Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

DH & I were both born & raised in Queens. We lived in a co-op in Bayside until September 2012, when we bought our house in Commack. It is beautiful out here, but I hate living here. Even though Queens, especially Bayside where we lived, is considered "suburban Queens", it is still more city like than Suffolk. I just can't adjust to live outside of the city. Did anyone else take awhile to adjust to live away from Queens? Or any borough, really. I just don't like ultra suburban living. I told DH last night, I want to put our house on the market and move back. Buy a house in Whitestone, Bayside, or even North Flushing/Auburndale. We have 2 boys, a 2.5 yr old and a 9 month old, and we want to TTC # 3 sometime in 2014. I know LI is a great place to raise kids, and Commack has a great school system, I am just not happy here, and neither is DH. I know it is going to be so much work to put our house on the market, look for a house in Queens, and go through the stress of moving again- we have only been in this house for 16 months. I don't know what I am looking for here, I just needed to vent. I miss my NYC!

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I didn't move to LI but I lived in Whitestone for 9 years- basically my entire young adult life- and moved to Brewster in Putnam County. This area borders on being more rural than suburban and it was a huge adjustment. When I lived in Queens I had so much in walking distance- groceries, gym, library, etc. I drove to work and to the mall, etc. but I walked as much as I could. Now it takes me well over 10 minutes to get to anything. I got used to the noise and then had to get use to the quiet.

The pace here is so much slower and I really had to learn to slow down. We moved here in 2005, I had a baby in 2007 and we put our house on the market in 2008 but were unable to sell because the market was tanking. Also, as much as we wanted a house, I really missed the simplicity of apartment living.

You are the only one who can decide but I would give it a little time, especially since the market seems to be slowly improving, though that may make Queens more challenging price-wide. DH and I loved Whitestone and thought about buying but we realized when our future kid got to HS we might have an issue because of the schools- if DD did not get into a good school we would have to shell out tuition.

Have you made new friends? That can be hard and have a big impact IMO. I worked FT in the Bronx and DD went to daycare. I did join a book club but I otherwise didn't really make any friends. But when DD began kindergarten last year things really changed. I had also quit my job, and I have met so many people through PTA, Girl Scouts, etc and have made a few really good friends. Between having a better social life and being able to check out the cool places around here, I have definitely come to enjoy living here and could not imagine leaving. I would try to get involved with something through your older son and check out the things to do where you live, maybe that will help. Your local library might be a good place to start. Sixteen months isn't that long, it does not seem like it should be a big change but it really is!

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I have lived on LI all of my life, but since after college have always lived in a village area (Huntington, Babylon), until I met DH and we bought a house in Commack. I feel somewhat like you do - I miss the village feel. Maybe if you looked into an area like that (also Northport, Port Jeff, Rockville Centre,etc) you would have more of what you are missing but still have the benefits of LI for raising your kids.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I am born and raised in Whitestone so I totally get what you are saying, even though we could have gotten our house much cheaper in LI we stayed in Whitestone. IMO Whitestone/Bayside/Little Neck/N Flushing--you are getting the best of both worlds. Good schools, great "community" and yet you are in NYC.

If you are really unhappy I would consider moving back, while it will be stressful it will be worth it. Also Commack to me is far and very different, maybe somewhere like Floral Park, New Hyde Park etc. would be a better compromise? You are still close to NYC but you are also getting the LI vibe?

good luck

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

Posted by DiamondGirl

I am born and raised in Whitestone so I totally get what you are saying, even though we could have gotten our house much cheaper in LI we stayed in Whitestone. IMO Whitestone/Bayside/Little Neck/N Flushing--you are getting the best of both worlds. Good schools, great "community" and yet you are in NYC.

If you are really unhappy I would consider moving back, while it will be stressful it will be worth it. Also Commack to me is far and very different, maybe somewhere like Floral Park, New Hyde Park etc. would be a better compromise? You are still close to NYC but you are also getting the LI vibe?

good luck

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I agree with this. Commack does lack that village or community feel IMO.

I love the quiet, the space, being close to th beaches, love having huge parking lots for shopping centers or drs offices, love driving to and from whatever.

What specifically do you miss?

Message edited 2/14/2014 8:12:15 PM.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I grew up in Whitestone and bought our first house in Whitestone. We moved to Commack about 2 years ago and we are very happy here. All of my family is still in Whitestone. It was a little tough leaving family but we got used to it. Our children are very happy here and we are happy with the schools. Yes it's a pain to have to get into your car to get the paper or a cup of coffee lol!!! I like that shopping is close by. I do wish there was a village main street but you can't have everything! I wouldn't have been able to buy a larger home with a larger backyard in Whitestone. We did what worked for our family. If you and your husband are not happy I would probably move back. In the end it's about being happy. :)

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I grew up in Brooklyn. Lived there until my late 20's when I moved out to LI to be with my now DH. It was a very big adjustment. We lived in East Meadow for a year, then to West babylon and Now West Islip.

I find it hard because I left my old life behind. My friends are all in Brooklyn & Queens. I miss walking to the store. I have put on weight being here to. Driving everywhere. The only thing to do it go out to eat lol

BUT with all that said. I do enjoy the property we have. We also lucked out with our neighbors. We have such nice neighbors. Friendly. We hang out with them too. When I go "home" to visit with friends, I feel cramped. Everything and everyone is on top of each other. And I'm glad to come back to my new home.

It may just be an adjustment. When the kids gets a little older, you may think differently. There are more things here for them to do. Within the schools and such. That was my main reason for wanting to move to W. Islip. For when we had kids (that's isn't going as planned). It took me a while, but I am finally happy in Long Island.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

Well then I guess you definitely made a mistake moving to Commack if you would love to live in Manhattan and like the convenience of all those things. Sounds like your decision is made and it's clear by your post to me, you should absolutely move to where you will be most happy! Sure it will suck to move again but you will manage it all and once again be where your heart is.

Message edited 2/14/2014 8:11:47 PM.

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I think you may want to look into areas that have a "downtown" feel so to speak, like mane a village type feel with a Main Street and shops within walking distance

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

It's amazing I grew up on the Nassau/Queens border and if I can move further out east on a farm with property I would. My DH is already commuting from W Suffolk to Manhattan to we can live in open space and not on top of one another. I would give it more time. Commack is a fantastic area and the schools are in the top 5 on the island.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I agree with giving it more time. It's a big adjustment and it's only been a little over a year.

I grew up on Long Island, but then spent about 12 years living in cities (3 in Philadelphia and 9 in Manhattan). DH had spent 10+ years in Manhattan.

We moved back to Long Island (Nassau) when we had our son 5 years ago.

It was a definite adjustment at first. I hadn't really driven a car in a dozen years, and had to get re-used to driving, plus it was dead of winter (we moved Jan. 9), and that was a cold, snowy winter and I had a newborn! Driving everywhere really took some getting used to for me. Not being able to just pop out to a restaurant, split a couple of bottles of wine, and walk home took some getting used to.

Plus, our jobs were still in the city at the time, and a lot of friends were still there.

But we knew that we couldn't and didn't want to raise children in the city (affordability and schools were big factors). But for us, a big driver for our move was that we had family on Long Island who we knew would be helping us with our son. So we didn't move into an area where we knew no one.

I am very happy where we are now, and so is DH. But we really tried to embrace the change when we made it. I joined a local mom's group (Stroller Strides) when we first moved and tried to do a lot of things with my son at the local library. Now that he is older, he does a lot of sports and community activities. I tried to reconnect with friends that were on LI that I fell out of touch with when I was in the city (Facebook helped). I tried to embrace cooking more at home and enjoying it instead of eating out and getting take out all the time as we did in the city. I had more space to entertain in my house, so I had city friends come stay over on weekends every couple of months.

Some of these things might not be possible for you (for example, it sounds like you don't have family or any old friends in the area). But it also sounds like you spend a lot of free time going back to Queens or headed into Manhattan. Not meaning to sound harsh, but maybe you haven't given Commack/Long Island/suburban living a full chance yet? Maybe if you looked into some fun things you guys could do out here instead of spending all of your time going back to what you are missing, the transition would become easier.

It's harder in the winter, but while we love the city and often take our son back to our old neighborhood or just go in to spend a day (one fall weekend we just went in to Manhattan for brunch with our son and walked around a bit), we also like to take advantage of what's here on LI - fruit picking, wine tasting, local festivals/street fairs, parks, beaches, children's museum, aquarium... and doing more things locally may help you meet more people locally. I've found that a lot of people we have met here are similar to us - people who lived in the city for a long period of time and then moved to the suburbs.

I get that you never grew up on the suburbs, so maybe it's truly not for you. But if I were you, I'd give it another year and see how things go. Your kids are young, not in the middle of schools yet, so it won't be hard to transition if you wait another year.

If you do decide to put your house on the market and move, give me a call! I am always happy to consult with anyone about their real estate options and provide more info.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I grew up in Queens and moved to Suffolk county after I got married in 2006. After almost 8 years, it still doesn't feel like home.

I miss Queens. I miss the noise. It's too quite here. I miss streets and avenues with numbers - so much easier to get around.

I would move back in a heartbeat if I could sell my house.

I'm not sure it will ever feel like home!

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I grew up in queens, and moved to the floral park/new hyde park area. Still so close to where my family in queens is, and has the downtown area walking distance -- but I was able to get more house for my money here. Buying where I grew up with impossible for us $$$.
I wouldn't be able to move to Suffolk -- I suggest checking out the areas of Nassau on the border of queens to see what you think.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

Also, to the OP - May I ask what factors led you to Commack in the first place? Do those perceived benefits still exist?

For example, I know when we moved to our town, big positives were proximity to family to help with DS, good schools, and the good train line and access to parkways for commuting. Even though there are some tradeoffs we made to leave city living for suburban life, those positive factors still hold true and we reap the benefits of them, even if there are some downsides.

So maybe - when deciding whether you should move back to Queens - it would be helpful to think about why you went to Commack in the first place, and if those perceived benefits have actually been positives for you (or if you have given them a chance to be). If those benefits don't exist, or the reasons you decided to move to Commack no longer hold true, then I think that would weigh more strongly in favor of moving back to Queens.

If the drivers are still there (e.g., the good school system), then I guess you need to weigh out these positives against the negatives, and ask yourself whether the same benefits will be available if you move!

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I grew up in Manhattan and moved up to Westchester about 4 years ago. I have zero regrets and can honestly say I do not miss living in the city one bit. If you are still unhappy, I would consider moving back to Queens or even a more city like town on Long Island. I know it is going to be a PITA to feel like you have to start over but there is nothing worse than living somewhere you hate. I went through that for 2 years and it was torture.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I remember when you were looking in commack bc we were too. Unfortunately we bought our current home at the height of the market and we couldn't sell it. We WISH we could be in commack bc it has everything we are looking for. We are in lynbrook now and we desire a more suburban area. DH and and I lived our entire life in queens and even purchased our first home there. I grew up in Howard beach and we lived in our first home in Howard beach after we got married.

My family (still lives in HB) think we are crazy for wanting to move to commack but they have lived in queens and Brooklyn their entire life.

We are going to sell again very shortly and hope it works out.

While we love lynbrook it feels too much like queens to us if that makes sense.

Do you still have family in commack?

Message edited 1/6/2014 10:17:04 PM.

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I am the opposite. I hate queens and NYC. I moved to NJ and love it. We moved to a really quiet area but there is so much around us. Also we have a really nice busy town very close for the manhattan feel when we want it. We are going out there next weekend again and i am really looking forward to it. In 5 months we have been in twice LOL. I like peace and quiet.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I totally understand where you're coming from. I grew up in Auburndale (lived there until 27) & then Dh & I lived in Whitestone until we got married. To this day (7 years later) we still say we miss the restaurants, the "feel" of it, being close to everything & to me I miss my old neighborhood & the memories. All my favorites...(Graziella Pizza, D'Aquila Bakery, the neighborhood parks).

We'll be moving in the next year and I asked DH if he'd consider Bayside/Whitestone. He grew up on the island & he said he'd miss the property out in Suffolk and being so close to the water/beach.

7 years later I have come to like living out here; but our town has a Village & a "Main Street" & it seems people that grew up here don't venture far. Everyone knows someone here. YET it is still not Queens. We venture in to Cherry Valley for sandwiches or for bike rides down the Cross Island walk or to fish off Ft. Totten still.

If you don't think you'll be happy here in another town, then check out your old town; schools rock in 26 (as you know).

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

i grew up in Canarsie, Brooklyn...moved to Bellmore in High School (hated it)...went to college in Buffalo to get away from long island people (and turns out my whole school was from LI!!), back to bellmore after school. met my ExH...moved to Bay Ridge...then bought a house in Merrick. since my divorce I just recently bought a house in Wantagh.

As much as i LOVE brooklyn and it will ALWAYS be my home...it's not the same Brooklyn I grew up in. Yes Bay Ridge is still awesome, but I'm not a fan of the school system (and I worked in the central offices of the DOE for 10 years).

I did't like the idea of paying more money for a house with no land and maybe no parking. I want my son to be able to play on his front lawn or in his backyard. I wanted to be near my family (who is in Bellmore). And I want my son to get a great education.

But I still refused to move to Suffolk cause I didn't want to live in guam and too far from the city. a lot of my friends are still in Brooklyn so I want to be able to see them when I can. I felt Nassau was a good compromise.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

We are actually selling our little neck coop with plans to move to the north shore and I am not that excited at all. DH & I know that there will be more space for the kids & good schools..other than that, I have no idea what nassau has to offer. I am not looking forward to longer commutes to nyc, the feeling of isolation that I have felt when I briefly lived in nassau for 2 years of my life, needing your car for everything. We are both queens people- love it here but we cannot afford a house in the 3 areas that we would like in queens. I know exactly how you feel. As our closing date approaches on our sale, I am second guessing our decision to sell but it's too late now.

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

I'm born and raised in Queens and moved to LI four years ago when we bought our house.

I knew I could never be happy in Suffolk and my husband wanted to stay near where he grew up in western Nassau, so that's where we settled.

I'm very happy here. I can walk to a bunch of stores and my commute into the city is actually shorter than it was from Queens (I use the Mineola train station).

Re: Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

Not Long Island but Orange County Ny. We moved from Whitestone to Goshen in 2008 and what a change that was. I was not ready for the change, nor did i know what was in store for me. We did it for two years, put the house on the market and couldn't sell so we have been renting it since losing a TON of money. We may go back someday bc we may have no choice but for now our hearts are in queens. WE are paying for a house and living in an apartment, most people think we are crazy but I am much happier here. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy!

Anyone live in the 5 boroughs and move out to the island?

Thank you all SO MUCH for the replies! I am happy to see I am not alone in longing for Queens after moving out to Suffolk. To a PP that asked what originally drew us to Commack- when I gave birth to my 1st son almost 3 years ago, DH & I just assumed we would pack up and move to LI, for the "family life". It sounds so silly & naive, but we just assumed it was what people did. Have a baby, move to the burbs. We researched towns to the death- Commack, Northport, Kings Park, Smithtown, Bellmore, Wantagh, Merrick, Massapequa, Port Washington, you name it, we thought about it. All of those areas have wonderful public schools and lots of families, so we just wound up where we found a house. I am not exaggerating when I say I so deeply regret this decision, and how hastily we made it. All of our families are in Queens/western Nassau. We have tons of friends that also all live out that way. I have made some new friends in my neighborhood, but it isn't the same. I hate that whenever my BFF & her DH want to go out for the night, I have to trek into Queens with my kids, so they can sleep over my parents house, because we have no sitters out here that we trust. I am not thrilled with our daycare. Which I know, I can always switch, but I wasn't that thrilled with any I looked at. If we were to go back, my in laws would watch the boys, and they would do part time preschool a few days a week.
I just don't like the "feel" of things out here, I miss the vibe that exists in Bayside, if that makes sense. It is really hard to put into words. Like a PP said, simple things like jogging the Cross Island, going to my fave childhood restaurant, or even simply being able to meet a friend for dinner one night while DH stays home with the kids. Can't do that out here, I am not driving an hour just to sit in the diner for 90 min, and then drive back. I miss being a 20 min train ride away from Manhattan.
I also miss my parish- I grew up at a parish in Auburndale and it was like family. I wish my kids were growing up in that church.
Maybe all of these things are silly sounding, but in all honesty, I can't really put into words everything I miss about Queens...I just do, if that makes sense. I told DH I was MAYBE willing to look at Floral Park/Bellerose Village just over the Queens line, but that is it. We shall see what the next year brings. We know we want out. Life is short, being happy is important, and where you live plays a big part in that. So, we are leaning very much towards heading back, and hope to be there by this time next year.