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Chibaj
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/14 30 total posts
Name:
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Gestational Surrogate
Has anyone used their own embryo with a gestational surrogate? Just looking to compare fees charged by the fertility clinic for monitoring and transfer.
Message edited 4/16/2017 10:03:43 PM.
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Posted 4/16/17 7:32 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Gestational Surrogate
My friend has twins through a gestational surrogate. I can ask her for more details, although I know it was very expensive. And is also illegal in NY.
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| Posted 4/16/17 8:00 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
I had a gestational surrogate in 2012 and did two canceled cycles with her (we never made it to transfer for either of the cycles). She was from an agency. Feel free to ask any questions.
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| Posted 4/16/17 8:36 PM |
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GoodThoughts
Dreams do come true
Member since 2/12 2259 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
My friend unsuccessfully used an out of state surrogate (the surrogate got a BFN). It was quite expensive. I can get the information about who handled the process for her if you'd like. Feel free to FM me.
It's not actually illegal in NY. I know someone whose sister carried for her, and ironically the sister for whom she was carrying actually got pregnant 2 months into the sister's pregnancy (ended up with 2 babies 2 months apart).
The issues in NY are that a) compensating a surrogate is illegal (can only pay medical costs and housing 2 months before delivery and one month after) and b) the surrogate is considered the birth mother and has preferential parental status. For those reasons, people use surrogates in specific states whose laws are quite different than those in NY.
Message edited 4/16/2017 8:46:58 PM.
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| Posted 4/16/17 8:44 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
Posted by GoodThoughts
The issues in NY are that a) compensating a surrogate is illegal (can only pay medical costs and housing 2 months before delivery and one month after) and b) the surrogate is considered the birth mother and has preferential parental status. For those reasons, people use surrogates in specific states whose laws are quite different than those in NY.
Since it's not legal in NY, the person carrying could (hypothetically) decide to keep the baby and there are no laws that would help protect you. That's why if you do it in NY, it needs to be someone like a sister who you ABSOLUTELY TRUST and you could also not pay the person. My surrogate was from Connecticut and that is where the contract was drawn up.
Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Pennsylvania are all nearby states that are particularly surrogate friendly.
OP, I have personal experience with gestational surrogacy and with two different agencies. Happy to answer any questions.
Message edited 4/16/2017 9:00:26 PM.
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| Posted 4/16/17 8:58 PM |
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Chibaj
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/14 30 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
You guys are so helpful thank you! I should have been more specific though. This is a known surrogate (close friend) and I am using my fertility clinic (LI IVF) to do her monitoring and transfer. It's all out of pocket obviously and they are charging me $5320 for "transfer and monitoring fees for the carrier" as well as $4,000 which is the "donor administration fee". These are the numbers to which I am looking for a comparison. So I'm looking for that type of info if you have it. I understand the $5320. I'm just not sure what the other $4,000 is for. Thank you soooooo much!
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| Posted 4/16/17 10:02 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
Posted by Chibaj
You guys are so helpful thank you! I should have been more specific though. This is a known surrogate (close friend) and I am using my fertility clinic (LI IVF) to do her monitoring and transfer. It's all out of pocket obviously and they are charging me $5320 for "transfer and monitoring fees for the carrier" as well as $4,000 which is the "donor administration fee". These are the numbers to which I am looking for a comparison. So I'm looking for that type of info if you have it. I understand the $5320. I'm just not sure what the other $4,000 is for. Thank you soooooo much!
I only paid the doctor's office the money for the cycle. There wasn't any additional fee.
Since we worked with an agency, they coordinated things on their end, not sure if that's what makes the difference here.
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| Posted 4/16/17 11:08 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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Gestational Surrogate
its only legal in NY if its a friend or family and no money passess hands. You would still need an ATTY and I believe have to adopt the baby. I went to LI IVF and sat in on all their classes for this process
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| Posted 4/17/17 9:30 AM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
Posted by hmm
its only legal in NY if its a friend or family and no money passess hands.
Regardless of who carries, the laws in NY will not protect you if the person decided to keep the baby. If the arrangement is set up in another state, its at least potentially enforceable.
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| Posted 4/17/17 9:36 AM |
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Chibaj
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/14 30 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
Pennycat: Actually, it probably does make a difference. Now it makes sense I guess. There is no 'agency' so LI IVF is charging for the all the phone calls and consultations with the nurse I'm assuming. It just seems like soooo much money! But I guess everything is in this business.
Pennycat and hmmm: You are both right regarding the surrogacy laws but to clear things up for others interested in this thread this is the process as it was explained to me by my attorney (who I HIGHLY recommend if anyone considers doing this. Her name is Melissa Brisman):
1. PAID surrogacy is illegal in NYS but not in all states. This was not an option for us due the expense ($80,000-$100,000)
2. COMPASSIONATE gestational surrogates are very legal however NYS law recognizes the birth mother as the mother (and for that matter - the birth mother's husband as the father). Even the contract you draw up with your compassionate surrogate (in this case, my friend) has bolded paragraphs after almost every statement saying essentially that the birth mother has all the rights and decision making about her body and the fetus from the time the embryo enters her body until a court decides otherwise. So I wondered why I was bothering paying for the stupid contract if it had no legal standing and Melissa told me it shows 'intent' in case things went awry. She said it could be helpful if my friend tried to take the baby even though it is within her full legal right to do so (even though she is in no way genetically related to the kid). And there are some things you are legally allowed to pay for, but not much. The surrogate's attorney and your attorney make you aware of those things when discussing the contract.
3. In NY, once the baby is born the attorney files paperwork with the court. It can take up to 5 days. The birth mother gives up all rights to the kid and the biological parents' names go on a new birth certificate. You no longer have to 'adopt' your kid per se with a home visit, etc. Until that time however the surrogate is the 'mom' and is technically able to make any and all medical/legal decisions concerning the baby.
Sooooo, one could make a very strong argument NOT to do this in NYS. Unfortunately we have no other options so although it's scary it's what we are doing. Plus I feel more comfortable personally knowing the person who may be carrying my child. And she lives a few miles away so I can see her belly whenever I want! I'm not really concerned. My poor friend went through the psychological evaluation from hell before the clinic would do this and it revealed that she most definitely does not want my kid.
Message edited 4/17/2017 11:16:42 AM.
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| Posted 4/17/17 10:52 AM |
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IUIGirl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/14 852 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
Posted by Chibaj
Pennycat: Actually, it probably does make a difference. Now it makes sense I guess. There is no 'agency' so LI IVF is charging for the all the phone calls and consultations with the nurse I'm assuming. It just seems like soooo much money! But I guess everything is in this business.
Pennycat and hmmm: You are both right regarding the surrogacy laws but to clear things up for others interested in this thread this is the process as it was explained to me by my attorney (who I HIGHLY recommend if anyone considers doing this. Her name is Melissa Brisman):
1. PAID surrogacy is illegal in NYS but not in all states. This was not an option for us due the expense ($80,000-$100,000)
2. COMPASSIONATE gestational surrogates are very legal however NYS law recognizes the birth mother as the mother (and for that matter - the birth mother's husband as the father). Even the contract you draw up with your compassionate surrogate (in this case, my friend) has bolded paragraphs after almost every statement saying essentially that the birth mother has all the rights and decision making about her body and the fetus from the time the embryo enters her body until a court decides otherwise. So I wondered why I was bothering paying for the stupid contract if it had no legal standing and Melissa told me it shows 'intent' in case things went awry. She said it could be helpful if my friend tried to take the baby even though it is within her full legal right to do so (even though she is in no way genetically related to the kid). And there are some things you are legally allowed to pay for, but not much. The surrogate's attorney and your attorney make you aware of those things when discussing the contract.
3. In NY, once the baby is born the attorney files paperwork with the court. It can take up to 5 days. The birth mother gives up all rights to the kid and the biological parents' names go on a new birth certificate. You no longer have to 'adopt' your kid per se with a home visit, etc. Until that time however the surrogate is the 'mom' and is technically able to make any and all medical/legal decisions concerning the baby.
Sooooo, one could make a very strong argument NOT to do this in NYS. Unfortunately we have no other options so although it's scary it's what we are doing. Plus I feel more comfortable personally knowing the person who may be carrying my child. And she lives a few miles away so I can see her belly whenever I want! I'm not really concerned. My poor friend went through the psychological evaluation from hell before the clinic would do this and it revealed that she most definitely does not want my kid.
I appreciate you clarifying all of this and wish you SO much luck with the transfer!!!!  
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| Posted 4/18/17 9:10 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Gestational Surrogate
My girlfriend in CT was a surrogate a year ago and gave birth to a healthy baby. Women who do this are selfless. She said she loved being PG and it was great to help another woman out. So CT is definitely a choice.
Her FB announcement was "I have a bun in the over but the bun is not mine".
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| Posted 5/8/17 12:27 PM |
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IUIGirl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/14 852 total posts
Name:
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Re: Gestational Surrogate
Posted by Paramount
My girlfriend in CT was a surrogate a year ago and gave birth to a healthy baby. Women who do this are selfless. She said she loved being PG and it was great to help another woman out. So CT is definitely a choice.
Her FB announcement was "I have a bun in the over but the bun is not mine".
Love this!! I've read CT's laws are more in line with the biological parents and the intent of the pre-determined contract.
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| Posted 5/8/17 2:54 PM |
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