Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Im so frustrated!!!!

MIL had 2 sons. Was not invited to her first sons wife baby shower, Now here we are Im pregnant. My mom doesnt have much money. Is his mom supposed to help pay for the baby shower? My mom wants me to mention something to MIL about helping with it? But I feel completely uncomfortable about doing this. What do I do???? My Mom refuses to call her herself. I didnt wanna be involved in any of this!!!

Im sitting here crying about it b/c I dont know what to do. I guess Im being hormonal

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Oh I'm so sorry to hear you feel you are put in the middle of this! I don't think you should mediate the arrangements for your shower, especially the payment. I don't know if there are any "rules" about who is to throw one. Maybe your DH could give MIL a hint and your mother could help with it. For mine, my mother is throwing it and MIL is helping to contribute (my step sister is helping some too).

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Sorry this is so stressful and upsetting. My mother was planning on doing mine herself because she does not like to ask for money. However, MIL offered to help out. Now, had she not, my mom would have just dealt with it only because she does not like to ask - that is just her though. Have you thought of asking DH to speak to her? Just a thought. Best of luck

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Thats what I think is going to happen. Glenn,my husband is going to talk to his Mom to see what she can contribute. Hes just really mad that anyone is putting me in the middle of this. The other thing thats bothering me is that my Mom and sister told me they are planning to do it 4-6 wks before baby is born. Isnt that too soon? For someone that has to drive 3 hrs to get there!! Maybe Im being a brat about that but I just really stressed the point about it being 2 months before (32wks) So frustrated!!!!!!!!

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

no, never heard of that but to each is own. I am doing my sisters baby shower. My SIL's mother is paying for hers and my MIL and sister did mine. My mother contributed what she could.
It all depends on who wants to give it. No one should be forced to or asked to if they don't offer. KWIM. Suggestion, if you want a shower , why not go in on it with your mother. There is nothing wrong with that.

ETA: 4-6 wks before the baby is born is not too soon at all.

Message edited 3/29/2008 3:10:20 PM.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

My mom is paying for mine. My MIL offered to help but my mom declined. She wants to do it on her own. (I dot know why, my parents arent made out of money)


I dont think there are any rules about who is suposed to pay for it. I just think the norm is that the mother of the daughter pays for it. However, it would be nice if your MIL did offer.

Message edited 3/29/2008 3:21:08 PM.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I don't think baby showers are like bridal shower. I think whoever is throwing the shower is paying for it.

My mom paid for my baby shower, but had it at my cousin's house.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I never heard that one specific person or persons are suppose to throw a baby shower, you do however hear more often that your mom throws it for you but its really anyone who wants to do it.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Maybe your DH can mention it to your MIL? I think it would look really tacky coming from you.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I am so sorry to hear you have to be stuck in the middle of this! My mom and two girlfriends did my shower. Maybe you and DH could help your mom out privately?

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I think it would be best for your DH to talk to his mother. That way, you are not in the middle. My shower is turning out to be slightly stressful for me too. My mom and MIL don't get along all that well. My mom wants to throw the shower on her own, but my MIL has said to me that she would like to help out as well. Unfortunately, my mom dosen't really believe her since she said the same thing for my bridal shower and then didn't end up helping. I can't even get my mom to call my MIL to disucss dates!! I had to do it the other night! I told my mom that she needs to take the lead because I don't want to be bothered or stressed about my shower. She told me she would take care of everything, but I'm afraid she is going to leave my MIL out. My 2 best friends are going to help too and they have assured me that they will make sure my MIL is included. Lets hope so.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

what about having your DH talk to your mom about it?

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Sorry you have to deal with this. I would have DH talk to his mother.

My mother and sister paid for mine. MIL didn't pay for anything.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

It's hard to expect much of in-laws - especially those who only have sons. They think they got off scott-free b/c they had boys so they don't have to contribute to weddings and showers and stuff. My motto of choice regarding mine is: expect nothing.

My parents seem to always come through for us, but his p's seem to just be honorary guests with everything. Just like the wedding. I have no expectations for shower or anything else. In fact my parent's bought a beautiful (and expensive) crib with mattress for and we dropped a gazzillion hints to his parent's about a dresser (we don't need an expensive one) especially given that there is no closet in the baby's room as of yet so we're kind of desparate, and last I heard from DH his parent's want to get us our stroller. I mean, I'm not "looking a gift horse in the mouth" but I thought that the dresser would have been a really nice thing that the child can use for years to come. And I don't care if it's the 1st or the 16th grandchild, it's just odd to me. Truth be told my MIL was more interested in bugging me b/c I don't want to find out if baby is a boy or girl... she wanted to know so she can buy pink and blue stuff... I was like how about a cherry stained dresser . I don't need my MIL to buy pink and blue onsies, we could have used something of substance that the child could use for years to come. But whatever!

Message edited 3/29/2008 8:57:07 PM.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I don't think it is anyones obligation to pay. Sometimes grandparents just give awesome gifts.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of all this. It must be so frustrating & upsetting. I'm not sure what the "rules" are if there are any but my mom/dad payed for my bridal shower & my baby shower when I was prego with DD.
I agree with everyone, you shouldn't have to mediate the arrangments, especially when it comes to money. I hope you can work it out soon! Good luck!

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

Tough situation. My MIL offers to pay for nothing. So there was no expectation for my baby shower to be any different. My mom is paying for the whole thing.

Not sure about the relationship your DH has with his mom. But maybe in private he could mention your mom's tight finances. Hopefully that could put a bug in her ear and she'll catch a hint?

Hope it works out for you!

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

DH needs to talk to his mom, personally I think they should both pay

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I would scale down or pay myself before putting someone on the spot to contribute.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

My mom planned mine and my MIL contributed $$

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is, but both of my moms chipped in and paid for my baby shower (they also did the same thing for my bridal shower).

It would be nice if both moms could get together and plan things out and help each other out..

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

i haven't heard of any rules regarding this situation but i agree that you shouldn't get involved. tell your mom that you want it to be a surprise and leave it at that.

Message edited 3/30/2008 10:46:05 AM.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

My Mom threw my NY shower. My DH asked his Mom if she wanted to be a part of it and she said No. My Mom planned to do it all so never expecting anything. My SIL (DH's sister) did do parts of it thought - the centerpieces and prizes for the games.

I'm having another shower in Chicago (I have lived here for the past 5 years) and two girlfriends are throwing it.

Re: Are both grandparents supposed to pay for the baby shower?

I'm sorry!

I don't think that his parents are suppose to = honestly, it more like who wants to and can. DH's parents offered, BUT, my parents started out thinking they were the ones to pay.

Whats worse, is that they also through my SIL shower - and her parents, well they didn't give a CENT!