How do you get over fears about having a baby?

We haven't start TTC yet, but I have questions about my fears and how to get past them. I'm hoping some of you might have some great words of advise for me.

I want to first say, this is really hard for me. To put myself out there to all of you with my fears. But I hope it will help me out in some way.

Of course no one likes to throw up for any period of time, but I seem to have a fear of it. I have anxiety and when I think I might get sick, my anxiety kicks into overdrive and I get really upset.

My other fear is about labor/delivery. I have no threshold for pain at all. I just don't want to go into panic mode once it would start.

Since I have anxiety, it's all about the "what if's". It's hard to get past them. I'm 39 and don't really have that much more time ahead of me, so this is making the anxiety even worse.

Any advise at all would be appreciated at this point ladies. Thanks.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Having a baby is really stressful and scary, whether it is your first time or your fourth. It's completely natural to be worried of the unknown. But you somehow get through it, and your body takes over and does what it needs to, it is indescribable.

I think when you are in the moment, you don't go into panic mode bc you are concentrating on just having your baby. You are too out of it to think about every little detail going on below. I didn't think I had a high threshold for pain either-turns out I was probably right in the middle of a scale of 1-10, but having the epi(which I was scared of and shouldn't have been) made things so much easier for me, and after that, labor was so much better.

I also don't like getting sick or throwing up. Thankfully I have relatively no morning sickness during my pregnancies. I've never thrown up. And I have a gag reflex.

Everyone's pregnancies are different.

I'm not sure if any of this helped, but just know that your DH and your family will be there to support you.

Message edited 11/24/2009 3:54:11 PM.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

First off, no shame in anything you posted. It's natural to have fears over something so big.

I suffered from vertigo for many years so I constantly felt dizzy and nauseous. The thought of having that constantly once I was pregnant was daunting and I really was so scared of that. In addition, I have like zero tolerance for pain. I was so scared of what will happen during labor etc.

All I can tell you is that our desire for a baby put all those fears to the side. I did get nauseous a lot during the first trimester and into my second, but funny enough, it was tolerable - maybe because I knew it was happening for a reason unlike when I had the vertigo... now it was because of the baby growing inside me.

As for the pain of labor, I am fully open to the option of getting an epi. I HOPE by some miracle I can do it all natural, but I know that I have the option and will use it if I can't handle it.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

coming from a person who has suffered from anxiety and still sees a therapist over it...I am 37 weeks pregnant..and I have to say i have remained very calm..your life changes and all the things you used to worry about changes...yes you will worry about your pregnancy ..but the elation and excitement over comes all your fears. at least this is what has happened to me.. As for labor woman have been doing it for ages you will get through it you really will...dont let your fears stand in your way you have to think positively and trust in yourself feel free to fm me if you want to talk more

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

it is totally understandable to be scared but I knew gazillions of women did it before me and I could do it too. you don't know how your body will handle things, for good or bad. luckily with 2 babies (now that i'm over the first trimester) I have never thrown up. yes, i have felt sick, had aversions, cravings, etc. but you get over it and it is more than worth it in the end. don't think about labor and delivery too much. when it happens you will discover what a strong woman you are! meds aren't a bad thing either.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Thank you ladies for all the positive feedback so far. I have to turn all my negative thoughts into positve thoughts and keep it that way.

Keep the positive feedback coming please. I will keep reading these comments over and over again until I become more positive.

Thank you all! This really is a great website. So many helpful people coming together help each other out.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

I feel like its totally fineto have fear. Its something you have never gone through ever in yourlife. itsunderstandable to be scared. i think we all have some fears about it. Wether big or small. And with your anxiety issue its even more relevant.

I have a friend who also has anxiety & she had a baby. She dealt with everything that came her way. U have to take it a step at a time.

Plus there is no certainty that youwill have morning sickness. i dont have it at all. Im just a bit tired.

I say go for it & you have to keeppositive about everything. GOOD LUCK!

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Thanks Vicki. I have to keep my positive thoughts going. I'm trying. I'm sure I will have my ups and downs but the end result is what counts.

Thanks!

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

I have anxiety issues and completely understand your fears.

First of all, I know that I am early but ((knock on wood)) I have no morning sickness. Sometimes I just feel OFF but never feel like I am going to actually be sick. And just in case I started carrying a plastic bag in my purse - if I ever DO feel sick in an inconvenient place.

Fear of labor is a tough one -- no one has any idea what to expect the first time around. For me, prayer works. Since I started TTC, I have prayed (especially to St. Gerard) and this prayer/meditation has really helped me to control my anxiety issues about pregnancy and labor in general. Of course, I have had my moments, but I am always able to find my way back to positive thinking.

Best of luck to you!!!

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

I don't know. I think maybe seeing my sister pg finally relaxed me.

I thought I was ready last summer (2008). We DTD once without protection and 3 days later I was freaking out with major anxiety attacks and taking HPT's every other day for weeks praying for a negative.

I'm still nervous about it now- but I was ecstatic when I saw the 2 lines on the test (we weren't exactly trying- but we weren't being too careful either)

I think I just got to a point where I realized- a baby is a GOOD thing- scary, yes. Life changing, absolutely. But- an amazing event that I would regret NOT ever doing.

You aren't guaranteed to throw up- and if you do- it's more of a relief that it's NORMAL and a good sign. If it becomes unbearable- there are things to relieve it.

There are drugs for labor pain- also, there are classes to help you prepare.

I'm still TERRIFIED of giving birth- I try not to think about it. Although, at this point it's inevitable.
I plan on preparing as much as possible.

If you ever want to talk- FM me. Or-we can even go out for coffee or something.

ETA: You know I have anxiety issues too. I also see my therapist monthly just too keep me on the right track. I was also taking meds up til this week. Although I CAN stay on them- I'm going to try to stop for the rest of pregnancy.

Message edited 11/25/2009 9:40:08 AM.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Everyone is scared!
Having a baby is a life-changing event.
Don't feel ashamed for having fears, we have all had them! One time while I was pregnant, DH and I were on the platform waiting for the train at Penn Station and I broke down in tears, telling him I wasn't ready to be a mom!

As for the two concerns you posted - remember every pregnancy is different. Not everyone gets morning sickness. I didn't have it at all, never threw up, not even once. That being said, those who do have it, even those who have it really bad, get through it! As with everything with pregnancy, you know it will not last forever, and it is for the greater good.

And labor pains - well, I had contractions starting really early. I never went into full labor because I had a scheduled c-section. But of course, I was scared of the c-section - more than I was of having a natural childbirth. But, I was so excited to meet my babies, that when the day came I was nervous, but all I could think about was the babies. The recovery was painful, but it didn't matter. I get medication to help me deal with the pain, and in three weeks was totally back to myself.

I hope some of this could help you.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

You don't know what it's going to be like for you. You hear horror stories and that's what scares you but there are tons of us with beautiful stories. I didn't get sick with either of my kids, gained the proper amount of weight and had 2 beautiful painless deliveries I was so scared that I waited until we were married 7 years to give it a go. Life is too short to let fear get in the way. You have to let go at some point and go with fate. It's the most beautiful journey you will ever experience and you will see your husband in a totally different way when he becomes a Dad. I think you will make a terrific mom Good Luck!

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

I also don't like throwing up. My 1st pg was great and I was nauseous but no real throwing up. I would get really worked up when I got nauseous but then nothing would come of it. It made me relax after a while.

This time around I am 25 weeks and I still get sick almost every morning. I was almost in tears the first couple of weeks and then I realized it's not going to last forever. Even now I keep telling myself there's an end in sight..this isn't going to be a forever thing. It also helps to feel her moving and concentrate on that rather then worrying about the next time I'm going to be sick.

I was also really afraid of delivery. I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I was worried how I would deal once I was in labor. I didn't have to worry b/c I never went into labor (had a c-section). But everyone says once you're in it you're not really axious that you're just focusing on what needs to get done.

we all have fears and they are perfectly normal to have.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Posted by OneOfEach
you will see your husband in a totally different way when he becomes a Dad. I think you will make a terrific mom Good Luck!

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

What yo are feeling is totally normal.

This is my second pregnancy and I have not had morning sickness either time and have never thrown up. Not everyone gets it, so you never know, you could luck out!

As far as the pain of labor and delivery go, they have very good drugs that can help with that!

Have a baby!! I want to see you plan your nursery

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Thank you to the OP for posting this thread. I also suffer from anxiety and it is makiing me rethink my plan of having children I 'm always worrying about how my postpartum recovery will be and what if I ended up with PPD/PPanxiety on top of my original issues, how would I deal?? I try to stay positive and not catastrophize everything, things are just as likely (or more likely ) to work out wonderfully (now if I could only convince myself of that) Good luck!

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

I'm scared, but not about anything happening, but about my own abilities being adequate enough.

What has helped me the most, is that I started listening to Hypnobabies cds, and following the program on my own. It's done wonders to pacify me about the idea of childbirth.

When ever I thought about childbirth I imagined pain, needles, and lot of unpleasantness, I hated how fast time was passing, because I was scared of whats coming.

But I'm actually feeling a lot calmer about it now, and lately have been daydreaming about it and being incredibly elated and happy throughout and can't wait for it now.

Its normal to be scared, I think the first step is wanting it. Once you want it, you will find your own way to deal with the natural fears.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

all I can say is, you get through it... i had anxiety- then i went into the pregnancy having two previous mc... you take it one day/week/dr appt at a time....

as for the labor- I am a wimp. I kept not looking over at my hand cause the whole IV thing freaked me out.... yeah there will be some pain- take the epi- it will greatly help. I was freaked out about stitches. After ds was born i felt the motions of the stitching- but i was just so happy that ds was born alive that i didnt focus on it- i tried concentrating on his waling voice.... As you finish healing the memories of the painful labor go away a bit- you remember but you dont relive it. Its so worth the end product.

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

well, to be honest the way i got over it was by getting preg while on the pill....

i actually have alot more fears this time aroundd but i have found that my talking it out with certain people it has hekped calm my fears

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Everyone has these fear...even if they don't admit them.
I was scared to death when I found out that I was pregnant...and we planned it!
I had a meltdown while talking to my mom and I cried to her about the pain that I'm going to experience and my fear of the unknown. Because that's what it is...we're afraid of the unknown.
Let me tell you...I am the biggest wimp when it comes to pain and I did it....twice!

I guess it really wasn't that bad after all...

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

Posted by Tine73
Have a baby!! I want to see you plan your nursery

Re: How do you get over fears about having a baby?

honestly i dont think you ever get over it till you actually have the baby!

i just had my frist dc in july and i have to say it was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. i had tons and tons of complications almost lost the baby 2 times then ended up on bed rest and a t-pump and then needed an emergency c-section (sorry i dont mean to add to the anxiety) and even with all that.... iw ould do it again tomorrow with out thinking twice!

Once its all over you forget all the anxiety and stress from the pregnancy and delivery. i realized "hey that was nothing i can do that again" <~ even thought my experience was far from "nothing" or routine!

i agree with the comment that you will see your dh in completely different eyes, its absolutely amazing! it still brings tears to my eyes!

your worries and fears are completely valid and you should not be assahmaed to ask about others experiences. but just remember that everyone has their own experience. what may be simple and easy to one is awful and hard to another.

so to sum it up... to get over the fears.. have a baby!