Holding a child back

I was just wondering everyone's opinion on holding children back from kindergarten when they are born late in the year and are within 3 months of the cut off date for your school district... If you are a teacher would love your opinion on this too..

It is a very heated topic amongst my friends at the moment since our children should be entering kindergarten in the fall. Jacob waas born on September 1st our cutoff is DEc 1. I am definately going to be sending him to kindergarten. He has made so much thrives this year it is unbelievable.. However if he was born late in NOvember I would probably have held him back

would love to hear some responses on this topic..

Re: Holding a child back

For a Sept 1st baby, I wouldn't even think about holding him back (BTW, I was born a day earlier, and I wasn't held back... )

If DC is within a week of the cutoff, I might think about it deeper, but probably still wouldn't keep them back until the following year.

Re: Holding a child back

I would like to know what people think too.
DD's brithday is November 29th. I think I plan on seneding her too, although I have my doubts. I know she can do it academically, but physically she is so small.......

Message edited 11/4/2009 7:26:44 AM.

Re: Holding a child back

As a parent with a late November baby, people have already asked me what I plan to do (she isn't even 1 yet, so really, I haven't decided that yet!). As a teacher, I have a child that are "young" for their grade. One has a late December birthday and the NYC cut-off was different, so he went to K there and moved to LI and has continued on in the grades. He does struggle academically at times, but no more than some of the other students. Socially, he is quite immature. The day is a struggle for him at times because of our pace, etc. I don't really have a good "answer" but I think it does depend upon the child completely. I will probably wait until right before registration to decide if my DD will go into K, but my gut tells me I will probably put her in!

Re: Holding a child back

I think it is different for every child and their family. Some children, despite when in the year they are born, are not ready to be in school all day. Would you be sending your child to private school and then testing them into first grade the following year? If you child has already been going to a preschool, is mature enough academically and emotionally, then it makes sense to enroll them into a kindergarten program.
I did teach kindergarten and I can tell you that sometimes the child's birthday is irrelevant. There may be some students who were born earlier but tolerate the school day better than some with later birthdays. It's not only the academics but maturity that is important for your child, the teacher and the entire class.
I just had this conversation with a friend in Florida where the cutoff is Sept 1. In NY we are used to the year ending either Dec 1 or 31 so we think that is the normal cutoff. My friend, whose DS is Sept 27 says many of her friends have children with similar birthdays and they all don't have a problem enrolling in kindergarten the following year because that is what they are used to. There has to be some cutoff, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
GL with your decision!

Re: Holding a child back

I was held back for that exact reason when i was kid and i hated it. I was teased alot through high school because i was the oldest in the class and it got so bad i graduated half year senior year just so i could get away from all the teasing. I wouldn't recommend it and i refuse to let me tell me Lauren has to do that.

Re: Holding a child back

My DD goes to catholic school and I cannot tell you how many parents have enrolled their child in full day kindergarten there. They wanted to see how their child did. If they feel they did well, they will enroll them in public school in First Grade. If they felt that they needed to repeat, they will enroll them in Kindergarten in Public School. I guess the reasoning behind this is if God forbid they were left back, it wouldn't appear on their record.

I heard somewhere that some school districts were going to change the cut off to September.

Re: Holding a child back

I have the opposite problem. Both of my kids are Oct birhtdays and the cutoff in OH is Sept 30, so my kids have no choice than to be what I feel is "held back" sinice I am used to NY Dec 1st cutoffs. But at least next year all of OH has to go to full day kindergaretn which I fully support.

Re: Holding a child back

As a former kindergarten teacher (for about a million years ) and mom to a late fall baby, it is my firm belief that a mom's gut instinct regarding herr children is ALWAYS right.
I was correct with the decision I made for my own kid (which had nothing to do with being a teacher and everything to do with being a mom), and every mom of late born kids in my classes who were coerced into making a decision that went against their gut has been unhappy.

Do what YOU think is best, and it will be the right decision.

Re: Holding a child back

DD's birthday is Dec 20th...and my school districts cutoff is 12/31 and I don't plan on holding her back..I have a late Sept birthday and always did well in school and was in many of the advanced and AP classes as I moved through...DD is still young, so I may change my mind, but I am leaning towards not holding her back.....

Re: Holding a child back

Re: Holding a child back

DD was due 10/6 however, I had her by repeat c/s on 9/30 because where we live the cut off to enroll in kindergarten is 10/1. I feel like DH and I are the best judge of our child and if she is mentally, physically and emotionally ready to enroll in kindergarten then we will do so. However, if she was born one day later then we would not have that option as we would automatically have to delay her or be forced to pay for private school. I know that there has to be some sort of cut off for enrollment, but each child needs to be evaluated as an individual.

Re: Holding a child back

Speaking as a teacher who taught Kindergarten............some kids who just make it in under the cut-off do just fine both academically and socially. Some maybe be intellectually capable to do the work in the Kindergarten but may not be mature enough to sit still, concentrate all day, follow directions, get all the work done, etc. Some kids are not ready at all and would benefit from holding off a year. Some kids are better off repeating Kindergarten twice.

I always say, enroll them in Kindergarten if you're not sure. They may surprise you and do fantastic but the worst that happens is they struggle through the year. If that happens the BEST thing you can do is have them repeat Kindergarten. You wouldn't believe what another year of Kindergarten can do for them! I've had to hold kids back and to be honest, they don't really notice or care. I have also found that when they repeat the year they are much more confident, mature, and ready for Kindergarten in the second go around. The WORST thing you can do is keep pushing them forward if they are struggling early on because at some point it will catch up with them and you don't want them struggling in the later grades when the work gets harder and harder.

As an example: I had a little boy who was very, very young for the grade. He was turning 5 in Kindergarten when all of the other kids were turning 6 but he made it under the cut off date. He was VERY bright but he was SO, SO immature compared to the rest of the children. The first 2 months of school he couldn't stay awake all day and would fall asleep at his desk and nap for 2hrs. every afternoon. He couldn't sit and concentrate long enough to get his work done. He was easily distracted and he was very baby'ish compared to the other kids. In his case, by the middle of the year he matured and he got better and because he was a bright kid I was able to put him through to first grade but some kids don't catch up and that year in Kindergarten is a struggle all the way through.


Basically, it depends on the child. Either make the decision to hold off a year or enroll them and see how the year goes. My advice is to not be afraid to hold them back for another year of Kindergarten if need be. There is NO shame in it, the kids don't really notice or mind, and it's much better to repeat Kindergarten when they are young and unaware. Once they are older it's harder and harder to hold them back if they continue to struggle and getting left back could ruin them once they get into the upper grades. It's really a personal choice. I've seen children who should have been held back early on get pushed through and they struggled straight through high school and I've seen kids who have been held back really flourish in school as the years progressed. Do what is best for your child.

Message edited 11/4/2009 9:03:16 AM.

Re: Holding a child back

Re: Holding a child back

I'm a school psychologist and I feel that if the only reason you would hold the child back is because of a late birthday, then no, I would not recommend it. As another poster said, holding children back has a huge, long lasting social stigma and research shows that retention does not necessarily help a lot of kids. The only time I have ever recommended early retention was when the child lacked exposure or maturity and needed more time to learn skills or the language, for example, an ESL student who needed more time to learn English.

Re: Holding a child back

My DS Birthday is 12/11 and I have no idea what I am going to do right now. First because we are still renting right now and plan to buy a house (saving right now) in 2011. So I have no idea what district we will be in when the time comes for DS. But I do strongly believe that EVERY child is different and the parents have to decide and should be able to tell if their DC is ready or not.

For example:

My older sister's birthdday is 12/1 and she has always been the youngest in her class. her best friend's bithday is 1/14 so essentially she was just about a year older. My sister never had any issues. She was always in Honors and AP classes and had the 2nd highest average in 9th & 10th grade. 11th & 12th she dropped down to the 3rd highest average due to having her son in 11th grade (but that's a whole other story). She was only 17 when she started college but even then she was in the honors program.

And then there is my cousin whose birthday is 11/1, the same age as my sister. He also was put in Kindergarden the same year. But at the end of the school year his mother realized that he was not ready for 1st grade so SHE made the decision to hold him back another year. And honestly that was the best decision she could have made for him. So even though he was 1 month older than my sister, he was always a year behind her in school. He went on to also do very well in school and went on to college. He did a 5 year masters program and now he is a pilot in the Marines.

Do what is RIGHT for your child no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

Message edited 11/4/2009 9:10:51 AM.

Re: Holding a child back

The cutoff where I live is October 1. When DS1 was first born (on 9/10), DH and I discussed the possibilities of holding him back. Now that he is in his 2nd year of pre-school, I have realized it is a moot point. He is thriving in pre-school and should be just fine in Kindergarten. I still have 2 years to make that decision, thankfully, and will do so then. I can't really know for sure until then.

Re: Holding a child back

It REALLY depends on the child. If you feel they are mature enough I would def. send them if not, no harm in holding back for a year.

Re: Holding a child back

I am due with DS at the end of the month and I've thought about this.

DS will be in day care, starting at 2 he'll be in the preschool program and I'm hoping that the exposure to early education and other kids will ready him, but we shall see.

If he's not ready, so be it.

Re: Holding a child back

My dd's birthday is January 3rd. I have to wait another full year for her to start Kindergarden but she has been going to full-time daycare/pre-school since she has been 6 weeks old so I think she will be fine being the youngest and going ahead. I need to look into options.

Re: Holding a child back

I believe our district cut off is Dec. 1st.
My nephews bday just passed on 10/24 and he's in Kindergarten.
He's doing really well with it and he's one of the few younger ones of his class.

Re: Holding a child back

I have a late November baby and our cutoff is December 1st. I absolutely plan on sending him when he is 4, turning 5 that November, unless there is some compelling reason not to at that time.

I am also a November baby and I started Kindergarten when I was 4 and never went to preschool. I was reading before I started school and the teacher actually wanted to move me up to 1st grade, but my parents declined for a couple of reasons. I not only did fine, I was always an exceptional student.

The other thing for my DS is that he is in daycare all day. He is already used to being in a setting all day with teachers and other kids. Like I said before, unless there is some compelling reason to hold him back, I don't really see the need.

Re: Holding a child back

I was born tail end of december. my mom harrassed the school (private school) and they let me in. I was fine! I can't imagine if I was held back a year my life would be so different!

Re: Holding a child back

my daughter was born 2 months early and they refused to hold he back a year. she was born Nov 22. and the dead line here is Dec. 1. she was supposed to be a Jan. baby. their birthday is there birthday and that is when they have to go is what i was told.

edit to add Krys is now in the 10th grade and is doing good. we had our little battles along the way but she thrived

Message edited 11/4/2009 10:29:02 AM.

Re: Holding a child back

the board of ed really did not give us much choice.they are not flexible with holding a child, so we enrolled him in catholic school. imo, he was too immature socially to push him ahead.