How do you handle toddler hitting?

My DD (16 months) is developing a nasty little habit of hitting me when she's upset.
If she is throwing a tantrum and I pick her up- she smacks out at my face.
If I take something away- same thing.

Today we were playign in her room and I moved something that she had placed down and she got this look on her face- and I was like- I bet she is going to hit me. She walked deliberately up to me with that same pizzed off look and sure enough- went to hit me.

So my first, knee jerk, reaction is to tap her hand and say NO - we DON"T hit.
But then I am thinking that I shoudn't smack her hand (no matter how lightly) because I'm contradicting myself- saying we DON"T hit, as I smack her hand.

But I need her to know that hitting is completely unacceptable. I want to nip this in the bud like NOW

How do you handle when your toddler goes to hit you, or another child?

Message edited 11/10/2011 10:50:40 PM.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I was going to post the same question tonight!! I would love any ideas. I tell her "be gentle/be nice" and I show her how to be gentle (because she hits me and the dog when she thinks I'm not looking) but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I very quickly and very sternly look her in the eye, and say, No Hit. Then I say gentle. She so knows the difference already at 18months. The other day she smacked DH on the top of his head so hard. Of course the dummy he is laughed. I could kill him. I still said No hit, gentle & she rubbed his arm nice. Ugh I hate the hitting phase. Protect your face though when you correct her. I always keep enough distance. Lol. My dd is also a beast. If she is flailing around, I wrestle her to the ground so she doesn't bang her head, and walk away. Then she gets over it. Fun times.


Oh and for other kids. I do the same. Apologize to the other kid/parent, and then remove her.

Message edited 11/10/2011 10:57:37 PM.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I Sternly tell her no hitting we do nice. I take her hand and make her "pet" me. I keep saying we do nice. Nice mommy, nice dd.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

DS rarely hits me anymore, but now he's hitting the floor/door/walls out of frustration and anger when he doesn't get his way

I did the "no hitting, do nice" thing for a while, and it finally started working. Now we do time-outs for hitting, that has seemed to work wonders!

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

DD was horrible with this at that age and it has gone down some, but she has her Daddy's temper so we still have "issues" with it. The thing is it's really only woth DH and not so much me. When she does this to me I grab her hands, lower my voice, look he rin the eye, and say "No, hands are for love...we do NOT hit". She has to listen since my voice is low and she stops. If she keeps yelling I just say it again and let her throw her tantrum that is at that point not hitting but yelling. In about a minute I will ask her to use her big girl words and she always says "I sorry". I don't do the hit back because I think it's confusing to say don't use your hands for anger or hurting and then to do the same thing. I never believed in the bite back theory eaither or the yell back theory. Lucky for me DD has a short attention span so I can distract her easily. DH has a hard time with the hitting so for them it's a constant power struggle.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

DS is 15 months and will randomly hit. What I do is grab his hands and look him in the eye and say 'you do not hit, you be nice'.. He's totally too young to get it I think but I'll stick with it anyways.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

My soon to be 2 year old twins hit eachother alot recently. I just look them right in the eyes and say NO HIT! and then I put them in time out for 2 minutes. They have gotten better and now understand what time out is.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

Thanks for the advice guys!
I will see how it goes the next time she decides to lash out at me.

The thing yesterday was the look she had come over her face right before and after she hit me- it was like PURE evil! I swear to you, it reminded me of one of those movies where the sweet innocent little child is possessed by the devil or something- or like the Chucky doll from Child's Play
Such a LOOK from a tiny little thing- like if looks could kill I'd be dead on the spot!

Message edited 11/11/2011 8:07:49 AM.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

Great timing with this thread... we are going through the same thing at not even 15 months.

4 year olds are calling DS a bully

He pushes, hits, slaps, ect.

I NEVER EVER hit him. It is amazing that these things are innate.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

DS has started with the hitting. I take tell him sternly "we don't hit" "do nice" and show how.

My little guy will hit it you take something away then when you look at him he makes this funny face. Like scrunches up his nose and smiles. You want to laugh. I swear hes such a con.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I usually take DS by the wrist and say 'no hitting, do nice" and then I move his hand gently over my face or arm (where ever he hit). I do it a few times. I do that twice if he goes for a 3rd time hitting I give him a time out. This is usually me taking him away from whatever he was doing prior for about 5 mins. or ntil he calms down.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

That's when mean momma comes out which is rare. I pretty much growl at him that "we don't hit" and then I walk away and let him cry. I"m not a yeller but when it comes to biting/hitting/danger situations I am. I also make him say sorry.

ETA: I should say that the hitting has gotten much less common now and knock on wood no biting either

Message edited 11/11/2011 9:30:00 AM.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I say sternly NO hitting..

if I'm carrying them, I put them down immediately and I walk away..

I have seen some parents whose kids slap them and hit them and to me that is NOT cool.. I'm not a punching bag

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

We remind her of "gentle hands". Gentle hands when petting an animal, gentle hands when playing with friends, gentle hands when you touch anyone.

I'm sure as she gets older (only 11 months now) I will have to more sternly remind her that hitting hurts so we don't ever want to hurt anyone.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

When they were really young, we would say "hands are for hugging, not for hitting". Or show gentle hands by taking their hands and gently pet our arm with it.

When they get older...time out...no second chances.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

At that age, I take her hand and say, 'No hitting. We do nice." and she'll immediately 'do nice/pet me' on where ever she had just hit me while saying, 'aaaahhhhh' in a nice tone.

It's just something that is learned with repetition.

Message edited 11/11/2011 10:25:36 AM.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

if Jack hits me, i grab him right up and in the PNP he goes for a time out. He cries for 5 min, then says "all done" and i come over and have him say sorry and "make nice"

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I have the same problem with my ds, he is 12 months old. He just smiles when I say no. I know he's young but I also know that he understands me.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?

I really try to ignore him, remove myself from him or say don't hit mommy in a stern voice. I don't every use a spank or slap on the hand when he is hitting bc I it would really contradict what I'm trying to teach him..don't hit! Try completley walking awayf from her and don't give her any attention during this time. They look for negative attention just as much as positive attention and they are always testing.

Re: How do you handle toddler hitting?