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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
I have three boys and have been vacillating for two years but finally decided this fall, I am going for it. I am working out, watching my diet, cutting back on caffeine and booze, and making a million vacation plans this summer so that I can have a great, fun, healthy summer before having my Grand Finale Baby. There are a million reasons why it's "crazy" to do it right now - three kids is tough! - but I'm 36, it's now or never.
I keep picturing myself in 5 years, when all (or most of!) the mania settles, and the thought of regretting not going for it one more time makes me ill. All oft reasons for waiting or not going for it won't seem nearly as important then. I don't want to live with that kind of regret. I also picture myself as middle aged, and then an old lady, with big family gatherings and lots of kids and grand kids around and it makes me happy. Good luck!
Message edited 4/21/2015 9:09:10 AM.
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Posted 4/21/15 9:07 AM  |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
For us, the decision came down to DH. He feels strongly that having a third will diminish the quality of life for the family we already have, and will put a strain on our relationship that he does not want. I understand, respect and in some cases agree with his view. I cannot close the door 100% on having another, but I also feel that our marriage is more important that my desire for a third right now.
So I'm trying to focus on all the good things about being done with the pregnant/newborn phase. I still feel sad about maybe never being pregnant again, but also a little excited about growing as a family of four.
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| Posted 4/21/15 9:16 AM |
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myminions
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/14 454 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
I have a DS & DD...done
1. I feel I am too old - over 40 to have another
2. Kind of felt years ago before I was even married 2 would be enough
After I had my second DH and I thought about a 3rd for a short time but would need to get a bigger car ... a room would have to be shared because we were not up to adding a fourth bedroom .... we also do not have a strong support network/ family in case we need help. Last ... I kind of want to go back to work in about 3 years.
It is normal to feel a bit sad because a chapter of your life is ending ... but a new one is beginning .... raising them! Enjoy it ...before you know it you will be sending them off to college.
Message edited 4/21/2015 9:29:15 AM.
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| Posted 4/21/15 9:28 AM |
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MrsBurgos09
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 915 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
Posted by Pomegranate5
For us, the decision came down to DH. He feels strongly that having a third will diminish the quality of life for the family we already have, and will put a strain on our relationship that he does not want. I understand, respect and in some cases agree with his view. I cannot close the door 100% on having another, but I also feel that our marriage is more important that my desire for a third right now.
So I'm trying to focus on all the good things about being done with the pregnant/newborn phase. I still feel sad about maybe never being pregnant again, but also a little excited about growing as a family of four.
Similar to above... We talk about it often. I vacillate between feeling done and feeling like I want to experience it all over again ( as miserable as it was!)DH on the other hand is pretty adamant he doesn't want to have another - we have 1 DS.. hes 2.5. The decision will come down to DH... I am down to try for another... if he still feels like this in lets say 2 more years - we will be done. I don't want to have a marriage filled with resentment towards me because I made him agree to #2. I to try and focus on all the beautiful things we have going on right now and that we were blessed to have my cutie patootie now!
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| Posted 4/21/15 10:03 AM |
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luvmotherhood
california dreamin'
Member since 2/13 1443 total posts
Name:
love my family!
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
Posted by MrsBurgos09
Posted by Pomegranate5
For us, the decision came down to DH. He feels strongly that having a third will diminish the quality of life for the family we already have, and will put a strain on our relationship that he does not want. I understand, respect and in some cases agree with his view. I cannot close the door 100% on having another, but I also feel that our marriage is more important that my desire for a third right now.
So I'm trying to focus on all the good things about being done with the pregnant/newborn phase. I still feel sad about maybe never being pregnant again, but also a little excited about growing as a family of four.
Similar to above... We talk about it often. I vacillate between feeling done and feeling like I want to experience it all over again ( as miserable as it was!)DH on the other hand is pretty adamant he doesn't want to have another - we have 1 DS.. hes 2.5. The decision will come down to DH... I am down to try for another... if he still feels like this in lets say 2 more years - we will be done. I don't want to have a marriage filled with resentment towards me because I made him agree to #2. I to try and focus on all the beautiful things we have going on right now and that we were blessed to have my cutie patootie now!
I feel the same. I have 2 as well and I could see myself having a third, but Dh is adamant that it will hinder our quality of life and it won't be feasible with us both working.
I don't feel quite done but I have to respect his wishes.
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| Posted 4/21/15 12:31 PM |
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Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
Our decision is almost made for us. I had a difficult pregnancy and even worse Post Partum. We also don't have the support we would need for a 2nd (2 in daycare would be me WHOLE paycheck and I HATED being a SAHM), plus we worry our relationship won't be able to handle another child. We're sticking to 1, unless we win the lottery.
Message edited 4/21/2015 12:42:59 PM.
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| Posted 4/21/15 12:41 PM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
Posted by Hopefulmama
I have three boys and have been vacillating for two years but finally decided this fall, I am going for it. I am working out, watching my diet, cutting back on caffeine and booze, and making a million vacation plans this summer so that I can have a great, fun, healthy summer before having my Grand Finale Baby. There are a million reasons why it's "crazy" to do it right now - three kids is tough! - but I'm 36, it's now or never.
I keep picturing myself in 5 years, when all (or most of!) the mania settles, and the thought of regretting not going for it one more time makes me ill. All oft reasons for waiting or not going for it won't seem nearly as important then. I don't want to live with that kind of regret. I also picture myself as middle aged, and then an old lady, with big family gatherings and lots of kids and grand kids around and it makes me happy. Good luck!
this is what i think of as well! I think down the road about holidays and family and I just picture there being lots of kids and grandkids. My DH has that and its so nice! I come from a smaller family and I always longed for a big loud family (we have the loud part down pat already, ha!)
I walk by my the spare bedroom at home (which is a playroom) and I can't help but to think that a child should be there..
Message edited 4/21/2015 4:15:30 PM.
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| Posted 4/21/15 4:11 PM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
Posted by Pomegranate5
For us, the decision came down to DH. He feels strongly that having a third will diminish the quality of life for the family we already have, and will put a strain on our relationship that he does not want. I understand, respect and in some cases agree with his view. I cannot close the door 100% on having another, but I also feel that our marriage is more important that my desire for a third right now.
So I'm trying to focus on all the good things about being done with the pregnant/newborn phase. I still feel sad about maybe never being pregnant again, but also a little excited about growing as a family of four.
My DH has said similar things about going for a 3rd. He worries that we won't be able to handle it and like you, I see his side. We don't have the help that we thought we were going to have, we both work FT and we have our hands full already. I struggle between the longing for another and his feelings and points and I worry whether I will have regrets down the road..
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| Posted 4/21/15 4:14 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
I am pregnant with #2 and I hate to think this is my last time being pregnant. I love it.
It took us a long time to get pregnant (IVF) with DS and this baby was a total surprise. I am not young so I don't know if a 3rd is in store. I was worried we'd never have one so I guess its not a bad situation to be in!
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| Posted 4/21/15 7:28 PM |
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MyBabyG
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/15 793 total posts
Name:
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Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
I was 38 when I had DD. At that point I knew that I was one and done. DH tells me he wants one more and I tell him he can have As many kids he wants with his next wife! :)
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| Posted 4/21/15 8:45 PM |
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tryin4baby3
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/12 425 total posts
Name:
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Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
Dh and I always said 3 or 4. After 2 girls, I longed for another child. I still felt like someone was missing from our family. Dh wasn't as sure then, because he thought things were so good, 3 would make things like travel and such harder. But he came around. I felt complete and we were done after 3. But when my youngest turned 6 months, Dh came to me and said he wanted one more. 4 seemed over the top, so we debated it for awhile, but figured it wouldn't be much different from three, and we both loving having and raising children, love the idea of a big family, and our kids love having siblings and always want more (the older two at least...the little one is still too little to really say, but she adores her big sisters). So we went for the fourth because we didn't want them too spread out. Dd4 will be here this summer, just over two years younger than my youngest, 6.5 years younger than my oldest. We're definitely done after her, because we're out of space in the house, we don't want a huge gap between youngest and oldest, definitely feel complete, and want to be able to give our 4 enough time, attention, finances, etc.
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| Posted 4/22/15 8:15 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone else not sure if they want another child? How did you know you were done?
we have two girl and boy and I am done I never wanted more than 2 and I think I would have been ok with just one. I just knew I never wanted more and my decision has nothing to do if we can afford it or not I just didn't want anymore.
I am so sure that I am 99.9% sure I will be getting my tubes tied.
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| Posted 4/22/15 8:31 AM |
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