Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

DD is completely fine but I am having a really hard time shaking this. DD and I were at a friends house earlier today where there was an inground pool. DD is 19 months, super active and super fast. Anyway, she was playing in her own kiddie pool but kept running to the big pool to get water in her bucket, I obviously tried to stop her from doing this but that didn't work well. Anyway, the third time she did this, she tipped over and fell into the pool. I ran over to get her but my friend reacted quicker than I and she jumped in and got DD out and she's fine. Even though I was only a few feet away from her at the time, I should have been even closer to her- this I know and I will be mindful of this. Here's the part that I am really confused about though--- how did my instinct as her mother not kick in faster than my friends? I remember thinking, oh I should take my flip flops off so I can get their faster.. while my friend just dove in fully clothed. And during the entire process I was not panicing or anything. I do remember thinking, I see her, shes in the pool, she will be ok bc I will get to her in a matter of seconds.. Meanwhile, again my friend turned ghostly white and her nerves were shot. No flaming please, I love DD more than anything in this world and would never wish a single hair on her head to be harmed-- I just don't understand my reaction.. Has anyone else ever been in a dangerous situation where they reacted so much calmer than they thought they would.

Message edited 7/26/2013 11:48:16 PM.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

No one can predict how they are going to react in an emergency. You weren't casually walking there, you sprang into action. The adrenaline may have just hit your friend faster. Don't beat yourself up over this. This happened to DH's cousin's DD and they were sitting right next to her on the deck. She leaned too far and in a matter of seconds she was in the pool.

Glad your DD is ok!

Message edited 7/27/2013 12:14:16 AM.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

I would venture to say that not panicking during an emergency situation is a better instinctual response! Don't stress urself. When push comes to shove if your friend wasn't there I'm sure your would have handled it

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

no flames...and please don't beat yourself up. Things are going to happen! you were there and you WERE watching her. It's not like you left her unattended. Sometimes we try not to be "helicopter moms" by not hovering over our children and giving them the benefit of the doubt and sometimes that's when they fall or get hurt or put themselves in danger. I know you must be replaying that image in your head over and over again but you need to let it go! it's over and she is fine and you did nothing wrong. As far as reaction time...sometimes we try not to panic bc we know that when we do it only upsets or frightens our children even more. We think we'll be superheroes with catlike reflexes and always save the day...but that's just not realistic. We are HUMAN. Have a drink, try to calm the nerves and forget about this.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

This exact same thing happened to me last week. DS jumped into the deep end of a pool so fast that I couldn't grab him. I was practically touching him I was so close behind him by the pool. Before I could respond, a friend who was in the pool grabbed him. She acted so fast I'm not sure DS even went under. Meanwhile, I was still standing in the same spot as when he jumped in.

I was also totally calm through the whole thing. For me, I think it was a moment of shock followed by okay, he'll be okay, I'm right here. It was weird. It was like I recognized imminent danger and knew I could rectify it so I didn't panic.

I can tell you though, from now on, if it's a house with an unfenced inground pool, he is not even going in the yard until he has his life jacket on. That tiny terror is going to give me grey hair otherwise!

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

It sounds like you did everything right! Glad she is ok.

Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

Your friend was probably already on guard since it was not her kid and her pool.

I get upset about my under reaction to certain situations. I'm not sure if it's that feeling that "nothing's going to happen to my kid" or what. The fabulous thing is that you remained calm. Being nervous will not advantage you in any way, even if your reaction was slower.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

You did everything right. You had your eye on your daughter and saw her fall in. I'm going to agree with the previous posters and say that it is great that you remained calm.
Don't be so hard on yourself

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

People react differently in an emergency.
Neither is bad or good: just different.

Glad you guys were watchful!

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

don't beat yourself up! yes, it was scary... but your DD is fine and you guys reacted. everybody reacts differently in these kinds of situations, and the main thing is that shes ok.
I know how you feel though. I had something similar happen with DS a couple months ago. He is 2.5. I was at the park with a couple friends and their newborns. We were sitting at a table eating lunch. DS was finished eating, so he was walking around, playing. his stroller was parked kind of behind me. he tried to climb on it, and the whole thing flipped backward and he hit his head on pavement pretty bad my friend that was with me screamed first and seemed more shaken up than I was. I started thinking the same things you were- why wasn't I that upset when it happened? why did my friend react more than his own mom did?
but it really just comes down to how everybody reacts differently.... and as long as the kids are ok, its fine!

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

I am really glad that your DD is ok and you were watching her as was your friend.

This summer I was at our community pool. There were a few kids about ages 5-6 playing in the pool. The moms were not in the pool, rather next to it chatting. I was in the pool with my DD. One of the kids had brought his flip flop into the pool and it got away from him. He went to go get it, of course it was further away than he thought and much deeper. I saw him unable to stand or swim, drowning. I put my arm under his arms/chest to raise him out of the water and brought him to the steps. DD, this kid and I got out and spoke with his mom, who had no clue that her kid was drowning less than 5 feet away from her. So please take solace that you were doing the right thing. You/your friend were able to get to her in time and you were watching her. Had I not been there that other kid would have been in serious trouble as his mom had her back to the pool.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

Was the friend that jumped in the owner of the pool??? DD and I often hang at my Aunts pool...and I find that my Aunt and Uncle are more up DD's butt then I am. I think they are more alert because it is their pool.

Don't beat yourself up. You would have gotten to her and he would have been fine!

Message edited 7/27/2013 10:31:27 AM.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

You did great! Keeping a straight-thinking mind is amazing. I would almost venture to say this wasn't an emergency- it was just an accident. It would've been an emergency if she hit her head and then fell in, or fell in when you were inside or something. You were totally right- you knew she was going to be fine. Probably just a little scared. Good job parenting and hang in there!

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

Posted by smooney

You did great! Keeping a straight-thinking mind is amazing. I would almost venture to say this wasn't an emergency- it was just an accident. It would've been an emergency if she hit her head and then fell in, or fell in when you were inside or something. You were totally right- you knew she was going to be fine. Probably just a little scared. Good job parenting and hang in there!

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

I went through something similar recently.

Message edited 8/23/2013 11:28:21 PM.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

Posted by smooney

You did great! Keeping a straight-thinking mind is amazing. I would almost venture to say this wasn't an emergency- it was just an accident. It would've been an emergency if she hit her head and then fell in, or fell in when you were inside or something. You were totally right- you knew she was going to be fine. Probably just a little scared. Good job parenting and hang in there!

Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

Thanks so much girls, I feel SO much better after reading all of your posts.

My friend who got to DD first was not in the pool but she did , recently move into a home with a pool and the week prior had a similar incident when her (other) friends sons fell in her own pool.

Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

I had the same thing happen to me last year with my son, I was in reach of him and in less than a second he was in the pool. We were at a bbq and there were others in the pool, who grabbed him (I don't think he even went fully under) My problem is the opposite, I jumped in fully clothed but I have no memory of jumping in or that my friend grabbed him. Just that I was in in the pool and I had him and I was not letting go.

Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

don't beat yourself up, everything is fine and you are now asking yourself questions and thinking about it. and thats good.this kind of thing has happened to all of us ,we get lucky and we are grateful for the worse not happening and we are better prepared in the future. its called experience.

Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

You reacted appropriately - sometimes it's a shock when something like that happens when it's your kid so it takes longer to react than it would someone else in many cases.

Like a pp said - you were there, you were watching, you were aware, you didn't do anything wrong. I see so many people at our local pool that leave young kids unattended or have no clue where their kids are. I love to chat with people but, I make sure my kids are close by at all times.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

We had friends at my house last weekend. 4 adults and one 3 years old. We were all "watching" him.

So his mom and I were getting into a conversation. I was facing the boy.

At one point I saw his swimmee float off his arm and his head go under. I wasnt shure at first if he was trying to do something. But when I saw him bob under the water I said, out load "THATS NOT RIGHT".

Mom got to him beofr me, and he was fine. Threw up a LOT of water. But he was fine.

The mom was shaking because she said "I am bad in an emergency, and I froze when you said that".

The bottom line is NOTHING happened. In the end she is ok. THATS what you focus on. We all make mistakes, and you did as well. You wil make more mistakes too.

But you have learned, and she is ok. The best thing you can do is give yourslef permission to let it go. Tell yourself its ok to let it go and you will be dilligent going forward.

But we all make mistakes. I WATCHED HIM go under and it still took me like 5 seconds to say "HEY THATS NOT RIGHT".

Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

You probably felt calm bc you knew you were watching, you knew you caught it in time, so you knew it would be fine.

Re: Feeling Like a Bad Mom/Falling into Pool

All people react differently to a situation.
I think everyone takes different amount of time to process a situation as well.

Your friend saw your child fall in, has quick reflexes and obviously her first instinct was GO!
she didnt yell to you. or scream at someone closer to the pool. She just immediately went.

I'm a much more laid back mother than my sister. I can tell you her response time is quicker than mine. I think it has its moments of being a good/bad thing. I feel like sometimes she overreacts, I under react. Usually, its her reactions that make me feel like I under reacted.

Example :
DD was at a friends above ground pool the other day. she had come out and taken her swimmies off. I was standing next to the pool with my hand on the side. She out of nowhere jumped in no swimmies. PLOP!
She's been taking swim lessons, so got brave I guess.

I had a moment like, "did she just do that!" I was surprise that it took my brain a moment to actually see what happened. I had my son in my arms. I saw her making her way up. My friend was 2 inches closer to her, I said, "oh geez, Cathy can you grab her arm for me ? LOL

My daughter was fine, actually came up smiling.

But I was shocked I was soo calm. A little disappointed in myself. But it's probably cause I knew nothing was going to happen because I was right there. I could have screamed, thrown my son on the ground, running up that ladder and jumping in fully clothed.
probably what my sister would have done :)

dont beat yourself up.
you were there, you saw it. baby is fine.