Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

my grandmother raised my cousin becuase my aunt had to work and it was hard when he would call my grandmother (mom) but he knew who is mother was. I wouldnt worry about it. Once your back on your feet again you will have more time to spend with him. dh hardly gets to see olivia becuase he works crazy hours and some days doesnt see her at all. she calls for him all the time and when she sees him she knows who he is an gets so excited. she runs to the door when he comes home sometimes.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

My dear, he absolutely knows you're his mommy As for bringing him to the hospital to see you, I think you should absolutely have him come visit.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Deb, Joseph certainly knows you are his Mommy and he always will no matter what.
As far as the hospital question- I would think that it would be a good idea- for YOU especially...The comfort and happiness of seeing your beautiful boy will only help in your healing process.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Joseph will alway know you are his mommy. There will never be a question in his mind. There is a bond there that can't ever be broken.

One thing that completely amazes me about children is their incredible amount of acceptance. They have no judgements, no preconceived notions, no hate, no bias - they just want to be loved and to love others. Do I think Joseph will be scared of you after your operation - NO - you will always be his beautiful mommy and he will always see you that way.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

He will always know you as mommie. That is something they never forget. I would bring him to the hospital. I assume you will be bandaged. Let him see that. Let him see you. Let him hear your voice. If you can hold him, do it, so that he can get that familiar "mommie" smell. He may be a little frightened at first. Just let him ease into the situation. That way when you come home he will recognize you and not have a problem with it.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

My sister, who has two DDs (7 and 5) has multiple sclerosis, and has gone through numerous treatments, both at home and in the hospital. Additionally, this year she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (which was ultimately treated/removed). She has always struggled with many of your questions. Ultimately, she realizes that she has to let her girls see her as she is-on good days and bad days. She feels that it is important for them to know that she loves them and she is their mommy, even if she is in bed and can barely move, or if she is hooked up to various wires and machines. For all of her daughters' lives, she has had help taking care of them. She has her DH, our mom, our dad, various other friends/family members, a nanny and me closeby. However, those girls think that the sun rises and sets for their mommy. No one else holds a candle to her.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Deb, a mommy is a mommy and Joseph knows that. HE knows your voice and your smell and loves all of you do not worry.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Deb- first of all you are a great Mommy but I understand your fears and I think you are completely validated for having them.

That munchkin knows your his mommy. Think about kids that go to day care all day, or moms who have nannies. These kids spend many hours with others and they still have that connection to mommy. I think you are doign an awesome job , keep doing what you are doing when you can. You are making lots of great memories with him and keeping a great photo journal I am sure.

As for your surgery, I think at 10 months he wont really know whats going on. He may be scared by your bruising but he may not. I do not believe that seeing you will traumatize him. Even if he gets scared and cries it will only be temproary, so you should definately have him visit (it will be good medicine for you too). Just be prepared (for yourself) that if he is startled he may cry, and thats normal for him, not going to be a lifelong traumatic event. He will also recognize your smell and voice so talk to that baby... maybe even before he can see you.

I admire you for being so conscientious and planning ahead.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Deb ... first of all, i know what you are talking about because i (in a way) felt that i missed out on raising my middle child... 6 weeks after i had my second i went thru a nasty divorce (that is now civilized thank god) and i became a single mom.. i lost everything in the divorce practically and had to start over.. i was working 60-80 hours a week to try to give my kids a good life..the one they were used to .. in turn my mother practically raised my boys for a year.. the older one missed me but "Knew" me and the middle one wanted my mom..it was so sad for me because i wanted to be mommy. But i have to say, once i got my life together and was able to take over completely and work less..everything worked out just fine. i realized that i am still mommy and my son wants me now more than my mom!!! i hope the same happens for you

as for your face.. i think maybe you can start playing games with him..maybe like peek a boo with bandages.. does that make sense?? when he comes to visit you.. make sure he hears your voice right away. he will recognize you that way..try not to take it hard if he is scared right away.. i think if darren holds him and you talk to him within hours he will hardly recognize the bandages on your face!

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Your son will know you never fear. I am sure he might be scared when you are in the hospital not only because you will look diffrent but because of your surroundings. I am sure if you take things slowly with it and let him get accustomed to your new surroundings he will relax and respond to you like he does at home.

I wonder would it help if you were to sleep in a tshirt the week before your surgery and then leave it with your mom to put in his crib or something so he has your scent. Maybe buy him a special teddy before you leave and I dont know if this would be too weird but maybe bandage up the teddys face if you will be having bandages on yours - I think from reading some of your other posts you will. Its amazing to me how much babies of this age are taking in even when we think they are not. Maybe if he was used to touching the teddys bandaged face he wont be scared to touch yours.

Have you thought about making a tape for him so someone can play it for him every day so he can hear your voice,maybe as you read a story or sing a song to him.

You are an inspiration to all of us, your son is beautiful, you and only you are his mom and nothing can take that away from you.

Hang in there and many hugs and prayers to you

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

A child never forgets his mother... her scent, her heartbeat, her voice... it's all imprinted on them from day one, and no matter how much time you spend apart, the moment they feel your touch, hear your heartbeat, or smell you, it all floods back... don't worry. I spend quite a bit of time away from Alex at work all day, and DH spends WAY more time with her than I do, and at the end of the day, if she gets hurt, or wants to show off a new song she learned, first person she runs to is mommy.

They always remember mommy... that's what keeps us around

10 months is young enough that he won't be affected by seeing anything at the hospital - have him come - it will be good for him to touch and see mommy, and it will be good for you and your recovery

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Deb,
While I don't have any experience to share I have no doubt in my mind that Joseph knows you are his mama and that somewhere in that baby heart of his he knows all of this is because you are fighting extra hard for him!
You are his mother, nothing or anyone will ever take that away from you.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Posted by prncssrachel

My dear, he absolutely knows you're his mommy As for bringing him to the hospital to see you, I think you should absolutely have him come visit.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Deb no doubt he knows who you are and loves you very much....and that love will continue to grow for you as he grows.

As far as the ospital I think he will be scared at first...don't panic, just talk to him, hold him, let him hera you and smell you and he will be at ease