BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

DS just turned 1 and DH and I have been talking (or at least I have been talking ) about a 2nd baby. We conceived the first month out with # 1 so I hope and pray a second would be fairly quick. That said, I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of spacing them 2 or 3 years apart. We're undecided about having a third later on and we're both 29, FYI.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

I think there are pros and cons to each really. One is not better than the other.

I have three children:
5.5
4 (next month)
6 months.

With the girls I was in a whirlwind for a couple of years. It was definitely crazy at times. But, on the other hand I was done with that craziness at pretty much the same time. Now we're sort of back to square one with all the baby stuff...but because of the 3.5 year age difference between the younger two it's almost (dare I say?) a piece of cake.

I guess if I had my preference though, I would have had DS a year earlier (but even though I did plan on that, God had a different sort of plan...). I worry that he'll be lost in the mix since the girls are so close and have one another and there he is...hanging out there alone. But as it stands now, the girls LOOOOVE him.

One way or another, there are no guarantees in life. You could have all your children close in age and they all hate one another in the end, or you could have them spaced out and they're the best of friends...or you could have any combination of that. Also, one person may find having children back to back easier to deal with; another may feel spacing them out is easier. Eh, no matter what those kids will be YOUR family and they'll be the best possible combination for YOU!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

I am bumping this because I am interested in more results!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

I have 2 DDs who are 14 months apart (1 and 2 years old). I love their age difference and feel like I just continued baby mode so it wasn't a problem at all.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

3 years different here

pros:

right when you start to miss the newborn phase, you can get it right back...

older child can act as a helper

older child might be potty trained or into some sort of routine (preschool, etc), which makes things easy

cons:

3 is a tough age...the meltdowns they have may make you stress out easily

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

Ours are exactly 2 yrs apart, and I think it would have been better to wait a little longer

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My DS and twin DDs are 2 years 8 months apart.

I can't really answer the pro/con part since the girls are only 11 days old

But we "took our time" trying for #2 since we never had plans of having a third.

I can't imagine having twins with a 2 year old! DS has been super helpful with the girls. Loves his little sisters. Loves to help with diapers, keep me company during nursing sessions, talks to them, gives them hugs and kisses. It's really cute!!

However, his tantrums have intensified by 100 since we came home from the hospital. I'm sure its his age coupled with the drastic change, but there have been a few moments where I am in complete shock over his behavior.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My boys are 27 months apart. I really like this age difference but I do think we are going to try for a little bit closer to 2.5 year age difference between my youngest and a future baby.

I was pregnant a few months ago and DS#2 would have been just shy of turning two when that baby was born. I started to realize that he was still a baby and that it was going to be really tough. He is super super active and he really needs my full attention right now.

I would like to wait a few more months before getting pregnant again now

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My girls are exactly 3 years apart, and I absolutely love their spacing (though I would have loved ANY spacing, however it worked out...as all moms do). My oldest is almost 4 and my baby is 9 months.

My oldest is such a great helper. She's old enough to "get it" when I need to feed the baby, is quiet when I ask her to be quiet b/c baby is sleeping, yearns to make her sister giggle and laugh, she loves to help me, etc. They interact wonderfully, it makes me melt watching them.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My boys are 19 months apart and my third will be just under 2 years apart from my second giving me a
3.5 yr old
almost 2 yr old
newborn

We are happy with the boy's spacing - they are super close and we managed just fine, but when I look at Colin now - who is almost 18 months, I can't believe that Ryan was around his age when I had 2
I'm curious to see if closer to a 2 yr difference feels "different" to me.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My kids are 3.5 years apart. They were planned to be 3yrs apart, but I miscarried while trying which threw the timing off. I think the spacing is good. I would've preferred closer to 3 years. We were planning #3 closer to #2 that the first 2 were. That won't be happening now, but I would've liked it that way.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My kids are 2 years and 2 weeks apart. I am not going to lie: it was EXTREMELY difficult at first. While I am very, very blessed to have my wonderful, amazing daughter and to have gotten pregnant with her without even trying while so many women around me were struggling with infertility, IF I were in a position to chose, I would have waited another year before having the second baby.

I think 2 year difference is probably one of the hardest. When my daughter was born, my son was still in diapers, needed assistance with everything, and yet could move around with relative ease and grab hold of whatever he wanted so he also needed constant supervision. He didn't really fully understand the whole idea of having a baby in the house and a sibling to help take care of. It was very hard on everyone!

Of course now they are the best of friends and can't live without each other!

I have a friend who has twins and after discussing it with her, we came to a conclusion that while in the very begining having twins is the hardest, later on nothing beats the 2 year old and a newborn scenario.

So, there you have it, an honest opinion. Do with it what you wish!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

DS and DD are 3 years apart...I think that its a perfect age difference!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My kids are two years apart and yes in the beginning it was very hard. I had to couple that with DH being at work from 7 am until midnight or two am for the first 4 months of DDs life. Honestly, that time was a blur, but it was really hard. I think we really had a much easier time when DS was 2 1/2 and DD was 6 months old. We got into a grove. Then DS turned 3 and gosh that was hard. DS is almost 4 and DD is 18 months old. They are best friends and love one another so much. I look at DD now and think wow I was pregnant at this time for DS. She is so little and cute now. I feel like I missed a little of this for DS.

I am glad my kids are two years apart. Is it hard, yes, but I feel like we can travel and do so much together as a family that is age appropriate for everyone. I would not change it at all.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

my DS and DD are 2.8 years apart. It is perfect for us...DS is now going to be 4 in June and DD is 14 months. DS really adores her and is such a big help. Simple stuff like being able to get me something if I need it and my haands are full, or that he completely dressed while I have to tend to the baby or that he goes to the bathroom on his own. The independence at his age makes it so much easier. Yes, he has his moments/tantrums, but I find now that he is older they are less and less, and you can reason with him. Also, I have been lucky with pretty easy infants. My DS is still very laid back, go with the flow and my DD is now more active, so it's nice I have two different personalities. They complement each other. If I ever considered a 3rd (I am pretty much done though), it wouldnt be till DD was atleast 2.5 or older.

my close friend's DS is alittle over 3 and her baby is almost 8 months and it has been soo hard for her, not b/c of the older one, but her baby is VERY needy, clingy, colicky, reflux, you name it, doesnt sleep good, doesnt eat good, so it's very hard. I think it also depends on the type of baby/children you have.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

my sons are 20 months apart. It has been really hard, much harder than I had ever thought. but now that DS is getting older its just starting to get a little easier and they just love eachother so much!

but when someone asks me this question I say wait 3 years, because it's just way too much to have kids so close in age esp if they are very demanding!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

I will have 2 years between the first 2 and 4 years between the last 2.

2 years were hard, but then you get it all over with quicker

4 years seems like starting all over again from scratch. I feel bad that DD will never be in the same school as her brothers - but since it's a different sex, I feel a little better.

It seems like 2.5-3.5 is ideal

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

3 & 1/2
2 months

I actually wish I had them further apart This was DD1 would be in school all day so things would seem less hectic.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

We had wanted 2 years apart but that wasn't meant to be. Our boys are 3 years apart and although not the plan it turned out to be the very best thing for us. When DS2 was born DS1 was already somewhat independent. He a month into full-on day potty training and so not having to change 2 diapers was helpful. He had his own routine that made things easier because he followed it well and it helped me push the baby into a routine faster (and easily). He could communicate his needs and was able to follow direction. That was a huge help.

For me, I depended on his independence and ability to take and follow directions. It was a huge help.


But if we do have a 3rd we try to have 2 -2.5 years between that child and DS2. A bunch of other factors including DH's career play a role in that preference but after all we've been through we know it's just a preference so we'll be happy with however it works out...as long as it works out.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

All mine are about 2 years apart. From what I hear, its hard when they are little, but easier as they get older. I wanted them close in age. I'm glad it worked out like this.

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

Thank you everyone for all you helpful insight!

Re: BTDT Moms: Child Spacing

My kids are almost 3.5 years apart. We had to wait to financial reasons involving childcare.

The pros: DD is potty trained. She likes to help, isn't jealous of the baby.

The cons: 3 is the toughest age yet. We are in constant power struggles. She is used to being the only child. She's not very good at playing on her own so myself or DH is her playmate.

If I could do it over again, I would have had them a bit closer. If you don't have to worry about $, I say go for it!