For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I can't be the only that feels this way...I don't know the officer killed last night, I don't know his wife or his family, but I'm crying anyway.

It could've been my husband, it could've been my brother.

Sometimes people ask me "How do you do it? Your husband is NYPD, I couldn't live waiting for something to happen."

I guess after 6.5 years of it, I don't think about it every time he walks out the door, there are sometimes he does and I worry but it's become our way of life. I always make sure I hug and kiss him when he goes to work and tell him I love him. Something could happen to anyone when they leave, I know this, but being the daughter, granddaughter, sister and wife of a police officer, I feel a little differently about the life my family leads.

But there are mornings like this, where I think of this officers poor wife and I think to myself, how easily this could be me, and my heart breaks for her.

Message edited 2/5/2011 12:38:49 PM.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I understand what you are saying. My dad and uncle were cops when I was growing up. Today my brother and brother and law are cops and my husband is FDNY. If you thought about it every day, you'd go crazy, but when you hear these stories it hits so close to home and you can't help but wonder what if?? Hugs to all the wives of cops. They have the hardest job in the world, imo!

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

i feel exactly the same way.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

Awww, sweetheart, prayers for your DH, and all of those who help to protect us!!!! Mary

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I try not to think about it EVER but things like this remind me of it too much.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I know the feeling my brother is in the NYPD. Thankfully he doesn't work on the streets as much as he used to. But I still feel bad when things like this happens.my prayers are with his family.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

i really try to not think about it bc knowing it could be my husband is just too much to think about.
to all the other wives and family members of law enforcement officers

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

i know exactly how you feel

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I totally get what you are saying - I have always held a special place in my heart for officers but obviously since Ken was hurt these stories really hit home even more. I tried to go about my business today - going to the gym, but I found myself distracted on the machines and really sad.

It just highlights, for me, how close we all came to this being Ken - he lived but there's such a thin line that separates living and dying. That is what scares me. Going to Officer Ciano's wake - I realized, this is what it would have looked like, this is what it would have been like - if he hadn't survived. He came so close. So, when these things happen again that's why I get so upset. I just keep thinking about his family - all sitting around saying, at this time yesterday everything was fine.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

my DH is a cop in Harlem and i know exactly what you are saying! I feel so bad for that police officers family!!! my heart and prayers go out to them!!!

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I try not to think about it. I think that anyone could have anything happen to them at any moment. People get hit by buses, have random heart attacks. IDK, I just don't let it manifest in my head. DH just went into a unit that involves a lot of scary stuff so that is on my mind but I try not to dwell.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I know how you feel. I think about what can happen constantly. It consumes me. My DH has only been a cop for almost 4 years and I hate it. He was in the financial field when we were dating and first married and when the market started going downhill, decided to get out before it was too late. I still think about it every second he walks out the door and it keeps my up at night. Maybe because I'm new at this whole cops wife thing, or maybe because I'm just a worrier in general. I just never thought that this would be an aspect of our lives and I can't imagine anything happening to him.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I am right there with you...sick over this. I kept thinking of his family and what they are going through. So so sad

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I knew what I was getting myself into when I married DH but its stories like this that you can't help but be sad...I make sure I kiss my DH everyday and say I Love you...many prayers for that officers family and too all our Husbands, Brothers, Fathers, relatives, friends who are in law enforcement!

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I try not to think about it, if I did, I would go crazy. For the most part, I am ok but then things like this happen and I realize that it could be my husband. I have been crying most of today. On occasion I get a bad gut feeling, while DH is at work, and I call right away. Once I had a bad feeling and I couldn't get in touch with him for hours. I cried and cried, it was the worst feeling ever. The only thing I make sure to do is always tell him to be safe, when he leaves the house and I never let him leave for work angry or vice versa. I couldn't live with that.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I have never worried about DH as much as I have recently. I feel like every day we are hearing about cops injured or being killed on the job. What makes it worse is when they have kids and I look at my boys and think "what if?"

What makes me sick is when a judge let's a perp out on bail after shooting a cop like what happened last month with an NYPD officer. If the legal system and our officials don't respect the police, neither are civilians. Years ago people wouldn't say boo to a cop, now people don't think twice about shooting one.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

DH works in a terrible area in Queens and the stories he comes home with, sometimes just plain frighten me to my core.

But I just have to have faith that he will come through that door each night, after his shift.

Days like this when you hear a cop has died just doing their job, most definitely stings more...and my heart breaks for the family.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

its so terrifying to hear how bad the streets and jails are becoming again. i sometimes feel it can never happen to me or someone i know but then i hear about something like this hitting so close to home and its a scary reality check

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

Dh wasn't a cop whenI married him, he was a social worker on a child psych ward. When he tod me he really wanted to take the NYPD test, I struggled with it, I grew up in a cop family, I knew what it meant, I knew what the life would be like. He really wanted it and I said ok and I don't regret my decision. For the most part I don't worry too much when he leaves, it's more of the "big picture" stuff - the next 9/11 kind of things. He's on a special task force - part of me knows that when/if it happens again and he's working, I may not get him back and some days that's a tough pill to swallow. I try not to think about it.

My Dad had a talk with DH when he graduated, some stuff he told me, some he didn't. One thing he told him was that Dad said "you will not bring the ugliness of this job home to my daughter, I didn't do it and you won't either. My Dad very rarely talked about what happened at work, sometimes we knew because he would be on the TV on the perp walk or there would be a picture in the paper, or something big would happen and we'd just know. When I got older I'd get bits and pieces, but never the details. DH does the same thing and I'm not unhappy about it, he doesn't want me having the picture in my head of some of the situations he is in.

I have to say, I laid on the couch next to him yesterday morning and cried for awhile, thanking God he's home for a few months recovering from his ACL surgery.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

It breaks my heart. Unfortunately I have been to too many NYPD/FDNY funerals, including my Dad's. (my mom always begged me not to marry a cop or man in armed forces) The sacrifices they make for us each day, just amazes me.

DH is FD and I really try to block a lot of it, because honestly, you just can't keep up that pace of anxiety and live your life. But there are days, especially the days he goes to big fires that I wish he would just retire and become a librarian or something

Message edited 2/6/2011 9:07:49 AM.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

I wish I had more friends IRL who GET being a cop's wife. It's a small club and unless you're a member you can't truly understand (although everyone I know tries to and is awesome about understanding the hours and the stress.)

My husband works in Narcotics in East NY. Before that he worked in South Jamaica for 12 years.
In 2008 he was involved in a shoot out resulting from a drug deal gone bad. He was lucky to walk away from that alive. Since then I've learned to put his job completely out of my mind. I have to or I won't be able to function.

2 more years till he can retire. 20 AND OUT BABY!!!

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

Posted by PatsBrat

I wish I had more friends IRL who GET being a cop's wife. It's a small club and unless you're a member you can't truly understand (although everyone I know tries to and is awesome about understanding the hours and the stress.)

My husband works in Narcotics in East NY. Before that he worked in South Jamaica for 12 years.
In 2008 he was involved in a shoot out resulting from a drug deal gone bad. He was lucky to walk away from that alive. Since then I've learned to put his job completely out of my mind. I have to or I won't be able to function.

2 more years till he can retire. 20 AND OUT BABY!!!

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

Posted by PatsBrat

I wish I had more friends IRL who GET being a cop's wife. It's a small club and unless you're a member you can't truly understand (although everyone I know tries to and is awesome about understanding the hours and the stress.)

My husband works in Narcotics in East NY. Before that he worked in South Jamaica for 12 years.
In 2008 he was involved in a shoot out resulting from a drug deal gone bad. He was lucky to walk away from that alive. Since then I've learned to put his job completely out of my mind. I have to or I won't be able to function.

2 more years till he can retire. 20 AND OUT BABY!!!

Message edited 2/7/2011 4:27:58 PM.

Re: For all the wives and family of law enforcement...

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by PatsBrat

I wish I had more friends IRL who GET being a cop's wife. It's a small club and unless you're a member you can't truly understand (although everyone I know tries to and is awesome about understanding the hours and the stress.)

My husband works in Narcotics in East NY. Before that he worked in South Jamaica for 12 years.
In 2008 he was involved in a shoot out resulting from a drug deal gone bad. He was lucky to walk away from that alive. Since then I've learned to put his job completely out of my mind. I have to or I won't be able to function.

2 more years till he can retire. 20 AND OUT BABY!!!

Yep I agree. And the stupid statements from people who just don't "get it" aggrevate me SOOO much sometimes. (I'm not talking about anyone on here, by the way, I just have a few people in my real life who I could STRANGLE at times with their dumb azz, completely clueless statements)
I wish they could live this life for one day and then maybe they would understand!

And yes, I do not think about it every night when he leaves for work because then I would NEVER get any sleep.
You do get used to blocking it out- you have to or you'd go insane!