Children at the RE's office

So I went to my Dr. yesterday and saw a noticed posted that said (not word-for-word)....due to the sensitive nature of the office, please try to find babysitting arrangements prior to their appointment...

I guess I could see how some woman would feel emotional about seeing children at the RE's office but to me it really does not matter IMO There really is no right or wrong answer to this; just wondering if anyone has seen this before and their thoughts...

Re: Children at the RE's office

I don't mind a child in the waiting room.. I often assume he/she is a product of a fertility treatment... but I think it's all about the way it's handled. One time recently I was in the waiting room and this woman was talking SOOOO LOUD to her baby, who looked to be almost 2 years old. It was too the point where she was drawing in so much attention, that I couldn't focus on anything else. That was something I actually did have a problem with. It almost felt like she was talking extra loud so that people would look at her daughter and think how cute she is. I'm not saying this was the case..and that idea of that happening in a fertility dr waiting room is pretty horrifying.. but that's just the vibe I got. It was very annoying.

Re: Children at the RE's office

I have heard of this at a few offices and IMHO..I think it's quite appropriate. For the first time two weeks ago there was a child in the waiting room of my Dr.'s office and I must admit that I found it a bit jolting. Personally..it does not bother me but I know quite a few people that it bothers tremendously. So many people have been through so much stress and trauma trying to conceive that seeing a child at the fertility Dr.'s office is yet just another sad reminder of what they may never be able to attain. So many people are really no better than the walking wounded. IF just out and out sucks.

Re: Children at the RE's office

Re: Children at the RE's office

I just wanted to add to my response above that I also think that there is an undercurrent among some that really resent those that already have a child/children. I have found this in trying to set up a group and also on other boards. For myself, I have no children and don't feel this way as I have met many women that suffer from secondary infertilitya nd have suffered real and enduring pain. However, some just truly feel that secondary infertility does not count and I can only imagine if any of these people saw a child in the waiting room. Not good. Not my opinion at all..but I have seen some go nuts over this issue.

Re: Children at the RE's office

Message edited 9/28/2011 3:09:51 PM.

Re: Children at the RE's office

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by JackiePags

Posted by PennyCat

I don't mind a child in the waiting room.. I often assume he/she is a product of a fertility treatment... but I think it's all about the way it's handled. One time recently I was in the waiting room and this woman was talking SOOOO LOUD to her baby, who looked to be almost 2 years old. It was too the point where she was drawing in so much attention, that I couldn't focus on anything else. That was something I actually did have a problem with. It almost felt like she was talking extra loud so that people would look at her daughter and think how cute she is. I'm not saying this was the case..and that idea of that happening in a fertility dr waiting room is pretty horrifying.. but that's just the vibe I got. It was very annoying.

In that example I could really understand it. I always felt seeing children at the RE's office meant that all this IF treatment actually worked! I do however understand the sensitivity of it...

Yea I kinda feel like... you wanna bring your kid.. fine. It's not always easy to get a babysitter, especially since these appts can be everyday or at the last minute. But, don't impose yourself on everyone in the room who may just want to sit quietly and think about other things. This goes whether you have a baby with you or not though. Some people are just loud and inconsiderate in general.


This reminds me of a time this girl was graduating from my RE's office and was VERY vocal about the fact that she was graduating with twins and was so exciting. Yes.. that could be inspirational.. I get it.. but I graduated last year too and then had a devastating loss at 17wks. When I saw all this go on I just felt sadder about my own situation since I was happy and graduating over a year ago and here I am.. a few losses later and still trying....... I just think in general people need to keep their business, etc to themselves.

Fortunately in the close to 2yrs I've been with Dr.B, this has only happened twice in the waiting room.

ETA: I just read this over and I feel like I sound like a bitter witch Lately all sorts of things that never used to bother me, now bother me. Comes with the territory I guess.......

Re: Children at the RE's office

They have that in the RMA waiting room. They had no such policy at RSofNY. I used to see kids there sometimes.

Re: Children at the RE's office

They have this at ECF. But then they have a bazzilion birth announcments by the reception desk so wouldn't that upset some people too. I can see how some people would be upset, and I'm sure they have had complaints about it or they wouldn't have signs up.

I see kids out every day in my travels so it really doesn't bother me.

Re: Children at the RE's office

I've had to take my dd with me twice. I didn't have anyone to watch her. I felt sort of awkward, because I remember being in the waiting room before I had dd wishing I could have a baby so much, and when people would came in with a child I couldn't help but wish it were me. I always thought hey maybe that child was a success story of the Dr. I am seeing. I never felt back than even before I was ever pregnant that the woman who had to bring their children were doing it to show off, or to make others who weren't pregnant feel uncomfortable. I surely don't want someone to see me with my dd and feel sad.

I think its difficult to say don't bring in children. Just because someone has one child either through fertility treatments like me, or conceived naturally doesn't mean they don't long for a second or third child just as much. I want this second baby just as much as I wanted my dd and I unfortunately I can't get pg and keep a baby on my own so I need help. I went through months of IF treatment to have dd, and than suffered a mc this past spring so I know how it feels. Now I want my dd to have a sibling and sometimes I may have to bring my dd because lets face it there are a lot of appointments, very early appointments, and I can't always find sitters, but I usually try to.

Message edited 9/28/2011 7:33:21 PM.

Re: Children at the RE's office

Re: Children at the RE's office

Honestly - sometimes I have no choice but to bring my DD with me to my monitoring appointments. I try to arrange otherwise, but some mornings my DH has to catch an early train for work so I have to bring her. Everyone else has to go to work too so I can't expect them to be late so I can go to the doctor.

I totally get how this could be upsetting to some, but understand that these people are there going through the same thing you are - and probably had to go through it to have that child you see in the waiting room. I know I did.

As long as people are respectful to the tone of the waiting room and not bothering anyone, it should be fine.

Infertility while trying for your 2nd child is just as difficult and devastating as it is to be trying for your 1st - JMHO.

Re: Children at the RE's office

When I was going through IF treatments it really upset me to see kids in the RE's office. Fast forward, I had my DD through IVF and when I returned to my RE this summer to try to get PG with number 2 I made sure I did not bring DD with me.

Re: Children at the RE's office

Posted by bringonthebaby

Posted by PennyCat

I don't mind a child in the waiting room.. I often assume he/she is a product of a fertility treatment... but I think it's all about the way it's handled. One time recently I was in the waiting room and this woman was talking SOOOO LOUD to her baby, who looked to be almost 2 years old. It was too the point where she was drawing in so much attention, that I couldn't focus on anything else. That was something I actually did have a problem with. It almost felt like she was talking extra loud so that people would look at her daughter and think how cute she is. I'm not saying this was the case..and that idea of that happening in a fertility dr waiting room is pretty horrifying.. but that's just the vibe I got. It was very annoying.

They should walk around with some sort of sign on their stroller if they are a product of IF treatments

Re: Children at the RE's office

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by bringonthebaby

Posted by PennyCat

I don't mind a child in the waiting room.. I often assume he/she is a product of a fertility treatment... but I think it's all about the way it's handled. One time recently I was in the waiting room and this woman was talking SOOOO LOUD to her baby, who looked to be almost 2 years old. It was too the point where she was drawing in so much attention, that I couldn't focus on anything else. That was something I actually did have a problem with. It almost felt like she was talking extra loud so that people would look at her daughter and think how cute she is. I'm not saying this was the case..and that idea of that happening in a fertility dr waiting room is pretty horrifying.. but that's just the vibe I got. It was very annoying.

They should walk around with some sort of sign on their stroller if they are a product of IF treatments

Seriously!!!!!! When I'm pregnant I wanna put a sign on my belly that says "took serious work and heartache" or ... "miracle after multiple losses"

Re: Children at the RE's office

Re: Children at the RE's office

I guess it depends on the full circumstances. I have a 3 yr old DD that was not conceived with any fertility treatments. I had infertility the second time around. Well, I work full time and my DD goes to a daycare/school. My DH travels a lot. In the heat of my stims I was in the RE's office so frequently and often for 7am appointments. My DD's school doesn't open until 7:30 am and I can't find a sitter at that time, plus I'd have no time to go home, pick her up, pay the sitter, drop her at school and get to work. So, when my DH was home, he'd watch her and take her to school. But, when he travelled, she had to come with me.

I always brought books or crayons to occupy her so she wouldn't talk too much or bring attention to us and felt a little uncomfortable, but really I had no choice. I normally got women who'd smile at me, smile at her in a nice way. Sometimes they'd try to talk to her or tell me how cute she was. I think sometimes going through all those tests and dealing with all of those needles is overwhelming and it's nice to see the "end result" of a child - it's a good reminder that they're there for a good cause. I understand women being sad and like I said, I felt uncomfortable often when I'd bring her, but I was respectful, kept her quiet and only did it when I had to. If my RE hung up that sign, I don't know what I'd do. I have no other choice so I'd end up more uncomfortable, more stressed and anxious and that is not good when trying to stay calm during the IF process.

I don't think they should hang that sign. And, on the flip side, I think women should only bring their children if they have to. That woman is going through IF too, so she "gets" it and wouldn't rub anything in anyone's face. If the kid is there, they must have a good reason and the RE shouldn't judge them for that IMO.

Re: Children at the RE's office

My feeling is that regular, well behaved kids like all you girls are talking about are not the ones that inspired the sign.

There were probably a few instances in which moms brought unruly kids and screaming babies into the waiting room like we see at restaurants, movie theaters, airplanes, other waiting rooms, etc. without doing the work of parenting (keeping them occupied, setting boundaries, walking them around to quiet them down). That's where the "sensitive nature of the practice" comes in. They don't know what their patients are dealing with at any given time and they want to keep the environment low-stress. It's stressful to be around someone else's poorly behaved kid.

Although I do know how hard it is to keep up with all that monitoring and still get to work. I teach...early...so it's always a struggle. I'm not sure what I'd do if I had a child and the daycare let's say was on the way to work. I'd have no other choice sometimes.

Message edited 9/29/2011 7:44:01 AM.

Re: Children at the RE's office

I was just venting about this to my friend. My RE's office has this sign hanging (everywhere!) and I am trying for #2 (I have a 2 year old).

I get the whole "show off your kid" comment someone made earlier. There is a woman who comes to EVERY appointment with her 1 year old, lets the child walk around the waiting room the whole time AND brings her father (I assume...the child's grandfather) to EVERY appointment. She should tell her father to take the child outside. In my opinion, there is no other reason to have your child walking around the waiting room than for everyone to see.

This doesn't bother me because I am sensitive to seeing children at the RE. But #1-the signs are up because it does hurt some people and #2-I bust my butt getting coverage for my 2 year old for every appointment. He has never been there. I get that people cannot do this all of the time or have issues with babysitting once in a while. But, to me, this was just blatant....

Re: Children at the RE's office

for some reason it upsets me more at the obgyn office than at the RE office.

Re: Children at the RE's office

Even before conceiving my DC'S (all conceived with fertility procedures) I was always SO happy to see kids at my RE's office...To me that was living proof that this stuff CAN work ....

Not that IF is a disease (although it can surely feel like one), to me it would be akin to having cancer and always sitting in the waiting room with terminal patients around me wearing giant signs that said so...I would rather be in a waiting room with people at different stages of recovery and in remission...Strange analogy I know, but that was always how I viewed it....

As far as the poor behavior, yes of-course in ANY circumstance where someone is going through something painful (either mentally or physically) no-one wants to have a child (or adult for that matter) acting like a lunatic around them....This goes for a dentist, and any other MD....So, in that instance and the parent knows their DC cannot be contained or controlled than yes, I can see them needing to make arrangements....But sometimes, even the best behaved kids just have off days ...

When I was going, I tried to make arrangements when I could ( if I'm being honest it was never out of being mindful of the other patients, moreso because its just plain NO FUN for me or them to drag the kids to doctors offices- period) But otherwise they came....You do what you have to do , and when you are trying for a 2nd or 3rd child, sometimes you just don't have a choice....I personally would not go to a practice with that sign in my situation, as it also does not blend with my own personal philosophy...

Wishing you ladies lots of !!!!!!!!!!

Re: Children at the RE's office

DS is almost 2. We started ttc#2 when he was 6 months old. My monitoring appts are at 7am. There is no one to watch him and getting a babysitter everyday for a 1/2 hour sono appt. would be difficult if not downright impossible. So he comes. Sometimes he is well behaved. Sometimes he is not. RSofNY does not have such a sign in their office. If they did I would have to find a new RE. I figure if they were instrumental in helping make him, then he should be welcome in their office. Through the years, I have seen many a child in their waiting rooms and they have always given me hope.

Re: Children at the RE's office

When i first started going to an RE, i posted about the very same thing
My office didn't have a notice up, but i had posted that it bothered me initially to see kids in the waiting room at the RE's office. I felt that somehow it was rubbing salt in the wounds to see kids in an office where people are going precisely because they are having trouble conceiving - sort of a big reminder of why you are there.

Then i realized that wasn't the case and for the most part, people who brought their kids with them were really doing it because they had no other babysitting options, and I tried to look at them as success stories rather than someone making me feel bad about my own situation.
After a while, it didn't bother me anymore. I think its like when you see pregnant women while going through IF.. sometimes you're happy for them, sometimes you're not.

some people are at different points in their IF journey and what may bother one person, doesn't bother another. I'm sure the dr's office that posted the notice had enough people ask them to do it, or had a few instances of the unruly kids that they just felt it was in everyone's best interests to gently remind people of the sensitive nature of the office (like the post we have here at the top of the board reminding people to play nice )

Re: Children at the RE's office

I go o RSofNY and actually asked them about this at the beginning. I knew I'd have to bring my DD with me a few times and felt sort of awkward about it. The receptionists were so lovely about it and said that it was fine. I have seen kids in the waiting room almost every time I was there.

Re: Children at the RE's office