Dilemma and need advice (long)

When it comes to decisions pertaining to you personally do you take your DH's advice or follow your own heart and intuition?

I am going to be having baby number 2 in Sept. Currently, I work in PA and travel to NY everyday. DH drops DS to my mom and MIl's house in Long Island then drives back to NYC to go to work. I leave early in the morning so I take the bus from PA.

Now with baby number 2 on the way I dont think I am up to making the commute anymore. DH does not get home until 11pm in the evening. So it will be me who has the pick both babies up from daycare, take care of them, etc. etc.

If I keep working in NYC it will be to stressful for me and I have had recent issues with being overly stressed which causes depression. I dont want to ruin my health over this just to make DH happy. He tends to think that everything is easy b/c his mom was a single mom and worked very hard.

NOw I am thinking about getting a job in New Jersey close to home? Would you ladies think that is the better thing to do? I will be closer to the kiddies and it will be less stress on me.

ETA: I tend to be the one to make decisions based on what is best for everyone involved. But sometimes its not necessarily what makes me happy.

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

I'd definitely find a job closer to your house if at all possible. You need to take care of yourself and look at the longterm for picking up your kids.

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

A less stressed and happier mommy makes for a less stressed and happier child(ren). Just reading your post stressed me out - if you had the option of working closer to home, which would give you more time to spend with your children, I can't imagine why you wouldn't explore the opportunity.

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

The issue here is that it's not just going to affect you personally, this will be a change for your whole family.

I think you guys need to discuss this together and come to an agreement, but you need to also stress how important this change is to you and how exactly it will help.

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

Having suffered from anxiety for years, I've learned that self preservation is MOST important. Get a job closer to home. With 2 babies, you NEED to be as comfortable as possible in order to handle the additional stressors that (I'm sure) 2 under 2 will bring.

Go with your gut on this one.....

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

I agree - the job closer to home would be better for the entire family...especially you. One child is hard enough to juggle a schedule with...I can't imagine 2. It would be so hard on you...and yes...his mom probably made the best of some difficult situations...but those situations are different from yours. Go with your gut on this one.

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

I would definitly find a job closer to home. We left NY so DH could be closer to us (He works in NJ). Not only does that scenrio seem stressful for you but I would assume that the kids would feel some of the stresses also. Do you live in NJ now?

Re: Dilemma and need advice (long)

you need to do what's best for your family, which to me sounds like making sure you are not too stressed out by your job/commute. With 2 children you will be needed more than ever, which will probably add even more stress to the equation. And I agree a happy mom is a happy baby and a happy household! Talk to your DH, let him know about your worries, maybe he doesn't realize how much of a strain this is putting on you and how it could be affecting not only you but your children!