Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

I promised myself I would never be a yeller like my mom but I find myself losing my patience so easily these days. DH is working 12 hour days since he went back to work after having the baby so I am home ALL day by myself pretty much with the two of them.

I went back to work 2 days a week (I only worked p/t to begin with) but I find myself looking forward to going to work...it is my time to get away from it all and feel like a person and interact with adults...acutally it's my quiet time.

I am just snapping at Tyler so easily these days and I feel horrible. I just want to scream sometimes. I barely get to go to the bathroom or even eat during the day between all the running around, keeping Tyler occupied and taking care of Derek (who by the way is the only newborn I know that doesnt sleep alot )

My parents watch the boys one of the days I work and my mom always calls and offers to come over and help but I just feel bad asking for help...I never like asking for help...I feel like asking for help makes it seem like I can't handle things and makes me feel defeated. I know sounds stupid

I yelled at Tyler a few times this morning for not listening or touching things he shouldnt and after I sat him down and apologized and told him I hope I am not screwing him up too bad And he still just looked at me with his big blue eyes and says it's ok mommy. You can tell regardless of me yelling, he still loves me with all his heart which makes me feel better.

I just feel like I am not being the best mother I can be right now and I hate it.

Message edited 10/28/2009 9:28:26 AM.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

If you are getting offers for help, take them. I wish we had family nearby. Heck, if you don't want to use your mom I will!

Seriously, your mom is offering help because she knows how hard it is. It doesn't mean she thinks you can't do it. Nothing wrong with a break every now and again.

Unfortunately, I am a yeller. And I only have one.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

Posted by waterspout4

If you are getting offers for help, take them. I wish we had family nearby. Heck, if you don't want to use your mom I will!

Seriously, your mom is offering help because she knows how hard it is. It doesn't mean she thinks you can't do it. Nothing wrong with a break every now and again.

Unfortunately, I am a yeller. And I only have one.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

Its funny how having a child makes you stop and think about yourself....

Sounds like you're a bit stressed....take up the offers for a little help

I am a yeller w/DH when we argue....we've argued after DD has gone to sleep for the night, but I still am disappointed in myself for yelling sometimes....its something I have to work on, I don't want to set that example for DD

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

First I wan't to send some hugs your way

I am a yeller also , I am definately not proud of myself for it ,but I also get no sleep ,and pretty much do it all myself ! I don't have anyone to watch my kids ,and DH gets home all different hrs ! It takes a toll on a person after awhile ! If your mom is offering to help ,I think you should take it . I would take it if my mom offered . We all need a break at some point.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

Take the help-and don't feel guilty!

I am not a yeller-at least not at DD. I save that for DH after DD's bed time. I don't even think I am a yeller then-I just raise my voice at DH and he thinks I'm yelling.

I'm more for lobbing sarcastic remarks at DH-but that is more for the relationship board


None the less, neither of us does any of that around DD but I'm not surprised when someone does-it's a lot on your plate and you are human

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

Give yourself a break

You have a newborn. It's going to take a little bit to adjust. I think it's wonderful that you talk to Tyler and apologize. It shows him that you are human and that you are not perfect and that you love him. I am sure on some level he understands some of that

Like everyone said...take the help. We could all use some help now and then

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

Sometimes yelling is the only way to get their attention.
I also believe my DS has inherited DH's selective hearing gene.
Sounds like you need a break and that is what your mother is offering.
Maybe if she can watch them for 1-2 hours on your days off from work so you can go to the gym or bathroom or make dinner so you can have mommy time, you'll feel better when you are with the kids.
If it doesn't sit right with you, you can cancell your mother.

I am a newly single mother (almost - S2BX moved out a few months ago) and I feel like I'm a much better mother now b/c I don't have DS all the time - I can get my mommy time in and when I'm with DS I can spend more quality time with him.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

stop the insanity now... b/c I swore I would never be like 'HER' and I soooooooooooooo am.

The only way to can *get* to my son is by yelling and I HATE IT...

I'm working on it... but it's a process. Its been 9 years now (UGH)

I've been good lately...

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

I understand. When I lose my patience I do yell. I am working on it. But like you said it comes from nervousness, exhaustion, etc. It's hard to keep your cool when you are exhausted.

I have gotten no help since DD was born and never been apart from her, other than if DH watches her and I go out alone. I dont really have family around to help, so I know that's where my stress comes from. If someone can help you and you WANT their help (it won't be more trouble than it's worth) then go for it. You could use the break.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

I would start taking your mom up on her offer to help. That's not to say that you aren't doing the best that you can but why not accept help where you can get it? I don't think she would extend herself if she wasn't interested in coming over & helping & seeing the children. We all lose our patience sometimes so I wouldn't beat myself up about that.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

Hi I too told myself I didn't want to be a yeller either (my biological mom yelllllllled all the time) A friend of mine recommended this book and it is very interesting! Let's you see different points and different ways to parent where you don't stress as much. I just started reading it last week and It is good so far.

http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=1930429002

Don't beat yourself up

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

I yell at times....

My job isn't easy. There are great days, good days, and crazy days. I am only human and although my kids are being kids my patience runs low at times.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

You are doing a great job! It's so hard - especially with two! I yell plenty of times...or at least raise my voice and like you I apologize for it. But most times it's called for! Lucas is exploring his independence and while I know it's important and necessary...there are lots of things he does that have the potential to harm him and my requests fall on deaf ears...my yelling has been effective. So it is what it is for us.

Re: Are you a yeller? Kind of a vent...

When you keep telling people you don't need help, after a while they believe you.

Let your mom come over and give you a break. I know you say going to work is your quiet time, but it really isn't, you are at work. I don't yell too much, it's not really my nature, but I do on occasion.

I will tell you that my mom was a yeller and after a while, we would tune her out. My dad was not a yeller, but when he did yell, he had your complete attention. I try to be more like my dad, because I think it's more effective, but I think I am wired to be that way, anyway.