Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I've sort of come to terms with the fact that DD (4months) will be starting daycare in a few weeks when I go back to work. However, there are still days that I have such a hard time with it. She is still so small and helpless and I just worry that all her needs will be met and she'll be the happy little baby she is now while home with me. I'm trying to think with my head and not my heart. It is what it is at this point and I must go back to work so I'm trying hard to focus on the positive aspects. 1. I'll get to have adult interaction ever day 2. the PAYCHECK! 3. She'll learn there are other people in the world, besides her mommy, etc.
I feel very strongly that there are many benefits for older children, but I still feel so bad that so young and I'm leaving her for 9 hours a day with strangers.
How do you get through this? Do you think your children have benefited in any way from being in daycare?

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I am right there with you... DS is only 2 and a half months now and I have to send him to daycare. My MIL and mom are watching him a few weeks when I go back to work next week then he'll start in Sept when he's a little over 3 months. I feel awful!!! I spend 24/7 with him. We make so much progress and I feel like it's all gonna go out the door when he starts daycare. He's not gonna get all the attention I give him and he's such a happy baby.

I know why I have to go to work... like you said... the money, adult interaction, my benefits, etc. I thought I'd be fine going back to work when I was prego b/c I was such a workaholic and I work hard for my money. It's a lot more difficult then I thought. The daycare is only 5 mins from my office so I plan to go at lunch.

I too work about 8 hours a day. I guess we have to make the most out of our weekends. FM me if you want any support b/c you're not alone. Believe me... I'm dreading leaving him Monday!

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

Thank you so much for your support. I think what makes it so difficult for me is the negative reaction I get from most people when they find out that I'm putting my infant in daycare.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

Daycare has been the best thing for DD. At first, it was initially very hard for me to leave her. I felt guilty, resentful, etc and on the first day I dropped her off, I cried in the parking lot.

She has now been in daycare for 1 1/2 years. She loves her teachers. DD is extremely sociable. She has learned to play well with others, to share. DD has some delays and being around other children her age has helped with this.

It does get easier. Just hang in there. Daycare was a great decision that Dh and I made for our daughter

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

jcbrownie - That's exactly what I wanted to hear! Thanks!
How old was your DD when she started?

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I had the same exact concerns when DS went in this young. Now my second baby is going in and I have the same concerns.

I will tell you that the caregivers are great. I try to maintain very friendly open communication with them and they are so nice to my kids. I swear I see parents that are aloof/not nice to the caregivers and I dont understand.

My 25 month old is social and fun loving and has quite a personaility. I think a lot of good comes out of daycare. However, they did get SICK a lot the first winter there. It is horrible--just so you know. But then by the 2nd winter its better.

Your child will be great. You will call there 100 times on the first week he/she is there--but then you fall into a new routine.

Its okay--I promise

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

My DS didn't start going to daycare until he was 12 months because my mom watched him for us full time until then. But I have to say even at 12 months, I had the mommy guilt.

Now at almost 2 years old, I see how much DS has learned from being there. He has learned to interact with other children. He sings songs that they learn in his class. He always wants to wash his hands because they do it all the time there. He hands me his plate when he is done eating because that is what they do in daycare. He has learned to drink out of a regular cup because they are no longer allowed to have sippy cups in his class. I like to think they are helping me raise my child... not raising him for me!

I am currently pregnant with #2 and it looks like my mom won't be able to watch this baby like she did for DS, which I totally understand because that was a HUGE committment. So #2 will most likely have to start daycare at 3 months. Yes it makes me sad, but I am comfortable with this daycare now, I know the staff and I know that my baby will be in good hands.

There is nothing we can say to take away the mommy guilt you are feeling, but just know that DD will be fine! And you will see daycare is a good thing for them!

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

Its hard to let go. I felt like NO ONE could care for her like I did. I could just look at her and ‘know’ she needed something, etc. The feel of her sleeping in my arms, on my shoulder.. who would hold her for hours on end at Daycare?

Yeah, it was tough.

I took a week to acclimate myself to having her gone. I checked in on the daycare to be sure everything was ok. Then I realized I felt like I was holding her back. I saw her in daycare and how her eyes followed the other children, how she reached out at the toys, how she would light up seeing the mobile they had, or how she’d laugh at the kick toy they had. Its not that I couldn’t buy all those toys and more for her but they really nurtured her, let her curiosity grow.

She loves Daycare. She still cries a lil right now when we drop her off but that’s cause this daycare is now only 3weeks in. She’s learning that toys aren’t just ‘hers’ and that she can either play by herself or crawl over to another child. She’s learned how to find things under, around, behind people and objects. She literally grows everyday. She’s super happy and the best part is…. She still beams when we pick her up. It helps a lot to know no matter how much fun she’s had or what she’s doing, if she sees Daddy, all bets are off cause the man of her life just walked in the door. If she sees me, it’s a lil more like “Whoa, its Mommy, yeah” but she’s all Daddy’s little girl.

Still…. to feel that love coming from her not even knowing that she’s showing me love herself, makes me realize Daycare is giving her fun and education, caring and balance, but she still knows that Love comes from home and she still wants me to hold her.




ETA: She went in at 15weeks old. She's almost a year old now. She was out of daycare for Jun & July and went 'in' again at 11months

Message edited 8/12/2009 10:56:26 AM.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

DS started Daycare at 3 months. The first day was a nightmare. The first week was quite difficult, but now DS is almost 6 months and he is active and fine. The "strangers" are no longer strangers. He feels comfortable there and when I show up unexpected he always look like he's having a good time. Do I still feel guilty - yes, but it does get better and easier - I promise. You are so not alone, and f--k people who think its wrong for you to take care of your child by working and thus need to use daycare.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

My daughter started daycare at 10 weeks. I felt the same way going into it, but looking back, I have absolutely NO regrets. Even at such a young age, she absolutely FLOURISHED at daycare. They were able to get her on a routine, she bonded so sweetly with all the teachers in her room, and she made lifelong friends. There's a "brat pack" of 5 little girls who all started in the infant room together, all around the same age, and they have been inseperable friends ever since. Whenever I go to pick her up, they all run up to me and shower me with hugs and kisses

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

DS went to daycare at 6mths. I was always a believer in daycare as I saw how great my neices and nephew did but DH's family NEVER had anyone is daycare. Its a year later and its the absolute best thing we have done and DH is a 100% in agreement. DS was in a room with older and younder kids and we saw that he developed faster. He always tried to keep up with the older babies (He was walking at 8 1/2 mths b/c he saw the 13 mth old walking). His verbal skills are really good. His ped always says that he is ahead. And most importantly, as an only kid, he has learned what we have felt was the impossible - to share!

Every kid is different and they develop differently but it helps when they are around other children their own age. And yes, its hard sometimes when we think that he is there 10 hours a day....but we see how well he is doing and helps.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I agree with a lot of the above posters.

I think Day care is great (my ds goes to a babysitter but there are still a few kids there)

DS interacts with different children of all ages, i think this will help him grow!

Plus it allows me to appreciate my son more since i get to miss him every day!

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

DS isn't in daycare but I have to leave him everyday with my mom to come to work. It was sooooooooooooo hard the first week or two. I wanted to cry everyday when I left him and missed him terribly when I was at work. Now it's been almost a month since I've been at work and it is a lot better. I still miss him but at least I know he is in good care. You will get used to your DC being in someone else's care. I savor every moment I have with him and the weekends are total quality family time with DH and DS.

Good luck.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I knew all through my pregnancy that my child would be in daycare after maternity leave. I wasn't happy about it and the comments people made didn't help - especially when they would ask if I was going back to work and I said I would at 8 weeks. When I told them the baby would go to daycare, they would say "awww - so young?"

I looked them right in the eye and said if they were willing to pay my bills, then I would definitely stay home until the kid was older. That shut them up. No one has any right to do that to a mom, IMO.

That being said, Cailen went to daycare at exactly 2 months old. I was sure he would rot in a corner somewhere without me, but - the teachers were great. They gave him so much attention, and so did the other older babies in the room. He was surrounded with so much socialization, activity, and smiling faces - he loooooved daycare!

Does he have days where he clings to my leg and screams "WANT MOMMY!!!!"? Absolutely, but daycare has been the best experience for him. He is so verbal, so smart, so social. It is the best thing for a child - as long as its the right place and the right teachers!

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I am a SAHM and while I cannot offer advice I can lend some support. I imagine this is like anything. In the beginning it may be tough on you and the baby, being sad about it I imagine is completely normal. Give yourself some time to adjust to it and I think then that the time you do get to spend with your child will be that much more special. Best wishes

p.s. - I also want to add that most children I know are in some form of daycare and they all seem to be fine so I am sure that your little angel will be too again

Message edited 8/12/2009 11:51:06 AM.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I totally sympathize - my DS went in daycare at 3 months and was there for about 8-9 hours a day. I remember the week before he went, I cried so much. I think the anticipation was worse than actually leaving him there. He adjusted really well. I like him interacting with other children. I also like my job - I am not sure whether I would be a good SAHM. I think working part time would be the best of both worlds. You will get used to it - give it a month. You just need to get into a schedule. My sister, who is a SAHM, always said to me "at this age, all they need is a warm body to take care of them. It is when they get older, around grade school, that it is important that you are there". I agree with that statement. You will get through it. Just think about the millions of kids that are in daycare and have turned out great!

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

DS started in daycare at 3 months and did wonderfully. He had so much fun there that when I took him out of daycare this spring after baby #2 was born and I decided to stay home full-time we were all really sad. He missed his friends and activities and would ask me when he could go back to school. He loved it there.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

DS is 8 months old and has been in daycare since he was 3.5 months old. He's doing great. When I pick him up, he has a smile on his face.

I love that he gets to interact with other babies. There are a couple of other little boys around his age and the teachers always tell me how much fun they have together. The daycare has tons of toys and swings, exercausers, playmats, etc. DS naps in a crib there, which is a big accomplishment since he won't do that at home. I like how I get a form with daily updates and a few sentences on what he did at daycare.

It's really hard at the beginning. For a while, I dropped DS off and picked him up. I hated saying good-bye. DH started dropping him off and I usually pick him up This arrangement made it easier for me both emotionally and time management-wise.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

DD started daycare at 6 months. I plan to put my second in at 3 months (whenevr that day comes).

When the only option we had was daycare, I was so nervous. Some family members expressed concern, and I would reply, "I have to work. If you know anyone you trust to take care of her, by all means let me know. Otherwise this is our only option." I had a friend give me a hard time and I asked her "do you really think it is that bad?" And she said "YES!". Mind you she was a SAHM and it didn't pay for her to work. I felt so judged.

Fast foward to now. DD is 20 months old. She can count to 14. She has a million words. She knows how to share with others. She knows colors. She knows animals and the sounds they make. She does art projects almost everyday. She knows all of her classmates names and her teachers names. She amazes me every day that she comes home, with new words and projects and she is SO HAPPY! My cousin who does not see her that often said to me "she is such a happy, funny baby."

And I think of that friend of mine who makes me feel so guilty. Yeah, she stayed home with them. But her kids sat in front of a TV for 4 years. They never went anywhere and never learned anything until they were in preschool. Now she's judging me for my decision, but her kids were no better off with her. I want to emphasize that not all SAHMs are lazy like her. And I'm not saying that I or you would be like that if we had the opportunity to stay home.

Yes, it is hard in the beginning when they are so little. There are so many wonderful things about daycare, if you find a good one. It will always be hard. But think of all of the things that DD will do during the day and how much she will grow and develop. That should make you feel a little better.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I am so with you. DS starts day care at 4 months when I go back in September. I am so upset and stupid comments that I get don't help

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I worked in Day care with infants and toddlers and agree with the above posts- its going to be okay! The teachers really do provide love and care for them. Its hard but lots of positives. If you are close by the day care, stop there for lunch. We had parents do this and it helped the parents feel more comfortable.

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

I felt the exact same way you did... I went back to work when DS was 12 weeks. I don't send him to day care but instead have a nanny come 2 days / week and my Mom watches him 2 days / week. I cried the first day, but after that first week it became much easier. Your DD will surprise you, I promise! I am sure she will do wonderfully in her new "home away from home"!!!

It didn't help me that ALL of my friends (I knew 5 or 6 that were pregnant with me) stayed home after having their babies. I felt like no one could relate to what I was feeling and that I was a horrible Mommy for working.

However, I know that for myself, I am a better Mom while working. DS loves when the nanny and my Mom come in the morning, so I figure they must be doing something right!

I will probably enroll him in daycare in the near future. It was just easier for the mornings this way right now (they both come to my house)!

I promise you, once you get through the first week, it is much much easier!!!!!

Re: Daycare Moms - Looking For Support

Thank you all soooooo much! You've made me feel much better. I know that once I feel more settled and we have a routine I will feel even better. I will probably refer back to this thread a few more times when I'm feeling low.
So many of you seem thrilled with your daycare facility. Which ones do you use out of curiosity???