediate family- no centerpieces, no DJ, no favors. my ILs are planning on giving the same amount of money DH's aunt and uncle gave us for our wedding, which I think is ridiculous. #1, my FIL is out of work and they can't really afford to give that much right now, #2 how can you compare an affair to a dinner?
And if you think asking about wedding gifts is bad, my MIL just had me tell her how much everyone in her family gace my son for his 1st b-day. 
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| Posted 11/8/07 9:54 AM |
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mooshyboo
So Blessed!
Member since 11/07 6297 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
i hear ya in a way my mom asked a couple of weeks ago not for a list but wanted to know how our family did as far as gift giving ~ when I told her some people did not even give us a card (and i am the type if you don't have the money to give a gift a card would have been really nice ~ but some did not even give us a card) she wanted to know names and I told her this is not why we had a wedding but then told a little white lye that i forgot the names since they were my dad's cousins (and we don't see them often) i told her i did not want to mix up the wrong names ~ I will get back to you! (and forget again in the future) but i felt weird 
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| Posted 11/8/07 10:02 AM |
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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My mom asked for it too, but it was more like she wanted to make sure she was giving enough when she went to one of their weddings. I do not think it is a bad thing.
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| Posted 11/8/07 1:47 PM |
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Jessee
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1260 total posts
Name:
Jessee
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Personally, I think, if you think it's SO tacky that your parents are asking what their friends gave, or family, then why keep a list for yourself?
I kept a list and use it as a guide. I usually give $250-$300 for a wedding (unless I'm in the wedding party or it's someone really close) but my list helps me gauge which end I want to go with - KWIM? I had one friend who is very well off - lives in a huge million point something dollar home, etc and I've known her since high school. She gave me $200 - didn't even cover her plate (with her DH). Now when she got married I opted to give her $250 instead of $300.
As far as parents go, my ILs have asked a few times since our wedding what their friends gave us - not family but for children of friends who they barely know it was a good guideline.
Hope this makes sense.
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| Posted 11/8/07 1:59 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
I think you should always just give what you feel comfortable giving and that's it. Same for parents and in-laws- end of story.
I do resent getting invites to showers and parties where there is no possible way I can attend(I live in CA). I didn't give my cousin or his future wife a shower gift or a wedding gift since they didn't give us one either. That I don't see anything wrong with at all. I didn't attend the shower or the wedding.
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| Posted 11/8/07 2:34 PM |
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DandS
We are so blessed!!
Member since 1/07 1951 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by ali120206
We weren't asked for our entire list but, we've been asked to help them as a guide for weddings they've been to since ours.
This is exactly what happened to DH and I.
I really don't see anything wrong with it. I don't know if I would give a list to our parents of what everyone gave, but if they ask I don't have a problem telling them. If someone else asked I wouldn't say, but I don't mind telling our parents. But again only if they asked.
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| Posted 11/8/07 2:59 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
I had no problem sharing gift amounts with both my parents and my DHs parents.
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| Posted 11/8/07 3:11 PM |
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