Are we just overreacting?

My sister and I are really worried about my brother's Daughter.

She is 18 months old and only recently started walking. She still walks almost always only when someone is holding hands with her. She also isn't really talking yet. She shakes her head no and says "Giggle Giggle" which is actually really funny -- because instead of laughing she says "giggle giggle" but other then that she is really non-verbal aside from cries and stuff like that.

We kind of feel like we should mention it to my SIL that we are concerned -- but I'm worried that we're overreacting and also worried that we'd offend her because she always says that she never compaires her daughter to other babies and she doesn't seem worried about any of it at all.

What does everyone think? Should we be concerned? Speak up? Or just give it more time?

Re: Are we just overreacting?

I wouldn't say anything just yet. If she is taking the child for regular medical appointments, the ped. is asking about these things and will usually intervene if the child isn't meeting milestones. It is possible that SIL knows that the child is delayed and just doesn't want to share the medical concerns with anyone.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

We discussed this == that the doctor should be asking her, but every doctor is different. I know that at my daughter's pediatrician she basically just asks me quickly about the milestones and I tell her and that's it. She doesn't have time to witness them happening or anything. And I've heard of moms telling the dr that things are happening even when they are not just so that they don't have to go through a big long thing with the doctors -- I've actually heard about it from this board. Plus I wouldn't put it past my SIL to tell the doctor that everything is OK when it's not -- she doesn't like to make a big deal about it -- and I don't know if that's her defense mechanism -- but she tells us how people will ask about her daughter and she kind of brushes it off because she doesn't want them to pass judgement on her or give her unwanted advice.

The first thing she told me when she found out I was PG was not to read any books, magazines, or listen to advice from people.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Posted by Melbernai

We discussed this == that the doctor should be asking her, but every doctor is different. I know that at my daughter's pediatrician she basically just asks me quickly about the milestones and I tell her and that's it. She doesn't have time to witness them happening or anything. And I've heard of moms telling the dr that things are happening even when they are not just so that they don't have to go through a big long thing with the doctors -- I've actually heard about it from this board. Plus I wouldn't put it past my SIL to tell the doctor that everything is OK when it's not -- she doesn't like to make a big deal about it -- and I don't know if that's her defense mechanism -- but she tells us how people will ask about her daughter and she kind of brushes it off because she doesn't want them to pass judgement on her or give her unwanted advice.

The first thing she told me when she found out I was PG was not to read any books, magazines, or listen to advice from people.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Posted by shamrock12472

Posted by Melbernai

We discussed this == that the doctor should be asking her, but every doctor is different. I know that at my daughter's pediatrician she basically just asks me quickly about the milestones and I tell her and that's it. She doesn't have time to witness them happening or anything. And I've heard of moms telling the dr that things are happening even when they are not just so that they don't have to go through a big long thing with the doctors -- I've actually heard about it from this board. Plus I wouldn't put it past my SIL to tell the doctor that everything is OK when it's not -- she doesn't like to make a big deal about it -- and I don't know if that's her defense mechanism -- but she tells us how people will ask about her daughter and she kind of brushes it off because she doesn't want them to pass judgement on her or give her unwanted advice.

The first thing she told me when she found out I was PG was not to read any books, magazines, or listen to advice from people.

I think you just answered your own question. If she wants to remain oblivious to possible delays, nothing you say is going to make much of a difference.

Just be careful, I had a friend who's brother works with austic children and he basically "assessed" my friend's child and then told her that there are problems. This upset her so much and she had already discussed the speech delay with the Ped and was in the process of getting him evaluated. She was so upset that her brother did this that it has caused some tension between them.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Can you speak to your brother?

Ultimately, you have to do what you are most comfortable with.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Personally, I know I would want to say something, but probably wouldn't because I'd chicken out. And from experience, even if you say something, it doesn't mean they will agree with you or do anythign about it. If they really wanted to do something about it, they'd be doing something. And no, it is not normal that she is non-verbal, and that baby needs services if she is not communicating verbally.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Posted by shamrock12472

Can you speak to your brother?

Ultimately, you have to do what you are most comfortable with.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

We went thru this in my family. My nephew is autistic. He walked fine..but he barely said a word at 18-24 months. We all knew something was not right. He did not make eye contact very often either. He went to his ped, on schedule and the moron ped kept saying "he is fine..he will talk when he wants"..well P.S. he is 7 and still does not speak more than a few illegiable sounds. My brother and SIL didn't want anyone to say anything about their son not speaking..it was just getting insane. We all tried to say something but they kept saying "he is fine..the doctor says..." Well finally my dad casually went up to my brother in a quiet moment and said, "Look up autism Jonathan. Just please look it up on the computer". And he walked away. That night my brother did some research and he knew. He cried and so did my SIL. They knew they had to face the reality of what was happening. It was awful to see it. But at least my nephew got evulated and got into a special program.

IMO, you speak to your brother. NOT the SIL. ALL you need to say is "I think you need to take XX to a new ped and ask that doctor about the baby not speaking. Please just do this"...and that is that. If he refuses to do anything that there is little you can do.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Re: Are we just overreacting?

You need to worry because your SIL stopped meds without speaking to a doctor...this sounds more like a problem with your SIL. Brace herself..I have to be honest. My family has to bite our tongues ALL the time because my SIL just doesn't care at all about what a doctor says or what anyone even finds out about autism. If we find a specialist she won't call at all. It is very fustrating.

I hope your niece is okay. Maybe tell your brother that damaged vocal cords can happen with AR and that is why you are worried.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

I know it is very difficult to discuss this issue but your brother and SIL should know that early intervention is the best possible way to prevent issues down the road. I work with learning disabled students at a college and the evaluations from doctors sometimes even say in them that if so and so had intervention early on they would not be in this situation today.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

I think you are just being concerned is all... I wouldn't say anything, it is their child and I am sure they know what is best for them. Plus the fact that your SIL doesn't like comparison nor seems worried is a good enough reason to leave it be.... If there is a problem, I am sure the DR will find it and then they will deal with it.

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Re: Are we just overreacting?

Re: Are we just overreacting?