Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Have you ever been invited to someone's house for a get-together and then been "put to work"? For instance, more than once I've gone to someone's house and heard, "I'm glad you're here, I'm having this problem with my computer, would you mind taking a quick look at it?"

Of COURSE it's never quick. I've lost hours at people's houses this way. Part of me wants to help and be done with it. The other part of me is amazed that people would do this to a guest in their home.

If it's not that, I usually get asked something like, "I'm having this problem with my computer blah blah blah what do you think that is?"

Is this just my family and friends? If you know a computer person, doctor, lawyer etc. do you feel free to ask them professional advice? This used to happen to me when I was a Paramedic too, people would ask me about their aches and pains.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

my poor brother is always doing computer stuff for me! i am the worst!

i dont have any skills or talents that anyone wants to exploit BUT everyone and their mother wants to ask me about social security!

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

OMG yes! DH is a software engineer, so WHEREVER we go someone will ask him "hey, can you take a look at this?" He does. I can sew and my mom is notorious for letting me take up a hem on her pants. I get the "Well, since you know what you're doing" bit. My other uncle ALWAYS wants you to clean everything up after his parties. While Im not opposed to helping clear MY plate Im not picking up yard toys and cleaning up after 50 people. Once I have a house, Im going to flip it on everyone and see how they like it!

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Posted by Tilde

my poor brother is always doing computer stuff for me! i am the worst!

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I get it all the time.... I convinced my FIL and mom to get laptops this time around, so at least when they "break", they can bring the computer to ME....

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I would absolutely ask a friend or family member to help me with something if I needed it. I wouldn't put it under the guise of having them come over for a social visit though...

If by chance something happened THAT day and they were over - sure as shitt I'd ask them. That's what friends are for right?

If it was going to be hours - I'd hope they would say "hey, it's gonna take a little longer than expected, let me come back when I have time." If they didn't say something - I would. Like, "it seems to be a big problem, would you mind coming back when you have time?"

I would do the same for them as well - like Tilde - I don't have any area of expertise really but if I stopped by my SILs and she asked me to watch the kids while she ran out - I would in a heartbeat.

edit for grammar

Message edited 6/2/2009 2:47:27 PM.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Posted by greenfreak

Posted by Tilde

my poor brother is always doing computer stuff for me! i am the worst!

I should clarify... I service almost all my family member's computers. If it's a big thing, I usually take it with me and return it when I'm done. I don't refuse to help. The caveat is they have to conform to my schedule.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

It happens to both DH and I ALL the time. Frankly, depending upon who it is will determine how I respond. To my immediate family we help as much as needed - even if it takes us away from the party b/c well they are our family and they help us so we are happy to return the favor. But with that said, it really depends upon the immediacy of the problem. If it is less close family, it depends upon what is asked. Some times, we will say we are happy to come help at another day/time and then we follow up on the request. This way we can enjoy the party and not feel guilty. Again, if it is an urgent problem, we will do what we can to help.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I don't mind it at all.

I wouldn't like it if I was only invited over for that purpose but my feeling is if I'm willing to help out a complete stranger from LIF, why wouldn't I help my friend? I consider it part of the friendship - helping someone out.

My DH isn't up for ever doing work outside of his job (electrician). However if a friend of mine needed advice, I wouldn't think twice about asking him.

As for asking other friends to help during a social setting, it depends on the friend. If they weren't a good friend, I probably wouldn't ask.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I would never ask a friend to do a service for me when they are on a social visit. I might call you and ask you at a different time if you could help me troubleshoot an issue.. but once you are in my house to visit, you are my GUEST and will be treated as such.

In fact I only let guests help me cook/clean, etc.. if I know they are kind of socially uncomfortable and need to keep busy in order to feel better. But asking you to fix a computer is like asking a doctor friend to look at a boil on my azz during supper. It just isn't done. And I think it is taking advantage to some extent.

ETA: If I do call you about an issue and you OFFER to come over and look at it - that's a different story. I would make sure you were compensated with drinks, goodies, good conversation - and if not $$ - then a small token of appreciation.

I am assuming .. from your post .. that this is NOT that kind of situation but more that someone asks you over to a party and while you are drinking/relaxing they say "Hey I have this bad clanging in my laptop..." and dumps it on your lap. Rather than the challenge being mentioned during normal conversation and you OFFERING to look at it.

Message edited 6/2/2009 3:03:47 PM.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Posted by CoopersMom01

Posted by Jenn627

I would absolutely ask a friend or family member to help me with something if I needed it. I wouldn't put it under the guise of having them come over for a social visit though...

Me too. I would ask them to come over to help... and then as they helped me I would stand by with a cold beer at the ready!

DH works in auto insurance so he's always getting phone calls from friends and is always cornered at get togethers for questions.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I don't like it when people do that. If you want me (well, let's be honest, it's DH's help they want) to fix/look at/update your whatever, then invite me over to do just that. Don't bring it up at a social event.

As far as asking professional advice goes, I would do that and have done it - but not too often, and never to the extent that it takes hours away from doing other things.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

It's actually all of the above. It's usually at parties with 10+ people, not like an individual invite.

I have a lot of pride and don't ask for help often. When I do, I really need it, and these people typically give me crap about it or say no. It's really not that simple but I guess if there was more of a give-and-take spirit in the relationship, it wouldn't bother me.

However, I still wouldn't ask anyone to do anything in my home if they were a guest. I don't feel it's polite.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I've learned to skirt the issues.

When people start talking about computers I'll conveniently need to use the restroom, or I won't contribute to the conversation even if I know whats going on.

Too many times I've been suckered into it. Or, tried to help people with their issues only to tell me that I'm wrong and it's not the right way to do it. OK, OK, I only get paid to do this everyday. I don't know the right way to do it. You're right, AOL dialup IS the only way you can get on the Interwebz.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

my ex bf's family did this to us allllll the time. Except it was always yard work! Everytime we went to Penn. for the weekend for a family event, we always were roped into doing something! One time we raked like 20 bags of leaves and another time I ended up painting the basement floor! They were always so sneaky about it too

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Well, DH and I stopped going to his parents place in Florida because of this. (His parents don't live there.) We knew that we'd want to clean the place and leave it in good shape, and we knew it wasn't a hotel with maid service. However, his mom always had so much more for DH to do. Between repairs and speaking to different people who work on the grounds, we don't get to enjoy our time there. One time, we spent 1 night there, did a few things for his mom, then we drove down the Keys and were were flying home from a different area of Fla. His mom kept calling every day to remind us of what needed to be done when we got back to the apartment from the keys. How many times did we have to say---"We're not headed back to the apartment." It's a place to stay for free but it becomes work to stay there. I would not mind if the trip was for the purpose of helping out but we are always encouraged to go there for some relaxation away from home. The to-do list comes right before we get there.

Message edited 6/2/2009 4:17:08 PM.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

My family jokes that FH is their official computer guy. My parents are OK about it; unless it's a huge issue they usually say "when you can get to it". Other relatives ask him for help all the time and whenever we go out to his parents he always has to look at something on his dads computer or tv.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

my brother is always helping pple with their computers. my mothers friends will call sometimes just to get his help..LOL; he's spent lots of his free time helping people with computer issues.

my father is a locksmith and very handy..every time someone needs a lock fixed they call my dad.

DHs late father was a plumber...same thing. going to someone's house for a party..oh..do you think you can unclog my drain, snake my sewer line,.etc

Myself am creative and do invites, chocolates, etc..so everyone asks me to do stuff for their kids parties, events etc. Ive stopped doing it b/c every time i need help with something from someone its a friggan excuse.. and no one ever takes the time to say thank you...

rant over...

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

This happens to DH too. I think it comes with the territory when you are an IT person unfortunately

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

I'm seeing a trend here. That the people who are most likely to ask for help are also the ones who aren't there when YOU need it.

After reading all this, to me, that's where the line has to get drawn. Not so easy to do with family, but I tend to let them take advantage of me much more than anyone else. The reciprocation just isn't there. Yet, I'll be the bad guy if I refuse or bring up all the times I helped them out, when I ask for a favor.

Lose/lose.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

my mother has a black belt in doing this to me. and she KNOWS it really bothers me.

i didn't drive over an hour to visit you (which i dont' like to do, to begin with) and you're going to put me to work??!! and then you wonder why i don't come over as often

it's gotten so bad, that i just refuse. i looked her right in the eyes and told her that's not why i came over. she doesn't ask as much, anymore

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Not recently but it's happened with my family quite a bit. I don't usually mind as long as it's not all the time and doesn't take forever.

Re: Being "put to work" at your family or friend's house

Ill admit we had our friend fix our router problem... it only look like 5-10 minutes... (and i would have had him stop if it was over 15 minutes...)