How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Just doing another Lillies vent!!!!!

I am getting the feeling that people are still not very on board with the whole IVF thing.
I had to open up to my receptionist yesterday because I have to cancel my first patient saturday for monitoring. RS would not budge on the timing bc I am on such high dose meds. She looked kind of weirded out? I don't know- more like why would you do that to yourself. She seemed annoyed to move the patient and I was surprised because we are very close and she is only about 10 years older than me.
Second instance is my assistant in one of my office is very open about her bad endo and her multiple surgeries to try and get her pregnant. They have been trying for years. She overheard me confirming the meds with the nurse on the phone and asked why I am taking meds and I told her about IVF thinking that she would get it out of all people. She said- I can't believe you are doing that to yourself. Why would you agree to that? Again, I was shocked and told her about my endo and egg quality and how my time is limited. She responded that she only has a few years left also bc of her egg quanitity. I know she is educated with IF and knows the struggle first hand. I am just so surprised people are still against it and judgemental to people like me with damaged reproductive organs. I am not doing it for fun or convenience! Just annoyed today. I have to email my boss today about it bc my ER may lie next weekend when I am seeing patients. They are strict roman catholics and I know this may not be well received but I have no choice.
Wish me luck!

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Some people are very religious about it. Like playing Gd. I'm Jewish so I don't think that. I told my bosses and two direct coworkers. They were all very supportive and one of them had their son through ivf. As far as anybody else it was none of their business. When I missed things it was just a sick day. I never felt the need to tell anybody anything.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Personally, i would not have told my coworkers about it. Honestly, it's none of their business, all you needed to tell her was that you had an appointment and needed to r/s the patient. I would just be very careful what you share at work with regards to this. I wouldn't even tell your boss that you need off for ER, I would just say that you have a minor surgical procedure that you are having that day, nothing further. You are under absolutely NO obligation to tell any of your bosses/coworkers/staff/etc WHY you need time off... Especially if they are such strict RC's, they are NOT going to understand, and honestly it's none of their business.

ETA : I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I just feel very strongly about not over-sharing at work. You all know how open about my issues I am with people, even strangers, but at work it's different. You don't want anyone to start phasing you out because you are planning on having another child, or start taking away projects/patient load because "you'll be pregnant soon", or cause any other issues. Work is the one place where I feel very strongly you should keep sharing regarding this whole process to a minimum. All you need to tell work is that you have a doctors appointment, or that you need off for a surgical procedure - they don't need to know what procedure.

Message edited 12/6/2013 11:32:12 AM.

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Maybe your assistant is jealous, in some weird way? For many people, IVF is out of reach because it's expensive and sounds scary. Maybe she's one of them.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I agree with Jess. personally I didn't tell anyone but one co-worker who had the same IF issues as me. She ended up doing a cycle with me the first IVF. For my second IVF I told her only because she's a good friend not just a co-worker. Everyone else didn't know and I took my vacation days. If you must just say a medical procedure. JMO.

Also some people are VERY insensitive and judgemental when it comes to IVF. I don't know why but honestly I wouldn't let it bother you too much the last thing you need is added stress

Message edited 12/6/2013 11:56:54 AM.

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Posted by jellybean78

I agree with Jess. personally I didn't tell anyone but one co-worker who had the same IF issues as me. She ended up doing a cycle with me the first IVF. For my second IVF I told her only because she's a good friend not just a co-worker. Everyone else didn't know and I took my vacation days. If you must just say a medical procedure. JMO.

Also some people are VERY insensitive and judgemental when it comes to IVF. I don't know why but honestly I wouldn't let it bother you too much the last thing you need is added stress

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I am so sorry that someone spoke to you that way. She really shouldn't have judged you or what you are doing. I am a teacher, and I have confided in the people with whom I am the closest. Especially since I've needed them to help me out by covering me when I am running late for bloodwork in the morning.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I beg you to just think about it before you tell everyone. Legally, theses are NOT vacation days, these are SICK days, and they CANNOT EVER TELL YOU WHEN TO TAKE A SICK DAY. Sick days CAN be planned. Just consider all of your options before informing them, I would start win the less is more route and if you are pushed THEN tell them. Like I said, I manage a small neurology practice so I get having limited options for time off.

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I have not told anyone in my work life that I'm doing IVF. What I did say, because of my own need to reschedule patients, is that I'm having some medical issues. There is no need to disclose what those medical issues are, in my opinion.

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Posted by Lillies

Posted by jessnbrian

I beg you to just think about it before you tell everyone. Legally, theses are NOT vacation days, these are SICK days, and they CANNOT EVER TELL YOU WHEN TO TAKE A SICK DAY. Sick days CAN be planned. Just consider all of your options before informing them, I would start win the less is more route and if you are pushed THEN tell them. Like I said, I manage a small neurology practice so I get having limited options for time off.

Jess, I have been doing the less is more approach for this whole year with IUI's, multiple RE appointments.. with IVF, I am going there so much, there is no possible way to take that many random sick days. Plus, it is more me coming in late, missing the first few patients every other day. The employers who I am chosing to tell are good people and I am with them multiple days so I feel they should know why I am bumping off their patients every other day. As for coworkers, I did not tell everyone, nor am I planning on telling anyone but my receptionist in that office bc of the schedule. I told the assistant because of our mutual IF experiences and the fact that we are close.
I am trying not to let these responses piss me off but I am cranky, hormonal and can't poo from these meds lol! Horrible side effect

Message edited 12/6/2013 12:30:01 PM.

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Posted by jessnbrian

Posted by Lillies

Posted by jessnbrian

I beg you to just think about it before you tell everyone. Legally, theses are NOT vacation days, these are SICK days, and they CANNOT EVER TELL YOU WHEN TO TAKE A SICK DAY. Sick days CAN be planned. Just consider all of your options before informing them, I would start win the less is more route and if you are pushed THEN tell them. Like I said, I manage a small neurology practice so I get having limited options for time off.

Jess, I have been doing the less is more approach for this whole year with IUI's, multiple RE appointments.. with IVF, I am going there so much, there is no possible way to take that many random sick days. Plus, it is more me coming in late, missing the first few patients every other day. The employers who I am chosing to tell are good people and I am with them multiple days so I feel they should know why I am bumping off their patients every other day. As for coworkers, I did not tell everyone, nor am I planning on telling anyone but my receptionist in that office bc of the schedule. I told the assistant because of our mutual IF experiences and the fact that we are close.
I am trying not to let these responses piss me off but I am cranky, hormonal and can't poo from these meds lol! Horrible side effect

I don't mean to upset you, I just want to make sure you know your options. Obviously you have to do what you feel is right, I just would hate to have not said anything and then to hear that something had happened. I didn't think any of my responses were out of line, in fact they were all intended to give you all of your options. I'm sorry they upset you, that was in no means my intention.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I edited too slowly!!! Gah! Lol

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I did tell some co-workers as I also had to take off all of a sudden, work from home randomly and miss very important work days. so I did tell my boss, my co-worker and my other co-worker who is one of my closest friends and was dealing with major IVF issues herself.
But I too am all abt less is more approach at work, all I told anyone that asked why I missed the super important work days - health issues. Also only 2 ppl at work know that I am currently 12w preg. And I had intention of not announcing at all - just start showing and let them figure it out, but my manager asked me to say something to my team (we all are very close tho)
In terms of reaction from anyone everywhere that knew I was going thru fertility treatments ultimately doing IVF was all positive. Very surprise abt the reactions u got. I was treated as if its same as BDing. Like "oh ye, ur totally getting knocked up any minute now, how awesomely exciting" type of thing. Didn't even know that there are ppl that still feel suspicious and surprised abt IVF, to me it seemed like a natural part of life with so many dealing with infertility issues these days.
Hopefully these are all initial reactions and they will all be very supportive or at least not talk abt it too much from now on.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I honestly had to tell some of my co-workers and I don't believe I was over sharing or being too personal. I'm a teacher and at times if was running late and would text them so they could cover my class etc. And the office- principal knew as well so they could get me coverage if I was late. Plus I was walking in with arms covered with gauze from all the bloodwork. So yes a bunch of my co-workers know and have been extremely supportive. Turns out a bunch of other teachers are going through it and now we have a little bind an d talk all the time about our journey.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

People are entitled to their own opinion about sharing, not sharing. I would never judge anyone for keeping it personal nor sharing with co-workers. It is a choice. If they wanna judge, screw them. I do not care what people think of me especially during this time. I'm extremely fortunate to have an amazing supportive group at work that are rooting for me and want the best for me. Lillie's, you do what you think is right, don't worry about everyone else ;)

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I haven't told anyone at work about seeing an RE and the problems I have been having trying to get pregnant except my one close friend/coworker who is dealing with IF issues herself. I work in a very conservative, very Catholic office and I don't want to get lectured about my choice. Plus, it's none of their business. I take a few hours sick time for appointments and go in at 7:00 am for monitoring.

How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?

I don't believe anyone HERE was judging. I think everyone has been simply offering their advice based on their experiences.

If you decide to share with anyone, regardless of the person being a coworker, friend, or family member, you open yourself up to their comments - nice and not so nice. I completely agree that if someone is going to be nasty about what you share - then screw them, it's not their life and it's not going to affect them. I've had people look at me like I was wrong to even be TTC being that "I've only been married 2 years", forget the fact that I'm already 30, and now have had multiple losses, or that I've known DH for 18 years, have been together 7 and lived together for 5. (This was actually my receptionist who is 51, in passing because she doesn't know that I am actually TTC and have had losses.)

Re: How has the response been from coworkers about IVF?