BTDT Moms of 2 under 2 -- older DC acting out when newborn comes home?

Hi Ladies -- DH and I are struggling with our older DS this week....

We brought our younger son home from the hospital this weekend and our older DS has been an absolute MONSTER...He's only 20 mos old and we tried to 'prepare' him for his brother's arrival, but because he's around infants and smaller toddlers in daycare we felt confident he'd be OK with a new baby. Of course, we know it's different to have a baby in YOUR house and to be attached to YOUR mommy at home instead of taking up a daycare worker's time/attention at school, but our older DS is having 2+ tantrums/day and he's no longer sleeping through the night.

Adding to this struggle, DS had been sick repeatedly since late September -- a cold, croup, then a viral infection that brought him to the ped's office, which then exposed him to roseola, now we think he has bronchitis (DH is at the ped's office with him again right now).

He's a creature of habit and LOVES routine so we're continuing to send him to daycare during the initial transition of bringing home his little brother. Even with visitors popping in/out, we give him dinner and bath at the same time every night and I'm trying to give him as much quality alone time as I can (considering I'm nursing a 5-day old). But, of course this isn't working.

Can anyone give advice on how to deal with this? He's literally inconsolable with his tantrums at night -- wants milk, but throws the sippy cup, wants to read a book, but throws the books across the floor, wants to be picked up, but kicks and screams when we try to hold him, won't let me give him a bath, but screams when DH comes in to take over. We are missing our happy little man -- and are afraid this is what our new 'family of four' life will be.....

Re: BTDT Moms of 2 under 2 -- older DC acting out when newborn comes home?

DS was 22 months old and like this when DS #2 came home

I read somewhere to try your best to keep DS#1 routine the same and as much as it is hard to do...you should cater to him more than DS#2

I swear its so hard--DS#1 used to tell me "Put baby down" lol

I think the 20-22 month old stage started the terrible 2's so that didnt help matters

I did try to make sure I involved DS#1 in everything...he helped me feed the baby, change the baby, i would ask him "why is baby crying?"===this way they feel involved

It does get better. Now DS#1 LOVES DS#2 and although he is selfish with his toys he always looks out for him

Re: BTDT Moms of 2 under 2 -- older DC acting out when newborn comes home?

OK - so we're back from the peds office -- Older DS has bronchiolitis and needs to be on the nebulizer!!

So stressed out - any hints on how to get an already cranky 20-mo old to take a nebulizer 4x a day??? ACK!!!

Re: BTDT Moms of 2 under 2 -- older DC acting out when newborn comes home?

I posted about this yesterday. We're getting a lot of meltdowns here too - Ryan is 20 months tomorrow and Colin will be 3 wks tomorrow.

I can't decide if it's Ryan's age, bringing Colin home, Ryan being home, the construction is our house making Ryan stir crazy, him adjusting to me being home, etc. So many factors in his life changing now.

I can't offer much advice except to try and carve out mommy and DC1 time. Ryan and I went to Target together last night and I nearly cried b/c he was screaming with glee in the car on the way there - he was so excited we were going out - just the two of us

I try to phrase things to let Ryan know he's a priority too. When Ryan goes to shower at night we turn to Colin and say, "sorry Colin, you're not big enough yet, only Ryan gets to take a big boy shower..." etc. (poor Colin is going to have a complex LOL). Or if Ryan needs me and I have the baby in my arms, I place him down and say, "sorry Colin, Ryan needs mommy right now - I'll help you in a minute".

ETS: I'm not sure if you're DH is still home with you, but I think Ryan is actually adjusting better now that my DH went back to work since we're starting to get our own system down and it's the way it really is going to be. When DH was home, I was more focused on Colin b/c I was taking advantage of his help and b/c I am nursing too so I had to.

Message edited 11/19/2009 2:45:28 PM.

Re: BTDT Moms of 2 under 2 -- older DC acting out when newborn comes home?

DS is 14 months and he has been acting a little more attached the past week or so. It doesn't help I think he is teething. I think it is a process they go through learning how to share mommy and daddy. New baby is 4 weeks old.

I try to give him one on one time and keep his routine the same as before the baby.

Re: BTDT Moms of 2 under 2 -- older DC acting out when newborn comes home?

DS was 16 months when DD was born.

He was really freaked out about me being away for three nights with the c-section- when I came back he would cry when I left the room the first week.

After that he would wack her on the head when I was feeding her when I told him I couldn't get up and he would have to wait. I learned really quick to block her head!

That was only for a few weeks and then it was as if she had always been there!