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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by jam11308
As for the middle name thing, was she being lovey when she said it? Kind of like "Aw baby you're my sunshine!!" If she had said "We're changing your middle name to Michelle" or another real name I'd definitely be bothered, but she said "sunshine" which makes me think she was just being lovey dovey & not trying to offend or disrespect you.
grandparents saying I'm going to change your middle name to X would bother me...... My parents pulled a similar stint... My mother decided to call the baby "girl" before we knew it was a girl. Then when she found out what the name would be if it were a girl she called it that name. Then when we actually found it it was a girl, she decided to start saying she was going to call the baby "Sunny". I repeatedly told her the baby's name will be X, and not Sunny. She didn't stop.... My father even then tried to claim the nurses at the hospital were calling my mother Sunny(like sunshine) and that we should find it nice....... OK, really creepy then if your trying to call my kid your own nick name( and I know when visiting her at the hospital she was not sunny to the nurses)
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Posted 10/10/12 6:14 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
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Karen
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by alli3131
I think you are overreacting but that is only based on my relatiobnship and how I run my home etc.
THe slippers - i wouldn't care. Just put them in the closet when they are not there. SO many people have a no shoes house and if I did I would be happy that they were followign the rules.
THe picture - Who cares. My DS has Pics of his grandparents but not us. He sees us all the time what does he need a pic of us for and he does not see his GP all the time.
THe holding the kids. People are different. Them holding my baby or not would not affect my life in one bit....they are the ones missing out.
Well said!
Honestly, nothing you have posted about your IL's bothers me. They are probably leaving as soon as you get home because they don't want to intrude on your family time. They are being respectful of the fact that you are out of the house all day and can't wait to see the kids.
Grandparents watching 2 newborns? Sorry, but I don't think many older grandparents would be comfortable with that. My kids are 5 & 2 and slept over my parents last week when we had a wedding and my mom is still saying she's exhausted 
Message edited 10/10/2012 7:48:12 PM.
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| Posted 10/10/12 7:47 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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:)
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by MarisaK
I am biased based on my IL relationship so I'm admitedly hypersensitive .....but I don't think you're overreacting.
to me (and again, this is probably completely biased b/c of my own experiences) it seems like your ILs want to be w/ the babies, but not you ......so, they'll come over everyday and spend the day w/ their son and grandchildren, make themselves at home .......but leave when you are around .......they'll help him during the day, but not help you as well by letting the two of you go to dinner?
The slippers thing - would annoy me b/c I'd look at as again, she's making herself at home in MY home but only while I'm not there ......
(my MIL is even worse and only does this when me AND DH are not home ie - my BIL or SIL are babysitting)
The picture thing would make me INSANE. I probably wouldn't say anything, but I'd be sure to add to the photos of the rest of the family - You/DH, other grandparents, Aunt/Uncles etc.
\
THIS is how I see it. And if they don't want to bother with you, then I would have a huge issue with them wanting to be comfy in my home, with my kids, if they give me the vibe they can't be bothered with me. And personally, I would take the picture out. No one decorates my DCs room and puts in pictures without my permission. I personally would never put family pics in my DCs room. Maybe my living room but not a bedroom. I dont care if that would make me a biotch. I would put m y foot down from day one, that those are my babies and my wants and needs and wishes are #1. No one else. They had their kids, now these are yours and it does seem to me they have some kind of issue that I dont think you are overreacting with your feelings.
Message edited 10/10/2012 8:22:11 PM.
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| Posted 10/10/12 8:20 PM |
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Teachergal
We made a snowman!
Member since 1/08 3239 total posts
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Who goes into someone else's room and puts a picture in it without asking the owner of the house first? I mean, seriously? That's rude. She could have just given you the picture and said, "I thought you might want a picture of us for the babies." And why only for your son's room and not your daughter? So weird.
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| Posted 10/10/12 8:51 PM |
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Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Without knowing the history of your relationship with the IL's, I have to say that I think you are overreacting.
I agree with the PP's who mentioned that maybe they are uncomfortable holding small babies. My brother was scared to hold my DS when he was first born because he was so "fragile". I took offense at his aloofness in the beginning also but now that DS is a toddler, he loves wrestling and playing with him.
As far as the slippers and pictures go, I really don't think either were left in a malicious way and think you really shouldn't sweat the small stuff.
I also don't think the changing the middle name to sunshine comment was probably said in a lovey way and was not meant to be disrespectful towards you.
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| Posted 10/10/12 10:10 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
I vote crazy! Again, I would love to hear the history. If they are really crazy they must have done other things to you before the babies. It does sound like they are putting on a show in front of you, pretending to have boundaries and respect. Then, when you are not around the party starts.
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| Posted 10/10/12 11:24 PM |
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babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
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Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
I would chalk up them not holding the babies to them being afraid bc they are so small. Many people don't want to hold newborns. I would think it was strange for MIL not to want to hold the babies, but to each their own.
The slipper/photo thing is a little strange, if my MIL put a photo in my house, let alone my kids room I would find it odd. Why not just give it to you and say I want the baby to have this and you can put it where you want in your home?
The name thing was completely rude. Why single out the middle name? Why not just say we're going to change "your name" to sunshine. I personally feel like this was a dig at the name choice which is bull.
Would I start an argument over all of the above? No.
Would I keep a mental note of it for the future? Yes.
Good Luck, I hope they come around.
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| Posted 10/11/12 6:59 AM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
I don't know - I don't see anything wrong with what they are doing.
I don't think she was serious about changing your DD's middle name to 'sunshine', I'm sure it was meant as a joke.
Then again, I have a great relationship with my MIL (my FIL lives in FL, so we don't really see him that much). She is very good to us, and I love her.
I don't agree with everything she says or does when it comes to my DS, but I don't go out of my way to voice my opinions about it.
They are harmless thoughts and suggestions, and she loves my DS to bits.
In the end she is DH's mother and I would NEVER cause problems over petty things I don't agree with her about. He isn't going to write her out of his life just because I don't like the way she does a certain thing with DS...I would never expect him too.
Flame me if you want but some of the MIL complaints I read on here are so unimportant. I find myself  wondering if people are serious.
Plus, one day GOD willing I will be a MIL and I want to have a great realtionship with my DIL. I don't ever want a woman to come between him and I.
Again, it probably has to do with the fact that I have a great MIL, but even if I didn't it would take a lot for me to cause a war between us and her or DH & her.
Message edited 10/11/2012 9:51:28 AM.
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| Posted 10/11/12 9:27 AM |
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jam11308
Member since 11/07 7273 total posts
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by BriBri2u
Flame me if you want but some of the MIL complaints I read on here are so unimportant. I find myself wondering if people are serious.
Plus, one day GOD willing I will be a MIL and I want to have a great realtionship with my DIL. I don't ever want a woman to come between him and I.
Again, it probably has to do with the fact that I have a great MIL, but even if I didn't it would take a lot for me to cause a war between us and her or DH & her.
I agree with your entire post, but especially this part. This isn't directed at the original poster at all, but sometimes the stuff that I read on LIF makes me so sad. I have 2 boys and even though it's a looooog time away, the complaints that I see make me feel like I don't stand a chance at having a real relationship with any future DILs. MILs seem to be damned if they do & damned if they don't these days 
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| Posted 10/11/12 9:49 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
they are just nervous to handle little ones, my MIL wants to help out too but she has told me that she is not comfortable to hold, feed, change a little baby like this (my DS is 3 w old , he was born 7 lb 14 oz and is a big baby by now) so there is not much she can do, it doesn't bother me at all, I understand, it's different with your own kids, she raised 3 kids of her own. I know that she will help out any way she can when my baby is older, she did with my DD when we needed her to. I would just give them some time :)
Also I don't think the slipper thing would bother me but maybe the picture would, not sure.
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| Posted 10/11/12 10:31 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by lil-bambina
My husband didn't hear it and I didn't know how to react because I was caught off guard and was shocked it was even said. I ignored it, but to this day it stills pisses me off. I know that if it happens again in the future, I am certainly going to say something. You are right and I deserve an apology for being disrespected in my home in front of my children. Most of all, I am scared when I am not around in the future and they are alone with my kids what else would be said!
I wasn't there- and I don't know you or your ILs but I would assume she was being cutesy.
Like- your daughter is so happy and smiley her middle name should be sunshine! I wouldn't have taken it as a dig towards your father.
IMHO- you are being too sensitive about all of these things. They may be a bit odd- but they don't seem malicious.
I hope everything works out for you though!
Message edited 10/11/2012 10:44:07 AM.
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| Posted 10/11/12 10:40 AM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by Kidsaplenty
I really think you are overreacting. The things they are doing are so not a big deal.
I completely agree. It is not as if they hung a giant portrait of themselves over the crib. To be honest, it sounds like they are avoiding you and not the babies. I could be way off base, but from what you describe, that is how it sounds to me.
As for the Sunshine thing, I think you are looking too deeply into it. It sounds to me, that she just meant, "we are going to call you sunshine bc you are so cheery and light up a room" kind of way. Just like if you called them cutie or some other term of endearment. I dont think her intent was, I want to change your middle name bc you are named after your other grandfather.
Message edited 10/11/2012 10:51:58 AM.
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| Posted 10/11/12 10:47 AM |
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MrsSpring
I'm a lucky mama
Member since 1/10 7585 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
i dont think you are overreacting. this would bother me too.
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| Posted 10/11/12 10:54 AM |
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Jugglemom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/12 809 total posts
Name:
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by Kidsaplenty
I really think you are overreacting. The things they are doing are so not a big deal.
I completely agree. It is not as if they hung a giant portrait of themselves over the crib. To be honest, it sounds like they are avoiding you and not the babies. I could be way off base, but from what you describe, that is how it sounds to me.
As for the Sunshine thing, I think you are looking too deeply into it. It sounds to me, that she just meant, "we are going to call you sunshine bc you are so cheery and light up a room" kind of way. Just like if you called them cutie or some other term of endearment. I dont think her intent was, I want to change your middle name bc you are named after your other grandfather.
ITA!
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| Posted 10/11/12 11:11 AM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Crazy in-laws or am I overreacting?
Posted by jam11308
Posted by BriBri2u
Flame me if you want but some of the MIL complaints I read on here are so unimportant. I find myself wondering if people are serious.
Plus, one day GOD willing I will be a MIL and I want to have a great realtionship with my DIL. I don't ever want a woman to come between him and I.
Again, it probably has to do with the fact that I have a great MIL, but even if I didn't it would take a lot for me to cause a war between us and her or DH & her.
I agree with your entire post, but especially this part. This isn't directed at the original poster at all, but sometimes the stuff that I read on LIF makes me so sad. I have 2 boys and even though it's a looooog time away, the complaints that I see make me feel like I don't stand a chance at having a real relationship with any future DILs. MILs seem to be damned if they do & damned if they don't these days
Well, bless you both for having great MILs. When a woman has an overbearing in-law who will not accept that when their son got married that his wife comes first, it is VERY difficult. It can tear apart a marriage. Many in-laws are very competitive and controlling. That's the truth.
Also, it is never appropriate to go into someone's home and put up pictures of yourself. Whether you start a war over it is personal choice, but its crossing a boundary.
Message edited 10/11/2012 1:08:30 PM.
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| Posted 10/11/12 1:07 PM |
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