Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

I can see why you are upset but I don't think there is anything you can really do about it. Has she come to your house for thanksgiving in the past? Has her family come? Let her have her first Thanksgiving with her family in her house. Once she sees how much work it is, she may never want to do it again- lol! Or I think I would try to build a close relationship with her & then work something out where you both alternate every year but of course all sides of the family will have to be invited.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

They didn't invite you or your parents who will be there with you?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

I can see why you'd be disappointed. On the flip side, I have a brother and sister in law that host Thanksgiving every year. They refuse to travel during the day to see anyone. They refuse to give up hosting. I want to see my brother and his family, but I also have a husband that has a family with its own traditions.

So I drive to my brother's house, eat dinner there, and then drive back to my in law's for dessert every single year.

Sometimes I wish everyone could just be more flexible and alternate years or houses. Claiming a holiday for eternity is not realistic with siblings, spouses, and extended family IMO.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

I understand being disappointed but I wouldn't take it personally at all. Try not to let it get you too upset. It's only natural to want to start your own family traditions and not just be part of someone else's. Things tend to naturally evolve in families, especially as people get married, have kids, move, etc.

Their wanting to host is not a reflection on how they felt about you hosting whatsoever!

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

id be very upset

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Does SIL kow you host every year?

I could just see someone asking my DH and him saying we don't have any firm traditions for Christmas Eve which is crazy because we host a big party every year but he is just clueless that it's oour "thing".

In any case, I would think everyone would talk about it before making separate plans so I would be miffed that they just made plans that didn't include you without talking to you first. However, I can see how they want to host for the first time in their new home-they just should have talked about it first.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

They should have talked to you first, b/c now they are putting your in-laws in a weird position to choose between their 2 sons. Well, unless they didn't invite your in-laws at all?

Am I being overly sensitive?

Oh I definitely do NOT think you are being too sensitive, I would feel the exact same way! First of all, its tradition for you to host-- if they wanted to change it up - fine, I get that since its their first house, etc, but they should talk to you about (though like you suggested, why not just host a different holiday-- but either way .. discuss it with you-- you are siblings not strangers and you have been kind enough to invite them over every year in the past). Second of all, eveni f they want to do it at their house, and even if hey feel they didn't need to discuss it with you (all of which I disagree with and would be upset about too) there is no question that they should have invited you over!

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

I usually side with you, but in this case I do think you're being a little sensitive. You said it's been your tradition to have the family over, but this is his brother's fiancé. How many years has she come? For her she may have been going to her family for years and years and now she is in a new home, getting married and planning on starting her own family and tradition.
When DH and I were dating his whole family would always get together with his mom's side of the family. My aunt (MIL's oldest sister) had 3 daughters all older, married and with kids so DH has just gone there as long as he's known for everything. When we got engaged DH got an even bigger family. All of my family. Things changed and we try to make things as easy as possible, but there are some times we can't please everyone and have to do what's best for us. Although we are the most flexible out of everyone.
I think this is why we joke so much about being Jewish and how all the Jewish holidays are two days... because you can have one night with one side and one night with another.
Try not to take it personal. Doesn't sound like it's intentional. I almost must add most men don't even get these things. It's DH's brother. He has always just followed what his family does bc that's what he was told. Men don't see it as a "tradition" and how changing things can hurt someone. He's just going along with his fiancé bc he knows that's what makes her happy.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Yup, you're being overly sensitive. This isn't a big deal.. Families grow and change, it's unreasonable to think traditions won't change as families add members. Saying "can't they just host Christmas" might not be a reasonable alternative to them if it is important for them to host Thanksgiving. Go on with your meal, be happy for the family that can make it and stuff yourself silly!

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Yes

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Honestly, I do think you are being a bit oversensitive.

As we get older, families change, situations change and sometimes traditions change.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

I just want to respond to a couple questions I saw throughout...
They have spent their past two Thanksgivings at our house. She said that Thanksgiving isn't that big of a deal with her family, which is a big part of why I'm miffed now.
No, we were not invited to their Thanksgiving. No one on DHs side was.
No, none of this was discussed before hand.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Posted by ElizaRags35

Posted by melbalalala

Yup, you're being overly sensitive. This isn't a big deal.. Families grow and change, it's unreasonable to think traditions won't change as families add members. Saying "can't they just host Christmas" might not be a reasonable alternative to them if it is important for them to host Thanksgiving. Go on with your meal, be happy for the family that can make it and stuff yourself silly!

My mom has this problem. She can't seem to understand that I now have to share holidays with DH and his family. She wants to decide what holidays are good for her and anything left over is for my IL's. It's one of the reasons I hate this time of year.

Am I being overly sensitive?

I understand why you're upset and not being invited makes it worse but I think you also need to see it from her side. Even though she said Thanksgiving is not a big deal to her family she is still excited to host a holiday in her new home. I think they should have extended an invite to you but just like you are making a tradition for your family to be at your house I'm sure she is hoping to start making a traditions also.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Your brother in law really should have called your DH to discuss. On top of that, the invite should have been extended to your family as well. Not right.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

i understand what you're saying.. but being the last to marry into a family of 3 boys, everyone hosts a holiday already and it's like i never can now. try and see it from their side. they have family too that they want at their home.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

For the record, the is the ONLY holiday I host. It's not like I host a bunch and am not willing to give one up. This is it.

Am I being overly sensitive?

This is why we go to Atlantic city for thanksgiving. Just me my husband and my son. No fighting over who goes where and who does what. I love it this way.

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Re: Am I being overly sensitive?

Let them host.

After she realizes how much work it is she will be begging to come back to your house next year.