For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Have you ever felt so scared to get pregnant again that it holds you back from trying.

I am at that point right now. after 4 miscarriages I just don't know what to do- I am so scared to get pregnant again, but at the same time all I want is to have a baby.
I am holding off on my FET right now for that reason. I am terrified of miscarrying again.

Just curious about how you have all dealt with these emotions
I really don't want it to hold me back anymore

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

First

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would consult with a doctor that deals with recurrent losses. I wouldn't try again until I knew why I was losing them.

It's way too heartbreaking.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Posted by Blu-ize

First

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would consult with a doctor that deals with recurrent losses. I wouldn't try again until I knew why I was losing them.

It's way too heartbreaking.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Did Dr. B diagnose you or are you just thinking you know?

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

what does he recommend?

I'm guessing he wants you to do the FET?

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

yes he did recommend that, but i don't know if I can handle another cycle right now

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

can you take some time off? Just take a trip or do something nice for yourself?

it's important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

I am so sorry for your losses

I definitely had those feelings. After I had my m/c, I initially was scared to try again because I did not deal with another loss. I contemplated taking a "break" but found that I was driving myself more crazy so I decided to only wait one cycle and try again. I underwent IVF and had mixed emotions when I got my BFP. I originally was pregnant with twins but lost one of the babies.

It was a difficult decision to try again. Emotionally, I really was not sure what I can handle.

It's such a tough issue because I don't think the fear of another loss ever goes away

ETA: I wanted to add that before starting our IVF cycle, we purposefully booked a short vacation to Bermuda that was about 2 1/2 weeks after when I thought my retrieval would be. We thought we needed a nice vacation after the cycle - whether we had good news or bad news.

Message edited 12/15/2009 12:09:09 PM.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

I'm so sorry for your losses! I had 2 m/c this year (in march and july) We thought the first loss was a "fluke", so I was very anxious to do another FET. When we lost the second one, I knew something wasn't right. I was diagnosed w/a clotting disorder and have a new protocol.

I'm scared as well, but I don't want it to hold me back from trying again, otherwise I"d always be wondering.....

Good luck!

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

I have thought of you often. I have never had a BFP, so I have not walked a mile in your shoes. I just wanted to wish the best as you make this decision!!!!

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

I'm so sorry

I've had 4 miscarriages, and most recently "lost" a pregnancy due to Trisomy 18. Words will never describe how heart wrenching it all is.

Everyone is different and will handle things in their own way. For me, my age is FREAKING me out. So, am I scared- YES- to death!! I'm not sure what I'm going to do if this cycle doesn't work. I know I'll keep trying b/c having another baby is that important to me.... just not sure if it would be right away if this one is a bfn.
(GOD FORBID it ends up being another unhealthy baby, I'm not sure I'd recover, ever.)

It's a very long and hard process to keep up with. All the hormones, the shots, visits, having your hopes up and down. Maybe a break from trying would be best and when you're ready, and you'll know when you're ready, you can try again?

If you ever want to talk you can always FM me. many hugs to you!

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Have you considered doing multiple retrievals to batch for PGD? I know you have mentioned the chromosomal issue and thought maybe this could help you identify the best embryos to start with.

I so get your fear, and mine is just fear of a repeat failure...really makes IF s-uck more then ever (as if that were possible).

FM me if you want to vent/talk.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Heres a big and I am sorry you are going thru so much. I had a MC back in 2006. It was a really tough year for me my Dad got killed in April and in Sept I found out I was pregnant and was shocked bc we havent used any protection in 10 yrs and that was first time I got pregnant but ended up having a MC at 12 weeks I felt so guilty and it killed me that I didnt want to have sex let alone try again. I decided in Jan of 2008 that I wanted to try to have a baby bc I wasnt getting any younger and felt it was something I needed in my life. Long story short I ended up pregnant in Dec right before Christmas we got the result and had my triplets July 31 09. I am so happy I have my kids but I still think about that little one I never got to meet.... I wish you all the best....

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

We went through a m/c-etopic during IVF cycle #2....it was absolutely devestating to me....I had to take nearly a month off from work....almost felt like a little breakdown. I was terrified of having to go through another loss. After this I spoke with my RE and while he didnt recommend PGD per se he did say that he was not the one who just suffered the loss. DH and I decided to go forward with the PGD and after batching two cycles, we sent 13 embryos out for testing and only 3 came back as normal. We transfered all three and we wound up with our DS. While things can always go wrong, once I found out that I was pregnant, knowing that my little guy was fine chromosomally speaking, went very far for my peace of mind. I didnt worry about a CVS or an amnio. Even though its only been 2 months since we had DS, we are talking about trying again in April and most certainly will do IVF with PGD again. I am too afraid with having so many chromosomal defects to do without it.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Thank you for sharing your stories ladies
you always know how to make me feel better.

I know I probably should have done PGD but my dr. didn't recommend it, and now I don't know if I can go through another cycle- I have 5 frozen embryos which I can still do PGD on- maybe that would be my best option.

again, thank you all so much!

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Honestly, there are a lot of problems with PGD. Most doctors don't recommend it. You should check out some past posts on the topic.

You are in really good hands with Dr. B. Try to remember that.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Lori, you know I feel the same way. I had 3 miscarriages and its devastating but I cant give up just now. I'm giving myself 2 more chances before trying the other options. It is HARD but if we've made this far...

And like the pp said we're in the best hands with Dr. B so that's huge!

I'm always praying for you and you know I'm here whenever you need me

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Lori--
I am sorry that you are felling this but I can totally sympathize. We are still hurting from our m/c because it just happened. I am terrified of starting the FET process because I can not handle another loss. We have out consult in a few weeks b/c I really want to go for it.
We can go through this together again

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

Posted by inbliss

Lori--
I am sorry that you are felling this but I can totally sympathize. We are still hurting from our m/c because it just happened. I am terrified of starting the FET process because I can not handle another loss. We have out consult in a few weeks b/c I really want to go for it.
We can go through this together again

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

I understand this. I've had 2 m/c and I don't know what I'm more scared of: not getting pg again or losing it. Probably not being able to have another pregnancy stick. DH and I were talking last night and I was saying that we really need to decide how many we are willing to go through before beginning to seriously look into adoption. We both want a baby so naturally but from the second we BD I worry about m/c before I'm even pregnant.

Re: For ladies who have experienced a miscarriage

You are not alone. it is soo scary, but you have to be postive- it will happen