Depressed after playdates....

I've been scheduling playdates for DS on the weekends with his little friends that he's grown up with - who are all 'typically' developing. I figure seeing them use conversation might help him?

But it's taking a toll on me. The other little children get frustrated with my DS and I end up intervening to interpret. (Little girl says, "c'mon, Zach! Let's go in the playhouse.." and Zach is fixated on the wheel of a little car. So I'll have to say "He's really concentrating on something. He'll probably join you in a minute.." I just can't help but feel so down when these kids leave. I'm sad for my son who doesn't know how to play. I'm sad that my child has such a long road ahead of him to get somewhere close to where these other kids are in development. I'm almost angry that these parents of the 'typical' kids have no clue how good they have it. And they look at me and say "I don't know how you do it"..... The homework that I got from Early Intervention is so tough. We have to associate new words with everything he does so that he won't bring a tv phrase to playtime (most of his speech is echolalia(sp?) and that is exhausting. I do it every day but trying to break into DS's world is an almost impossible task.

Sorry. Just having a sappy morning. This is soooo hard and we've barely begun.

Re: Depressed after playdates....

You are SO not alone. This is one of the hardest things ... all I can say is don't give up. Youre right - he is getting important social cues from typical playdates, even if it doesn't appear he's paying any attention. Now's the time to reach out for support for you.

Re: Depressed after playdates....

I know exactly how you feel! It is so hard and the "typical kids" parents don't understand. However like Colesmom said it's important for your DS. He is still very young and I'm sure has tons of potential.

We went to a birthday party yesterday. There was only about 6 kids or so from the ages of 3-5. As far as I know all of were "typical". And you know what none of them played with each other! DS had a great time! No whining, crying or feeling overwhelmed so to me it was a huge success!

Re: Depressed after playdates....

If I had to guess I would say that I cry after 40% of our playdates/children's birthday parties. That number used to be closer to 100%.

We do so good with being able to control situations that are within our family and our home. And we know what to anticipate, what to do and what NOT to do.

Then you introduce others and it all falls apart. Between them not taking the social cues, the other children now being old enough to ask me why he does the things he does, and the bitterness that is felt towards others with typical children. It just all comes to a head the second I get in the car to leave.

It is a cruel reminder some days because I have to say that most days are "good" days and you forget what you're dealing with because you've become used to it. Then it reminds you. I hate that reminder.

You're so new in the process so trust me when I say it gets a lot better! You'll still get those feelings but you'll see that he can have playdates, he will engage, it won't be perfect all the time but he will enjoy them. His therapy is going to be the key to all of this as well as you pursuing these opportunities for him to interact with typical children. Somedays I say that I'll never go to another playdate again. But then I remember that those are my issues and not his and it's not fair for me to hold him back.

Hang in there...it's so hard

Re: Depressed after playdates....

I know how you feel, and especially with other parents saying :I dont know how you do it".
You just have to keep working at it. Dont give up. Keeping him around other typical kids is so sad for me, but the best thing you can do for your son. Christopher has a twin brother..Matthew who is typical, and that is is best role model.
For example. We went to a birthday party at a bounce place and they did a treasure hunt. The kids had to look and listen for clues. Christopher had no idea what was going on, but he just followed where the kids went and sat down with them clapping and cheering. That is what mattered to me the most.
The more he is around other kids...the better.

Re: Depressed after playdates....

It is hard sometimes, but then I say to myself, "maybe I am feeling down, but HE had fun." He almost always enjoys being around other kids, even if he's not following the activity 100%.

I am beginning to hate the "I don't know how you do it" comment. It usually comes from a good place, but my reaction is "what's the alternative?"

Re: Depressed after playdates....

it is hard, but the more and more kids get to know him the more and more they will understand him and they are smart little boogers and eventually it will all come together.

AJ has been with the same group of friends since he was 4 1/2 months old (5 are 2007 babies like him) and they pick up on his cues and it's great when they do interact with each other. it will happen overtime.

birthday parties are tough, but we get through them.

AJ had a major meltdown at a birthday party once and wound up under the table... his "best friend" said to me "AJ momma, i go sit with AJ" it melted my heart but at the same time, i knew it would be ok...

are you close with these friends? if so try the one on one playdates with a therapist there. that helps too. this way he can be "taught" how to play with other children.





it will get easier.

Re: Depressed after playdates....

It has become more and more obvious that DS is "different" as he got older.

That "behind" at 18 months-2 yo is now very apparent at 3.5 yo.

I know people do look at DS when we go to birthday parties but the people who invite us (still!!! ) are our friends and they accept DS for who he is. Yes, I have to explain to other kids about DS. But I don't go into lengthy explaination. The kid will ask why he does not do x,y,z. DS does not talk so I am often his voice. I usually tell them that DS cannot do it because he is not strong enough or he does not understand them. That's it! Most kids go "oh OK" and go on with what they are doing. DS is usually doing his own stuff but he does look at other kids so interacts somehow.

We have not been kicked out from parties by our friends with typical children.

I am conscious of it. I try not to let it get to me.

I know there may be a time that we will no longer be invited all together. The GTGs have stopped. Mostly because of our crazy schedule. We still get birthday party invites. I am not sure for how long to be honest.

But DS is now in a special needs preschool. He has social interactions with his little classmates.

All that said and done, DS has a blast at all the parties. He is oblivious of it all. And his happiness is all that matters to us. And DS IS a happy kid. In his own little World sometimes but he is happy and loved by all those who surrround him.

Re: Depressed after playdates....

You are not alone! My DS just turned 4 and I remember leaving playdates and GTGs feeling sad that he wasn't "caught up".

We get invited to a lot of Birthday parties and we go! We go to GTGs as well. I even joined a meetup group. I want both my kids to be in a social setting as much as possible.
DS also goes to Pre-K (Developmental) FT. He has come a LONG way.

My DD is also special needs. She is 20 months (but was a preemie) and has Down Syndrome. Am I going to hold her back? Nope! Same for her..We'll be going to Bday parties and GTGs, Meetups, etc.
It is HARD to see other 20 month olds running around and talking (mamas dadas babas) etc and she's not even crawling yet.
I KNOW she will get there, because, DS has come so far, my ambition is for her to go far as well!

I made quite a few really good friends through this site and have a lot of family members with kids the same age. This helps tremendously that my kids are accepted for who they are.

I'm nervous when Kindergarten comes around (for both of them), but, for now, just taking it day by day!

Message edited 1/31/2011 5:34:22 PM.

Re: Depressed after playdates....

Add me to this list here...
I used to get so depressed when we'd go to a birthday party or even just to the playground. Kids would try and engage DD in conversation and get so annoyed when they couldn't understand what she was saying.
Since she's now in Kindergarten and went to a special needs preschool, we've stayed in touch with her friends she's made. I make sure to invite the special needs children to not only her party, but my son's parties as well. It's a nice balance!

Re: Depressed after playdates....

Thank you, everyone, for all of your wonderful responses. I'm so glad there is a board like this. Your stories give me hope and that is a priceless thing when you're feeling down and out. So thanks

If anyone is ever up near Cape Cod, let's have a playdate!!

Re: Depressed after playdates....

I understand how you feel. My DS is not on the spectrum but has a significant speech delay. I am starting to notice the difference more now that my DS and his friends are turning 4. The kids are talking alot more, having back and forth conversations and very clear when they speak. My DS's pragmatic speech just isnt there yet. He does speak and if I ask him a question I will answer but he's just not as "chatty" as the other kids his age. He also has fine motor delays which are more prevelant now amongst his age group.

I keep DS very involved because I dont want him to withdraw and feel he is different or behind. We also go to GTG's. I have been fortunate for that the most part, noone treats my DS differently. And I am hoping that doesnt change

Message edited 2/7/2011 5:24:06 PM.