Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

So, DS is not 3 yet, he is 2 1/2 but he's been doing a number on me lately.

Refusing to eat breakfast, brush his teeth, take a bath, take a nap, go to sleep, throwing toys, and just not listening.

everything results in what I call "non-violent resistance", where he just throws himself to the ground screaming and goes limp so that you can't pick him up.

I'm at my wits end. I need to get things done but with a newborn, I can't just go pick him up and throw him in the bathtub or his room like I used to. I don't have my hands free and I'm usually busy with DD (6 weeks).

My voice is hoarse from yelling at him. He yells back at me now and laughs at me from time out.

Sometimes he will intentionally do something bad and then put himself in his time out corner and smirk at me.

he knows what he is doing. and he is winning.

I don't want to be the screaming mom, or the one who physically drags her kids to get results.

so, how do you handle tantrums?? I need suggestions badly!!!

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

Logan and I talk a LOT about choices.

When he's melting down I will get down to his level and say "If you choose to cry, that's fine, but please go sit on the step until you are done. If you choose to stop crying we can do xyz."

It mostly works.

A lot of times he goes to the steps, sits down for a second and then says "I'm done crying now."

Then we have a little debrief about smart reasons to cry and silly reasons to cry.

I'll ask him why he was crying and he tells me and I ask "Was that a smart reason or a silly reason?"

He USUALLY says silly, and then we talk about what he could have done instead.

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

I probably handle them wrong most of the tiime. I start by trying to talk him out of his trantrum. Generally this is a giant failure. Then sometimes I resort to yelling at him. Or maybe I will try to just ignore him.

I don't know.... my biggest problem is that I'm not consistent enough with it. But I am doing the best I can.

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

I give him choices as well. Sometimes it works, other times he will choose the "good" option but still do the bad thing and then laugh at me when I discipline him.

Or he will outright choose the "bad" option.

Uggghhh, I hope this phase ends soon.

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

I was there 6 weeks ago. I think it's all about getting attention now that you have the new baby. Negative attention is still attention so they do whatever works.

With DD I made a decision to STOP yelling, which in practice meant I was yelling only half as much as before. (I'm a yeller - I'll never stop yelling!)

I also tried to ignore her when she misbehaved so the bad behavior wouldn't be rewarded.

Also I put the baby down as much as possible and tried to focus on DD. If there's a person around that you can give your DD to, do it. Otherwise, I'd suggest trying to get your DS involved in your activities... see if he wants to help change her, bathe her, rock her - whatever. And praise him for being the best big brother ever... this way he's engaged with you.

The strangest thing to us was how my DD started behaving SO MUCH BETTER when I went back to work because now it's not like I drop her off at day care and leave with DS. They're together so she doesn't feel like I'm choosing one over the other.

From what I was told and what I"m experiencing, it takes about 3 months for things to settle down when there's a new baby. You're halfway there!

Message edited 9/29/2010 12:27:17 PM.

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

Re: Spinoff on toddler meltdowns - how do you handle it?

Posted by eroxgirl

From what I was told and what I"m experiencing, it takes about 3 months for things to settle down when there's a new baby. You're halfway there!