Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

I need some advice. Some of you might remember a week or so ago I posted that I was having some problems with my sister. To make a VERY, VERY looooooooong story short we had been having some fights over the past few 2-3 years, nothing that I thought was so awful (it's not like we ever stopped talking), but basically we weren't as close as we use to be. In any case, she got engaged this past June to someone who I initially had some issues with. Again, long story short..........my sister is 10 years younger than him, he's now divorced w/ 2 kids, and basically started seeing my sister while still married and having problems which I strongly disagreed with and said as much early on.

Anyway, despite everything when I got pregnant we made her the godmother. She's my only sister and to me, despite everything it was the right thing to do. I know she would've been hurt if I chose someone else and I know my family would've been upset too. I just figured that we're at a point in our lives where we could naturally put the past stuff behind us and focus on all the good stuff. I thought this would bring us closer together again. I always assumed she would ask me to be maid of honor in her wedding as she was mine and again, put the past behind us........we're each other's only sister!!

Well she didn't! It caused an uproar and we're still having issues. We're suppose to sit down and talk next week however, I don't think she's really looking to fix things as much as she just wants to rant about everything I've done wrong. My DH (who also use to be close with her........the 3 of us use to always hang out) wants nothing more to do with her and wants her nowhere near the baby because of everything. I understand his point but I hate the idea of making things worse and hurting my family more.

Here's my question and what would you do? I feel like it's ridiculous for her to stand up there as the godmother of my child when she doesn't even think enough of me at this point to have me stand up with her at her wedding. She's also pointed out on a few occasions that being a maid of honor is a bigger deal than being a godmother. HELLO???...........a honor for a 6hr party is a bigger deal than an honor for a child's whole life???? What the he**??? (Can you tell she's my YOUNGER sister) I just don't think she cares that much and in light of everything I want to take back making her the godmother and down the road if we somehow work this out and get past it maybe for our 2nd child I will reconsider.

Do you think that's terrible of me in light of all that's happening? What would you do? DH is done with her......shouldn't I respect his feelings too? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Sorry so long.....thanks for reading and helping out!!**

UPDATE! UPDATE!

So her a** of a fiancee had the nerve to email me a 14,000 paragraph letter about horrible I am and he copied it to my whole family as well. He went on about how everyone in my family hates me........which is a RIDICULOUS statement, that I'm ruining my sister's wedding, and on and on and on. She's been a total B****, texted me and got bent because I had the nerve to respond back to his attack and told me to leave her the "F" alone. Well............will do!! After crying in hysterics last night after getting the email and being treated like total garbage by my only sister I've decided she is nowhere near worthy of being our baby's Godmother and I will be letting her know the next time we "talk". I knew I made a mistake from the beginning BUT I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Stupid me! It's done.......I'm taking it back and I'm done with her. It saddens me greatly but this is how she wants things I guess. She's created this mess, I can't take it anymore.

Message edited 8/7/2008 6:54:23 PM.

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

seriously, she gave you the finger, basically.... and overtly said being godmother is no big deal

if it's no big deal, she won't mind if the offer is recinded.... The baptism didn't happen yet, so you can still run for your lives... I'd sooo do that if I were in your postion

Frankly, she doesn't even realize what is involved with being a godmother. it's a life long commitment. since she's oblivious, she obviously isn't ready to play the part.

sorry you're going through all of this

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

When are you planning on having the christening? I think that if you put the decision on hold (and you can even tell your sister and anyone else that asks that is on hold for now) and see how things go with her from now until the baby arrives...it'll make it easier to make a decision.

I think seeing her reaction when the baby is born...does she visit, does she spend time with the baby - do you get an all is forgiven feeling...that might make or break the decision.


It's a tough decision and you have to go with your heart. I regret a choice I made and it breaks my heart that my son doesn't have godparents that hold him in a special place in their heart. He is pretty much forgotten. In the meanwhile if and when the time comes for #2 we know who we will ask and we know they will be nothing short of wonderful to that child...and that makes my heart ache for my son too.

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

Your sister doesn't seem to understand the importance of being a Godparent. Don't ask her out of obligation just because she is your sister. She obviously doesn't think it is that important or hold you in the same regard, being as she didn't ask you to be MOH. You said you were going to sit down and talk about things, but please don't accept her (if she asks) you to be her MOH now, because she has already chosen who she wanted. The only advice I can give you is to do what you think will be right for your baby. Choose someone who will be there for your child no matter what. If that is your sister, great. If not, rescind the offer~but do it because it is what is right for your child, not because you aren't her MOH. Yes, DH's feelings are to be taken into consideration too, but he is probably mostly frustated and upset for YOU. Good luck in whatever you decide

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

Posted by 1stimemom

Your sister doesn't seem to understand the importance of being a Godparent. Don't ask her out of obligation just because she is your sister. She obviously doesn't think it is that important or hold you in the same regard, being as she didn't ask you to be MOH. You said you were going to sit down and talk about things, but please don't accept her (if she asks) you to be her MOH now, because she has already chosen who she wanted. The only advice I can give you is to do what you think will be right for your baby. Choose someone who will be there for your child no matter what. If that is your sister, great. If not, rescind the offer~but do it because it is what is right for your child, not because you aren't her MOH. Yes, DH's feelings are to be taken into consideration too, but he is probably mostly frustated and upset for YOU. Good luck in whatever you decide

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

Posted by wannabemom

seriously, she gave you the finger, basically.... and overtly said being godmother is no big deal

if it's no big deal, she won't mind if the offer is recinded.... The baptism didn't happen yet, so you can still run for your lives... I'd sooo do that if I were in your postion

Frankly, she doesn't even realize what is involved with being a godmother. it's a life long commitment. since she's oblivious, she obviously isn't ready to play the part.

sorry you're going through all of this

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

To me it would be less about the tit-for-tat of being asked to be MOH after your offer of Godmother, but more about the fact she doesn't sound up to the challenge of being Godmother. A Godparent is supposed to be spiritual leader and strong influence on your child. She should be involved with you and care about that baby's development. She doesn't sound up to the task.

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

Posted by bonitachyc

Posted by wannabemom

seriously, she gave you the finger, basically.... and overtly said being godmother is no big deal

if it's no big deal, she won't mind if the offer is recinded.... The baptism didn't happen yet, so you can still run for your lives... I'd sooo do that if I were in your postion

Frankly, she doesn't even realize what is involved with being a godmother. it's a life long commitment. since she's oblivious, she obviously isn't ready to play the part.

sorry you're going through all of this

totally agree...

sorry you're going through this!!

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

Posted by wannabemom

seriously, she gave you the finger, basically.... and overtly said being godmother is no big deal

if it's no big deal, she won't mind if the offer is recinded.... The baptism didn't happen yet, so you can still run for your lives... I'd sooo do that if I were in your postion

Frankly, she doesn't even realize what is involved with being a godmother. it's a life long commitment. since she's oblivious, she obviously isn't ready to play the part.

sorry you're going through all of this

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

I see it as how is she going to be as your childs godmother? will she be there for your child regardless of your relationship with her.. thats how i would decide if i want her to be my dcs godmother. If i felt my sis wouldnt be around or someone in my childs life unless we were on "good" terms then i would find someone else who would be. I feel being a godparent is a complete honor and this person should be that someone my child could go too if they felt they couldnt come to me or my dh.

Message edited 8/6/2008 4:14:48 PM.

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG)

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

Bump for update

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

I am sorry to hear that things turned out this way. she made the decision for you.

Good luck choosing someone worthy of being your baby's godmother.

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

ugh

I'm so sorry.... but I'm somewhat glad he CC'ed eveyone, so they know how you're being treated

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

I think you're making the right decision. You tried to be the "bigger person" by asking her to be your baby's godmother. Honestly, she's way too immature to even deal with such an honor. Either find someone else, or don't have a godmother at all!

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

kristen i am so sorry, i don't have any advice, but i know that you will do what is best for YOU, your DH, and your baby. that's all that matters!!!

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

Kristen, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can honestly say that I understand considering DH and I have had significant issues with my SIL (DH's only sibling and TWIN). She has been...ahem....let's say "less than interested in the baby" since we got pregnant. Not a congratulations, not even an acknowledgement that her first nephew is on the way. Now, DH wants to name her godmother so that he dosen't disrespect his parents. I totally disagree. But, thats another story for another day.

I think that if you feel confident in your decision and your DH supports you, then go for it. While I understand you feel sadness around her being your only sister and not godmother, you MUST do what is right for YOUR family now. It is obvious that she has no idea what it means to be a godmother. I completely agree with you!

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

I'm so sorry you're going through this all just a few weeks before your have the baby. I think it's a smart decision not to have her be the godmother. Sending lots of hugs!!!!

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

WOW! Sounds like this guy really ruined your relationship- I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I think she is going to regret it all down the road. This guy sounds like a real winner

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

Thank you all for your hugs and kind words. The whole situation just stinks and this is not at all how I wanted things. The sad part is my sister and I use to be so close.........now it's like we can't even be in the same room. It's just a shame but I can't spend my last weeks pregnant under all this stress. I have to look out for myself and this baby. It just saddens me so much that this is where we are at. Anyway, thank you all again. Your responses meant a lot.

Re: Family issues..........taking back the honor of Godmother (LONG) ---- UPDATE! UPDATE!

Posted by CkGm

WOW! Sounds like this guy really ruined your relationship- I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I think she is going to regret it all down the road. This guy sounds like a real winner