daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

then in daycare...what do you do?

The boy I watch, Gavin, will be 2 in Feb.

The kid has NEVER in 15 months ever raised a hand to me or Josh. I haven't heard the kid whine or cry since a car ride home from the park in Sept, while with us.

He is a kid who will leave the park with no problem...the most well behaved kid in the library class or at storytime. Naps everyday without an issue.

When I hang out with him and his mother, he is COMPLETELY different. whiney, crying.

His mother asked me the other day what I do when he hits. I said he's never even come close. If Josh is driving him crazy, he says out loud "No Josh" so that I hear him.

His mother said oh...the tantrums and hitting are out of control at home.

I can't see this kid acting like this.

Today, he had a therapy appt. She comes to get him, he's still sleeping. Wakes him up...(I wake him all the time, no problem)...I did not even recognize him.

SCREAMING KICKING...Josh hands him a pretzel, he takes it, breaks it in 2 and throws it then slaps his mother. He could have told his mother f off and I would not have been more shocked.

I told her he is NEVER like this ever. She said he is like this all the time. His father dropped him off late this morning because Gavin could not get it together, he just threw tantrums all morning.

I feel bad for them, I don't know that kid at all. Is this common? split personalities?

tia!

eta: do I offer insight or just stay out of it?

Message edited 12/15/2008 5:14:30 PM.

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

I am a NYS licensed home daycare provider and I can't even tell you how many times I've encountered this with my daycare children....Its amazing, because now I see it with my own DS ...At school, the teachers all tell me what a complete doll he is and then when I go pick him up, he's a loony bin sometimes...I think children just have a different comfort level with their moms/dads then they do with outside caretakers and feel like they can be "themselves" somewhat...I've gotten my DC kids to eat meat, take nice long naps , try new foods, etc...and the parents are always like " He/She did what ???? How ????" Children know that there is an unconditional love with their parents and feel secure and can be manipulative at times....Its a phase that passes , I'm sure he's fine

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

I was a nursery school teacher before having my DS, and I always got the most surprised reactions from parents when I told them their child was well behaved. Parents would look at me like, are we talking about the same kid Mrs. D?? They could not believe how different their child was at home. I think at this young age, it's normal. Kids will never have the same comfort level with a teacher/caregiver as they do with their parents, no matter how much they love us. Unless it becomes an issue during the day with you or your son, I would not say anything.

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

My DD acts completely different with EVERYONE but me. Even with my DH she is generally well-behaved. With me, she can be a tyrant. I am firm with her, set limits and basically keep her on a schedule but she still has her moments where I say, who is this child? Especially when I see her with others and she is funny, and delightful all the time. At day care, she is great napper, and loves to help clean up. Ummm.. who is that?

I really think they know who they get let off steam with and will still be loved. She knows even after a time-out Mommy still loves her. I think since my DH travels she even worried about losing him if she acts badly. I am the one constant where she feels safe.

Oh, it gets worse when they are teens too

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

thanks everyone!

Christine, that makes PERFECT sense. He knows he can flip out on them and nothing will change.

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

My daycare person tells me she sees this ALL the time. Do ya think maybe it is bc they feel unconditional love from their parent and the daycare they know its loving but its not the same as mom or dad? BC I have to tell you gilly is a really good girl and even better for the daycare person. i am shocked when I hear her say " we went to the store and Gilly sat in the cart with the girls"...I am like bc I cant even go food shopping bc she wont stay in the cart. Maybe its a different vibe from a parent vs daycare...KWIM...

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

thanks!

sometimes I feel like she should just toughen up with him. But maybe she is tougher at home with him.

I won't say anything to her.

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

There is nothing you can do. It's envroinmental, and you are taking care of your environment. If mom wants to see the behaviors change, she needs to do what you do....

Re: daycare moms....if your kid acts completely different for you

My DS is the same, although the director said she did see his temper come out a few times but nothing like he is at home (he goes to nursey and it is only 2 days a week for a total of 5 hours).

The only thing I can think of is that it is routine. They know what will happen at daycare/school and I think kids thrive on that. I know at my son's school, every morning they sit in a circle, say prayers, she goes over the month, day and weather and then their day starts. At home, he wakes up a different time everyday and it just changes. I do notice that as he has gotten older the routine I had loosed up a lot. I always had a strict morning routine which including breakfast and nap. Not so much anymore since he is down to one nap.

It could also be that he is looking for his parents attention. They work M-F and I am going to assume that they still have chores to do so that might be part of it. When he is with you, your are giving him your undivided attention. I notice on the days I clean, DS is worse.