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Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
It seems your very hurt by all this and thats understandable.
A few things I would do.
One- Learn that you cannot change people, only your reactions to them.
I think a lot of what you say is yourself deciding what issues they have.
Doesnt matter.
Whatever the issues are, its how they treat you that is the affect and you have to either accept it, let it be strained or move away. There is no middle ground here it seems. Cordial and a lesser relationship might cause you less pain in the end, even if thats not the perfect situation for you, it doesnt seem they will ever live up to what you want ...or treat you with respect.
And I do think your being harsh on the girl. In terms of saying what she might not have Mental illness wise. Many kids do what you described and I think its just a normal part of growing up.
Stinks her family is who you say they are, but I would see it as just a child's outburst and move on as best you can.
Sad situation for everyone.
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Posted 7/8/08 9:01 PM  |
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armeewife0514
LIF Infant
Member since 7/06 366 total posts
Name:
Tiffany
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
First let me say "You are the strongest woman on earth" I am sure at some point you were po'd. I have learned that with someone like that there is nothing you can do other than to shield your children from them. Imagine if that little girl had said you "touched" her inappropriatly. I think the mother is putting things in her head as well. STAY AWAY.....until your niece is older and can understand what you say. Honestly she sounds like a "spoiled" little girl who doesn't know the diffrence between truth and lie. all my best
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| Posted 7/8/08 9:10 PM |
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by smdl
I have been thinking about you today.
You know how "I" feel about this environment but I am not in your shoes.
My questionx to you are:
After so many years of trying so hard to fit and make friends with them, what do you think you need to do or what needs to happen for you to feel "complete" in this family?
What is your breaking point? How far are you willing to suffer to try to make it work?
I think you have to reflect inside and see if you still willing to put up with, why you are willing to put up with it or if you are ready to say goodbye.
Those are hard questions? You may have probably have asked them to yourself already. I think you will need to think rationally about the whole thing, all those years and the future that may be.
Very good questions. I agree that you should distance yourself but wanted to say that after reading your posts, this didn't sit well with me:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
The july 4th party, she was hunched over - literally hunched, with her arms around her stomach because she was wearing a tankini. ]It was so inappropriate for her to even be wearing it ....
Also, I know everyone (parent's friends) was commenting on Cailen. At one point, Devin is walking around cheerily carrying Cailen. ]Theres Devin, looking like a teenager in her bikini, beautiful and perky, and everyone coming up to them. I know they were commenting in front of stepmom and stepsis about how gorgeous our kids are.
Why is it in appropriate for a girl to be wearing a tankini? Was it too small for her? Devin looking gorgeous may be just that. It may not be about jealousy.
I think you may be falling into the trap of diagnosing your family's personality traits. It usually happens when you're in that particular field. I remember thinking "so&so is a sociopath. Joe Schmoo is neurotic." when I was majoring in psych. Sure the issues stem from childhood, but in the end...you can chalk it up to them putting on their big girl panties & getting over their insecurities. Stop making excuses for them. A bad childhood does not excuse their bitchy behavior.
It was too small on her Barb, and she was hunched over hiding her belly with her arm She looks like she would have been more comfortable in a one piece. Obviously she didn't have any say in buying it....
I know its an occupational hazard to diagnose, but I work with developmental delays. I grew up with mentally ill people There is something that you recognize when it was part of your survival instinct to recognize signs to know what type of day you are going to have... Its hard to explain...
I guess I need to make excuses to remind myself its not about me... not to protect or defend them.... 
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| Posted 7/9/08 6:32 AM |
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
Posted by dm24angel
It seems your very hurt by all this and thats understandable.
A few things I would do.
One- Learn that you cannot change people, only your reactions to them.
I think a lot of what you say is yourself deciding what issues they have.
Doesnt matter.
Whatever the issues are, its how they treat you that is the affect and you have to either accept it, let it be strained or move away. There is no middle ground here it seems. Cordial and a lesser relationship might cause you less pain in the end, even if thats not the perfect situation for you, it doesnt seem they will ever live up to what you want ...or treat you with respect.
And I do think your being harsh on the girl. In terms of saying what she might not have Mental illness wise. Many kids do what you described and I think its just a normal part of growing up.
Stinks her family is who you say they are, but I would see it as just a child's outburst and move on as best you can.
Sad situation for everyone.
I have been cordial and distant for years. Thats the thing, I still get attacked.
I wasn't saying she has mental illness. I think she needs help dealing with some of her issues. I think a lot of kids do, there s nothing wrong with it. But I know that my stepmom and stepsister have psychological issues. It's not Dr. Liza talking, it's a fact.... Not my decision or guess....
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| Posted 7/9/08 6:35 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
I don't have any advice. The people who have responded have given you a lot of good advice. I know I'm not much help.
I will say that after they don't have you to blame about their issues, they will project them on someone else or realize hopefully that the issues are theirs.
Sorry, your neice is smack in the middle of this.
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| Posted 7/10/08 2:58 PM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
Posted by DancinBarefoot
Liza, I did read the entire post, and as much as you may not want to hear this, my only advice is to completely distance yourself from them all. From everything I have read in the past, and now this, it seems to me that these "family" gathering serve no purpose other than to upset you and call your parenting into question.
Angelo, Cailen, and your step-daughters are your family now. Not your father, your step-monster, and your step-sisters and their offspring.
Please stop putting yourself in harm's way.
Couldn't agree more. You need some distance. I have chills on my face from this heartbreaking story. The more you argue, the worse it's going to get. I have no advice just hugs. Like the above poster stated, you have your own family now
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| Posted 7/10/08 2:59 PM |
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
Posted by Blu-ize
I will say that after they don't have you to blame about their issues, they will project them on someone else or realize hopefully that the issues are theirs.
Sorry, your neice is smack in the middle of this.
Well, we are up to generation 3 with this, so.... I'm not holding MY breath! 
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| Posted 7/10/08 2:59 PM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
Posted by Blu-ize
I don't have any advice. The people who have responded have given you a lot of good advice. I know I'm not much help.
I will say that after they don't have you to blame about their issues, they will project them on someone else or realize hopefully that the issues are theirs.
Sorry, your neice is smack in the middle of this.
ITA
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| Posted 7/10/08 5:58 PM |
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DayDay
Livin' the Good Life....
Member since 9/06 5939 total posts
Name:
Dayna
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Re: Horrible, horrible family situation. I need advice, thoughts, etc.... Warning - very long....
Wow.. so heartbreaking.. Your neice sounds like she could use someone to talk to.. and I know you said you have been trying to help but maybe she needs a therapist too.. Esp if the family has a history of mental issues.. You are doing a good thing by getting her to open up to you and trust you some more, but it sounds like there is so much more going on in her life.. I hope everything turns out ok..
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| Posted 7/12/08 9:02 PM |
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