Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I honestly don't think that 40 minutes is that far away...I mean 10-15 minutes away is sweet but you will get used to the longer distance. You need to do what is right for your family...and pursue your dreams. I'm sure you've sacrificed a lot and now its time to live it up, and you should. Maybe you can suggest to your mom that she could relocate as well...to be closer to you?

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

Posted by mamabear

Personally, I would move to my dream town because 40 minutes really isnt that far of a commute. Your mom can still come over plenty often, and I bet although she says she won't be able to come over as much, if it actually happens, she will find a way. Maybe not quite as much, but often enough. But, you and your DH have to have a real heart-to-heart and decide what is best for your family and make the decision together. Whatever you decide, go with it, don't look back, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I can somewhat relate and this would be a difficult decision for me as well.

We live in the same town as my parents and my in-laws. This comes in very handy and I like that we all live so close. Especially since my mom and my MIL both watch DD during the week.

I would feel kind of bad having them both commute to come watch DD, but on the other hand, I also feel like if you really found your perfect house in the perfect time - why pass that up?

I would be torn to be totally honest. I think my parents and my in-laws would totally understand and would tell me to buy the house, even though it was 40 minutes away, but I would feel bad about being a little far from them.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

Posted by dawnygirl25

Posted by mamabear

Personally, I would move to my dream town because 40 minutes really isnt that far of a commute. Your mom can still come over plenty often, and I bet although she says she won't be able to come over as much, if it actually happens, she will find a way. Maybe not quite as much, but often enough. But, you and your DH have to have a real heart-to-heart and decide what is best for your family and make the decision together. Whatever you decide, go with it, don't look back, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision.

I agree

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I live 1 mile from my mother- we rent now... we are probably going to buy soon, and when we do, it will hopefully be no more than a 10 mile radius from my mother.. I just love the help, love having my mother around, and love the benefits of having family around- so I would stick close to mom- that's me.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I'm going to go against the popular opinion and say that I would look in your dream area - but also in areas closer to your mom.

I live 15-20 minutes from my parents now - and honestly, it's a pain in the butt sometimes. We see each other mostly on the weekends, and it's annoying when I want to take Jack there for breakfast - but still have to drive the 20 minutes. This is all I've ever known though so I deal with it. If I had my parents within a close distance to me I think I would have a harder time adjusting to it.

It's not guaranteed that you will find your dream home - in your dream town - so I would keep your options open and look in a few different areas that you are considering!

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I'm a south shore girl all the way and could never move to the north shore no matter how many nice towns there are. My SIl is south shore too and is buying a house on the north shore. I was crushed that they fell in love with a house 30 minutes away on the north shore. It kills me b/c we are so close (10 minutes) and they are always over here. I am shocked they did it b/c they are close with both sets of thier families, but hey, they did what they had to do and let nothing or no one get in their way! 30 minutes or not, I'll still visit. She means to world to me and so does my new nephew so distance is not going to put a strain on our relationship!

Your mom is crushed, but she'll get over it!
She has no choice!

And even though I was extremely bummed that they are buying the house, I kept it to myself!

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I would probably choose the dream town, and I am saying this as someone who has no family of my own on LI and very little helpf rom ILs. They live 40 minutes away, and see DS about once a month, but I honestly don't think it would be so different even if they were closer. It is hard to do things on your own, but you do manage, and we have found a couple babysitters and alternate caregivers for emergencies, doctor appts. and such. They aren't a substitute for grandparents, but it helps. It sounds as if your mother is much more involved in being a grandparent than my ILs, and she and you will find a way to get together. Not as much as you do now, but you'll work something out.

I say this because you don't know if your mom will definitely always live where she lives now--she may decide to retire somewhere else, she may need to move to assisted living or a home eventually. It's not nice to think about, but it could happen. So you really don't know that you will always have her help. But you will probably stay in your dream town for many years to come, and you need to do what will make DH and you happy long term.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I have always lived near my mom who is also my best friend. She watches my 2 boys when I'm working during the school year, so it has always been convenient to live close for several reasons. Back in October we found a house that we loved in E. Northport, which was 30 minutes from my mom. Wonderful property, great school district, etc. I knew if we didn't take it I would regret it forever, yet I cried about it every single night. In the end, we bought the house, and I have to say, I am so glad we did. Yes, it would be nice if my mom was closer, but it hasn't stopped us from seeing her.... maybe not as much as we used to, but we still see her quite a bit.

I think if you find the right place in the right location, it will work itself out. I honestly didn't think I would get over it.... being so far from my mom ( I know it's not really far).... but I did and I love it here. Hope that helps.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

Thank you all for your responses.

I am really leaning strongly towards doing it!

I will keep you all posted.

Message edited 8/12/2009 8:34:38 PM.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

just read it...ahhh...I don't consider myself old fashion or anything, but I would go to make DH happy. If its what he wants and envisions for his family, I would go.

My mother would completely understand me taking my DH's side...she would pretty much force it.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I grew up in Suffolk where my parents still live but we moved to Nassau about 45 min. away. I wish everyday my parents lived closer. I am extremely close with my parents (I am an only child) and would love to live closer to my parents so they could just stop by or vice versa. We still see them 2-3x's a week but it is not as convenient. My parents will be selling their home in a few years and most likely moving closer to me unless for some reason, DH and I get a chance to sell our home and move closer to them.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

It's hard to lose the support.

But I say move where YOU want to be.

In all honestly, you will not see your mom as often as you are used to (everyday!). But 40 minutes, she can do that 1-2 times per week. It's not that much on LI. I'ts not like you are moving to Riverhead/Montauk or the City. I think saying she can't see you is unfair and not a real good reason. It's just not as convenient for HER. But you can't be living in her LR so it's convenient for her.

Most people spend this time to go to work everyday.

Re: Can I please get your honest opinion on this??? LONGGGGGGGGG

I would buy the dream home in the dream town. 40 minutes is not that far a drive, and your mom can still stop by a few times a week.