Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Girls, I am feeling like I am falling short lately. I have WAY too much on my plate and taking one thing off my plate just does not seem like an option.


I have cardiac rehab on Mon, Wed, Fri an hour away from my house, I am there for and hour an fifteen mins, and then another hour home. Therefore on my days off from work I am away from Grace for 3+ hours. I am scrambling for childcare on those days, as my Monday babysitter fell through and bringing her to daycare costs $50 for the day, they do not have an hourly rate. We cannot afford another $100 bucks a week (for Mon and Fri) on top of all my medical bills. So now I have no childcare on Mondays. I have to go to cardiac rehab to get better and if she does go to daycare for three hours, we will get into debt. We got out of $40K of debt before we bought the house and DH & I vowed NEVER to go into debt again (besides our mortgage).

Work is a mess. I work in real estate (title insurance) and business is slow. My boss is stressing and putting a lot of pressure on me.

Then there is DH who helps when he can, but he comes home from work at 7:30PM or 8PM. Normally, this is not a big deal, but lately I am so exhausted from cardiac rehab, working and chasing Gracie as she runs all over the house that by the time he comes home I am a witch on wheels and I am barking orders at him to help me with stuff around the house.

Oh yeah, my house is in a shambles. I used to do a complete scrub down of the whole house on my days off, now when I get home from cardiac rehab I try to clean a little and spend time with Grace and cook, I am so exhausted.

Girls, I don't mean to be like poor me, honestly. I am just so overwhelmed. I feel like my surgery was such a HUGE thing for me and still is. Yet I feel like my DH, my boss, my family, etc. all want me to "get over it" already and move on. The money we saved for a new car and home repairs and upgrades are now paying medical bills (20% of my total hospital stay and surgery). So, basically I am working not to get ahead, or pay for things we need, I am working to pay for medical expenses. I feel that my paycheck is a drop in the bucket compared to what we need to pay towards medical bills. UGH. I know things will get better soon and I am positive on most days, I am just feeling like my surgery was nothing but a HUGE inconvenience for everyone around me. I feel like a burden to my DH and an inadequate mother to Gracie.

I guess I feel like I cannot do anything right, except workout at rehab, and try to strengthen my heart muscle and get back to 100%. Thanks for reading this long post. If any of you have advice, I am I open to it.

Message edited 8/29/2007 10:21:06 PM.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

I think you have every right to have a pity party. But don't let it get you too down

First off, do not worry about cleaning or anything like that. I am sure everything looks fine, you have enough on your plate, THAT is not important.

Secondly, is there any family that can help with childcare? Where are you located? maybe someone on here can help? (If you were comfortable with that)

Third of all. DH. I am sure he understands the stress you are under and knows that this all is not forever.

Everything will be fine, this is just a particuarly busy and stressful time in your life

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Posted by KateDevine

I think you have every right to have a pity party. But don't let it get you too down

First off, do not worry about cleaning or anything like that. I am sure everything looks fine, you have enough on your plate, THAT is not important.

Secondly, is there any family that can help with childcare? Where are you located? maybe someone on here can help? (If you were comfortable with that)

Third of all. DH. I am sure he understands the stress you are under and knows that this all is not forever.

Everything will be fine, this is just a particuarly busy and stressful time in your life

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Posted by dandr10199

Posted by KateDevine

I think you have every right to have a pity party. But don't let it get you too down

First off, do not worry about cleaning or anything like that. I am sure everything looks fine, you have enough on your plate, THAT is not important.

Secondly, is there any family that can help with childcare? Where are you located? maybe someone on here can help? (If you were comfortable with that)

Third of all. DH. I am sure he understands the stress you are under and knows that this all is not forever.

Everything will be fine, this is just a particuarly busy and stressful time in your life

Thanks Kate. It helped to just write it all down, you know?

As for babysitting; I am in Orange County, NY and I am on not on Long Island.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Dina - there are days I definitely feel pulled in a million different directions. Yet, on top of all the things pulling me, I DIDN'T have major heart surgery.

I agree with Kate. Have a huge pity party for yourself & then ask for help from anyone! I'm not sure that kind of surgery is something you would "get over". I do know that often times, I project things that aren't necessarily true because I feel it myself. I can't imagine that your family is thinking this was minor in anyway.

Don't worry about the debt right now. Don't worry about the medical bills in particular. The debt will go away. The best thing you can do is go to rehab & GET BETTER.

Gracie will adjust & will be fine. You see her more than most of working moms see their kids. Play with her as you can. Forget the house. Do the minimum you can. When you're feeling better, you can clean. Do the bare minimum. (I do that every week & dont' feel bad).

Hang in there! You're getting stronger every day!

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

I feel for you! It must be terribly difficult to do it all. The stress is soooo bad for you with what you're going through. You need to find some relief!!

Have you exhausted all of your options in getting some kind of help with DD? Do you belong to any type of church or other organization? Any family or friends that could lend a hand for a couple of hours?

Too bad you live so darn far. Hang in there and try to take care of yourself!!!

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

YOu have every right to feel so overwhelmed.... Your first priority is you and getting your heart better... I hope everything else falls into place for you soon.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

I dont really have any advice other than to just take everything one day at a time and do the best you can....everyone understands, especially DH, Im sure.

I just wanted to send you some Hugs!

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

This is a place to vent and let go our feelings of inadequacy. What you are actually accomplishing and doing even physically is beyond admirable. One weight you should life is the guilt of not spending enough time with Gracie as the better care you give yourself will certainly count in the long run and when it counts (and when gracie actually remember and appreciate it)

As for people not getting your health, speak up and tell them. Maybe they need to be reminded. Your surgery was NO joke....but even I know I have to remind DH when I have a headache or a cold
Hope you feel better.

Message edited 8/29/2007 9:36:01 PM.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Girls,

Thank you for the responses. I feel better since I vented to all of you.

I appreciate all of the advice and hugs. Well, I am off to bed to catch some zzz's. Thanks again.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how had you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

You have a lot on your plate right now and it seems like you do not have a whole lot of help. It is very important for you not to get run down b/c that will only slow your rehab process. Maybe if you make a list of things that need to be done around the house and sit down with DH and go over the list together, you can divide the responsibilities a little more. Is there a family memeber, friends or even close neighbor that can watch DC while you go to rehab so you dont have to send DC to daycare? Also, maybe you can make a list of your bills and expenses and see what you can cut back on or see how you can sve money so you can have a little money left after pay medical bills. I am sure you have gone through all of this and maybe done some of this, just trying to offer some advice. You definetely need a day to rest and relax if at all posibily. You will get through this!

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

You have FM.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Can you buddy up with someone who works at the rehab and see if they can get Gracie into the daycare?
I wish I lived nearby because I would totally help you out
Maybe it's time to sit DH down and tell him how you're feeling. You just had a huge surgery and you really need to focus on recovering, I'm so sorry all this other stuff is on your plate, too.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Dina I can watch Grace for 3 hrs on Mondays, no problem. No charge.

Call me if you need me hun!

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Posted by -DonnaMarie-

Dina I can watch Grace for 3 hrs on Mondays, no problem. No charge.

Call me if you need me hun!

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Dina...how much longer are you going to rehab?

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

I feel the way you do and I didn't have heart surgery I couldnt even imagine doing this on toip of recovering and going for rehab....

I'm so sorry you have to go thru this

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

i'm so sorry you are goimg through this.

i have an idea about the money. Is the amount you are paying fore medical bills much more than 2% of DH's and your salaries combined?

you might want to think about increasing your deductions on your W4, so you can get back more in your paycheck. (since you will most likely have a large medical deduction,in addition to the house deductions)Maybe do a mock 1040 and see what you would get back?

Message edited 8/31/2007 8:14:36 AM.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

OMG, Girls I am sitting here crying right now. Most of you hardly know me and I was sent a bunch of FM's of ladies who offered to drive up from LI to watch Grace for me. I was not expecting the outpouring of support that all of you offered to me and my family.

THANK YOU ALL!!! I hope all of you know how amazing you all are. How lucky your children are to have you all as mothers, how your generosity has touched my soul to it's core, and truly thankful I am that this site is WAY more that just a chat board.

A special thanks to DonnaMarie, as she offered to watch Grace and it looks like I am going to take her up on her offer. Donna, you are a saint!

Message edited 8/31/2007 3:41:26 PM.

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Posted by Eleanor



i'm so sorry you are goimg through this.

i have an idea about the money. Is the amount you are paying fore medical bills much more than 2% of DH's and your salaries combined?

you might want to think about increasing your deductions on your W4, so you can get back more in your paycheck. (since you will most likely have a large medical deduction,in addition to the house deductions)Maybe do a mock 1040 and see what you would get back?

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

I haven't really been on, Dina I hope you are feeling better and taking care of yourself

Re: Ever feel like you just can't do it all, no matter how hard you try to do it all? (sorry, long post)

Posted by mommy2bella

I haven't really been on, Dina I hope you are feeling better and taking care of yourself