Gender Disappointment

Anyone here deal with the disappointment of not having the gender you wanted? I have been reading a lot about it because as much as I just want a healthy baby, I really want a girl.

I feel so guilty because I know there are many people trying to conceive but I can't help feeling the way I do. Supposedly it is normal and I am supposed to allow myself to grieve if I don't get what I want because in some ways it is a loss of a dream.

I feel so horrible for writing all of this, but I hope that some other people will step up and make me feel like I am not alone.

What will I do if this baby is a boy? What will we name him? How will I know what to do to take care of him? How will I bond with him?

I can hope and pray it is a girl but what if it isn't?

Re: Gender Disappointment

You will love your child and you will be able to bond with whichever gender that you end up having.

Honestly, this is why I found out the sex. I wanted to be able to "deal with" it if the baby was a boy. And he is a boy.

I think sometimes, as girls ourselves, we want another one of ourselves, just like our DH's want boys.

All will be fine, I promise

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My cousin is currently dealing with a similar issue but she is young mentally and agewise. She wants a boy so bad that although the technician told her that "from what she could see it's a girl" she has not mentioned this to her family and just told them that the baby was being "difficult" and not letting them see. She is in total denial and seems to be hoping for a miracle when the baby is born.
I also had the same feelings as you when I was PG with my 1st. I just felt that it was a boy and although I tried not to, I could not help referring to everything as he, him, his. So I started thinking "what if it's a girl?" "Will I be disappointed when they hand her to me?" I knew I'd be happy either way but I was afraid of how I'd feel when they announced it. So I ended up finding out because if it was a girl I wanted to give myself time to adjust my way of thinking and cut out the he, him, his. But it turned out that my instinct was right. Now with this pregnancy I chose to not find out but it is driving me insane.

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I really wanted a girl and thought that I would be horribly disappointed at the fact that I was having a boy. I really expected to be more upset then I was, but you know what...once I found out, I was absolutely THRILLED that I was having a boy. I think once you have that baby and hold it...you won't even remember that you felt that way!
I promise you!

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All I can say is with my first--I wanted...had to have a girl...it was all I could think of. Well, she was a boy...my son Jesse.
When I had him I got pregnant 3 months later with my daughter Olivia ....I wanted another boy because I then loved him so much I could not . imagine a girl, you will have 2 seconds of intial shock and then it goes away the second that baby stares at you and you know they love you, and you will love that baby with every bit of your soul....

I promise.

Message edited 12/21/2006 6:45:05 AM.

Re: Gender Disappointment

I feel the same way as you. I have a girl now and i know how much she would love to have a little sister. I love girls. Im trying to convince myself that im having a boy so that im not "dissapointed" when the time comes.

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I felt the same way. I wanted a boy so bad!! I had one but I know for the next I really want another boy.

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I wanted a boy so bad. But when I gave birth to my daughter I wouldn't mind having another girl at all. One of the reasons I found out was to get used to the idea of the sex. You will fall madly inlove either way.

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I think the feelings you have are normal but once you see that baby. Those thoughts go away.

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I wanted a girl and my husband wanted a boy. We didn't find out the sex until I gave birth and when I saw he was a boy I was disappointed for one second. You will love your child no matter what! You will just have to look harder for cute outfits! Everything else that they do is the same!
I can't imagine my life without him!

Re: Gender Disappointment

Posted by lastchance1222
you will have 2 seconds of intial shock and then it goes away the second that baby stares at you and you know they love you, and you will love that baby with every bit of your soul....

I promise.

Message edited 12/21/2006 8:26:29 AM.

Re: Gender Disappointment

I know how you feel - I really want a girl - but everytime I see a little boy, or see pics of somenones newborn baby boy, I think to myself - "I can handle that!"

Re: Gender Disappointment

I have been feeling the same way--except I "secretly" want a BOY. I say "secretly" because similiarly, I feel like a horrible person even thinking this way.

However, I think at the end of the day, no matter what God gives us, we will be happy when we hear that first "cry" and all your preconceived notions/worries will go away.

This is the only thing that makes me feel better.

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I think it is completely normal to feel this way. I wanted a girl SOOO bad and from day one I told everyone "I think I am having a boy" I am not sure why. I think to prep myself for if it was a boy. Then it seemed so many moms were telling me how they love ALL their children but the way a baby boy loves his mom is like no other love in the world and how much they love their boys. I agree with the other girls it wont matter. We lost the baby and found out it WAS a girl and that devestates me still because I think now what if I have 2 boys (I think we will have 2) and this was my girl but then I feel HORRIBLE for thinking that way because I just lost my first pregnancy and all I want is a happy healthy baby (and it would be a huge plus if it were a girl )

Re: Gender Disappointment

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If it isn't? Oh well! Then you will be totally in love with your little boy!!!

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This is one of the reasons I found out the sex- so we had time to get used to the idea.
I promise you will get over the disappointment if it is a boy very quickly!

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After my 20 wk sono, although we didn't find out, I am like 75% sure Im having a boy. I was on my way home from the sono and I cried. I was upset that the baby might be a boy. I wanted Emma to have a sister (which I never had) so badly. I got home and I thinking to myself again (yes, still crying) that I have a healthy baby in my belly and that Jeremy is such a great boy that another boy would be great and we would love him as much as we would if he were a girl. I felt SO guilty for being sad that the baby may not be the sex I want but in the end I know I will love this baby as much as the other 2. Yes, I will miss the pink stuff (unless we go for 4 which isn't out of the question )

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I will say that I was very disappointed this time around (more than when I was pg with DS) when the tech said he was 75% sure it was a boy. I really was hoping for a girl. I will tell you that you will love your child no matter the sex and it's OK to feel the way you do.

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I said from day one that I was having a boy because I so truly wanted a girl. I had only one dream during my pregnancy and in it I had a girl. Then the name thing happened- not one boy name ever felt right and one day out of no where I called the baby Molly Eva. But I didn't really know for sure. I know I would have loved my baby no matter what and you will too..but I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a certain gender. I think it is very natural for people to have a vision of their family.

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I wanted a girl so bad that I am now destined to be the mother of boys! I accept that...so I will probably have two lovely gorgeous little boys! Thats okay! I will dress them like girls until they are old enough to know better!

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I know what you mean--even though I "got" the gender I wanted. This time, I still feel guilty thinking (and I haven't told anyone) that I'd like another girl a *bit* more. See, I still have to qualify it!!

It doesn't help that my DH has absolutely NO preference last time or this time, so he really couldn't see where I was coming from.

I don't know, but I think I may disagree that finding out the sex and "getting used to" the disappointment is easier. I would imagine you may set yourself up for weeks or months of disappointment that way. Since you don't know what you're having, I believe you'll only be disappointed for seconds if you have a boy--you'll fall in love the minute you see his face! Ah, but who knows--anyhow, I KNOW you're definitely not alone!

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I absolutely wanted either gender...it didnt really matter at all BUT I can tell you when I was 10 seconds from delivering I just had a gut instinct it was a girl and I was right. now that I have my baby girl...I love the fact she is a girl and I feel like it would be so much easier for us if we had another girl the next time around with all the things we have but whatever comes we will be truly blessed!

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My mom wanted a girl so bad I felt like I let her down when we found out it was a boy. I personally don't care it was just hard to get her to think anything other than girl. It still makes me sad.

The more time goes on the happier I am it's a boy! We have a little mets fan!