Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

How do you handle birthday parties?

We got divorced when DS was 1 1/2 - this is the first year his class if having out of school parties when they invite friends.

My ex lives 30 minutes away.

Do I be super-mom and have the party? DO I invte him (and his wife/her son)? What about my sister (and her son)? Our parents (they don't get along well)?

Do we share the costs? Odd/even years? Then I don't want to miss out on it.

DS is in daycare so its not like the school friends are from around the neighborhood.



Someone tell me how you work it please!!!!

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

Not a BTDT myself, but my BIL had this for the first time w/ his DS this year (his DS is 5 and they had it at Chuck E Cheese).

Invited all school friends, both families (adults and kids, but most of the adults aside from grandparents have kids), and split cost.

The families each kind of kept to themselves, and didn't mingle too much, if that helps!

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

I'm not in the situation and I don't know how your relationship is with your ex-DH so I may be off base but my gut is that your DS should NEVER have a birthday without both of his parents, grandparents, aunts because of a divorce. Everyone should suck it up for the 1.5 hours of the party and put on a happy face for your DS.

I'm sure it's not easy though

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

Posted by Leeners

I'm not in the situation and I don't know how your relationship is with your ex-DH so I may be off base but my gut is that your DS should NEVER have a birthday without both of his parents, grandparents, aunts because of a divorce. Everyone should suck it up for the 1.5 hours of the party and put on a happy face for your DS.

I'm sure it's not easy though

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

Posted by Leeners

I'm not in the situation and I don't know how your relationship is with your ex-DH so I may be off base but my gut is that your DS should NEVER have a birthday without both of his parents, grandparents, aunts because of a divorce. Everyone should suck it up for the 1.5 hours of the party and put on a happy face for your DS.

I'm sure it's not easy though

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

yea, you both should go.

Personally, my family does kids party as what they are, kids parties. No family unless that family has kids. so no grandparents.

I think each of you should do a family party (ie with grandparents, aunts) seperately. Something small at each of your houses.

JMO

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

Interesting answers. I grew up with divorced parents. They never had parties together, nor would I have ever expected them to. I had a party with my classmates that my mom would throw. Then another day I would go to my dad's house and celebrate with my family there. I don't see the need to co-mingle the parties to be honest, and don't know anyone that does it that way.

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

I am not divorced, but my parents are. I always had 2 separate parties, my mom had the one with friends/some family and my dad had one with family. I think the first time I saw them together for an extended amount of time at a celebration was my wedding. Even high school graduation was separate.
ETA it never really bothered me, my parents don't exactly like each other so I wouldn't have expected them to want to hang out together, plus I always got 2 parties which I thought was a bonus

Message edited 1/9/2012 1:25:59 PM.

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

we do 2 separate parties. I throw the classmate party and usually a family party too. and ex DH throws a family party at his house. We are actually pretty friendly and yet we still do separately. DC loves having all of the extra parties so I think its fine for now. Maybe when she gets older it will change. I dont know. She is 5 now.

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

My ex and I are having a joint classmate/friend party and will do our own family celebrations. Last year, he wanted to do something separate and not attend the classmate party since he lives 1.5 hrs away but I could not afford to pay the whole thing and thought it was unfair that i had to incur the cost of her school friends alone. He was going to just pay and do his own thing but ultimately DD wanted us both there. For me, I feel it's important for both of us to be there for all major events. I'm willing to be civil and put stuff aside so she can have it and he usually is. This year, he's bringing the w**** he cheated on me with and it will take everything in me not to kick her in the face but I will ignore her instead for my DDs sake.

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

DH's parents are divorced. They both attend joint parties. They always fight after the party but are civil to each other at the party.

Re: Divorced parents...class/school birthday parties

My ex and will be at all functions together if it relates to the kids. Both of our families like the other. For the last 2 kid bday parties I planned DDs parties and he showed up and split the cost. It works for us and we know how important it is for our DDs for both parents to be theUre. We wouldn't have it any other way. However, neither of us has yet to bring a SO and it may be a while til we do.

Message edited 1/10/2012 9:16:44 PM.