Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

I dont know how to explain myself anymore to them. I dont know how to be patient anymore. My urge to just yell at them in response increased with every phone call.

We are Russian. In the old country if you work maternity leave is easily a year , at least was a year, and then it was common to give your children to grandparents- because they were already on pension.

Well this is America- here most people need two salaries. If you work you do not get a year of maternity leave, you do not even get 12 weeks paid usually.

I do not work, but i am finishing my bachelors degree. Every semester or year that i hold off on finishing my degree puts us in a huge hole because my husbands law schools loans will kick in after graduation and we will HAVE to have two salaries. I have a limited time in which to graduate.


How is this explanation not good enough for why we HAVE to use daycare? How would it be different if i didnt go to school? i would not have given up my career to sit home my the Kids for years, that is not me, and i have accepted that, i dont feel i am a bad mother because of it.

I am tired of EVERY SINGLE dam conversation revolving around " why have kids if you use daycare"
"it is so expensive" " your child will be sick all the time"

Can anyone think of any more negative comments i can get about this decision. We have no choice, how else do i explain it more clearly?

And the best part of it all. My mother and grandmother, the people i get the most crap from, live in CALIFORNIA! They suggest i send the child there, where they will sit with her and they will hire someone to help for a couple of hours a day. How is that better? My mom has back pain and is a cancer survior that can not function with out a nap, my grandmother can use her own caretaker. I am sick of these stupid stupid suggestions, I am pregnant and have a hard time running after an infant, i dont see a 80 year old woman doing it any time soon.

And above all else, wouldnt it be better for my child to see me atleast some of teh day and on weekends, atleast for me to be there when she wakes up and goes to sleep, than to have grandparents that she doesnt even know and has seen twice since she was born?

Seriously WHAT DO I SAY to get them to STFU! I am so agitated with the stupidity of the comments.

Its me and my husband, we do it all ourselves, we have 0 friends, and 0 family. We go to the emergency room with our infant, we can not get sick because no one can sit with her, we seriously only have each other, and daycare is an excellent choice for us.

THey are making me feel like i am sending my child to some sort of evil baby jail where she will be forced to get sick and lick germy floors

Message edited 5/4/2009 6:51:20 PM.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

You don't owe anyone any explanations. You do what's best for you. Oh and you can tell them that they passed a law against forced floor licking back in 2002. BTW, all adults in Abby's infant room MUST wear booties before entering. Granted, it is not fool proof against germs, but hey nothing really is.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

lol :) i needed a joke


The whole thing is i read plenty of medical literature that says even though kids in daycare get sick, they also have better immunity as adults and less occurance of asthma. No one want a sick child, but AS IF preschool or kindergarten are somehow sick proof.

Kids are bound to get sick, the faster she builds up immunity the better.

I get constant arguments about this immunity factor, i was told to drop my cats off at a shelter b/c i have a baby now!

I just cant stant old school propoganda

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

how about the fact that daycare will teach your child to share. That they will learn to socialize with others. That while they will get sick, they will fight it off and help their immune system rather than keeping them in a bubble.



i had gotten grief that we would be using daycare full time instead of 3 days and trying to get grandparents for the other 2...

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

My family wouldn't try something like that because they know that my sarcasm would go into over-drive....

"Well, my drug dealer is running the daycare, so I get a discount on care, AND drugs. It's a win-win!"

If I was able to control my sarcasm, I would just let them know that if they continue to bring that topic off, I have caller-ID, and I WON'T be answering the phone when they call anymore..... YOU have all the power in this. They have to ask YOUR permission to find out what's going on, how DC is doing, etc.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

tell them if they think its so horrible, they need to move to where you are so they can watch your child. see how fast they change the subject.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

I really have no advice ,
but the following quotes made me LOL :

" why have kids if you use daycare"
"it is so expensive" " your child will be sick all the time"

OH man do I know what you mean and how you feel. My family is EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. I am from Georgia(next to Russia) and things are exactly the same back in the country . Every time I mention going back to work and putting DD in day care I feel like both my parents are going to have heart attacks, I am not kidding.

Worst thing is THEY ARE NOT EVEN IN THE US so they have no idea what things are like here.

My mother actually wants me to bring my DD to them to Georgia so they can take care of the baby for a "little while" and my DH(he is American) and I can stay here in the US and both work and "save money"

LOL my parents actually think that just bc we are renting we are poor and really straggling (that's how it is back there, if you are renting you are poor unless you are from some village or something where you have your own house ).

I have gotten used to all the comments by now and have learned(or I'm trying to) how to ignore them , otherwise they will drive me crazzyyyy

Message edited 5/5/2009 8:33:21 AM.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

Its your lives and you have to do what's best for you and your child....and you do not need to justify it to anyone. Its the hardest thing to learn as a parent. You will get so much advice from everyone but in the end do what you feel is right.

My in laws are from Italy and assumed that they would watch DS. EVEN though they are alomost 80 yrs old! Oh and the neighborhood that they live in is horrible......oh and that they are 1 hour each way with rush hour traffic! I put my foot down and told them that DS is going to daycare and that was the end of the conversation. He is 14 mths old and thriving in daycare. He learned to do things faster by being around other kids, he is so independent (sometimes scares me how much) and overall he is just happy. And yes, he got sick this past winter. But he survived :) and he is fine.

Our parents sometimes don't realize that life is not the same as it was 20 or 30 years ago. Just do what you need.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

I had to listen to alot of comments about putting DD in daycare also. It was very hurtful, because it was not like I was thrilled to be leaving her in the first place.

I would just say you have to get off the phone or change the subject whenever they mention it.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

Times have changed. Regardless, this is YOUR family and you call the shots.

I would just tell them next time that you are tired of the guilt trip, you will do what you have to do to make it work for your family.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

I didn't have to listen to any comments from family but I have read enough anti daycare comments on here and elsewhere along the lines of "I don't want someone else raising my kid", etc to know where you are coming from.

People sometimes don't understand that there are a million ways to raise a happy, healthy child and not all of them conform to everyone else's vision.

I would continue to stand up for your decisions and be proud. I would also let the offenders know that if they don't knock it off, you will be forced to avoid contact with them as you don't need their negativity in your life or that of your child.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

So frustrating - I have a friend who sends her daughter to a russian daycare - maybe you can find one and tell your relatives that she'll be raised in a russian environment it might help them feel better about it?

Regardless, you need to do whats best for you.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

I have been getting the same cr@p from my mom - she is Greek so I can relate and empathasize with you. She wants to take Athan to Long Island (I live in Virginia now) and raise/watch him during the week and I could visit on weekends SERIOUSLY??? I am so sorry you are listening to this/dealing with it. It's very hurtful. You have to do what is right for your child. FM if you want to talk.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

Posted by GoldenRod

I would just let them know that if they continue to bring that topic off, I have caller-ID, and I WON'T be answering the phone when they call anymore..... YOU have all the power in this. They have to ask YOUR permission to find out what's going on, how DC is doing, etc.

Re: Crap from family regarding daycare- long vent

my inlaws are asian and feel that they should watch any grandkids. they tell me that day care is just a business that the owners are there just to make money , not caring about the child.
you have to do what is best for you. or your family can move here to help, suggest that to them and see what happens