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leighla
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Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
One of the moms on the show (a hihg-powered business woman) was facing-off against a SAHM in her kid's school and complaining to her friends about how the SAHM was basically trying to undermine her.
The one friend said "It's the classic Mommy Wars. Working moms make the SAHMs feel guilty for being a throw back and not contributing. SAHMs make working moms feel guilty for not excluding everything in their life but their kids."
In your personal experience, do you feel that? (Whichever side of the fence you fall on.)
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Posted 1/10/08 7:01 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
oh boy, I can see where this thread will be going (no offense) 
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:10 AM |
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JRG71
*****************
Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
No I don't. I feel like these tv shows leave 1 important aspect of this argument out - and that is that some women have to work. It's not about contributions to society or any ethical standpoint.
It infuriates the he!! out of me.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:11 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I couldn't care less what anyone else does...but I personally don't work because I have to to pay the mortgage, we could do fine if I decided to stay at home, I work because I enjoy it and it helps me to be a more balanced person...
Thats all bollocks. I don't think SAHM's resent WM's or vice versa. Maybe SAHM's are jealous of WM's and vice versa.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:18 AM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I don't feel competition or confrontation with SAHMs but that may change once DD is in school and I have more interaction with SAHMs. I hope not. I understand why someone would want to SAH; I would hope they would extend the same courtesy to me.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:28 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I hesitate to participate in this one cause I'm sure it will turn sour pretty quickly.
However, why not?
Yes, I think SAHM and WM moms generally try to justify whatever it is they do and often at the expense of the other "group". It happens on this site all the time, I imagine it happens even more so off the site.
I think everyone should be more diplomatic when justifying what it is they do so as not to cut down the other group. I don't need to make others feel badly to make myself feel good. JMO
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:35 AM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by CrankyPants
I hesitate to participate in this one cause I'm sure it will turn sour pretty quickly.
However, why not?
Yes, I think SAHM and WM moms generally try to justify whatever it is they do and often at the expense of the other "group". It happens on this site all the time, I imagine it happens even more so off the site.
I think everyone should be more diplomatic when justifying what it is they do so as not to cut down the other group. I don't need to make others feel badly to make myself feel good. JMO
exactly...I dk if I even want to answer this...I already have a headache.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:40 AM |
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LInative
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 1977 total posts
Name:
Cassie
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I tend to have a problem when people judge me period for choices I make in my life. So if you're OK w/my choices, I'm OK w/yours - and truly it's none of anyone else's business right? We all do what's best for us/our families.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:40 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
IMO - people do what they need to do for their family. Bottom line.
Some people need to work and want to stay at home.
Some people want to work but can stay home financially.
Whatever works for your own personal family dynamic.
It's not that I necessarily wanted to be a SAHM - but I didn't want to be away from my child 13 hours a day (ultimately not seeing them at all Mon-Fri) and, I knew this even before I had a child.
With my job - I am able to Work from home - so I have the best of both worlds I believe. 
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:42 AM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Whether you choose to be a SAHM or a Working Mom or you are forced to be a Working Mom for financial reasons, everyone is still a Mom. I see benefits to both sides and I am a SAHM, but am anxiously awaiting the opening of my new business so I can enter back into the working world. I have been a SAHM for 3 years and it is so so hard. The hardest part being to surrender a huge part of who you are. Many people aren't career minded so being a SAHM is an easy decision.
My decision to be a SAHM was to be home for my kids when they were babies. I had the financial luxury to do so, but it is not what I really want for ME. It is what I want for my kids right now. So I make the sacrifice. I am so thankful that I am able to do this, but I also know that I will not be able to be happy as they grow if I don't go back to work.
So I don't see the point of these SAHM vs Working Mom wars. Its ridiculous. Why should someone care what other people do? I know working moms who would be horrible SAHMs and they know it too. They are better Moms becasue they work. I think I fall in the middle.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:45 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I am very happy being a sahm. I don't resent working moms, I don't have any jealous feelings towards them.
I will admit, I don't always understand working moms. I could not work long days away from Josh, something would not feel right. I know financially, some don't have a choice, but this is coming from someone who lives in the south in a 2 bedroom apt. I knew I could never work long hours, so I decided to move.
Message edited 1/10/2008 8:54:21 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 8:48 AM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I am a SAHM by choice. The job I had, it would not have been worth it for me to go back. My salary was not much to begin with. I am looking for PT evening work, so, I can be bringing in some kind of salary. Starting in March I will also be babysitting, which, still allows me to stay home and bring in some extra $$.
I do not resent working moms. I give SAHMs and Working Moms credit.
Bottom Line..We ALL work hard!
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:05 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Janice
I am very happy being a sahm. I don't resent working moms, I don't have any jealous feelings towards them.
I will admit, I don't always understand working moms. I could not work long days away from Josh, something would not feel right. I know financially, some don't have a choice, but this is coming from someone who lives in the south in a 2 bedroom apt. I knew I could never work long hours, so I decided to move.
See, I feel the same way about SAHM's I couldn't imagine not being able to drop Noah off with someone else and have some time to do working, which is what I enjoy doing. We also live somewhere where we can afford...but for us, and our family, I enjoy working!!
(again, I go back and force between whether or not I would want to be a SAHM with my next one, and I don't have any issues with people doing what they want to do etc...to each their own, live and let live etc etc.)
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:09 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Sometimes yes, many times no. With my closest friends, who range from SAHM's to working moms, we all have the uttermost respect for one another, and join in supporting one another in our trials and tribulations, without any judgment. I mean, look at this very site - I think we have the most supportive, kind, understanding compassionate women (and men) that could exist on any cyberspace environment 
Yes, there will always be those "bad seeds" out there - I've encountered my fair share of them. I just learned to stand my ground, keep a distance from them, and know in my heart that the only reason why they judge in that manner is becuase they must be insecure, for whatever reason, about their own decisions or situation.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:13 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Definitely a hard subject all around.
Personally, I don't begrudge anyone anything and all I ask is for the same respect. I work outside of the home but you will not hear me complain. It is what it is. The opportunities I have had to be home with DS have really opened my eyes to how difficult it is to be at home so I never say that one is more difficult than the other.
I think that we all need to support each other. Somehow at some point it became one side vs the other and I really wish that would stop. I don't believe that one situation is universally better than another. I think that whatever works (or has to be) for each family is the best for that family and should be respected.
No one should ever be made to feel that what they are doing, what they chose to do or what they have to do it wrong. As moms we have enough guilt and worry on our plates already...we don't need anymore. No one should be made to feel inadequate.
I applaude everyone that has made the very best of their situation. Ultimately all that matters is that the kids are happy, loved and well cared for.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:27 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by racheeeee
Posted by Janice
I am very happy being a sahm. I don't resent working moms, I don't have any jealous feelings towards them.
I will admit, I don't always understand working moms. I could not work long days away from Josh, something would not feel right. I know financially, some don't have a choice, but this is coming from someone who lives in the south in a 2 bedroom apt. I knew I could never work long hours, so I decided to move.
See, I feel the same way about SAHM's I couldn't imagine not being able to drop Noah off with someone else and have some time to do working, which is what I enjoy doing. We also live somewhere where we can afford...but for us, and our family, I enjoy working!!
(again, I go back and force between whether or not I would want to be a SAHM with my next one, and I don't have any issues with people doing what they want to do etc...to each their own, live and let live etc etc.)
I understand that some moms have the need to work and enjoy it....but its the long work days that I leave me not understanding how they get through their day. My heart breaks for them when they post about their long hours and commute. I don't have it in me.
I
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:28 AM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by CrankyPants
I hesitate to participate in this one cause I'm sure it will turn sour pretty quickly.
However, why not?
Yes, I think SAHM and WM moms generally try to justify whatever it is they do and often at the expense of the other "group". It happens on this site all the time, I imagine it happens even more so off the site.
I think everyone should be more diplomatic when justifying what it is they do so as not to cut down the other group. I don't need to make others feel badly to make myself feel good. JMO
I totally agree with this.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:30 AM |
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LuvMy2Girls
@>---------
Member since 5/05 11165 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Diana1215
IMO - people do what they need to do for their family. Bottom line.
Some people need to work and want to stay at home.
Some people want to work but can stay home financially.
Whatever works for your own personal family dynamic.
This I totally agree with..and to add
SOME moms want to work BUT CAN"T and have to stay home cause daycare is too $$$$.
I think the worst thing anyone can do is JUDGE someone based on what they are doing that's best for the family.
WHy is it anyone's business why a mom/dad chooses to stay home and take of the kids or go back to work.
I understand there might be resentment from both ends, but honestly, if what you do for your family is what you need to do, then you shouldn't have to explain or defend yourself or your decision to ANYONE.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:33 AM |
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Charly
LOVE!
Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Diana1215
IMO - people do what they need to do for their family. Bottom line.
Some people need to work and want to stay at home.
Some people want to work but can stay home financially.
Whatever works for your own personal family dynamic.
It's not that I necessarily wanted to be a SAHM - but I didn't want to be away from my child 13 hours a day (ultimately not seeing them at all Mon-Fri) and, I knew this even before I had a child.
With my job - I am able to Work from home - so I have the best of both worlds I believe.
ITA and am lucky to also be able to work from home 2 days out of the 5 days I work.
Maybe off topic a little, but I get a lot of slack from full time working moms about working from home and how easy I have it, etc. Honestly it's sooooo much easier to work in the office, but like Janice said I don't have it in me to leave my child in someone's care 60+ hours a week so I can appease them. I get the same amount of work done, just differently. My days are sooo much longer when I work from home. They seem to never end, but it's something I'm willing to do to be with DD.
Unfortunately I HAVE to work, I feel awful about not being able to be with my DD. I was always very career oriented and never thought I'd want to be a SAHM, but in my heart I do. I know it is a very hard job to be a SAHM and I know it's hard to juggle both a job and a family. Neither mom has it easy, both work hard just differently.
Message edited 1/10/2008 9:43:05 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:41 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Charly
Posted by Diana1215
IMO - people do what they need to do for their family. Bottom line.
Some people need to work and want to stay at home.
Some people want to work but can stay home financially.
Whatever works for your own personal family dynamic.
It's not that I necessarily wanted to be a SAHM - but I didn't want to be away from my child 13 hours a day (ultimately not seeing them at all Mon-Fri) and, I knew this even before I had a child.
With my job - I am able to Work from home - so I have the best of both worlds I believe.
ITA and am lucky to also be able to work from home 2 days out of the 5 days I work.
Maybe off topic a little, but I get a lot of slack from full time working moms about working from home and how easy I have it, etc. Honestly it's sooooo much easier to work in the office, but like Janice said I don't have it in me to leave my child in someone's care 60+ hours a week so I can appease them. I get the same amount of work done, just differently. My days are sooo much longer when I work from home. They seem to never end, but it's something I'm willing to do to be with DD.
Unfortunately I HAVE to work, I feel awful about not being able to be with my DD. I was always very career oriented and never thought I'd want to be a SAHM, but in my heart I do. I know it is a very hard job to be a SAHM and I know it's hard to just juggle both a job and a family. Neither mom has it easy, both work hard just differently.
I respect what both of you are saying but I have to admit that I cringe when I read comments about "not wanting to be away from my child for x hours" just as much as when people ask me "you're not raising yoru child?"
I think any mom that works outside of the home will tell you that we don't WANT to be away from our kids for such a long amount of time. In some cases we want to work and as a result that requires hours away. In other cases we have to work and that means we HAVE to be away - not that we want to.
Just had to say that - I don't mean to argue...it just hurts to see that people view it that way. Maybe not the way you mean it but how it seems. 
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:45 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I think that if you have a great daycare situation, like I feel that I do, leaving your child in their care doesn't feel bad.
If you know what I mean. I love my nursery and I know my son is happy there, and to be honest, he is much more stimulated at daycare then he would be everyday with me. The days I have off to spend with him are all about him...so I don't mind it.
I don't mean to sound argumentative, cos I aint. But I like a good discussion.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:47 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
my cousin for example...has this house with a huge mortage attached to it. She goes back to work in 3 weeks and is in a deep depression about leaving her baby.
She gets on the bus at 7 AM and gets off the bus at 6:45 PM. That is a very long day. Its either she does it or goes into foreclosure. So she is doing it, I try and be supportive, but she is right, she will be missing a lot.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:52 AM |
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Charly
LOVE!
Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Ang-Rich
I respect what both of you are saying but I have to admit that I cringe when I read comments about "not wanting to be away from my child for x hours" just as much as when people ask me "you're not raising yoru child?"
I think any mom that works outside of the home will tell you that we don't WANT to be away from our kids for such a long amount of time. In some cases we want to work and as a result that requires hours away. In other cases we have to work and that means we HAVE to be away - not that we want to.
Just had to say that - I don't mean to argue...it just hurts to see that people view it that way. Maybe not the way you mean it but how it seems.
I understand why it makes you cringe. I cringe saying it because I know how it comes across, but it's how I feel and I can't change it or hide it.
I, personally, can not do it no matter what. I will do whatever I have to to find a way to make it work. I have to work FT or we lose the house, but I can't be away all week. I don't begrudge anyone that doesn't feel that way and I totally feel awful for moms that don't have the ability to change things.
I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else. It was totally not my intent
Message edited 1/10/2008 9:55:04 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:52 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Ang-Rich
I respect what both of you are saying but I have to admit that I cringe when I read comments about "not wanting to be away from my child for x hours" just as much as when people ask me "you're not raising yoru child?"
I've gotten that too, a few times in person, and man, does it hurt when someone says that!
I think a lot of the arguments that sprout from this particular "debate" lies in assumptions. Like, the assumption that all working moms are away from their children for long, long hours. For example, I work a 35 hour work week, and I work from home one day a week. Not so long, not so harsh - just enough time to dedicate a good portion of my day to something that I find intellectually stimulating, challenging, and something where I feel like I"m contributing to the greater good, and just enough time to spend 3-4 hours a day playing with Alex.
And, like Racheee, I absolutely adore Alex's daycare, as does she - I don't see it as I'm spending X amount of time away from my baby. I see it more as, she and I both have our own interests that we are exploring during hte day. She goes to yoga, drama, sign classes, music classes, plays with her friends that she's known for 2 years now, and has an absolute blast. So, when I'm at work, yes, some days I think, hmmm, I'd love to be in bed snuggling with her, but honestly, most days, I smile to myself thinking about all the fun she must be having at this very moment.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:53 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Charly
I, personally, can not do it no matter what. I will do whatever I have to to find a way to make it work. I don't begrudge anyone that doesn't feel that way and I totally feel awful for moms that don't have the ability to change things.
I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else. It was totally not my intent
exactly my feelings.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:54 AM |
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