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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
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Janice
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Bxgell2
For example, I work a 35 hour work week, and I work from home one day a week. Not so long, not so harsh - just enough time to dedicate a good portion of my day to something that I find intellectually stimulating, challenging, and something where I feel like I"m contributing to the greater good, and just enough time to spend 3-4 hours a day playing with Alex.
that is a wonderful work schedule. 
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Posted 1/10/08 9:56 AM  |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Janice
my cousin for example...has this house with a huge mortage attached to it. She goes back to work in 3 weeks and is in a deep depression about leaving her baby.
She gets on the bus at 7 AM and gets off the bus at 6:45 PM. That is a very long day. Its either she does it or goes into foreclosure. So she is doing it, I try and be supportive, but she is right, she will be missing a lot.
The core of this is that she's probably doing something she doesn't want to do. In these cases, whether it's someone who is forced to be a SAHM or Working mom, I really feel sorry for them, but that's different than feeling bad based on the principle that they are a working mom. She's probably not unhappy because she's a working mom, she's probably unhappy because she's forced to do something she doesn't want to do. These are two different things.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:56 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Charly
I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else. It was totally not my intent
No no...you were not offensive in anyway...I respect that you feel that way and I am so sorry - such a tough thing.
It's just that I never went back to work thinking...yay I get to be away for so long each day! KWIM? I feel like when people start saying that they would never want to be away for so long that it almost implies that people that do it want it...when in reality it's just something we HAVE to do.
You are too sweet to have bad intention.
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:56 AM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I am preparing myself for the future when I will be up against SAHM's at things like PTA meetings, school trips etc...i am not going to like it
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| Posted 1/10/08 9:57 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I am a working mom. My sister is a SAHM. My best friend is going back to work in 2 weeks part time. Whatever works for everyone.
I think shows like this (and many other things) try to pin women against one another. If we are fighting amongst ourselves, how can we realize that as women, WE are the ones with the strength and WE are the ones who should be in power and making the legislation and decisions that work best for women. I'm sure it was 30 women who came up wtih the FMLA.
I say let the men bicker about formula and breastfeeding or sports or whatever they want, and lets just support one another and each other's right to chose what works best for each of us.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:07 AM |
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JTK
my 4 boys!
Member since 6/06 7396 total posts
Name:
Kristi
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
honestly, i think i would feel guilty either way.. it's really hard to juggle EVERYTHING in life.. i think the situation i am in works for my kids. . and thats all that really matters to me. (i am a full time working mom... i work 3 12 hours shifts a week and my mom watches my kids while i work.)
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:10 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
My SIL works in a daycare. She is very vocal about being against moms working - she says the kids are just not as "settled", if that makes sense. I argue with her about this often, as plenty of moms work because they need to, or because they want to, making them better people if that is what makes them happy. She claims she left her "career in corporate America" (she was a bookkeeper in a facory) to be a SAHM and made sacrifices, implying that others should do the same. It drives me crazy.
Personally like Diana I feel I have the best of both worlds - I have my own business that I run from home and put in the hours that I want. I take DD to different classes and activities because if we stayed home, we would both go bonkers and be bored of each other very quickly. Keeping my business going allows me to afford all these classes and such. Even tho we would be fine if I didn't work, the trade-off is so worth it to me. I have made a name for myself in the business and don't want to lose that.
Sorry to ramble....
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:12 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
PS - I wish just one of those characters were actually a SAHM - Columbia Business Degree Grad and all.....this would make it better rounded IMO.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:13 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by karacg
My SIL works in a daycare. She is very vocal about being against moms working - she says the kids are just not as "settled", if that makes sense.
I just had to 
I love that she makes that comment...where would she work if there were no working moms? 
Hopefully that only comes across as just trying to lighten the mood. Your post was awesome and I love how you are so supportive. And thanks for sticking up for those moms with her!
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:19 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I think the whole who is better SAHM vs Working mom is just a load of **** - sorry IMO it is NO one else's business what is best for your individual family - some people want to work, some have to, some choose not to, some don't have to work - neither choice is better than the other just different. Some SAHM mom's don't interact at all with their kids even though they are home and some working mom's don't give quality time to their kids when they are at home. So it really depends on the individual not the situation.
Look if every person was the same life would be incredibly boring - I think the diversity of having different opinions makes for more interesting point of views etc.
Now I will say there are some narrow minded people out there who believe that their way is the only way - will that change - never - but if we listened to everyone telling you what to do or not do we wouldn't do anything would we?
This question shouldn't really ever be up for debate.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:21 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Janice
Posted by Bxgell2
For example, I work a 35 hour work week, and I work from home one day a week. Not so long, not so harsh - just enough time to dedicate a good portion of my day to something that I find intellectually stimulating, challenging, and something where I feel like I"m contributing to the greater good, and just enough time to spend 3-4 hours a day playing with Alex.
that is a wonderful work schedule.
I know, I'm really, REALLY lucky. But, then again, it was a conscious decision I made - I knew I wanted to work, but as an attorney, I knew the demands would be excruciating. So, I gave up the opprotunity for a high-paying job to work with the Federal Government, so that I could pursue the career that I absolutely adore, while at the same time, have a life.
It's all about compromises, sacrifices, and doing what works best for your family dynamic, and for your particular personality.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:22 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Ang-Rich
Posted by Charly
Posted by Diana1215
IMO - people do what they need to do for their family. Bottom line.
Some people need to work and want to stay at home.
Some people want to work but can stay home financially.
Whatever works for your own personal family dynamic.
It's not that I necessarily wanted to be a SAHM - but I didn't want to be away from my child 13 hours a day (ultimately not seeing them at all Mon-Fri) and, I knew this even before I had a child.
With my job - I am able to Work from home - so I have the best of both worlds I believe.
ITA and am lucky to also be able to work from home 2 days out of the 5 days I work.
Maybe off topic a little, but I get a lot of slack from full time working moms about working from home and how easy I have it, etc. Honestly it's sooooo much easier to work in the office, but like Janice said I don't have it in me to leave my child in someone's care 60+ hours a week so I can appease them. I get the same amount of work done, just differently. My days are sooo much longer when I work from home. They seem to never end, but it's something I'm willing to do to be with DD.
Unfortunately I HAVE to work, I feel awful about not being able to be with my DD. I was always very career oriented and never thought I'd want to be a SAHM, but in my heart I do. I know it is a very hard job to be a SAHM and I know it's hard to just juggle both a job and a family. Neither mom has it easy, both work hard just differently.
I respect what both of you are saying but I have to admit that I cringe when I read comments about "not wanting to be away from my child for x hours" just as much as when people ask me "you're not raising yoru child?"
I think any mom that works outside of the home will tell you that we don't WANT to be away from our kids for such a long amount of time. In some cases we want to work and as a result that requires hours away. In other cases we have to work and that means we HAVE to be away - not that we want to.
Just had to say that - I don't mean to argue...it just hurts to see that people view it that way. Maybe not the way you mean it but how it seems. 
Ang - my last job when I worked in the city - I was out of the house by 7am - and sometimes I would get home 8pm - 9pm. That was non-negotiable.
IF I EVER left on time - at 5:30 (which would get me home at 7pm) I then had nasty emails that night from my boss about me taking a half day. I swear. He considered leaving at 5:30 - a HALF DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
That is why I could not do it. I literally would not even see my child Mon-Fri.
ETA: I hope I did not offend anyone with that comment. I think that every situation is different and you have to do what is best for you and your family. THat's all. It was not best for me and my family to continue working in the city at my old job. Not only because of my long hours - it was also the stress of the job. Literally I would come home miserable every single night - it was just something I personally did not want to deal with when I had a child (and, my husband didn't want to deal with my craziness anymore either)
I will say it again - every situation is different and I would never hold anything against any mom who is doing the best for her and her family. Working or staying at home. You do what you need to and that's that.
Message edited 1/10/2008 10:54:38 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:25 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I hate when these things are put in "versus" terms. It's so sad to me. If you're happy, and your kid is happy, who cares?
It's so personal. Like a few others have said..I did not have it in me to put my child in daycare. Just something I couldn't do...I don't think they are bad, or harmful...and I've said it before..Johnny prob would have done great with the stimulation...
In regards to comments about working a really long day...I'm sure MOST people don't go out thinking "wow i love that i get to be gone for 12 hours!!". BUT there are people that have children....and do not need to work a crazy long schedule and do so anyway.
I know one person like this. She said to me "I just couldn't do the stay at home thing". To ME i just don't get that. That concept is so foreign...I couldn't wait to have my baby and be with him. I couldn't imagine having to fill so many hours so that I didn't have to watch him. That mentality makes me think WHY did she have a child?? Because society said she should?? I could care less that she is working to feel gratified...i think its great that working moms can do both...but to say you work as much as possible so you have to do less where the child is concerned is so odd.
And i know 100% it is not a money thing (the working).
**Edited to add that I know that 99% of working moms do not feel the same way as the person I mentioned...most working moms i know are racing home at the end of the day to spend time with their kids and are the best moms I've ever known. I will prob be returning to work with them at some point and hope i can make a good transiition!
Message edited 1/10/2008 10:49:41 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:46 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Nope not at all.
I think I feel guilty on my own.
The fact is they can all be class moms, they arrange playdates after school, etc because they're home.
It's not a SAHM mom's issue. It's my own.
My friend did have a few issues with SAHMs in her area, but I think it's more her take on it. One mom kept calling her to set up a weekend playdates with her daughter. The daughter is in a before & after care program after school because the mom works full-time. The SAHM told her "I guess you don't want your daughter to socialize?" My friend responded, "My daughter socializes with other kids 60 hours a week. Weekends are my time with her."
My feeling is there are azzholes in every group of people. It's not the group, it's the few individuals in the group.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:49 AM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I hate this argument. I decided to stay home and I have been fielding questions ever since. Why do people find it neccessary to ask and judge what you do with your life ... that includes stay home, work, buy a house, live in an apartment, go on vacation .. you would not believe the comments I get about money and our life now (I guess most if you would believe it, because we are all getting it from everyone is seems!). The question fly as soon as you answer the questions "are you working or staying home?" Everyone thinks it's OK to become nosey.
Why can't people just say "that's nice" and leave it at that ... so many people have to judge what you are doing (good or bad judgements) ... I didn't ask for reassurance and I didn't ask for your opinion on what I should do with my family. I find it very frustrating and it seems to happen daily.
Message edited 1/10/2008 10:54:51 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:53 AM |
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stephaniea
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1280 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I am a SAHM. My kids are now all in school. Do I envy people who work. Yes, sometimes. I find it boring at home at times. It was my choice not to work. I liked being home when they were little. I felt it our choice to have kids why would I leave them, but now that they are older, maybe I should have worked part time. The things I love about being a SAHM. Can be class parent, go to all the school parties, not worry if they are sick and I have to take off, not wake them in the dead of winter when they were babies to go to daycare. In the summer, they can play at their leisure, trips to the beach, pools, etc. People always ask me why I don't get a job now. I would love to, but who is going to watch my kids when they have off or are sick. I wouldn't make enough to have someone watch them. My sister works 3 days in the city. Her husband works 4-12. Ideal situation.
Message edited 1/10/2008 10:55:15 AM.
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| Posted 1/10/08 10:54 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Diana1215
ETA: I hope I did not offend anyone with that comment. I think that every situation is different and you have to do what is best for you and your family. THat's all. It was not best for me and my family to continue working in the city at my old job. Not only because of my long hours - it was also the stress of the job. Literally I would come home miserable every single night - it was just something I personally did not want to deal with when I had a child (and, my husband didn't want to deal with my craziness anymore either)
I will say it again - every situation is different and I would never hold anything against any mom who is doing the best for her and her family. Working or staying at home. You do what you need to and that's that.
No offense! You both are way too sweet for any bad intention. And I know it was your personal situation.
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| Posted 1/10/08 11:00 AM |
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jprimrose
I love my little munchkins!
Member since 10/05 3939 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by Shelly
I am a working mom. My sister is a SAHM. My best friend is going back to work in 2 weeks part time. Whatever works for everyone.
I think shows like this (and many other things) try to pin women against one another. If we are fighting amongst ourselves, how can we realize that as women, WE are the ones with the strength and WE are the ones who should be in power and making the legislation and decisions that work best for women. I'm sure it was 30 women who came up wtih the FMLA.
I say let the men bicker about formula and breastfeeding or sports or whatever they want, and lets just support one another and each other's right to chose what works best for each of us.
ITA..
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| Posted 1/10/08 11:23 AM |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
No arguement...I give credit to both!!!
I work, I have to... able to put my dd in good hands, grandma who is daycare.
I also couldnt be a SAHM. Just not in me to do.
I also work 9-5, home by 5:15 to get DD.
SO SAHM-Working MOMS 
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| Posted 1/10/08 11:29 AM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I think both have very hard days in my limited experience. It's too bad parents need to one-up each other at times, I really think either way, it's hard.
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| Posted 1/10/08 12:38 PM |
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Hershey
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/07 557 total posts
Name:
Marci
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
I don't think either are bad. It really depends on the person and the finanical being of the family.
I am a full time working mother but work two days from home. I worked so hard to earn my degree in engineering and really enjoy the challenges of my job to not go back to work, however, I love my daughter and want to spend as much time with her too. Not to mention that we need the two salaries to have a house, go on vacations, save for DD college, etc.
Working from home is a challenge and usually longer days and I thought about going part time but as long as I can manage to do my work I'm going to keep the two days home and earn the money, yet still be there to take care of my child. I'm also fortunate to have a child that does well entertaining herself, with the help of a chocolate lab!!
So with that said I'm fortunate to be working from home two days which gives it a good balance, allows me to interact with adults and use my degree, but it also gives my DD time to interact with other children, play, learn to get along with others etc.
For me, I'm happy with my daycare and I think DD does really well there and it has helped her to learn new things and to be social.
You just need to do what makes you feel comfortable and what you can afford to do.
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| Posted 1/10/08 12:49 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by karacg
PS - I wish just one of those characters were actually a SAHM - Columbia Business Degree Grad and all.....this would make it better rounded IMO.
ITA. I also hated that they blamed the husband's cheating on the wife being a strong, successful woman. Guess what--SAHMs get cheated on too.
I wish they did have one of the MBA grads SAH...It would be a wonderful comparison.
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| Posted 1/10/08 1:08 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
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Name:
Lauren
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Well ladies, I had to step away from this thread for a while and I'm happy to see it didn't dissolve into any nasty fights.
My question was really around do you get comments and feel like there is an "us versus them" mentality in the real world and that the opposite "team" makes you feel guilty.
So far my SAHM mommy friends all give me a ton of credit for working and I give them a ton of credit for staying home.
I find it's strangers and sometimes family that give me the most guilt. 
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| Posted 1/10/08 1:40 PM |
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2girlsforme
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 3071 total posts
Name:
XXXXXXXXX
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Unfortunately the mommy wars are alive and well. In my experience the true "wars" do not start until you have kids in the school district. My oldest is in 5th grade and I remember one of the mom's telling me at a first grade outing, its us against them. Initially, I was floored but I have noticed that woman all seem to want to justify their own choice. I have come to believe that we as women are our own worst enemy.
My situation is somewhat unique because like Beth, I am a government lawyer, with tremendous flexibility. I am only in the office two days a week. In the beginning, a lot of the moms didn't know I worked and to some extent I was treated differently. I am lucky to be able to go on all the trips and attend the class parties and schedule after school activities and play dates but, am sometimes floored by some of the pettiness that goes on at school. I would say that in my school district about 1/3 of the mom's work and work in professional capacities. There are a lot of teachers, accountants, lawyers, etc.. Then there are women who have left "corporate" careers and are very sanctimonious about it (one might think the PTA is the altar in front of which they practice their religion). Then the remaining 1/3 are normal people doing what ever is best for their family.
But, I have also noticed that with my youngest (who just turned 5) a lot more moms seem to be working, and working full time (should be interesting to see if things change). Again sometimes I just want to say Why can't we all just get along.
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| Posted 1/10/08 1:41 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Anyone watch Cashmere Mafia last night? Working vs. SAHMs
Posted by leighla
My question was really around do you get comments and feel like there is an "us versus them" mentality in the real world and that the opposite "team" makes you feel guilty.
So far my SAHM mommy friends all give me a ton of credit for working and I give them a ton of credit for staying home.
I find it's strangers and sometimes family that give me the most guilt.
Yes and yes!! With friends there is a wonderful respect for both situations - it's strangers (and some family) that have the most hurtful comments I notice. But - with the strangers I find more often that it's the people without kids that make the comments to me. Like "when I have a child I will stay home and raise them. I could never desert them like that"   
Then there are family members that don't support me. I wanted to make my own baby food and so many said "you can't do it" Well haha I do 
Me personally - I try to show respect to both the people who show it to me and even to the people who don't. I got tired of defending my situation a while back and now just smile and try to move on (and away). But it still hurts
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| Posted 1/10/08 1:51 PM |
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